Life Isn't Fair

After Splinter vanished from the dojo where he had chosen to bid them farewell, Raph kept watching the spot where his father had last stood, right under the dojo tree.

As if it could somehow make him appear again.

Renet had disappeared too, not that Raph really cared. Maybe she had been called elsewhere, or maybe she thought that her presence wasn't welcome.

All Raph could care about right now was that Splinter was gone. Forever gone.

Why did these things keep happening to them? Wasn't it enough that they had witnessed their father die twice?

At least this Splinter wasn't dead. He had returned to the past, to his sons who didn't know yet how little time they had left with him.

If Raph had known at the time, then surely he would have done things differently.

Regret filled his heart. He had first tasted it during the first Kraang invasion, when Leo had stayed behind and they had thought him lost–except Leo had survived and Raph had taken his opportunity to do better, or at least try…

He wouldn't have the same possibility with Splinter.

He loved me, he thought. He knew I loved him too.

That knowledge would have to be enough.

Footsteps and a concerned voice broke his train of thought.

"Guys!" April ran into the dojo. "What happened?"

Raph closed his eyes briefly, relieved that April, at least, was alright. He would never admit it to her or Donnie, but for a brief moment he had forgotten about her predicament.

"April!" Donnie and Casey exclaimed at the same time before rushing to her.

"How are you feeling?" Donnie hovered anxiously around her.

"Do you remember what happened?" Casey sounded just as anxious.

"I… I was in the lab with you, Donnie, and then you vanished and the lair was so silent…" April seemed to take in their devastated expressions. "Where is Splinter?"

Donnie shook his head slowly. "He's gone," he just said.

And even though this was all Raph could think about, hearing it spoken aloud was a different matter. It broke the cocoon of numbness around Raph's heart, and he felt stabbed all over again.

Raph turned his head away from April, Donnie, Casey and Leo, who were now undertaking to tell April about the last events, and he met Mikey's gaze.

Mikey who had been with Raph when he had found and hidden the time-traveling device they had been looking for. Mikey who had lied to Raph about it.

Raph broke eye contact. Despite his best efforts to not feel any more pain, that one hurt.

Mikey bowed his head when Raph refused to look at him.

He knew he had hurt him. After all, he had lied to his face, and Raph hated not being able to trust his brothers.

Mikey was both regretting and not regretting having found the time-traveling device, all these years ago. Thanks to it, he had seen his father again; because of it, he had lost his father once more.

At least Renet had it now, so Mikey wouldn't have to make any more decisions about it.

Renet…

Mikey knew she had done her best, and he didn't want to be resentful towards her, but he… But he…

He slowly made for the dojo's entrance. He didn't have the energy to stay with the others and witness their grief–or answer their questions.

Besides, April seemed fine and she was in good hands.

Mikey headed for his room, his body feeling heavier with each step. As soon as he had closed the door behind him, he slid to the floor and let his tears flow.

He had wanted to believe that Splinter was going to stay so, so hard. If only timelines weren't so fragile… If only one of them had found a solution that would have allowed Splinter to stay…

Mikey crawled to his bed, bumping into discarded pizza boxes. He didn't even feel like checking what might be left inside. Climbing on his mattress, he hid his face in his pillow.

Dad. Why did you have to go?

Leo didn't try to stop his brothers when first Mikey, then Raph made for their rooms. If they needed some time alone, who was he to deny them that?

He would check on them a little later.

Leo took a deep breath. The weight on his shoulders didn't threaten to crush him any more than it had a few days before. Leo hadn't forgotten what Donnie had told them, and he had prepared for that moment–the time when he would be again the only Sensei in the lair.

A pale replacement for the one who had just left them, but Leo couldn't offer any better to his family.

Thinking about Mikey's last, desperate move was breaking his heart. Seeing the hope vanish from his brother's eyes was harder than leading his brothers into an enemy's lair or repelling an alien invasion.

"I would like to run some tests on you, April," Donnie said.

Leo forced himself to focus on his present. He wasn't surprised by Donnie's statement, and on the plus side, it would keep him busy for a while. This was how Donnie coped.

Leo watched April, Donnie and Casey exit the dojo, leaving him alone with Karai. He turned towards her. She had chosen an impassive expression that couldn't fool him, not anymore.

"Are you going to stay?" he asked her, hoping that she would say yes–expecting that she wouldn't.

Karai shook her head. "No. I have some…unfinished business to attend to in Japan."

Leo wasn't sure that he wanted to know, but he still went on. "By the way, what were you up to when I first tried to call you?"

Karai shrugged, a sure sign that it was something that Leo definitely wouldn't have approved of. "Oh, you know. The kind of business you have to be into when you lead a big ninja clan. I've already been gone for too long."

Last time Leo had checked, Karai was more trying to become the Foot Clan leader than really assuming the position, but he wisely decided to keep this thought to himself.

"Your place was here." Your place is here, he wanted to add, but it was obvious that Karai had already made up her mind.

"I know," Karai said softly.

She put a hand on Leo's forearm, and he felt his heartbeat accelerate.

"Thank you for calling me, Leo," she said. "I'm glad I could tell him goodbye."

"Of course I would have." Leo smiled at her. "And if you change your mind, you'll always be welcome here."

She smiled back, in a way that showed that she actually believed it–and Leo decided there was room for hope.

Not that he would have given up either way.

In the lab, Donnie was running his test suite thoroughly.

It looked like April was alright. She wasn't injured, and while she didn't remember anything between the time she had disappeared in front of Donnie and the time she had reappeared after Splinter had been sent back to the past by Renet, her intellectual faculties were undamaged.

She had still said that she was feeling the beginnings of a headache, but maybe it was to be expected when you were temporarily erased.

"You'll be fine," Donnie said when he finally managed to convince himself of that fact.

His voice came out hoarse, as if his body was on the verge of breaking down. Now that everything was over, the violence of the past few hours was threatening to overwhelm him.

Even though he had known that Splinter was going to leave, he had gotten used to his unexpected presence in no time. It had felt so natural, so soothing.

And now Splinter was gone, and Donnie's universe was out of balance again–his joy and motivation sucked into the black hole of his father's absence.

"Thank you, Donnie," April said, standing up.

And suddenly Donnie felt her strong arms around his body, and she rested her head against his chest.

Donnie returned the embrace. April didn't add anything, but for once, Donnie understood her perfectly.

Mikey didn't know how long he had been lying on his bed when he heard the knock on his door.

Maybe his blankets could swallow him whole. Maybe if he just stayed here forever, nothing would have happened–Splinter's death, Splinter's visit, Splinter's departure.

"May I enter?" Leo's voice said.

Mikey hesitated, more because he didn't want to speak aloud than because he didn't want his brother to come in.

"Yes," he finally answered, his voice muffled by the pillow.

The door opened. Leo didn't comment on the pizza boxes on the floor as he made his way to Mikey, which only emphasized how serious the situation was.

Soon Mikey felt the bed dip under his brother's weight.

"How are you doing?"

"'m terrible," Mikey said forlornly. He felt a little indignant that Leo couldn't see it by himself.

Leo sighed. "Do you want to talk?"

Mikey considered the question. He wasn't sure what he wanted, so he didn't answer. Leo hadn't reproached anything to Mikey, but maybe he was mad at him just like Raph? Mikey didn't think he could take it right now.

Leo stroked the top of Mikey's head, and Mikey relaxed the slightest bit.

"He left," he whispered in his pillow. "I did everything I could and he still left!"

"I know, Mikey."

Mikey sniffled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had found it. I didn't want Splinter to go."

"I know, Mikey," Leo repeated. He lay down next to Mikey, putting his arms around his brother's shell. "I think it's unfair too."

Mikey tried to play the conversation again in his head as he curled up in his brother's arms. He didn't remember saying it was unfair, but maybe he had? Or Leo was becoming a telepath.

Or it really was obvious.

"And now Raph is mad at me." Mikey sniffled, spreading mucus on Leo's plastron.

"You know he won't stay mad," Leo said. "He's hurting. We all are."

"How's April?" Mikey asked.

"She's fine, apart from a headache. She and Casey will stay with us tonight." Leo hesitated. "We were thinking about telling stories of Splinter, looking at the family albums, maybe watching the videos. If that's okay with you?"

Mikey nodded in Leo's plastron. Yes, he wanted to think about his father, to talk about him to people who had loved him as dearly as he had.

"Raph's coming too?"

Mikey had heard Raph play the drums some time before, but his brother's room had been silent for a while.

"I sure hope so." Leo paused. "He's in his room right now. Maybe you could ask him?"

Mikey tilted his head to give Leo a I-know-what-you're-doing-here glare. Leo smiled unashamedly.

"So?"

Mikey sighed. "Fine."

After all, he would have to talk to Raph again sooner or later. Mikey had contemplated waiting for a few days–or weeks, or months–to give Raph enough time to cool down, but maybe Leo was right and sooner was better than later.

"I'll do it," he said, snuggling again against Leo. "In a moment."

Collapsed on his bed like he wasn't going to stand up ever again, Raph was stroking Chompy's head.

"You see, Chompy, I just wish Mikey had trusted me enough to tell me the truth. Like it's not enough that Leo keeps secrets all the time and that I can't understand half of what Donnie says. Now Mikey's lying to me? And they say I'm the one who can't communicate."

Chompy patted Raph's plastron as he made his way to Raph's face and licked it. Raph smiled. At least one person in this lair trusted him fully.

A timid knock on his door made him frown.

"Yes?"

"Raph?" said the unusually shy voice of his brother Mikey.

"What do you want?" Raph said, his voice more tired than irritated.

Mikey opened the door wide enough to perk inside.

"Can we talk?"

"Oh, so now you want to talk?" Raph said, conscious that it wasn't the nicest of answers but unable to stop himself. "That's new."

Mikey's head retreated a little in his shell, but he still opened the door wider to step inside Raph's den.

Raph watched his brother impassively. "So? Spit it out."

Mikey stood fidgeting in front of Raph. "Are you mad?"

Raph huffed. Truth be told, he was mad at Mikey for lying to his face, but he also felt bad for being mad at his brother in a moment such as this.

He was taking too long to respond, and Mikey's face was looking more and more dejected.

Raph sighed. "I understand why you did that. I don't have to like it."

"I'm sorry."

Then Mikey stayed silent and motionless, both feats extremely unusual.

Raph yielded. "Come here," he said, shifting on his bed to make room for Mikey.

Mikey didn't need to be told twice, and he settled next to Raph and Chompy.

"I really hoped Splinter would stay for longer," Raph admitted. "You're not the only one who wanted to believe it."

"I didn't listen to Donnie," Mikey said sadly. "But he was right."

"I know." Raph sighed, thinking about his last conversations with Splinter. "But… I'm still glad Splinter came, you know? So we could talk. I think... I think it was good. And at the same time, I'm so furious fate would play with us like that."

"Yeah." Mikey grabbed Raph's arm like his brother was a teddy bear. "It hurts so much. I feel like my head is going to explode."

Raph stayed silent for a while, thinking about them and their weird destiny. They had become heroes, and paid a heavy price. Was it worth it?

But if they hadn't, Raph probably wouldn't be having an existential crisis right now, because Earth would have been doomed.

He shook his head. Enough thinking for today.

"Where are the others?" he asked Mikey.

"Waiting for us in the living room," Mikey answered. "We're going to have a Remember Splinter-night."

"Sounds good." Raph closed his eyes. "But surely they won't mind if we take a small nap."

As an answer, Mikey grabbed Raph's arm tighter.

First thing next morning, Donnie locked himself up in his lab. April and Casey had left for school and would come back in the evening. His brothers were still on the couch, where they had once again slept.

Donnie wasn't sure how to deal with his feelings. He would need time to accept what had happened. In the meantime, he was going to do what he knew best: work hard on his engineering projects. Work until he couldn't feel his eyes, or his hands, or his brain, or his feelings, until he could forget that Splinter had come and left...

Science couldn't save Splinter. But maybe it could save Donnie.

"Hey, Donnie."

Donnie turned sharply to Leo. He hadn't heard his brother arrive, and now wasn't the time to play tricks on him.

"Hey, Leo," he said, a bit stiffly.

Leo looked at Donnie pensively. "Already back to work?"

Donnie turned away. "You know it's how I cope."

On his desk, his notes of the time-traveling device were taunting him. He closed the notebook with rage.

"I didn't see it coming," he told Leo, because if Leo insisted on being here he might as well listen to Donnie rambling. "I never suspected that Splinter had time-traveled, not for one second." Tears filled his eyes. "How could I miss something this huge?"

"Who knows? Maybe if you had known, we would have changed the future for the worse." Leo put a hand on Donnie's arm. "You have nothing to blame yourself for."

"Says the specialist," Donnie muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." Donnie cleared his throat. "So what do we do now?"

"We remember and honor our father, and we go on with our lives," Leo said. "Like he would have wanted us to."

"You think we will manage?"

"We will. It's a promise."

"It feels weird that he's gone. Again." Donnie wiped his eyes.

"I know. But in a way, he wasn't our Splinter. He belonged with our younger selves."

"And they better enjoy his presence," Mikey said.

Donnie turned to his brother, who was entering the dojo with his arms full of pizza slices. The grease was trickling on the lab's floor. At another time it would have irritated Donnie, but today he would be lenient.

"By the way, Mikey," he said. "I never asked you what you were thinking."

Mikey looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "Probably because you know I wasn't thinking?" he answered, his mouth full.

Donnie considered his brother, saw the dark rings under his eyes, and decided to let him get away with this excuse. "Yeah, that's probably the reason."

In his relief, Mikey swallowed three slices in one move.

"Mikey, that's disgusting," Raph said, coming in.

Donnie rolled his eyes. "Guys, can't any of you let me work in peace?"

"Of course we can." Raph took one of Mikey's slices, ignoring Mikey's glare. "We're just not going to."

Donnie could think about several ways to convince his brothers to leave the lab–not all of them involving chemical violence–but he didn't really want to.

"This weekend, we could go to Northampton with April and Casey," Leo said. "What do you think?"

He didn't need to precise that he wanted to visit their father's grave. They had all understood.

"Yes, I would like that," Donnie said, and Raph and Mikey nodded.

They remained in peaceful silence for a while, until Mikey gasped.

"Uh, Donnie?"

"Yes, Mikey?"

"Do we have giant worms in the sewers?"

"No, Mikey. We don't."

"Then what's this?"

Mikey pointed at something behind Donnie, and Donnie turned around, frowning.

On the monitor that still displayed what his pet cockroach saw, the homeless person that Casey had met had been replaced by a giant greenish caterpillar carrying a bag on the upper side of his body.

"He was a mutant?" Raph blinked.

"Do we need to check on what he's doing?" Leo asked hopefully.

"Only if it involves a good fight." Raph bumped his fists against each other. "This is how I cope."

Donnie quickly played back the footage. The mutant caterpillar was being followed by a group of grim-looking Purple Dragons. Maybe he had stolen something from them?

Donnie thought about the man who had worried about Casey's situation in spite of his own.

"Yes," he said with determination as he grabbed his bō staff. "Let's see what we can do."

Science could save him just as well outside the lab, while he fought alongside his brothers for what he deemed right.

As the others grabbed his weapons, he met Leo's eye.

We will manage, Leo, he told him silently. It's a promise.