JJ walked round the camp grounds for 10 minutes before finally resting at the end of the docks with her feet dangling over the edge skimming the top of the water. She remembered the day he found out what she did/what had happened and the look he gave her made her feel even more ashamed and dirty than she already did. You see when Shelby was with Scott she felt 'normal', like she was any old teenager that wasn't damaged or broken. As time went on Shelby started to trust him, to even love him. Then came the hike up to Dog's Peak and everything changed. They started that hike and he looked at her with worry but when they got back to Horizon a few days later he looked at her like she was a dirty whore. It was at that point that Shelby Merrick swore to never tell another living soul again.
"Excuse me." A young girl's voice broke JJ train of thought.
"I'm sorry but I'm not up to talking much right know." JJ just stared at the sun set on the Horizon not really paying any attention to the person behind her.
"That's ok, I don't mind." The girl sat on the dock next to JJ and crossed her legs also looking at the beautiful sunset over the treetops.
JJ looked over at the girl. She looked to be about 17; she had olive skin with beautiful Korean features. A Smile crossed JJ sad face when she remembered who the girl was.
"How are you Grace?" JJ looked back at the sun set.
"I'm ok Thankyou." Grace smiled then it faded "My mum told me about your sister. I'm so sorry, I really liked her. She used to read me a story whenever she came into the restaurant with some of the other's from here." Grace looked at JJ and saw a single tear run down her cheek.
"Thankyou. Jess loved reading but she loved reading to other people more." JJ wiped the tear away.
They both sat in silence for a while just remembering Jess. The sun had almost completely disappeared when Grace broke the comfortabl silence..
"I have a photo of you and the other Cliffhangers on my bedroom wall. You guys were always my favourite." JJ let out a small chuckled "My mum used to tell me a story of something that happened when I was little. Can I tell it to you?"
JJ pulled her knees up to her chest and nodded.
"Well… Me and mum went on one of our mother, daughter camping trips and during the night I got up to go to the bathroom. I tried to make my way back but got lost I guess. They searched for me the whole day; Peter even got some of the students here to help look." JJ didn't need telling this story, she was there and remembered that day very well "I was brought back to my mum late that evening by Ezra. He was the Hero of the town for weeks after that for finding me." Grace looked at JJ "That's the story I have always been told but it's not the one I remember. It wasn't Ezra that saved me from falling from that cliff." JJ looked at Grace "It was you."
"You have a good memory for a kid." JJ sighed remembering how she climbed up the cliff with only her bare hands for support to save the falling child and brought Grace back to safety.
"Thanks." Grace let out a small giggle "I know why you didn't take the credit for saving me and its ok…" The docks creaked behind them interrupting Grace from the rest of her sentence. They both turned to see Reid standing looking at them with one hand in his pocket and the other wrapped around the strap of his brown leather satchel.
"Sorry too interrupt JJ but, Peter asked me to come and find you, he said something about starting group in the lodge…" Reid looked a little confused and nervous at the concept of 'group'.
"Ok" JJ sighed "I will be there in a minute" Reid walked off back to the lodge where all the others were waiting.
"I guess I had better get going" Grace stood "Mum will be wondering where I am, I'm only meant to be helping out for a few hours after school." JJ stood up to join Grace in the walk back towards the cabins.
Just before they went their separate ways Grace said, "I realised a while ago that you don't have to be scared of the shadows and what they hide because after all their just shadows they can't hurt you." JJ hugged Grace tight.
"you've been spending too much time in this place" both JJ and Grace laughed lightly together "you've turned into an amazing young woman grace. I expect your mums very proud of you" with those last words JJ walked towards the lodge and Grace walked down the hill, back to the restaurant where she lives.
JJ stopped outside the large wooden lodge just taking a moment to collect her thoughts and ready herself for the group session that was about to happen. Did she want to do group therapy with her old and new family together? No, she didn't. Did she expect it would inevitably happen at some point while they were there? Yes, as an adult and somewhat a profile JJ knew the benefits of a group therapy session. Then there was how much Peter liked to schedule them, but it didn't mean she had to like it. In fact, the thought of group right then was making her feel sick and the nervous shaking to return.
JJ took a deep shaky breath, walked into the Lodge and all eyes turned to her.
"This should be fun" She muttered to herself walking over to the empty seat in between Hotch and Kat,
"bout time Jayje." Morgan lent over Hotch and whispered to her. She scrunched her nose at him and gave him a look that playfully told him to 'Shut up'.
"Ok." Peter grabbed the rooms' attention "Now Shelby has joined us," JJ visibly flinched at the use of her old name, which the small group of profilers and two councillors all saw but went un-noticed by the old Cliffhangers. It didn't matter how many times she heard that name it still brought back unwanted memories and made her skin crawl "We can begin."
"JEEZ!" JJ raised her hands then smacked them down onto her legs "It's only been 5 minutes. And I didn't know about bloody group." JJ forced herself to stop and grabbed hold of the arms of the chair as hard as she could to push the parts of Shelby away that were slipping back.
Peter ignored JJ's outburst and continued "Kat you can begin. Can you please tell the group…."
They spent the next 15 minutes going around the circle telling the group who they were, what they did and at the reluctance of some of the profilers, how they were all feeling about the entire situation. Everyone admitted they were either scared, sad, angry and or worried.
The last person to talk was JJ.
"Ok Shel your turn." Sophie looked at JJ from her spot next to Peter.
"Ok." JJ took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. She really didn't want to do this but there was no way to get out of it, well she could, JJ could just walk out the room but that is something Shelby would do, Shelby would run away. JJ doesn't run, she faces her problems head on. JJ wasn't going to let Shelby win this round without a fight
"My name is Jennifer Jareau. I live in Virginia an…."
"Groups about truth Shelby." Daisy spat from across the circle throwing daggered looks at JJ.
JJ returned the angry look at Daisy then took a glance round the circle, all the Cliffhangers as well as Peter and Sophie were nodding in agreement with Daisy and her family were giving sympatric and worried looks.
"Ok" JJ sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"My name is Shelby Merrick. I live in Virginia; I was sent to Horizon when my biological father decided he didn't want to deal with my 'problems' and thought he would pay someone else too instead." She turned and glared at Daisy "Happy?"
"No not really!" Daisy stood from her seat with such force her chair almost toppled over.
"Daisy, I don't think now is the right time." Peter warned cautiously and grabbed her arm to hold her back, but Daisy pulled herself free as JJ stood up facing the best friend she had during her time at Horizon.
"No, I think now is the perfect time! So, Shel why did you do it? Why did you run?" Daisy was getting closer to JJ with each word.
"Back off Daisy!" JJ spat knowing full this shouting match could spill out all her secrets to her BAU family when she wasn't sure she was ready.
"No, I want answers!" Daisy took a step closer almost standing in the middle of the group of people most of whom had also stood when Daisy and JJ did. Ready to step in if they needed.
"You left us. We woke up one morning and you'd gone, you didn't leave us as much as a note! Were we not worth anything to you?!" Daisy shouted pointing a finger at the blonde "You have no idea what you did to all of us…."
"What about what it did to me!" JJ started shouting back "I hated leaving here. It was my home; the only place I'd ever felt somewhat safe! You were the only family I truly had." Angry tears prickled in JJ's eyes "The reason I didn't leave a note was because I couldn't, my hands wouldn't stop shaking enough to write it and I couldn't see through the tears that wouldn't stop! Then if id stayed long enough to write a note I would never have left!" JJ could feel her knees starting to shake but the adrenaline of the shouting match with Daisy was keeping her up.
"There were so many times I wanted to leave JJ behind because I was all alone and just come back to Shelby, but I couldn't." JJ forgot her team was there listening to the two shout at each other, the anger had risen again and took over by this point "I couldn't live with the looks of pity you all gave me every day, knowing what I had done and gone through. Then I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing I was the reason Jess was the way she was and for her being here!" JJ was as white as a sheet "I heated who Shelby was! She was broken, wrong and dirty, she was beyond help but not Jennifer. JJ was good, clean and she had promise. She came from a loving home and had a good life. She was everything I always wanted to be."
"We all wanted to be someone else! Every single one of us but we stuck with the crappy hand we were dealt. You are everything Peter and Sophie taught us not to be! You turned your back on us, just like everyone else had in our lives!"
Peter stepped in front of the screaming woman.
"Daisy STOP!" Peter yelled stepping next to the shouting women "Shelby doesn't need this right now."
"Don't Peter." JJ felt something inside her snap. She heard the words coming out of her mouth, but she was unable to stop them "Don't try and protect me now! It's too late" The team looked on in shock they had never seen their friend this way. This wasn't the JJ that they knew and loved. This was a hurting, scared and broken woman
"There were only two things I asked you and Sophie to ever do for me" Peter was stunned into silence and looked like a dear caught in headlights as the angry woman continued to shout at him "I asked you to save me and ok I'll give you that one, you tried but I was too damaged." JJ wanted, no needed herself to stop shouting at the man she dearly cared for, but the anger was just too much now she had released some of it.
"Secondly, I asked…No I begged you to look after Jess, to help her and to save her because she still had hope and she wasn't as damaged and broken as I was, but you DIDN'T! you didn't save her and now she's dead, she was murdered on the streets, killed by a client. She was on the Streets Peter, why didn't you save HER!" JJ's hands were visibly shaking now, Hotch was stood next to her worrying she was about to collapse.
"You're not blaming Peter for this!" Daisy yelled and went to take a step Infront of the older couple JJ was shouting at.
"Enough all of you!" Scott shouted, stood from his seat being one of the only few still sitting down. "Daisy stop yelling at Shelby," Scott stopped shouting but was using a stern, angry voice "at one point or another we all tried to run from this place, you did to!"
Scott turned his attention to JJ and with a sad but comforting voice continued "and Shelby you can't blame Peter or Sophie for what happened to Jess. You of all people should know that when our troubles couldn't be solved, they were our last chance, our only hope. They saved us, all of us and your alive today because of them. We we're…what was it the outside world used to call us?..." he paused trying to remember what the newspaper once called Horizon "Oh yeah a group of 'profoundly dysfunctional adolescents' and they were the only people that didn't give on up on us, even when we gave up on ourself's."
Tears were streaming down Juliette and Garcia's faces and Emily and Sophie had a tears to staining their cheeks.
"If it's anyone's fault she's dead Shelby, it's yours" Daisy whispered turning around and sitting back down in her seat. That was the point that JJ didn't try to hold back the tears she just let them fall freely down her face.
"Don't you think I know that Daisy?" JJ had given up the fight now, she felt too weak and tried to shout anymore. At that moment in time JJ was defeated she didn't care if her team figured it out.
"If I had stayed at home, if I hadn't had ran away, If I had just sucked it up and dealt with what was happening to me, it wouldn't have happened to Jess. But no, I was weak, I was a coward, and I was selfish; I ran. I ran as far and a fast as I could away from my problems creating those same ones for my baby sister. If I could, I would go back in a heartbeat and change it all, but I can't. I would go back and live threw that hell again just to keep her safe." JJ's stomach was churning if there was anything in it at that moment in time, she would have thrown up all over the floor.
JJ weakly continued "I thought leaving would help her deal with it all because every time I looked at her, I re-lived it, and felt enormous guilt. I thought that whenever she looked at me, she re-lived it to and knew it was my fault it happened to her. So, I ran thinking if I left so would her problems."
"I know it's not their fault" JJ looked over to Peter and Sophie who were now holding each other "It's my fault. All of it, I'm the reason it happened, I'm the reason she had to come here, I'm the reason she ran to the streets and I'm the reason she's dead. My baby sisters dead because of me" JJ put her head in her hands and sobbed.
Scott went to hold JJ giving her some comfort, but she pushed him away with the little strength she had left in her now fragile body causing Scott too fall to the floor. JJ turned and ran out of the room as fast as her shaky legs could carry her.
"Good Job Daisy, nicely done." Scott got up of the floor and threw Daisy a dirty look before leaving. Daisy stood from her chair and stormed out of the lodge through the back door. The rest of the group stood looking stunned. The only sounds in the room being the crackling fire.
Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Emily, Reid and Garcia walked into their cabin half an hour later to hear the shower running and steam coming from under the door again.
"That's the third shower she's had today." Reid noted but now none of them look surprised.
They all had their own ideas about what had happened to their media liaison, even Garcia who wasn't a profiler had put all the pieces together. They all hoped and prayed they were wrong but none of them could blame her for showering so much if they were infact right.
They all got ready for bed and turned off the lights falling asleep to the sound of the shower running and the occasional sob coming from the shower room.