Houston, We Have a Problem
A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! I never expected this story to take off like it has, and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude at your kindness. Thanks a million!
A week after Dave had stormed out of her house, Jennifer had yet to hear from him. Not that she had really expected to, but the hope was still alive. And every time Keegan asked why Daddy wasn't calling to tell her good night, the unbearable truth became a little bit more real. Knowing that she couldn't put it off much longer, Jennifer made the call she had never expected to make.
"Hey," John nodded as she pulled the door open and then stepped aside to let him in. The dark circles under his eyes signalled he wasn't faring much better than she, and the way his shoulders sagged reflected everything she was feeling.
"Thanks for coming," Jennifer said solemnly, leading John into the living room.
Ashley had told her that things were icy in the locker room, polarized by rumors and various versions of the truth that different sectors of the roster were starting to believe. If there was any silver lining, Jennifer could take a shred of comfort in knowing she didn't have to face the situation with the other parties involved every day. John, obviously, wasn't so lucky.
There was an awkward silence in the room as John pushed Keegan's Barbie car back and forth with his foot. What did he say? Where did he start? They both knew this moment was a possibility, yet neither seemed prepared for it. Sighing, he leaned back in the chair and ran his hand over his hair.
"Ashley told me about the baby," Jennifer finally spoke, if for no other reason than to fill the silence in the room.
There was a huff as John nodded. "Yeah," he answered softly.
"Are you not excited?"
His eyes were harsh when he finally looked at her. "Excited? How the hell do I get excited about a baby that I might not get to watch grow up? I mean, it's not bad enough I lost out on being a part of the first one's life for five years, now I'm gonna miss out on this one, too?"
Jennifer bit her tongue. Had she been thinking of something other than her own situation, she would have realized it was a stupid thing to bring up, but she wasn't thinking much of anyone else lately. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Look," John sighed, leaning forward on his seat. "Sorry if I'm not my jovial self, but pretty much the only things I'm worrying about these days are Trish and my kids." When Jennifer nodded, John asked, "How's Keegan doing?"
"I haven't told her yet," she said honestly.
"Are you going to?" It seemed obvious to John - they had to tell her what was going on. But the look in Jennifer's eyes said it wasn't so clear-cut.
Harder than the decision to tell Dave the truth was the decision as to whether she should tell Keegan. And if she chose to tell her, what did she say? How did she make a five-year-old understand the soap opera situation they were living in?
"She loves Dave," she stared at the floor as she spoke. "In her mind, he is her father. I don't know if there's any way she can wrap her head around all of this." Shrugging her shoulders, she relaxed against the soft fabric of the couch. "How do I just tell her that the man she calls her daddy doesn't want anything to do with her? And then follow it up with the fact that her babysitter is really her father?"
He understood that it was difficult, but he was starting to think that nothing would ever be easy again. "We did what we did, Jen," he sighed. "We can't fix it."
She nodded and looked up at him and realized something. In her mind, she had always raised Keegan alone. But John had always been there somewhere. Sure, he wasn't always a clear presence, but he had always been interested, and he had always helped out in any way she would let him. "I don't know what to tell her."
He moved from the chair onto the couch and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Whatever you decide, I'm behind you," he said. "You want her to know the truth, I'm all for it. If not, I'll keep doing what I've been doing." Standing, he smoothed his hands over the legs of his shorts. "Let's just make sure our daughter is happy, okay?"
Noticing that he was looking down the hall, Jennifer motioned for him to go. "She's taking a nap, but you can see her," she smiled slightly. "And thank you. I mean, it would be just as easy for you to turn your back on her and focus on Trish and the new baby," she started.
But John held up a hand and shook his head. "What we did, Jen? That was us. Not her," he reminded. "She's still my daughter."
A knock on the door sounded as John disappeared into Keegan's room. Trying not to get her hopes up, Jennifer moved quickly and threw the door open, her face twisting at the sight of the visitor. "Hey."
With a slight wave, Trish tightened her denim jacket around her body. "Is that John's car?" she asked.
Jennifer followed Trish's eyeline and then nodded. "Yeah. He came to see Keegan," she answered.
Though she was angry, confused, and upset, Trish still felt a flutter in her tummy knowing that John was just a few feet away. The fact that he had fucked up big time didn't change the fact that she still loved him, that he was the father of her child.
"How you feelin'?" Jennifer asked, stepping onto the porch when Trish made no attempt to enter the house.
"Nauseous," she responded honestly. "Morning sickness blows."
With a small smile, Jennifer sat on the porch swing and nodded. "Yeah, it does."
Trish sat on the other end of the swing and took a deep breath. "Can I ask you a question?"
While it was clear their friendship had been damaged, Jennifer felt her heart going out to the expectant mother across from her. She instantly remembered her thoughts and feelings when she realized she was going to have to raise Keegan by herself. "Sure."
"You didn't want John to be a part of Keegan's life? When she was born? You told him to stay away?" Jennifer nodded. "Why?"
Pulling her knees up to her chest, Jennifer found herself staring at the ground once again.
"At first, I didn't know how he would react, ya know? Deny it, demand a paternity test. There were about a hundred ways he could have gone, and I wasn't sure. I mean, I didn't really know him. So I just told him we didn't need him and thought that would be the end of it."
"But it wasn't?"
"He e-mailed me back and asked me if I had anymore pictures, so I sent him some. He asked me when her birthday was, what she wanted for Christmas. And it didn't seem to matter how many times I told him we didn't want or need anything, he just kept asking.
"I almost skipped her first birthday. I didn't have any money to buy her anything and I figured she wouldn't remember it anyway. I didn't tell anyone, of course, and Jill said she would throw the party, but if I couldn't get her anything, I didn't want anyone else to." Shaking her head, she sniffled. She wasn't sure why she was telling Trish all of this, or if the other woman even wanted to know, but now that the words were coming, she couldn't stop them.
"The day before her birthday, John sent a $25 gift card from Toys R Us. There was a note that said he was sorry he couldn't afford more, but that he would do better next year. I bougt her a baby doll, and I signed the card from Mommy and Daddy." Twisting her hands together, Jennifer smiled slightly at the memory. "He's never missed a birthday. He's never missed a Christmas. And the bigger he gets, the more he sends for whatever she needs.
"He's a good man, Trish," Jennifer said suddenly, looking at the woman beside her desparately trying to wipe the tears from her face. "He's a good father. If I had asked him to, I have no doubt he would have come to meet her, been an active part of her life. Things are like they are now because of me."
Shaking her head, Trish bit her lip. She had thought the same thing for awhile. The bitterness and the anger that she had vented over Jennifer took up more of her time than she wanted to admit over the last week. But ultimately, she knew that John was a determined man. If he had wanted to see Keegan, Jennifer wouldn't have been able to stop him.
"I don't even know how to ask this," Trish finally said when she had gathered her emotions. "I mean, it's," she stopped and shook her head. "I guess I'm just wondering if what John did was enough? Would Keegan have been okay if Dave had never come along?"
Though the question was sketchy, Jennifer knew what Trish was asking. She knew because she had asked herself the same question a hundred times. "Keegan was happy before Dave. She was well-adjusted, and we got by. I never worried she would become a stripper or anything because she didn't have a father figure." Shaking her head, Jennifer put a hand on Trish's leg. "I don't know that there's a right answer to what you're asking."
"Probably not," Trish conceded, shaking her head. "Nothing's right anymore, is it?"
Retracting her hand, Jennifer stood and looked over the yard. The bike that John had bought for Keegan laid on its side in the grass. The helmet and knee pads Dave bought were right beside it. She turned back and leaned on the railing. "The question isn't really whether or not you can raise a kid on your own, Trish. You're a strong woman, and we both know you can," she answered. "The question is this: If you have a man who loves you, and loves your child, and wants to be a part of your lives, why would you try to do it by yourself?"
There was a long silence as Trish thought over what Jennifer was saying. Finally, she spoke, as if to herself. "He lied to me." It was the one fact that she just couldn't get over.
"Yeah, he did," Jennifer acknowledged. "And that's something you have to decide if you can forgive," she added, thinking instantly of Dave, her heart breaking. Jennifer caught Trish's eye, and said the one thing she wished she could say to Dave, above all else. "But that's not your baby's fault. That kid didn't ask to be put in the middle of this, Trish. Don't punish him for something that he, that I, decided."
"Mommy?" Keegan's voice sounded as the front door opened. Situated on John's hip, she brushed her hair out of her eyes, her face lighting up when she saw Trish. "Hey, Trish!"
With a smile, Trish stood and waved. "Hey, Girlie," Trish greeted, opening her arms to Keegan. No matter what had happened, or what she decided to do about it, Trish couldn't deny the love she had for the baby growing inside of her. And she couldn't deny that this little girl in her arms, her child's half-sister, was just as much a part of her family as anyone else.
"Did you come to play with me, too?" Keegan ran her hands through Trish's silky locks as she looked at the older woman with bright eyes.
Shaking her head, Trish swallowed the tears she was fighting. "No, Sweetie." She kissed Keegan's nose and sat her feet on the floor. Meeting John's eye, she sighed. "We need to talk."
He didn't hesitate, only nodded and pulled his keys from his pocket. "I'll meet you at the house." She left the porch and he turned toward Jennifer. "Thank you," he mouthed.
Nodding, Jennifer motioned for him to go, turning her attention back to the little girl climbing onto the swing with her. "Have a good nap, Peanut?"
"Uh huh," Keegan answered, snuggling close to her mother's side. "Mommy, can we call Daddy now?"
She wanted to say yes, but she knew Dave wouldn't answer her call. He hadn't answered any of the others she had placed over the last week. "Sweetie, let's go get some ice cream, okay?" Formulating a plan, Jennifer followed Keegan into the house. It was time to tell her daughter the truth.