Chapter 3

JJ closed her office door and sat at her desk; she broke down into sobs. She was so angry with herself for leaving Jess, fuming at the people that were meant to protect her but obviously didn't and then bubbling with rage at the monster that caused all the pain and hurt in the first place. JJ took out her anger on a stack of files piled on her desk. Her right arm went flying at everything on that side, her lamp, her picture frame as well as the piles of requests and consult. Everything flew to the floor landing with a crash and paper scattering everywhere. JJ moved around her desk too her couch but before her weak and exhausted legs could make it, she collapsed onto her knees in a sobbing mess.

"Jayje are you…." Morgan was first through the door closely followed by Emily and then the others. Upon seeing the distraught blonde, they both rushed to her side and Emily pulled her close to her chest, comforting JJ as best she could, noticing at first JJ flinched away from her touch but just chalking it up to Emily making her jump.

"Baby girl, what happened?" Concern evident in his voice "What's going on?" Morgan rubbed her arm as another form of comfort for JJ. She didn't answer him but instead her body stiffened, and she curled into Emily more. The team all noticed this quick movement and glanced at each other, the fear and worry obvious upon all their faces, this has never been a reaction they have seen come from JJ. What had Strauss told her to cause this kind of reaction from their colleague and friend they all silently questioned as JJ's sobs turned into silent tears.

After few moments JJ sat up, wiped her face with the back of her hand. Rossi lent forward and handed her a clean handkerchief that he pulled from his pocket; JJ reached for it but hesitated, pulling her hand away ever so slightly.

Stop it JJ she snapped at herself in her head they won't hurt you these your friends. JJ had to remind herself that she wasn't that scared teenager/child now. So, she gently took it wiping away the tears that were gliding down her cheeks.

Hotch lowered himself down next to Morgan, down too JJ's level on the floor and rested himself on his knees.

"JJ what's going on?" He asked in a rarely heard soft voice, a voice that was only ever used when talking too his son.

With Emily's hand resting on her lower back for comfort and support JJ answered "I'm sorry" in a whisper. Although she said she was sorry she didn't know what for. Was it for completely breaking down in front of them or for lying to them all for so long?

"You have nothing to be sorry for angel, just please tell us what's hurting you so much." Garcia joined Morgan, Hotch and Emily and kneeled on the floor with JJ.

"I…I can't" JJ shook her head refusing to let them in, to hurt the people she cared so much for. Everyone eventually gets hurt when your around a familiar dark voice that she hadn't heard in years crept back inside her head.

"Please let us help you with whatever it is, we just…" Reid was cut off by Hotch just shaking his head. Their boss knew that they weren't going to get through too JJ this way. That's when he noticed and remembered JJ being handed something while she was in his office. He saw JJ's left hand held onto something so tight that her knuckles had gone white. He reached for her hand and when she didn't move it away, he gently held her fist in the palm of his hand.

"JJ what have you got in your hand?" He asked circling his thumb over her knuckles. He looked into her eyes and could see a desperate battle going on.

She didn't want to tell them; she didn't want to see the hurt in their eyes but then she knew she was never going to be able to avoid it now no matter how hard she tried, none of them were going to let her just get up and leave after this breakdown.

JJ locked eyes with Hotch and slowly started to open her hand reviling the long silver chain with a heart locket attached. Hotch lifted it from her fingers and opened it to reveal a picture of two children.

"Who are they JJ?" Rossi asked leaning over Hotch's shoulder looking at the pictures.

"It's me and my baby sister." JJ whispered as Hotch handed the locket to his left for the others to look at.

"JJ, you don't have a little sister." At this point Hotch was beginning to think that JJ might be having some sort of mental breakdown "You had a older sister who committed suicide when you were a teenager. Remember?"

"No" she sighed "that was a lie. It was all a lie. I'm so sorry" JJ was looking at the floor she didn't want to look at any of them and see confusion and disappointment.

"That's my baby sister and…erm…and she's…she's dead." Tears-stained JJ's face again as she struggled to admit the truth that was tearing her heart apart.

"Is that what Strauss and the United States Marshals came to talk to you about?" Hotch asked treading carefully not wanting to cause her any more mental harm.

"Yes." JJ answered looking into Hotch's eyes.

Then it was like the flick of a switch as he looked back, he could see a wall go up in JJ's eyes and her media liaison expression cover her face. She got to her feet causing Emily and Morgan to jump back as they were closest to either side of JJ.

"Jayje are you ok?" Emily placed her hand on JJ's lower back as she stood up next to her best friend again.

"Yes I…I erm…need to make some phone calls, some arrangements for her funeral." JJ walked over and picked up her phone which had also landed in the floor with the other items.

"Ok, you do that, we will be just outside if you need us." Hotch guided the others out the room as JJ sat at her desk and dialled a number.

Hotch pulled the door, so it was still open a crack and turned to the worried looking team in front of him.

"I'm not a profiler so does someone want to explain to me what is going on with my buttercup." Garcia asked panic and fear evident on her face.

"Honestly I don't know, but what I do know is that she has been hiding something from us all" Hotch turned his head and looked at JJ threw the gap in the door "She'll tell us when she's ready until then we'll just have to watch, keep a close eye on her and be there for whatever she needs."

"She's been hiding something massive." Stated Rossi as they walked to the bullpen with one final glance at JJ.

JJ dialled an oddly familiar number and held it to her ear. Part of her hoping that no one answered the phone because then it would mean that both worlds had finally collided.

The ringing on the other end eventually stopped and a comforting voice JJ hadn't heard for a very long time answered.

"Peter Scarbrow." The man said. JJ took a deep breath. Many times, she had dialled the same number but hung up before anyone had the chance to answer, afraid of the outcome but not now. Now she had to do this for Jess.

"Peter…" JJ almost whispered sounding just as broken as she did all those years ago.

"Shelby…is that you?" He would recognise that little lost voice anywhere. JJ felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up at being called the name she ran away from.

"Yeah, it's me" More tears were silently falling down JJ's face.

"Oh Shel, I'm so glad to hear from you. Are you ok?" The worry was obvious in the man's voice. Peter could hear JJ sniff on the other end of the phone "Shelby, what is it? What's happened? What's wrong?"

"She's dead Peter" It took all of JJ's strength to tell the man she had seen as a father figure for so long what was wrong "Jess is dead."

"No…" Peter whispered both lines were silent for a few minutes "I'm so sorry Shel."

"Erm…" JJ came right out with her question to emotionally exhausted too tip toe around it "I was wondering if…if I could bury her at Horizon. She always loved it there and it was the only place I ever saw her truly happy after…. everything…"

"It's ok Shel. You don't have to explain. I think it's a great idea and I think Sophie would too." Peters reassuring voice lifted a tiny bit of weight of JJ shoulders.

"Thank you peter"

"Don't mention it. When are you going to get here?"

"Erm" JJ took a few seconds to think about it. She was going to say at some point that evening, but she had something she needed to do first "Tomorrow afternoon or maybe the next morning if that's ok. Depends on traffic really"

"Yeah, that's fine." You could hear peters sad smile down the phone "I had better go find Sophie and talk to her"

"Ok I'll let you go. Oh erm…" JJ paused and looked at the 1 remaining photo on her desk. It was a picture of the whole team taken on one of their few evenings out "I might have some friends with me, is that ok?"

"Of course, it is. We'll see you in a few days then."

"Ok. Goodbye Peter."

"C Ya soon Shel and take care of yourself for me ok."

"I will." JJ hung up the phone and rested her head on her desk. When she woke up that morning, she didn't expect it to turn out like this.