Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, or most of the characters that appear in this work. The poem is "Ulalume" by Edgar A. Poe, and the chapter titles come from "The Song of Everlasting Sorrow" by Po Chu-i.

Chapter 5: Deeper Than the Days

And I said: "She is warmer than Dian;

She rolls through an ether of sighs--

She revels in a region of sighs:

She has seen that the tears are not dry on

These cheeks, where the worm never dies,

And has come past the stars of the Lion

To point us the path to the skies--

To the Lethean peace of the skies--

Come up, in despite of the Lion,

To shine on us with her bright eyes--

Come up through the lair of the Lion,

With love in her luminous eyes."

Kari and Yolei found themselves walking through a dry, hilly grassland. Fluffy cumulus clouds drifted lazily across a sky so brilliantly blue it almost hurt to look at it. The hot air smelled of dry grass and dust.

"We should take a rest," Yolei suggested. She sat down on the grass beside the trail. After a moment, she remembered that Kari had recently been mysteriously comatose. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm starting to feel better," she assured her, even though her body felt like it was buzzing, like she'd been electrocuted. Kari wasn't the kind who necessarily told the truth if it meant other people would worry about her.

"What happened to you and Ken?" Yolei asked quietly.

"I'm not sure. We were in a strange place where we could see memories."

"I was worried. I was afraid you would never wake up."

Kari glanced down. Her mouth opened, but for a moment she didn't know exactly how to say what she wanted to say. It was time she told Yolei about Ken.

"Kari, what is it?" Yolei asked when her friend didn't speak.

"There's something you should know. It's about...When you were sleeping off Xtoyilmon's venom, we weren't sure you would wake up. Ken was especially worried about you. He stayed by your side most of the night."

"There's a reason he has the Crest of Kindness," Yolei said, smiling.

Kari gave her an incredulous look. Yolei wasn't dense, why was she missing this? "It's more than that. He cares about you, Yolei. More than as a friend."

She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"I'm not. Yolei, he's the one who wrote that anonymous poem to you. It wasn't Tora. He's crazy about you."

"If that were true, why haven't I noticed it?"

"You're the one he's trying to hide it from. Ken is still very good at hiding his feelings."

Yolei sighed. "I'm not his type, Kari."

"What makes you think that?"

She didn't reply for a moment, and when she did, she didn't sound happy. "Kari, you're so smart, I can't believe you can't see it. You're his soul mate. I've known it ever since that day in the woods, when Ken was freaking out because he could sense the Dark Ocean. You could reach him, I couldn't. You're both kind and sensitive. You need each other."

"He needs you," she argued. "It's like if you went out with Davis. You might have a lot of fun, but in the end it wouldn't work out because you're too much alike."

"I wish people would stop comparing me to Davis; I find it very insulting."

"You're both outgoing and confident. That's why Ken and Davis are best friends. They complement each other. Just like you and Ken would."

"It wouldn't work out," Yolei muttered.

"Why not? You used to have the biggest crush on him. Why do you think he doesn't have a girlfriend, when so many girls want to go out with him?"

"I'm not good enough for him," Yolei whispered.

Something about the way she said it made Kari stop. The phrase was one people usually used as an excuse when they wanted to break up with someone, but Yolei made it sound like she really meant it. "You thought you were good enough for your ex boyfriends. In fact, you thought you were too good for them. Isn't that why you eventually broke up with them? Yolei, what's wrong?"

She looked troubled. She stood up and started walking again without answering.

"Yolei!" Kari sprinted after her. "Tell me."

"Nothing!" Yolei almost screamed.

"You had a crush on him, and then when he became a digidestined you never even flirted with him. You expect me to believe that was because you thought I was interested in him, or he was interested in me? Come on. What's the real reason, Yolei?"

Yolei halted in her step. The real reason was something she didn't want to ever admit to anyone, but Kari wasn't giving her much choice. "Promise you'll never tell anyone, especially Ken."

"I promise," Kari said, her curiosity tinged with concern.

Yolei turned around, but she didn't meet Kari's eye. "It never stopped."

"What do you mean?"

"My crush. On...on Ken. When I found out he was the Digimon Emperor, I tried to make it stop. I hated myself for not seeing it; I thought maybe I didn't want to see it. I thought I made myself hate him, but I had these dreams..."

"You had...romantic dreams about the Emperor?" Kari asked in shock.

She nodded.

Kari blinked several times, trying to figure out what exactly that meant. "Did they stop after we defeated him?"

"Before, actually, and I know what you're thinking; I felt the same way. I hated myself for it. I disgusted me, and I did my best to convince myself that he disgusted me. I didn't want to forgive him." She took a deep, shaky breath. "But then I did, but Ken had changed so much...he was so broken, and I knew you were the one who could help him heal." She turned again and kept walking, not wanting to see the look on Kari's face even peripherally.

"That's not true," Kari said after a minute. "I might have helped him deal with his guilt and fear, but you convinced him to join us. You were the one who could make him laugh. Whatever you felt about the Emperor, you put those feelings aside. They shouldn't matter anymore, if you've really forgiven Ken."

Yolei turned back, and the look on her face was frightening, a mixture of sadness and anger. "THIS ISN'T ABOUT KEN!" she cried. "Ken is the kindest, most wonderful person I know. The things he's been through, the things he's overcome just make me respect him more. This is about me, Kari. The dreams I had indicate terrible things about me. Ken worked so hard to free himself of darkness, he shouldn't love anyone with any trace of it. The last thing he needs is a girlfriend who was ever in love with the Digimon Emperor—Ken's greatest enemy, the person he hates more than anyone else ever. And if Ken knew the truth he would hate me, too."

Kari shook her head. "He would never hate you. Not for some silly dreams. And if you've really, truly, completely forgiven him then the friendship you have with him and the relationship you could have with him don't have anything to do with the Emperor, or with the boy genius you fell in love with on TV. Our Ken has nothing to do with either of those people. And besides, if Ken can change, so can you."

Yolei was blinking rapidly, but she couldn't keep a tear or two from spilling out of her eyes. "I don't know..."

"Think about it," Kari said gently.

They resumed walking. Kari took the lead. She didn't speak, understanding that Yolei had a lot to think about. Yolei trailed behind, no longer seeing the landscape around her. She wasn't sure what she should think. She recalled times when she and Ken had been together, had shared some joke or some incidental touch that had made her stomach flutter. In those moments, she completely forgot that Ken had ever been the Emperor, or that she had ever dreamed about him. The suggestion that Ken liked her made her rethink some things. But it probably wasn't true. Kari must have been mistaken. She had considered the possibility that Ken liked her before, but dismissed those impressions as her own wishful thinking misinterpreting Ken's characteristic kindness.

But, she admitted to herself, there was one thing of which she was certain: she wanted what Kari said to be true. Wanted it a lot.

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