Aftermath
By Ann3
Writer's Note: Yes, I know it was a bit mean of me, not letting you in on Shep's plan. Hmmm, I wonder what Carson will think of it... ;o)
Just a slight reference to The Gift here, before we start finding out what's going on in that sweet, tufty wee head... enjoy !
Chapter Seven
Not So Desperate Measures
There'd been a reassuringly familiar charm to Carson Beckett's reaction to what he'd just heard – his eyes rounding to the size of dinner plates, reflecting everything that a stunned mind couldn't say. That reaction alone had raised John Sheppard's spirits. What followed next was more encouraging still.
There were so many emotions tumbling through those eyes now that it proving hard to keep count. Surprise. Fear. Doubt. Apprehension. Followed reassuringly closely behind by curiosity. Realisation. Returning hope.
Finally, though, to John Sheppard's own relief, hopeful interest won its war over fearful uncertainty. And when Carson finally spoke, John's cautious smile widened to a broad grin of pure and open pride.
Beyond its surprise, there was new strength now to Carson's voice. A quiet, so very welcome strength. From that strength alone, John already knew what Carson's reply to that make-or-break suggestion would be.
"Hypnosis… puttin' me under so I can remember what – what he made me tell him…" he said at last, even managing a trace of a rueful smile as his fingers brushed at a once painfully split cheekbone, before he quizzically re-met John's eyes. "Ye - Ye mean like we tried with Teyla that time, to – to see if she could link minds with the Wraith…?"
"Yeah, that's it, pretty much… and at least you'll know that you're safe now…" John reminded him – toning his grin down to a more appropriate smile as he gave Carson's shoulder a gently rallying pat. "I know you've been through hell already, Carson, and this'll put you through it all over again, but…"
"Aye, lad, I know… and as ye just said yourself, I'll know I'm safe now…" Carson cut in softly – the new resilience faltering, just for a moment, as the interrupted 'but…' was faced just as quietly. "'sides, ye – ye need to know what I told him, 'fore he – he gets the chance to use it…"
To his surprised relief, there was no censure in John Sheppard's eyes. No trace of blame or anger. Just a haunted understanding, a silent agony, before he sighed and shrugged, nodding agreement.
"Well, yeah, there's that too…" he admitted, placing another firm hand on Carson's other shoulder – giving both an encouraging shake, emphasising a point which, he knew, his friend had to understand. "But even if he does, Carson, it won't be your fault… it won't be your fault… okay…?"
Nobody in their right mind would dare argue with John Sheppard when he used that tone of voice. As things stood at the moment, Carson dryly reflected, he wasn't even sure where his mind was. And he didn't have the strength to tackle a damn lettuce leaf right now, let alone a strapping, six foot two inch colonel
So instead he just smiled and nodded, drawing quiet encouragement from the eyes that still held his – the deep, unbreakable compassion within him sleepily puzzling over the silent pain he saw there.
Perhaps thankfully, Elizabeth's voice stopped a still dangerously fragile mind from realising its cause.
"Yes, Carson, let us take care of Atlantis… you just concentrate on getting well again, okay…?"
Too physically drained to argue, Carson smiled back at her, nodding again in weary agreement – sleepily mumbled assurances growing sleepier still as his eyelids lost their latest battle with gravity.
"'ye, love, I will… don' worry, l'ss, 'm – 'm goin' t' be alright… 'lantis'll be… be alr'ght…"
Watching him settle, Elizabeth and John then traded glances of shared pride. Unbridled relief. Even so, there was still a distracted concern in Elizabeth's eyes as she stroked back Carson's hair.
"I know it has to be done, John… for Carson's peace of mind as much as anything else, but…"
"It's going to be hell on him… yes, Liz, I know…" John agreed, still distractedly studying his friend – a vital breakthrough in his recovery, one that only he could understand, now explained just as softly. "But it's Carson's decision, Liz. He made it, himself, freely and willingly. Trust me, that's what matters…"
Frowning in puzzlement, Elizabeth's smile then returned as she caught the meaning of what he'd said. After several days of pure terror possessing it, Carson Beckett had regained precious control of his mind.
The measures made to free it completely may have been desperate, but his acceptance of them…? Not a bit of it. In fact, he was even smiling slightly now, anticipating the merciful release they'd bring.
Little wonder, then, that Elizabeth now leant in to place the gentlest of proud kisses on Carson's cheek. Her CMO had just taken the meaning of courage to a whole new level. Tomorrow he'd take it even further.