Houston, We Have a Problem
"Do you want to eat outside? Or in here?" Jennifer asked, leading Keegan away from the ice cream counter by the hand.
Glancing around, Keegan pointed to the picture window. "Out there," she said simply, following her mother to a bench outside the shop.
The sun was high in the Florida sky as Jennifer wrapped Keegan's ice cream cone in napkins and watched her daughter happily licking the frozen treat. With a slender finger, she wiped the little girl's unruly curls from her face and smiled slightly. She was, by far, the most beautiful thing Jennifer had ever seen. Knowing that she was about to break Keegan's heart was the most painful thing she had ever known.
"Sweetheart, Mommy needs to tell you something, okay?"
Tearing her eyes from passers by on the street in front of them, Keegan tucked her leg under her body and faced her mother. "Okay," she said easily, licking her ice cream happily. "What is it?"
"Keegan," Jennifer took a deep breath, unsure of how to start. There was no easy way to tell her. And there was no way she could fully understand. "Sweetheart, you know how when you were little, you always used to ask me why you didn't have a daddy like the other kids in your class?" Keegan nodded, squinting against the sun as she looked at her mother intently. "And I always told you that I would tell you that when the time was right?"
With a giggle, Keegan put her hand on Jennifer's leg. "It's okay, Mommy. I have a daddy now."
"I know, Sweetheart, but. . ." she started and then stopped. The words just weren't coming the way she had hoped they would.
Rolling her eyes, the young girl took another lick of her ice cream and let her eyes drift to the park across the street from where they were seated. She took a deep breath and pointed a pudgy finger. "Can we go play on the monkey bars now?"
Trying to explain conception and reproduction to a five-year-old was complicated, and unnecessary. But Jennifer was finding it an impossible task as she tried to tell her daughter the truth without scarring her for life. "Keegan, you know Dave isn't your real father, right?" Keegan nodded, her eyes reflecting all of the confusion Jennifer knew she had to be feeling. "Sweetheart, John is your real father."
"John?" she asked, her voice small. When Jennifer nodded, Keegan handed her ice cream to her mother. She leaned her elbows onto her legs, resting her chin in her tiny hands. "Are you gonna marry him now?"
Shaking her head, Jennifer fought the tears that wanted so badly to pour over her cheeks. "No, Sweetie. John and I met almost six years ago, and we were both very sad, so we tried to make each other feel better. That was the night God gave you to us."
"To make you feel better?"
With a small chuckle, Jennifer nodded. "Yes. Because God knew that you would be the best thing that ever happened to us."
Tilting her head in consideration, Keegan thought about her words. "But how did I make him feel better? He didn't know me till you met Daddy."
Licking her lips, Jennifer tucked her hands behind her ears and dropped Keegan's ice cream cone into the trash beside the bench. Turning, she folded her legs to mirror her daughter's pose and thought about the right answer to that question. "He knew about you, Peanut," she smiled. "Your bike, and your big-girl bed, and your My Little Pony purse? He bought all those things for you. And I sent him lots of pictures."
"Oh," Keegan said simply, her little, pink tongue running over her puffed lips. "Is that why Daddy's mad at me? Because of John?"
Shaking her head, Jennifer let a tear fall as she reached forward to pull her daughter into her arms. Kissing the top of Keegan's head, she felt the child's body beginning to tremble. "Oh, Sweetie, no. Daddy's not mad at you at all."
Keegan pulled back and looked at her mother with desparate eyes, searching for answers to questions she couldn't even understand. "He won't talk to me," she whispered sadly.
"He's mad at me, Peanut, not you. He's mad that I didn't tell him the truth, that John didn't tell him." With a sigh, she folded her hands in her lap and looked at Keegan once more, the expression on her young face breaking her mother's heart. "You know how Mommy told you it's never okay to lie? Especially to someone who loves you?" Her daughter nodded. "Well, Mommy told a lie."
Crocodile tears were forming in Keegan's eyes as her bottom lip trembled. "Can't you say you're sorry, Mommy? Tell him you promise you'll never do it again?" Raising her knees and hugging them to her chest, she began to cry. "I want my daddy back."
As a mother, her first priority had always been making sure that her daughter was happy and healthy. Seeing the tears streaming down Keegan's cheeks, Jennifer reached into her purse. When it became clear that Dave wouldn't answer her calls, she had stopped trying. She didn't want to crowd him or make him feel suffocated. But this wasn't about her.
She dialed the number and waited for the voice mail message to kick in. Handing the phone to Keegan, she brushed another curl from the girl's face. "Wait until he's done talking and then leave him a message, okay?"
Just the sound of Dave's low voice made her blue eyes twinkle slightly. Wiping a tear from her eye, Keegan sniffled and waited for him to give the message instructions. When the beep sounded, she cleared her little throat, her voice soft and strained.
"Daddy? It's Keegan. Can you call me tonight? Cause I really miss you lots, Daddy. I love you."
XXX
"Who was that?" Holly asked as her father snapped his phone shut and caught a falling tear against his cheek. "Was it Jennifer?"
With Heidi and Hillary out with friends, Dave was enjoying some one-on-one time with his youngest daughter. "It was Keegan, actually," he said, his voice catching in his throat as he tossed the phone on the table.
"Are you gonna call her back?" Holly asked, curling up on the couch beside her dad and resting her head on his chest.
With another sniffle, he took a quick drink of his beer and motioned for Holly to start the movie. "I think it's better if I don't," he said, as though trying to convince himself.
He missed both of them like crazy, but his pride and his feelings had been hurt. Sometimes he thought it was something he could get over, that he should just call Jennifer and talk it out with her. But then there were times, when he saw John backstage or heard one of his co-workers talking about the situation, that he knew he was still too angry to discuss about anything. Until he could, staying away from both of them was the best option.
"Dad, she's five," Holly reasoned. "She doesn't know what the fuck is goin' on."
"Watch your mouth, Holly," he warned as the movie roared to life on the screen before them.
Rolling her eyes, Holly sat up and glared at her father. "Well, she doesn't! Come on, Dad!" Holly was the last to jump on board with the proposition of her dad marrying again, let alone relinquishing her position as "baby" to Keegan. But over time, the kid had grown on her. "You didn't treat us like this when you and Mom split."
Dave gave her the "watch your tone" look. "You guys are my daughters," he reminded in a low voice.
Reaching across Dave's body, Holly took her father's hand and turned his arm until four sets of a initials stared back at him. "And she's not?"