The sun peeked through the blinds warming Morgan's face, waking him. For the first few seconds of being awake everything was ok, they weren't in a lodge in the middle of nowhere and one of his best friends wasn't falling apart Infront of his eyes. Then everything caught up with him and he remembered the events of the last few days, he remembered falling asleep the night before to JJ's cries through the bathroom door. He so desperately wanted to kick that bathroom door open, scoop JJ up, hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok, but he couldn't. Morgan knew JJ needed time and wanted to be alone, he knew the signs because at one point in his life he was JJ. And JJ was there for Morgan any time he needed her and sometimes when he didn't need or want her there, but JJ made sure he knew he was ok and that he was loved no matter what. So that's what Morgan was going to do for her. JJ would let them in when she was ready but until then they were going to let her know that she is ok, and she is loved.
Morgan stretched, climbed out of bed and looked round. Everyone was asleep in their beds except for JJ. Her bed had been slept in as her covers were on the floor, but she was nowhere to be seen. That was when for the first time Morgan noticed the steam coming from the shower room again.
"I'm surprised there's any hot water left in this place" he muttered to himself reaching the shower room door. Morgan was worried about what he was going to see on the other side of the door. He gently and quietly tapped not wanting to wake the others. When he didn't get an answer, he gently pushed the door open being hit in the face by a wall of steam.
What he saw made his heart drop, in the corner sat JJ, a fluffy white town wrapped round her small body and her knees tucked into her chest.
"Oh Jayje…What are you doing to yourself baby girl?" Morgan could hear her quietly sobbing as he sat on the floor next to her "Come here" He wrapped his arms round her shoulders and held her to his chest.
They sat there for a while in silence Morgan relaxing a little seeing that JJ was starting to slowly let him in. He just held JJ and she held onto his shirt for dear life not wanting to let go of the comfort he was providing. His rhythmic heartbeat was slowly sending her off to sleep, but There was a loud knock on the door and JJ almost jumped out of her skin.
"Is everything ok in there?" Hotch's voice came through the closed door.
"Yeah, we'll be out in a bit." Morgan let go of JJ as she scooted herself back up to sitting position next to Morgan on the floor.
"Ok." They heard footsteps walking away from the door.
"How you doing?" Morgan's deep calming voice asked looking at JJ.
She looked up to meet his gaze "I'm sorry." She whispered. When he looked into her bright blue eyes he could tell she was fighting a battle in her head. He wished he could make all her pain go away. JJ looked away from him and down to the flood being ashamed for feeling so weak and dirty.
NO! she shouted to herself in her head don't let them in, don't let them see the weakness and dirty ness. They will leave and walk away just like everyone else. I'm meant to be strong FBI agent and look at me now, sobbing on the floor I'm a mess. JJ regretted that thought the moment thought it. It was like something flicked inside her brain, JJ could feel the fog of a dissociation flashback roll over her mind and where she would normally fight it with grounding techniques this time JJ's exhausted body didn't have the strength.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Jayje." He tipped her head up to look at him again but this time when he met her eyes, they weren't the bright blue they were a second ago, her pupils are dilated and seemed slightly cloudy too. She had a look in her eyes that Morgan didn't recognize, not from JJ and it made him rather uncomfortable.
Before he knew what was happening, JJ moved in. Her soft, warm lips pressed against his, he froze in shock. JJ moved and straddled his lap pushing more forcefully onto his lips. Her hand trailed up and down his neck causing his body to naturally react and shiver. Her other hand pushed up his sleep shirt, trailed over his smooth chest down his firm abs and along the top of his shorts, her fingers tucked under the elastic band and started to pull them away from his body. This action caused Morgan to snap out of his trance and he grabbed both of JJ's hands.
"JJ what the hell are you doing!" He spoke confused.
"C'mon Derek. You know you want to." JJ whispered and her moist lips pressed against his again. "Just enjoy the feeling of me touching you Derek" JJ never called him Derek; it was her way of removing herself from the situation. Morgan pushed her back breaking their lips apart again.
"Stop Jayje, this isn't you." Morgan said more force, he would have pushed JJ off, but he didn't want to cause the fragile blonde to get hurt. JJ didn't stop she pushed forward again.
"This is what all men want. It's what you want. Don't fight it Derek." Morgan got another look into JJ's eyes, and it was like they had clouded over, like she wasn't controlling her body. The phrase 'the lights on but no one is home' sprang to Morgan's mind.
"NO! JJ STOP!" Morgan yelled as JJ went for the elastic of his shorts again hoping this would snap her out of it.
He looked at her and he could visibly see the change in JJ. Her eyes went from being dark and glazed over to bright blue ones he knew as JJ's, but they were panicked, scared. She realized what she was doing and crawled back off him hitting the wall behind her with a thud.
"GET OUT!" JJ screamed. Morgan stood and made his way closer to JJ trying to calm her. "it's ok Jayje, it's just me baby girl. Let's just talk, tell me what's happening" he held his hands up to show the frightened blonde he means no harm.
"NO! GET OUT! GO!" she continued to shout. Morgan stopped moving towards her and instead took a few steps back seeing how JJ was starting to panic and her breathing become erratic.
"Ok, ok, I'm going." JJ was rocking back and forward with her hands over her ears. It looked like she was having a mental breakdown. JJ was hurting and in pain and there was nothing he could do, him being there was causing her more pain. He walked out of the shower room as a tear slid down his face.
JJ sat there rocking back and forward for a good 10 minutes, muttering 'I can't be her again. I can't go back to being that way. I can't let her win.' To herself over and over again. She needed to get out, JJ felt like the walls were closing in on her, she couldn't breathe, and she was hot, JJ was starting to have a panic attack. 'I need to get out, I need to get away' she thought to herself, she jumped up and changed quickly into the running gear she had in the other corner of the room. JJ slipped on her trainers and ran out of the room past the scared and worried faces. She ran out of the cabin, threw the camp and into the woods as fast as she could.
She had to get away. Run from the pain, hurt, the memories and run she did. JJ ran until she lungs burnt, and her legs shook. When she finally stopped after 45 minutes of running none stop, she collapsed and dry heaved from the exhaustion she was feeling. She lay on her back looking up at the clear blue sky remembering every feeling she had felt. It was in that moment JJ realised she had had enough of hiding and hurting the people she cared about. JJ decided that she was going to tell the team who Shelby was because secrets just got people hurt.
The others were woken from their light sleep by whispered words and the shower room door closing.
"Morning beautiful crime fighters." Garcia yawned, stretched, and stood up to join Emily's on the bed next to her.
"Where are Morgan and JJ?" Reid asked already out of his bed and making it. The moment Reid's eyes were awake on the morning he was up. The genius was definitely a morning person much to everyone's disgust.
"I think they're both in there." Rossi answered pointing to the closed door as he sat up with a grown.
"Knock, Knock" The main door creaked open, and Juliette popped her head in "I thought you all might like some coffee on this bright morning." She walked in holding a tray full of mugs in front of her large pregnant belly.
"Here" Hotch stood up from his bed and walked over to Juliette "Let me take that." Hotch took the tray and handed out the coffee.
"Thankyou" she rubbed her belly as the baby gave her a swift kick.
"Oh you're a goddess." Garcia sipped dark hot liquid she took from the tray.
"I have been called many things before but that is not one of them." Juliette giggled sitting on one of the vacant chairs to rest her swollen Feet "So where's Shelby and Morgan?"
"They are in there, talking." Hotch walked over to the closed door and knocked "Is everything ok in there?" He got a muffled reply that no one else heard "ok" Hotch sat back down in his bed "He said they will be out in a bit." He answered before anyone could ask what was said.
"Juliette…" Reid looked at the pregnant woman, who looked up from her bump "Why were you sent here?" he pondered the question before asking it to weigh up the options and outcomes of asking but eventually coming to the conclusion of 'why not'
"Sorry about him" Emily rolled her eyes and got out of the bed "He's our walking talking Wikipedia but he's people skills aren't up too much." Reid turned a bright shade of red and looked embarrassed.
"Its ok I don't mind." Juliette smiled and shrugged she shoulders "Most people just tip toe round it and it drives me mad. I don't mind talking about it; I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for who I used to be." Hotch gave her a rare smile "I used to be Horizons binge-purge queen as well as the Cliffhangers resident self-harmer." They all sat and listened to Juliette's story "by the time I was sent here by my biological father, my mother was onto her 5th marriage. She wanted me to be perfect for every new man she met and when I wasn't I cut myself." Juliette sighed and rubbed her stomach.
"How did you stop?" Garcia asked being inspired by the story she was told and finishing her coffee.
"While I was here, I was taught there are other ways to deal with my frustrations and hurt other than by cutting myself. The Eating Disorder was a different kind of challenge, I had to try and completely change the way I thought and felt about food. It wasn't till I fell pregnant that I finally realized that I was willing to look after myself to protect my baby, but I wasn't to protect myself. It's been hard but with Auggie's help I've had control over it since I fell pregnant." A proud smile crossed her face.
"That's really brilliant…" Garcia squeaked with a massive smile on her face she would have kept going but stopped when yelling started to come from the shower room.
"NO! GET OUT! GO!" JJ's voice echoed through the bedroom, seconds later Morgan walked out. He looked like he had just been slapped round the face and punched in the stomach at the same time.
"Morgan what's wrong?" Hotch asked. Morgan didn't reply he perched himself on the end of JJ's bed and ran a hand over his face.
"Chocolate thunder, what's wrong?" Garcia sat next to him and rubbed his shoulders, but Still Morgan was silent. He didn't even seem to acknowledge that Garcia had sat next to him
"DEREK!" Emily yelled which got his attention "What the hell happened?"
"I…She…" He looked at the closed door and back at Emily unable to form a sentence. To be fair Morgan couldn't explain what happened in the bathroom because he doesn't quite understand himself "Sh…sh..i..i..she." Morgan never stumbled over his words.
The team broke their stare when they could hear Juliette sigh.
"She got you, didn't she?" Juliette asked. Morgan looked at her seeing the sadness and understand on her face and nodded the shock still present on his face.
"What are you talking about?" Rossi asked her.
"She tried to have sex with him." Juliette let the sadness linger in her eyes. If JJ had done something like then Juliette knew she was hurting more then anyone realised.
"WHAT?" Emily and Garcia yelled together.
"She did." Morgan finally spoke "Who the hell was that woman!?" He looked at Juliette as she stood and he pointed at the door he had just came out of.
"You were just introduced to Shelby Merrick." Juliette walked out of the room with the empty tray leaving the others staring.
"Morgan tell us what happened in there?" Hotch asked.
"We were talking one minute and the next she changed. She didn't even look like JJ; her eyes were glazed over it was like she was working on autopilot. She kissed me, I tried to push her back, but she said that I like it. She said, 'it's what all men want'. I yelled at her to stop and then she was JJ again. She started crying and panicking, I went to comfort her, but she pushed me away and told me to leave."
They were all still trying to process what just happened when JJ came sprinting out of the shower room and out of the door.