Hi all!

Jisa chapter as promised! Well, them having a good phone call anyway...

I've been in bed sick for nearly a week with a flare up of my health problems. I'm feeling a little better now so I thought to celebrate I would upload...

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 10.1

It was late when Lisa tucked Jessie into bed, sitting beside her till the girl was fast asleep. She smiled sadly as she stood up, kissing her forehead gently and tucking a lock of her fringe back behind her ear. Sleep well my girl. Quietly she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her softly so she didn't wake her up. She sighed as the door handle clicked shut, leaning against the closed door. She felt exhausted.

She stood there for a moment then headed up the hallway towards the living room, grabbing her phone off its charger as she walked past. Taking a seat on the couch she glanced at the time, contemplating calling Jack. Was it too late to call? It was after ten, after all. She was going to put the phone aside again then decided she did need to call him, hoping he wasn't already gone to bed.

'Lisa?'

'Jack.' She sighed with relief hearing his voice on the phone. 'I didn't wake you did I?'

'No, no Lisa I'm still up.' Jack replied, seated on his couch with the fishing magazine he'd been reading still opened on his lap. There was something in her voice, something that concerned him. 'What's wrong?'

'It's just been, a very long day.'

'How's Jessie doing?'

'She's alright at the moment, she's asleep. I've only just managed to get her to bed actually.' Lisa glanced up the hallway towards the girls room. 'How was she when she rang you? What did you think of her when you were talking with her?'

'She seemed a bit distracted, a bit withdrawn. She kept apologising for her behaviour, she's really worried I'm upset with her.'

'Yeah.' She sighed. 'Jessie hasn't had a good afternoon. We both haven't had a very good afternoon.'

'What happened Lis?'

'To start things off, Jessie showed up while Dan was still here, that didn't go down too well. She was pretty shaken by him, you know what Dan is like.'

'Don't I.' He was still mad at him for calling Heartland 'Small potatoes' when he'd met him that time. 'What'd he say to her?'

'I only got the end of the conversation before I broke it up but knowing Dan it wouldn't have been pleasant. Jessie was rather upset when I managed to send him packing and get to her. She gave him a roasting though, she went off at him.' She chuckled despite how tired and emotionally overwhelmed she felt. 'You should have heard what she came out with though.'

'I can imagine. Jessie can be rather direct when she's angry.'

'Yeah, I can see that.' Lisa sighed again. 'I spoke with her Jack, about what happened this afternoon. It has nothing to do with you personally, Jessie's been struggling a lot lately with a few things.'

'I thought that was probably the case.' He closed his magazine up and placed it down on the coffee table, getting up so he could put another log on the fire. 'She's been fine the last couple of days, maybe slightly quieter then usual and a little more distracted but she didn't say anything to me about what's been going on. What did she say to you?'

'Well she didn't want to talk about it when I first asked her this afternoon, then she just burst out crying.' She could still hear the girls sobs in her mind, it ached her heart to see the girl so broken and sad. 'I just let her have her cry and then she started to open up about what was on her mind. She said she's been struggling for a couple days, she's been thinking a lot about Robert and a few events leading up to his death. She just couldn't hold it inside her anymore, you know how she bottles things up and then she can't keep it back and it all comes out.'

He nodded, wishing he was talking to her in person and not over the phone. He could tell in her tone that she was upset, whatever the girl had revealed to her had obviously shaken her quite a bit. 'I know Lis, I've been there with her a couple times when she's broken down.'

'When I finally managed to get her calmed down and she started to talk about Robert-' She paused for a moment, wondering where to begin. There wasn't any kind way to talk about him, there was no point sugar coating what kind of guy he'd actually been. 'He was a right-out drunkard Jack. After his wife died he started drinking Jessie told me. Things just got worse from there. She had to try and look after herself and him because he wouldn't.'

Jack sighed, closing his eyes. He knew how tough it was having a parent who drank, even if Robert wasn't actually her father it would have been hard for her. He could sympathise with the girl. Watching someone like that, having to shoulder the responsibilities- It was no surprise the girl had to grow up overnight. 'It would have been quite rough for her.'

'It was Jack. I could see it in her eyes when she was telling me. She just wanted him to love her and look after her and he didn't. I know she thinks highly of him, she didn't want to speak bad of him but that man wasn't looking out for her emotional or mental needs. He wasn't looking out for her at all.' She glanced up the hallway again, checking to make sure the girls door was still closed and Jessie hadn't stirred. All was still and quiet. 'Jessie told me she wanted to help him but he wouldn't let her. The last time she spoke to him they argued, he was drunk. He hit her.'

Oh Jessie. He shook his head. 'What did she do?'

'She took off and went hunting. She apparently went back to get her rifle and gear and he wouldn't talk to her then when she returned she found him.'

'And she's been blaming herself for that ever since.' Jack felt so sorry for Jessie knowing the burden she'd been struggling with. 'She'd be blaming herself for how that all ended.'

'Yes, she is. I tried talking to her, tried to make her see it wasn't her fault. I don't know if I got through to her or not.' Lisa sighed again. 'Just when you think everything's going okay she has to have something like this come back and haunt her. She's been doing so well too.'

'There's a lot of layers to the girl Jessie is today Lis, we have to remember that.' He could hear the crack in her voice. He knew how much Lisa loved Jessie, having to hear what the girl had been through would have been very hard for her to listen to. There was nothing more he wanted to do then to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. 'Lis, do you need me to come over?'

She shook her head, wiping her eyes as she sniffled back sobs. 'No Jack, it's late. I'll be okay.'

'Are you sure Lisa? I don't have a problem coming over.'

'I'm fine Jack, really. I've just had a long day, that's all.' She reached for the tissue box on the table and grabbed one to dry her eyes. 'I'll be okay, it's just a lot to process.'

'Alright, as long as you're okay-'

'I am Jack, I'm alright.'

'Okay.' He could hear in her voice that she wasn't really but he knew Lisa. If she said she was alright then she would be alright. Even so, he still wished he could be there with her. Hearing from her about Jessie was tough on him, but for her hearing it from Jessie he could imagine would have been harder. Lisa really loved that child, she was emotionally invested in her. He could see even if they couldn't that they reflected each other's emotions. 'How do you think Jessie is now?'

'I don't know, it's hard to tell.' She replied, wiping her eyes again. 'She says she's alright but I can just tell she's not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. That's all we can do really. You know how Jessie is if we push her too much, when she's like this it's like walking on thin ice. You never can tell when she might break.'

He nodded again. 'Just be gentle with her Lis, give her time. As much as I know you want to mother her and make everything right for her she needs her space and time to figure things out. There's just some things you need to step back from and let her figure out. Just be there for her but don't smother her, if you get what I mean.'

She couldn't help but smile. It was so funny listening to a guy give advice on how to raise children. After all, he was with his daughter through to adulthood and he'd practically raised his grandchildren after she'd passed. He definitely knew a lot more regarding parenting then she did. 'I understand what you mean Jack. I know I can be a little overbearing at times.'

'A little?' He chuckled, trying to bring some humor to a serious topic. Silence came over the two of them till he finally spoke again. 'Jessie loves you, don't forget that. Even if she does try to push you away don't take offence. It's just the fact that she needs space. In time she'll be okay.'

'I know Jack.' Lisa nodded, glancing up at the clock again. It was after ten. 'I'm sorry for keeping you up Jack, I just needed to talk to someone.'

'It's okay Lisa, I understand. You know I'll always be here for you when you need me.'

'I know. Thank you.'

'Will Jessie be coming back tomorrow or is she going to be staying with you?'

'I don't know, I'll talk to her in the morning and let you know. Night Jack.'

'Night Lisa. I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

She ended the call, placing the phone down beside her. She felt slightly better after talking to him, somehow just listening to his voice made her feel that everything was going to be okay. Quietly she sat there, pondering the thoughts going around her mind. She didn't really have any idea how to help Jessie other than what she was already doing, ultimately it was up to the girl. The only thing she could do was be there for her. Sighing, she got up and put the phone back on charge as she headed past on her way to her bedroom. She just hoped for Jessie's sake the girl would finally realize she needed to let go, that she needed to move forward.

Lisa glanced at the clock again as she sat working at her desk the next morning, wondering if she should go wake Jessie up. It was almost nine in the morning yet the girl still hadn't come out of her room. She hoped that the girl was still sleeping, she knew she needed the rest but she couldn't concentrate on her work any longer. Jessie was normally up before the sun, it was very unlike her to sleep in so long.

She sighed as she stood up, closing the lid on her laptop. She hadn't had much sleep last night, her mind had been too preoccupied with thinking about the girl. Quietly she walked down the hallway, Jessie's door was still closed. She raised her hand for a moment, lingering as she wondered if she should wake the girl or not but then knocked on the door gently. 'Jessie, Jessie honey?' She waited but there was no answer. 'Jessie?'

She opened the door quietly, glancing into the room. The girl wasn't in her bed. She opened the door wider, looking around and she stepped into the room as she saw the girl. Jessie was sitting at her desk, her head resting on her folded arms, asleep. Her desk lamp was on, casting a faint glow around the room and she wondered how long the girl had been up at her desk for.

Lisa cautiously walked over to her, the girl not stirring as she switched the light off. The lamp was hot, she could feel the heat coming off it. She frowned, wondering how long it had been on for. The girl had obviously had it on for some time.

She was about to leave when a piece of paper under the girls hand caught her eye. She'd been working on something. Part of her told her that she shouldn't read it but curiosity got the better of her. It might help her understand what was going on with her, she reasoned. Maybe the girl had been writing down her thoughts.

Carefully she pulled the pen the girl was still holding onto out of her hand and placed it aside then picked the page up. Jessie didn't stirr, still sleeping soundly. She looked down at the girl, a sad smile on her face. She wished she could make things right for her, take away the pain and burdens the girl carried with her but she knew she couldn't. Slowly she stepped back away from her, taking a seat on the girls bed to read what she'd written and wait for her to wake up.

I Am Not Nothing

No one ever made me feel as small as you did,

No one made me feel as cursed.

I'd lie awake in bed just staring at the ceiling,

Wondering if things would get worse.

I was trapped under your thumb,

Believing when you called it 'love'

But I will forgive myself,

And start to let it go.

Accept that who you choose to be

was out of my control.

And though it might be hard,

to begin again.

I'll write myself a brand new story

with a happy end.

I survived.

So tonight,

I am taking back my life.

And I'll show you

that I am not nothing.

I kept my head above the water,

'Til the moment when all the elements aligned.

And I could fly away to heal my broken spirit

And leave my demons far behind.

You always said that I was weak,

But the bravest thing I did was leave.

So I will forgive myself,

And start to let it go.

Accept that who you choose to be

was out of my control.

And though it might be hard,

to begin again.

I'll write myself a brand new story

with a happy end.

I survived.

So tonight,

I am taking back my life.

And I'll show you

that I am not nothing.

Looking up at the sky,

I think I see the start of a sunrise.

And I will forgive myself,

And start to let it go.

Accept that who you choose to be

was out of my control.

And though it might be hard,

to begin again.

I'll write myself a brand new story

with a happy end.

I survived.

So tonight,

I am taking back my life.

And I'll show you

that I am not nothing.

Jessie, you're not nothing. Lisa looked over at her after finishing reading what the girl had written, Jessie still soundly asleep. The sunlight slipped through a crack in the curtains, illuminating the girl in the soft glow. You are everything to me.

She was about to place the page aside when she realized there was something written down on the back too. She turned it over, wondering how long the girl had been up working on these. Her writing felt so raw, so emotional. She could see in what she had written that the girl was trying to let go, she was trying to move forward. She hadn't given up. She glanced up at the girl again to see if she had stirred but she hadn't and she turned back to the page to see what she had written.

'Sound Of Surviving'

They told me,

I'd never get to tell my story.

Too many bullet holes,

It would take a miracle.

These voices,

Inside my head like poison.

Trying to steal my hope,

Silencing my soul.

But my story is only just beginning,

Don't try to write my ending.

Nobody gets to sing my song.

This is the sound of surviving,

This is my farewell to fear.

This is my whole heart deciding,

I'm still here, I'm still here.

And I'm not done fighting.

This is the sound of surviving.

These pieces,

The ones that left me bleeding.

Intended for my pain,

Became the gift you gave me.

I gathered those pieces into a mountain.

My freedom is in view.

I'm stronger than I knew.

And this hill is not the one I die on,

I'm going to lift my eyes and

I'm going to keep on climbing.

This is the sound of surviving,

This is my farewell to fear.

This is my whole heart deciding,

I'm still here, I'm still here.

And I'm not done fighting.

This is the sound of surviving.

I'm still here,

Say it to the ache, lying there awake

Say it to you tears,

I'm still here.

Say it to the pain, say it to the rain,

Say it to your fear.

This is the sound of surviving,

This is my farewell to fear.

This is my whole heart deciding,

I'm still here, I'm still here.

And I'm not done fighting,

No, I'm not done fighting.

And I'm still rising, rising.

I'm still rising.

And I'm not done fighting.

This is the sound of surviving.

'Morning Lisa.'

Lisa looked up, smiling as she saw the girl was awake. 'Hey honey. How are you doing this morning?'

'I'm okay.' She yawned as she got up, joining her on the bed. 'I didn't get to sleep much.' She saw the paper in her hand as she cuddled up to her for a hug. 'You found what I was working on.'

'I did.' She handed it back to the girl, placing her arm around her. 'Do you feel better now?'

'I think I do. I mean, I feel a bit better.' The girl sighed, closing her eyes as she leant against her. 'I had to come to terms that I needed to let go, that I can't let my memories of the man Robert became control me anymore. I can't let the other things of my past control me so I guess I wrote these as a promise to myself. A promise that I know I need to keep to be able to move forward. Is that a good thing?'

'It is honey, it is.' Lisa kissed her head, smiling. 'I'm so proud of you sweetheart. So so proud of you.'

'You are?'

'I am honey.'

'I always wanted to hear that.' She looked up at her, her eyes glistening. 'Thank you. I love you so much.'

'I love you too darling.' The woman smiled again, tucking the girl's hair behind her ears. 'How about I go make us some breakfast, alright?'

'Alright.' Jessie nodded, letting go of Lisa and the woman headed to the door. She thought for a moment then turned to her as she was about to leave the room. 'Pancakes.'

'Pancakes?' She repeated with a chuckle and the girl nodded. 'Pancakes it is then.'

For the life of me I cannot remember the artists that wrote 'I Am Not Nothing' and 'Sound Of Surviving' anyway, all credit goes to them, I own nothing of the lyrics.

Hope you all enjoyed, not sure when I'll be uploading again however, I've been taking a break from writing this story to work on another I'm doing... Just waiting for inspiration to hit me lol. I will continue uploading what I've already written, just not sure when... Adios!