Chapter 41.0

'You've been awfully quiet.'

'Hmmm?'

'You've been awfully quiet.' Cindy repeated, glancing over from where she'd been grooming Copper down after their ride together. 'You've barely said a word since the vet left. Is Pegasus okay?'

'Oh, yeah. Pegasus is fine.' She nodded, grabbing a comb to groom Warrior's long mane out with. 'Scott says he'll be okay, he's improved the last couple of days.'

The girl frowned as Jessie went quiet again, concentrating on grooming her horse. Placing the brush she'd been using aside she walked over to her, placing her hand on hers. 'Jessie. Stop. What's going on? Something's up, I know you too well.'

'Nothing.' Jessie pulled away from her and unclipped the stallion's lead, turning him into his stall. 'I'm just tired. It's been a busy and very long day.'

'Okay.' She nodded, unconvinced though. Something wasn't right with her and the girl's silence and trying to get out of answering her questions was just making her more suspicious. 'Hey, those kittens will be about ready for another feed, won't they?'

'Probably.'

'Scott seemed happy with how they're looking.'

'Yeah.'

'Is it your hands? Are they hurting?'

'My hands are just fine.'

'Jessie-'

'Cindy! Stop! Alright!' Warrior's stall door shut behind her with a slam. 'I don't need you nagging at me the whole time you hear? I have Lisa and Jack for that. Just leave it be Cinds, I am NOT in the mood.'

'Woah!' Ty exclaimed as he walked down from the loft. 'What's going on here?'

'Nothing.'

'It's fine.' Cindy replied, glancing between Jessie and Ty.

'Sorry Cindy.' She apologized as her temper calmed down knowing she shouldn't have snapped at her. It wasn't her fault. 'I didn't mean it.'

'I better finish looking after Copper for Mallory.' The girl didn't seem to even acknowledge her apology. 'Ty, can you help me with his feed?'

'Okay then.' She barely whispered to herself as the girl headed back over to the gelding, looking at Ty for a moment then made a quick exit out of the barn. 'Good one, you idiot.' She sighed as she made her way back to the house. She didn't mean to have a go at Cindy, it had just kinda happened without warning. She felt terrible.

'Your kittens are asking for a feed.' Jack remarked as the girl walked through the front door, stopping to take her hat and coat off. 'You want me to heat their milk up?'

She shook her head as she hung her coat up, walking past him at the table to the stove. Faintly she could hear their meows from the living room in the kitchen as she grabbed out the things she needed to make their formula up. 'I'll do it. How have they been?'

'Perfect angels. Cougar's been looking after them like a proud mother or something.' He glanced at her, taking off his glasses as he put his newspaper down. 'That was quite the run you did today. If you and Warrior manage that or better at the rodeo you might just get yourself a placing.'

'Suppose so.'

Jack frowned. 'Something wrong Jessie?'

'No.' She sighed, measuring out the water and the powder into the saucepan. 'Yes.' She sighed again, placing the measuring cup down with a bang. 'I don't know.'

'Something's on your mind, now what is it?'

'I had a go at Cindy, I just blew her up for no reason.' Jessie explained, stirring up the formula for her kittens. 'I feel awful.'

'What was it about?'

'She just wouldn't keep quiet.' She checked the heat on the stove then headed into the living room to grab the kittens. Miracle and Hope meowed hungrily, Cougar following her as she carried them to the kitchen. 'And I got mad.'

'That's not like you. You never get mad with her.'

'I know.' She took a seat at the table, carefully handing Hope to Jack to get her ready to eat. 'I don't know why I did it.'

'I kinda have a feeling that you do know, you just don't want to talk about it.' He looked at her, waiting for her to look back. 'Would I be right?'

'I guess.'

'This hasn't got anything to do with the fire, does it?'

'No.'

'Then what?'

'I don't want to talk about it.' She got up, checking the milk for the kittens. 'So please, don't keep asking. If or when I'm ready, I'll talk and not before, okay? Don't keep asking me, between you and Lisa, you're both driving me crazy!' She sighed, taking the pot off the stove. 'I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.'

'Whatever it is must have you pretty worked up about it.' He filled a syringe and began to carefully feed Hope while the girl took care of the other kitten. 'I know Lisa and I might have been a bit overbearing this week, we're just worried about you honey.'

'I know.'

'It's not like you to be acting the way you are. It's not about my accident is it? I thought we dealt with that.'

'It's not the accident. Well, maybe a bit.' She gently wiped some milk running down the kittens chin off. 'I just have a lot to think about, a lot to deal with and I'm just trying to figure it out one thing at a time. You know I had my phsycologist appointment yesterday, you heard what she said. I just need time. I just need to figure some things out.'

'You know Lisa and I are here if you need to talk.'

'I know. Thank you.'

'What's for dinner?' Mallory exclaimed as she walked in. 'I'm starving.'

Jack chuckled, handing Hope back to Jessie once the kitten had finished eating. 'We've got lasagna in the oven and I think Lou said we've got salad to go with it.'

'Good, because I'm hungry.'

'Hey Mallory.'

'Oh my gosh!' She exclaimed, turning around to see who it was. 'Cindy! I had no idea you were here!'

'Surprise!' Cindy exclaimed, giving her a hug then shot a hurt look towards Jessie. The older girl looked away and she turned back to Mallory. 'So, how's things been going?'

Jessie placed the kittens back down in the box as the two girls left, watching them head into the living room. 'I messed up so bad.'

'She'll forgive you.' The look Cindy had shot her didn't escape his notice. 'Just give her a little time to cool down then talk to her.' He glanced down at his phone as it dinged with a message that had come through. 'Lisa's coming for dinner, I better go set another place.'

Miracle and Hope snuggled up to each other again, heading back to sleep under Cougar's watchful eye. The girl sighed as she started cleaning up from their feed, glancing down the hallway towards where the sound of laughter was coming from. Why are you such a frigging idiot sometimes, Jessica Hawkins?

'Jessie had a go at Cindy, apparently.' Jack remarked to Lisa as they sat together on the couch later that night. 'Jessie won't say what it was about though.'

'I think I might have an idea.' She sighed, looking at the fire. 'I thought things were a little off between those two at dinner. Jessie was awfully quiet and Cindy didn't speak a word to her. It must have been quite an argument for them to not be talking, especially as they haven't seen each other for nearly two months.''

'She said anything to you?'

'Not-' She tried to think of how best to explain it. 'Exactly. Before the barn fire she spoke in conference to me about something she had seen, a picture of someone she knew. I guess with everything that's happened she's forgotten about it, till now.'

'You'd be right.'

Lisa glanced around, Jessie was standing at the bottom of the stairs. 'You okay honey?'

'No.' She whimpered, walking over to them. Lisa moved over to make room for her, patting the seat beside her and she curled up next to her. 'I feel really awful for going off at Cindy. She won't even talk to me. She just ignored me the whole time and went straight to sleep.' She sighed as Lisa started running her fingers softly through her hair. 'I'm such an idiot sometimes.'

'No, you're not honey.' Jack gently corrected. 'Just give her a little more time Jessie, I'm sure Cindy will be herself again in the morning.'

'Suppose so.' She glanced up, looking at the fire burning brightly and she couldn't help the shudder that passed over her body watching the flames. Suddenly she was standing in front of the barn that night, watching it burn again.

'Jessie-' Lisa glanced down at the girl, feeling the girl's demeanor change as she pressed herself closer against her. She looked over at Jack, the man frowning as he looked from her down to Jessie. 'Honey-'

'I'm okay Lisa.' Quickly she brushed her fear aside, forcing herself to stop panicking and calm down before they noticed. 'I'm just cold.'

'Here.' He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch, handing it to Lisa so she could cover the girl. 'That better?'

'Yeah.'

Lisa looked down at the girl as Jessie fell silent again, wondering what thoughts she was trying to hide behind those sad brown eyes of hers. 'This isn't just about Cindy, is it?'

The girl was silent and motionless for the longest time as she struggled to keep herself together then she finally nodded. 'No, it's not.'

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'I don't know.' She whispered, her eyes fixed on the rug and not at the fire. 'I just don't know what to do.'

'About-?' The woman tried to prompt gently.

'About Scott. About him and that picture of my mother.'

'I might go and grab myself a cup of coffee.' Jack started as he went to get up, deciding maybe the girl wanted to speak privately to Lisa since she hadn't mentioned anything to him at all about what she'd just said.

'No, it's okay Jack, you can stay.' Jessie assured him, glancing up. 'I don't mind and it's probably time you knew anyway.'

'Okay.' He sat back down, wondering what on earth she was talking about.

'I just don't know what to do.' She repeated, resting her head back against Lisa's shoulder again. 'It's been on my mind so much for the last couple of days. I just wish I knew what to do.'

Lisa saw the look Jack was giving her and whispered quietly to him as the girl fell silent again. 'Jessie saw that Scott had a photo of her mother in his wallet a couple weeks back, it fell out when she was getting it from the house for him.' He nodded, signaling he'd heard what she'd said and she turned her attention back to the girl. 'Well, it seems to me that if it's got you thinking about it so much, maybe you should ask some questions. It might help you figure things out.'

'Yeah. I just don't know.'

'It's still the same struggle you were telling me about earlier, isn't it?'

'Yeah.'

'Jessie, I know how much a girl's mother means to her but maybe it's time to bury your dead and make your peace with the living.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean honey that regardless of how high of a regard you hold her memory in, if you're scared of what Scott might say about her you need to let it go. You need to be able to move forward and maybe you'll find the answers you're looking for. I'm not saying that you might like the answers you find, but maybe it can give you peace knowing the truth.'

She nodded slowly, taking in what Lisa had said. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to let go of her fears and let herself ask some questions. There had to be a simple explanation, maybe she was just overthinking everything as usual. 'Alright. I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask Scott about the photo.'

Lisa smiled, her arm around the girl. 'I think that's a good idea honey.'

'Tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow?'

'Tomorrow. If I don't, I think I'm going to lose my nerve.' Jessie replied strongly. 'Can you just see if he can come over to talk?'

'Sure. I can ring him in the morning.'

'Can you be here when I speak with him?'

'Of course honey.'

'Why didn't you say anything about this earlier Jessie?' Jack wondered out loud, glancing down at her.

'I don't know. I guess, with everything that's happened-' Her voice trailed off as she shrugged. 'I was just trying to survive the last couple of weeks Jack, only now do I feel like I'm able to deal with this, on top of everything that's happened.'

He nodded understandingly. Of course that was the reason. The poor girl had had enough to deal with recently. A sound behind him made him glance around and he saw Cindy standing at the bottom of the stairs, obviously having been listening to their conversation. 'Cindy. What are you doing up?'

'The kittens need to be fed.'

Jessie glanced down at her watch with a sigh. It was that time again already. 'Bring them down here Cindy, it'll be easier getting Jack and Lisa to help us then if I did it by myself. We can get back to bed quicker that way.'

'Alright, I'll go bring them down.'

'Thank you.'

Lisa glanced over at Jessie's wrist, raising her eyebrows as she saw the time. 'I think it's almost time for me to be getting a move on.'

'Sorry for keeping you and Jack from spending time with each other.' She apologized. 'I know you guys have been spending a lot of time with me lately and you haven't had much time for yourselves.'

'Jessie, we don't mind.' Jack was quick to assure her. 'It's been a rough time for all of us lately. You know whenever you need us we're going to be here.'

'I know. You don't know how much that means to me. I still feel bad though for interrupting your time.'

'Don't worry about it honey, it's fine.' Lisa kissed her head gently. 'Do you feel better now?'

'A bit. I'm just glad I've figured out what to do.'

'Here they are.' Cindy announced, carrying the kittens in their box into the living room. Miracle and Hope were meowing softly as she placed their box down on the coffee table. 'I'll leave you to it.'

'Cindy-' Jessie started as the girl started to head back to the room. 'Please stay. I need to talk to you.' The girl stopped and she could see the hesitation in her body language. 'I was wrong Cindy, I shouldn't have got mad at you like the way I did. I'm sorry.'

Cindy sighed, turning around and slowly walking back over to join them. 'No, I should be the one saying sorry. I kept bugging you when you asked me to stop. I'm just worried about you.'

'I know.' She placed her arm around the younger girl as Cindy sat down beside her. 'I've just been going through a lot at the moment.'

'I know the feeling.'

She raised her eyebrows as she grabbed out Hope and passed her to Jack to feed, getting the milk into the syringes they were using to feed the kittens. 'What's going on Cinds?'

'Oh, just some- things.' Cindy replied, holding onto the kitten as Jessie helped her feed it. 'Oh Miracle, you have it all over you.'

'You want to talk about it?'

'My grandma is sick, she has to have an operation.'

Jessie looked up at her in stunned silence. 'Oh Cindy, I'm sorry. I had no idea.'

She shrugged sadly. 'I don't talk about it. If I don't think about it I just hope it'll go away-'

Lisa placed her arm around the girl as Jessie took her kitten back as Cindy started to break down. 'It's okay honey, it's alright.'

You poor girls. Jack thought, watching Lisa comforting Cindy and Jessie just sitting there in stunned silence. Was it any surprise that they had snapped at each other with the burdens both of them were trying to hide from the other?

Cindy nodded, wiping her eyes as she finished her little cry. She looked at Lisa, the woman still holding her arm around her then down at Jessie, the girl with her hand on her knee. 'I guess we've all got something.'

'I'm sorry Cindy.' Jessie placed Miracle back in the box since she was finished with her feed, kneeling back down on the rug in front of the couch. 'Will she be okay?'

'I don't know. She doesn't like to talk about it. What will I do though? She's all the family I've got.'

The older girl placed her bandaged hand underneath the girl's chin, looking in her eyes. 'You've got me, and you'll always have me.'

'Oh Jessie-' She flung her arms around her, fresh tears running down her cheeks as she held onto her sister. The older girl hugged her back tightly, not at all minding the tears she was sobbing into her hair.

Lisa and Jack sat back, watching the two girls as they held onto each other. Lisa shook her head sadly, tears coming to her eyes as she saw the two of them. They were both so young yet were both going through so much. It was almost a marvel that they kept themselves together so well most of the time, it just showed how strong and resilient they were. 'Those poor girls.'

'I know.' He replied softly, shaking his head. 'I wish there was something we could do for them but there isn't anything. Except be here for them.'

'They'll be okay, Jessie and Cindy are two of the strongest people I know. They'll help each other through.'

Cindy pulled away from Jessie as she finished crying, glancing down at the sleeping kittens in their box. 'Thank you Jessie.'

'Your welcome honey.' She touched her cheek gently, wiping the tears away with her bandages. 'You know I'm here for you, no matter what's going on.'

'That goes for you two Jessie. No secrets?'

'No secrets.' She promised softly. 'Your grandma will be okay, you just have to believe.'

'I know.'

Jessie glanced down at her watch again then back at Cindy. 'You okay now?'

'Yeah.'

'Alright, we probably should be heading back to bed then, if you're okay now.'

'I am. Thank you Jessie.' She looked up at Lisa. 'And you too Lisa.'

'That's okay honey.' Lisa smiled gently. 'If you need to talk to someone honey, I'm always here.'

'I know.'

'Come on then.' Jessie got up, picking up the kitten's box gently. 'Let's go back to bed.'

'You want me to come tuck you guys in?'

'Sure.'

'Can you tell me a story?' Cindy asked as she got up, waiting for Jessie and Lisa.

'It's a little late honey.' The woman chuckled. 'Maybe tomorrow night.'

'Okay then. Night Jack.'

'Night Cindy.' He smiled at her. 'Sleep well sweetheart.'

'Night Jack.' Jessie let Lisa take the rest of the things she needed to give the kittens their other night feed. 'Thanks Lisa.'

'No problem.'

Cindy hurried up the stairs ahead of them, opening the door to the bedroom and turning the light on for them. Cougar blinked as she looked up, lying on the cot she had been using for her bed. 'Cougar!'

Jessie chuckled as she walked in and saw her big cat, placing the kittens down beside her bed gently. 'Okay big girl, off you get. Off.' Cougar stretched and yawned then slinked off the cot, flicking her tail. 'Good girl.'

'Where do you want this stuff?'

'Just down beside the kittens thanks Lisa.' She looked over at Cindy as the girl climbed onto the cot, and she sat down on it beside her, tucking the covers under her chin like she had done back at the foster home. 'I'm so glad we're not fighting anymore.'

'Me too. It's hard being angry at you.'

She laughed, tucking a lock of the girl's hair behind her ear. 'Sweet dreams Sugarbuns.'

'Night Jessie.'

'You two are so sweet.' Lisa whispered gently to Jessie as the girl climbed into her bed, the girl letting her tuck her in with a smile. 'She really looks up to you.'

'I know. Cindy means the world to me.' She replied, looking up at her. 'Do you think I helped her?'

'I think you did sweetheart. You did a good job.' She kissed the girls forehead softly, smiling at her. 'Night honey.'

'Night Lisa.'

Lisa turned the light off as she left the room, glancing back to the two girls as they drifted off to sleep. A soft light from the moon shone through a crack in the curtains, bathing the room in a soft, grey light. A smile came to her lips, the two girls looked so peaceful tucked into bed. Softly she closed the door behind her and headed back down the stairs to join Jack in the living room. 'They're down for the night.'

He nodded as she sat down beside him again, placing his arm around her. 'Well, that certainly wasn't how I expected tonight to turn out.'

Lisa chuckled. 'Yeah, I wasn't expecting that either. Cindy never said a word to me when I picked her up today and well Jessie-' Her voice trailed off as she snuggled up to Jack again. 'I never can tell just where she's at.'

'Both of them are going to keep us on our toes.'

'Most definitely.' She looked over at the clock, sighing as she saw the time. It was almost eleven o'clock. 'I better get going. I have an early morning tomorrow.'

'Alright. Drive safe.'

'I will.' She promised as they kissed. 'Night cowboy.'