Chandler ran up the stairs gasping for breath, he couldn't get back to his Apartment fast enough. It was his safe haven; his protection from the world that right now he couldn't deal with. He entered Apartment 19 and locked the door. He knew the group would be following him after his sudden exit from Central Perk and he knew they'd be trying to get into the Apartment but he didn't want to see them.
He couldn't face them… not now… not ever.
They'd want an explanation and Chandler didn't have one, he couldn't explain, he didn't want to…if he didn't say it out loud then he could pretend it hadn't happened and somehow it'd be easier to deal with.
Chandler put his back against the door and slid to the floor. He knew denial wasn't working anymore. He was not dealing with what had happened, he was not coping, he was not ok. He put his arms around his knees and started to cry.
He never cried… not even when it had happened… but this time tears flowed freely; a release from the pain that burned inside.
Then there was banging – five fists hammering on the door.
'Chandler, come on, let us in.' Monica.
'Sweetie we just want to know that you're ok.' Rachel.
'Yeh man we just want to help.' Ross.
'Chandler Bing open this door right now!' Phoebe.
'Buddy please, you're hurting and I want to know why. You shouldn't be alone. Come on I'm really worried about you.' Joey.
Worry… sympathy… pity…friends. Chandler knew he didn't deserve it… didn't deserve them. He was pathetic.
He got up and walked into the bathroom. He opened the bathroom cabinet and saw them… they were beautiful.
Chandler took the bottle and undid the top. He placed the pills into his hand, staring at them for a minute. They looked so tempting; he knew they would make his demons go away… he knew they would make everything better. Chandler poured himself a glass of water and looked again at the pills – could he really do this? That line of thought made tears roll down his cheeks and he knew he had to – he had to stop the pain. Chandler put the pills into his mouth; took a sip of the water and swallowed. He didn't want to be here anymore. What was the point in carrying on when everyday was a struggle to get through, what was the point when some days he had to force himself to just get out of bed. Nobody would miss him. As Chandler swallowed the pills he smiled, feeling an eerie sense of peace wash over him. He walked into the living room and sat in his barca lounger. He knew now things would be better.
As he became drowsy, he became oblivious to the panicking outside the door, oblivious to everything until finally he succumbed to the darkness…