Chapter 2

Strauss closed the door when both the United States Marshals had walked in.

"Agent Jareau, please take a seat." Strauss signalled to the couch in Hotch's office.

"I'm fine standing Thankyou ma'am." JJ said looking at the old white-haired man in front of her.

"Fine" Strauss almost snapped but kept her voice level as she knew that what JJ was about to be told would open many closed wounds "Agent Jareau, do you remember Marshal Willis?"

"Yes ma'am." JJ turned back to the familiar U.S marshal "How are you sir?" in normal circumstances she would have held her hand out to shake his, but she could still feel the trembling coursing through her body and thought better of it.

"I'm Ok Thankyou Jennifer. Although I can't say time has been as kind to me as it has to you." Willis said with a smile. JJ forced out a chuckle.

The room stayed silent for a minute and JJ looked at the older people in the room. Strauss had her cold hard look as she always did, but if you looked in her eyes hard enough you could see the worry and concern. Marshal Willis looked pale and like he hadn't slept in a few days and then last Marshal Jenkins didn't seem to be showing any emotion at all, standing there tapping his foot ready too leave.

"Ma'am I don't mean to be rude but what's going on?" JJ asked having enough of the fear and dread filling her body.

Strauss opened her mouth to say something but closed it again unable to tell the blonde, so Marshal Willis decided he was going to tell the woman the heartbreaking news.

"Jennifer, I had a call from a friend of mine the other day." He took a deep breath knowing he was about to break her heart and rip her world apart. He had watched her go through hell and back, she didn't need this. Not now she seemed to be doing so well. He took the file Jenkins was holding and pulled something out of his pocket

"Jess was found dead a few nights ago." Willis paused letting the blonde woman register the news she was just given. He handed her the brown file and placed the object from his pocket in her hand apologising "I'm so sorry Jen."

At his words JJ felt her heart stop and tears fill her eyes. She didn't want to believe them; it couldn't be true. She did what she did for Jess; she did it to keep her safe.

"No' JJ finally whispered "You're wrong. It's not Jess." She shook her head She safe, she's with the others JJ thought to herself. "You're wrong." She refused to believe it.

"Jennifer look in your hand." He pointed to the object she was clutching with white knuckles, but JJ shook her head refusing to look and to believe "Look Jen" JJ opened her hand slowly "That's Jess's locket. You remember? That's the one you gave her."

The tears that were building in JJ's eyes fell as sure enough there it was, resting in the palm of her hand was the sterling silver locket JJ had given to Jess just days before she had left the safest place she had ever known.

"How? How did it happen?" JJ whispered as realisation set in.

"We believe she was murdered by a client." Marshal Jenkins piped up from his spot on the other side of the room earning himself glares from both Willis and Strauss.

"Oh god. She's dead." JJ collapsed in a heap, sobbing. moments after she hit the floor she was scooped up by a pair of warm hands and was held tight.

"She's dead. Oh god she's dead and it's all my fault. I shouldn't have gone I should have stayed and put up with it for her. I should have done something to protect her." JJ kept sobbing into the man's jacket.

"It's not your fault Jenny you thought she was safe." Willis whispered to her as he held her tight.

The room was filled with loud knocking but neither Willis nor JJ moved from the floor. JJ didn't even register the sound because for the first time in years all those old feelings were coming back. The feeling of betrayal, hurt, anger, disgust, hatred, and pain. She had spent so long pushing those feelings away into a box in the back of her mind and building up a wall to keep the person she used to be away, JJ couldn't to let that wall break. She couldn't let that lost, angry girl she grew up being come back and take the life she had created, the life she had always wanted growing up.

The office door slammed closed, and Strauss bent down to JJ and Willis.

"Agent Jareau." JJ pulled away, took a deep breath trying in vain to control her emotions and pushing down the sick feeling that was rising. JJ tried her best to pull herself together till she was alone "You need to tell the team." Strauss said in a soft voice.

"No!" JJ stood from where she was knelt on the floor "I can't tell them" JJ looked at Strauss scared "They can't know, they'll hate me." she stated adamantly.

"That's not true JJ, that would never hate you." Strauss said.

"Yes, it is. You don't know even half the things I did to get by. There is no need to tell them because that person doesn't exist. I am Jennifer Jareau and I work for the FBI. I refuse to be that person again." At that moment in time JJ couldn't be sure if she was talking to Strauss or reminding herself.

Standing to the side of the small group Marshal Jenkins's phone rang in his pocket. He answered it and started to talk in whispers.

"Jennifer, you need to tell them." Strauss now used her stern voice but the look in her eyes still said she was deeply worried about the woman in front of her "You can't do this on you own. Everything is going to come back to the surface now." JJ looked at her with sad and defeated eyes "I hate to say this and if you ever tell anyone I have I will deny it, but your team is a family, you are all extremely close they know something is going on and we both know that they are not going to let it slide"

"I'm sorry to interrupt Sir, Ma'am" Marshal Jenkins snapped his phone closed "we need to leave. We have a pressing matter to attend"

"Ok" Willis put his arm round JJ's waist and guided her over to the sofa "I have to go now Jen." Willis gently squeezed JJ's hand that was still holding the locket 'but if you need to just call ok?" JJ nodded taking the card that he was offering.

"Thankyou" she whispered.

Willis kissed JJ's forehead and walked out behind Strauss and Marshal Jenkins shutting the door.

"She's gone and I let her down." JJ put the file on her lap and opened the heart shaper locked and inside sat a picture of her and Jess. They were sat on some grass surrounded by colourful balloons with the words 'Happy birthday' on them. It was the Birthday that JJ's world was destroyed. "I'm sorry. It was all my fault" She whispered.

There was a knock at the door but before JJ could do or say anything her stomach started to churn and she jumped up and sped out the room, racing past Hotch almost knocking him over and the team to empty the stomach contents in the bathroom.

The team watched in shock as JJ run passed them into the toilets; Garcia went to follow but was stopped by Rossi.

"I think she needs a few minutes"

"Does anyone have any idea what that was all about?" Hotch asked still trying to process what he just saw.

The team all shook their heads and went to sit at the desks in the Bullpen. They wanted to give JJ some space to sort herself out.

10 minutes later from the chair at his desk where his glance hadn't left the bathroom door Reid said "I think someone should go and find her."

"I'll go." Emily got up from her seat but before she could take a step the bathroom door opened slowly to show JJ. She was as pale as a ghost with puffy red eyes from the tears and retching. She was also clutching a folder tightly to her chest. When JJ walked out of the bullpen she didn't look up at her team, she didn't even look up from the floor, she just walked off to her office with her head down and closed the door behind her.

"We need to find out what the hell is going on." Morgan took the first step and the rest of them followed towards JJ's office.

Morgan reached the door and gently knocked. He waited for an answer with the team crowed behind him but when they got no reply, he pressed his ear to the door and could hear JJ's sobs.