"Oh my poor girl." Garcia collapsed back onto the couch and sobbed. Morgan sat next to her and held her close to his chest; the tears were freely falling from his eyes too.
"How did we not see this?" Reid sat on the couch "we've been working with her for years and we never knew. She's been lying to us for so long"
"We didn't see it because she didn't want us too." Hotch sighed; he was feeling guilty for letting them gang up on her like they did just before she ran out "From what I gather JJ has spent almost all of her life keeping secrets so when she joined the BAU she wasn't going to change the habit of a lifetime."
"I thought we weren't supposed profile each other Aaron." Rossi gave his friend a look that only Hotch knew, it was telling him to stop.
"We've all been profiling her since Strauss spoke to her Rossi. You know we have." Morgan wiped away his tears.
"I don't understand why she didn't tell me." Garcia untangled herself from Morgan's arms.
"She didn't want you to see her the way she saw herself" Peter interjected himself in the conversation from the other side of the room holding a sobbing Sophie in his arms "and she ran off because she saw something in you that she didn't like."
"What do you mean didn't like? Like what?" Garcia's voice raised two octaves shocked and angered by Peters statement.
"Think about it. She didn't want to tell you because she didn't want you too see her as weak, dirty and for lack of a better word….a whore." Peter let go of Sophie as she wiped her face and he sat on the chair that JJ was sat moments before "Shelby must have seen it in one of you and freaked out, She was always good at jumping to conclusions."
"We would never see her like that." Emily looked shocked and hurt that her best friend would even think that "She's one of us, we love her and what happened to her was not her fault."
"But she didn't have to sleep with men for money." A quite voice from his chair at the back of the room broke into the convocation.
"Reid!?" Morgan almost yelled shocked at the youngest but smartest profiler.
"What?" he whispered feeling ashamed that he was mad and the blonde and the story she had told them. "She turned to drugs out of choice and when she didn't have enough cash left, she became a prostitute and had sex with people to pay for them. Are you seriously telling me that's not her fault?"
"Reid, I can't believe your saying this?" Garcia whispered angry, barely able to keep from leaping at the man next to her.
Morgan took an angry step towards the genius "Do you have any idea what's it like to be abused by someone you trust?" it was taking all of the power in Morgan's body not to lash out at the youngest member of the team "to be forced to do something you don't want to do?"
"Yes, as a matter a fact I do. Don't you remember Hankle?" Reid stood and came face to face with Morgan.
"Well then, you of all of us should understand why she turned to drugs. She wanted to forget what that bustard did to her and wanted to forget what she had to do as a result of that! I'm proud of her." Morgan Pointed to the open door that JJ had ran out of "She managed to turn her life round, yeah ok she went about it the wrong way but she did it. I'm proud of her because she told us what happened even though it was obviously hurting her and then you go and make it worse by saying she could have found some other way of doing things!" Garcia stood up and put her hands on Morgan's chest worried if he kept going he was going to end up hitting Reid.
"Honey pie, I think you need to calm down."
"No!" He didn't even look at Garcia. Reid's eyes were filling with tears "Do you think she wanted to become a prostitute, or a drug addict or homeless?"
"No but…" Reid's tears finally fell and he realised that Morgan was right.
"But nothing, she did what she did to survive. To save herself and her sister from that monster!"
Reid didn't say anything more; he sat back down and cried silent tears. The entire team plus Peter and Sophie just sat in silence for a bit, thinking and coming to terms with what they had been told. The BAU team knew that JJ's big secret was awful, but they didn't think it was going to be the hell that she told them about.
"Pen have you got your laptop on you?" Emily sat on one of the free seats. Garcia pulled away from Morgan where they had sat back down holding eachother. She then pulled out her laptop without a word handing it to Emily.
"What are you looking for?" Rossi asked looking over at Emily with a raised eyebrow.
"I just want to have a look." Emily started tapping away at the computer. She stopped a few minutes later "Its all here."
"What is?" Morgan asked this time also confused on what the brunette was up to.
"Everything. The abuse and rape allegations, the arrests reports for prostitution and drugs."
"I still have her file and medical reports if you want to read threw them." Peter walked over to his desk and pulled out a thick A4 folder and placed it on the coffee table in front of the profilers.
"Medical reports?" Rossi looked slightly worried.
"Yeah, when her father brought her here, Shel was pretty banged up." He frowned looking down at the file on the table remembering the small girl that was dragged out the car.
"C'mon Soph." Peter pulled his wife up from the couch by her hands "We're gonna go and see if we can find her." He said to the team, Hotch nodded as the others just stared at the file.
Once the door closed No one said anything for a while. They were all still going over and trying to process the past few hours events in their heads. They were all struggling to deal with what had happened to JJ as a child and to accept the face that they didn't really know her at all.
"Should we read it?" Garcia asked.
"No. I don't want to know what she was like as Shelby. I just want our JJ back."
"Emily's right. Leave it. We need to make her understand that what she told us doesn't affect how we feel or what we think about her. She is still the same JJ we know, she just has a few more skeletons in her closet than the rest of us. It doesn't change the fact that we love her, and we would all be lost without her." Rossi said picking the file up and placing it back on Peters desk.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was just struggling to put things together." Reid said quietly wiping his face.
"It's ok kid" Morgan reached around Garcias back and patted Reid on the shoulder "We know you didn't mean it and neither did I. I just wanted somewhere to vent my anger and you were there."
"I know thanks" Reid gave him a small smile.
"Why was she bleeding, just before she ran out, she started bleeding." Garcia wondered looking over at Hotch.
"I think it was from stress. The past few days have been immensely hard on her physically, emotionally and she still hasn't eaten, she's not sleeping. And when we refused to let it out her body couldn't take the strain anymore and…well…It relieved some of the tension, I think is one way to put it."
"But surly that can't be a good thing?" Garcia looked scared.
"No" Reid was about to throw in some facts but something told him now wasn't the time "It's not good. If she keeps this up she could do some permanent damage."
"If I ever set my eyes on that bastard that did this to her again, I'm gonna kill him." Morgan clenched his fists as his eyes flashed with anger.
"Your gonna have to get in line." Rossi pushed himself of Peter's desk "Lets go and find our girl and let her know nothing has changed."
Emily and Garcia grabbed a handful of tissues each and followed the men out of the door in search for their lost friend.
Peter and Sophie walked out of the administration building hand in hand not saying anything just taking comfort in the other being there. The last two hours were harder than they had thought it would be and although the break down from JJ wasn't a surprise to the councillors it was still hard to see. They walked over to the old Cliffhangers who were sat at the benches talking amongst themselves.
"Hey guys, have you seen Shelby?" Peter asked.
"Yeah, she ran out towards the wood house a few minutes ago." Scott pointed behind him "We called for her, but I don't think she heard us, she just kept running…"
"She's good at that." Daisy scowled interrupting Scott.
"What happened? Is she ok?" Scott continued giving Daisy a dirty look.
"She told them." Sophie sighed.
There was a resounding 'Oh' from the old students.
"How did they take it?" Juliette rubbed her belly; the little bundle was doing somersaults.
"They were still processing it all when we left." Sophie continued.
"We had better go and make sure she's ok." Peter guided Sophie with him before turning to Daisy "And dais, lay of her will you. She's having a hard time. She was there for you when you mother passed. We all know she did the wrong thing by running and she knows it too, but you can't change the past, I think we all know that more than anyone. If you can't be there for her just keep the comments to yourself, please."
They didn't wait for a comment or dark remark from Daisy they just kept walking to the wood house. When they got there, they saw no sight of the broken blonde they were searching for.
"Peter, where is she?" Sophie was starting to worry, frightened she had disappeared again.
"Hey, don't panic. She won't before the funeral and hopefully by then we can persuade her to stay." Peter pulled her into a hug. He kissed the top of Sophie's head trying to comfort his wife, when he saw out of the corner of his eye a small figure sitting at the end of the dock.
"I've found her Soph." he tipped his head in the direction of where he could see her.
"Oh thank god" Sophie's heart rate started to settle seeing JJ hadn't left.
They both walked over to JJ who had a freshly lit cigarette in her mouth.
"Can we sit down?" Sophie asked.
"I'd rather you didn't." JJ returned in a cold hard voice blowing out the smoke from the cigarette, speaking much like she would talk to them when she first arrived at Horizon.
"Well, I'd rather we did." Peter and Sophie sat either side of JJ with their legs dangling just above the water. For the first time since spotting her on the dock they could see her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, her skin was pale but her eyes they were different. They were dark and angry; they could see the defensive walls that had been put up to protect herself from emotions and feeling that were flooding her mind.
They sat in silence waiting for JJ to say something. In that time, she finished her first and lit a second cigarette.
"Where'd you get them from Shel?" Peter asked picking up the box that sat in between them and putting it in his shirt pocket.
"I made most of the hiding places round here Peter." The blonde let out a cold snigger "They were in the first place I checked; there was a packet of condoms in there too." A Cold looking smile crossed her face "I think I'll keep them; you never know when they could come in handy." Even when Shelby first arrived at Horizon she didn't seem this beyond repair. Peter looked over at Sophie and her face was filled with pure worry and fear. Shelby had always been like a daughter to them and when she ran it broke both their hearts.
"Talk to us Shel" Sophie put her hand on JJ's shoulder but it was shrugged off. She didn't say anything in reply just took another drag of her cigarette.
"C'mon Shelby, we can't help you unless you talk to us." Peter pushed his fears away, he could break down later but now he needed to try and save the young woman sat next to him.
"You couldn't help me even if I wanted you too." Another cold smile crossed her face. Time for a bit of shock therapy I think she thought to herself.
"Did you know I used to have sex with the delivery guys, In the back of their trucks to get a carton of fags?" She saw the looks of horror on their faces, JJ had gotten the reaction she hoped for "See you couldn't even help me back then." JJ sniggered.
Both Peter and Sophie spent the next 10 minutes getting over the shock of what they were just told and practically begging the lost girl to talk to them. They were just met with cold remarks and dark comments.
It was then they heard the old wooden docks creak behind them, they turned to see JJ's family standing there. They hadn't and would never give up on the lost woman in front of them but at that moment in time they didn't know what they could do to help her, maybe her family could get through.
The couple stood from their spots either side of JJ, Sophie walked over to the Team but Peter knelt down next to JJ and lent into her ear, the fear flashed in JJs eyes but she quickly covered it back up again with her cold expression. Peter whispered in her ear "I know you're in there somewhere. I'm not giving up on you my Lost Girl." He stood and went to walk to the others but stopped when he heard his name.
"Peter" JJ said in a sweet innocent voice, turning to look at him. He knelt down to her side again.
"Yeah?" a hint of hope in his voice.
When he got close enough JJ reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the cigarettes before he could stop her "Thanks" She stated her voice going back to the cold, dark one again much like the girl that climbed out of her father's car many years ago. He went to grab them out of her hands but with her fast reflexes she grabbed his wrist before he could touch her "Oh I wouldn't do that if I were you." And she gave him a stare that sent shivers down his spine. He stood up and walked over to the team a few meters up the dock.
"How is she?" Reid asked full of nerves and guilt.
"Honestly?" Peter pulled Sophie into his arms, she looked like she was about to burst into tears "I hate to say it but…" He looked at the blonde still staring off over the lake with another lit cigarette in her hand "I think she's finally snapped. That's not the girl we used to know and it's most defiantly not the woman you know."
"We've lost her, haven't we?" Asked Sophie from Peter's arms.
"I scared we might have. We couldn't get through to her, maybe you all can." No more was said as Peter and Sophie walked off the dock.
The team looked at the couple walking away and then turned to stare at each other.
"We're not losing her without a fight and if she wants one, we'll give it to her." A determined Hotch took the lead and joined JJ at the end of the dock. The others joined him. He took the side Peter was sitting and Emily took the other side, Morgan sat on his knees right behind JJ with Garcia and Reid either side of him while Rossi stayed standing at the back.
"Oh for crying out loud! What is this some bloody kind of intervention? Can't a girl have a fag in peace round here." JJ took a long drag of the one in her hand.
"My Mother used to call them coffin nails." Emily said with a smile remembering the lecture she got from her mother when she got caught smoking.
"Well Ambassador Prentiss dose know how to suck the life out of things." JJ took a second deep puff.
"For every cigarette you smoke it takes 6 minutes off your life also…" Reid was about go into full blown statistical evaluation about smoking when JJ pulled out another one looking at it and running it through her fingers.
"Really?…well lets have another one shall I or better yet I could slit my wrists; maybe this time I'll actually get the job done."
Garcia gasped and put her hand over her mouth in shock. It hurt the others to hear their friend talk this way, but the trained profilers knew that she was only using the shock factor to keep them all from getting close to her again. She didn't mean to hurt them or scare them, but it was the only way she could deal with everything without getting herself hurt more in the process.
"JJ give the me cigarettes." Hotch held out his hand.
"No…" a laugh escaped her lips, one they only ever heard from an Unsub "What you gonna do…sack me?" she questioned her team leader without looking at him "Well guess what Hotchner…I quit. You can find yourself some other skivvy to do your dirty work." JJ pulled out her badge from her pocket and tossed it on to Hotch's lap.
While she was doing this, she left the packed of cigarettes resting on her leg unattended and Emily grabbed them and passed them over her shoulder to Morgan "Give them back." JJ turned and gave Emily a dirty look before turning to Morgan and going to grab for them, but she wasn't fast enough, after all it was Morgan that taught her everything she knew. Morgan threw them over her head and into the lake, they started to absorb the water and float away, they were no good to her now.
"Oh that's just pathetic, how old are you 5?" JJ rolled her eyes and finished the last one in her hand. Emily and Hotch were looking at JJ's face when a wicked smirk crossed her lips. She turned to look at Morgan.
"I found some condoms in the same place I found the cigarettes. do you want to finish what we started this morning?" The tears were falling from Garcia again and Morgan just looked at her in shock "I guess not." JJ scanned over to Reid "do you want a turn Genius?...no?" then over to Rossi who was still standing at the back of the group "What about you Rossi, it wouldn't be my first time with an older man? I've had bigger age gaps." JJ chuckled at the shocked expression of her teams faces. She stood and climbed over Morgan and Reid "I guess not. Well, I'm sure I can find someone round here that will."
JJ got halfway up the dock when Hotch called out in a stern voice.
"Jennifer stop!" JJ stopped in her tracks. He had never called her by her first name before. She stopped but didn't turn round "Enough ok, please. Stop trying to push us away. You can make all the dark comments and hurtful remarks you want but were still going to be right there beside you because we love you."
They couldn't see it but she face seemed to sink and her shoulder to, the walls she had put up crumbled, her eyes softened and welled with tears. She couldn't keep hurting her family.
"We love you because you're JJ and we wouldn't change you for the world, we except you even with every horrific this that has happened to you. You're what holds this team together." Hotch didn't know what else to say to help so Emily tried.
"Jayje you're like a sister to me, both you and Pen. You both accepted me right from the beginning when I was new to all this, we've had brilliant nights out and evenings in eating buckets full of ice-cream and watching movies." JJ turned round with tears streaking down her face, they were finally getting through to her, maybe she wasn't completely shattered after all "I know what it must have seemed like in Peters office but we weren't angry or disgusted at you." Emily started taking steps towards JJ "We were mad and disgusted at the monster that did those things to you, that made you do those things." Emily reached JJ and took her face in her hands, she wiped the tears away with her thumbs as the others gathered round JJ as well "You did what you had to survive Jayje and for that we are so proud of you. You went through some of the worse things most people could only images and you have come out the other side."
Morgan wrapped his arms round her waist "You don't have to run from us baby girl, were right here for you, were not leaving you none of us. If you need someone to talk to, scream at or you just need someone to hold you all, you have to is come and find one of us, any of us."
Garcia took JJ's hand "Were all here waving torches in that deep dark place your in. Were all going to protect you gumdrop and that is a promise we can all keep."
JJ looked round at each member of their family and there wasn't the anger or hate in their eyes that was there back in Peter's office. There was only love and concern in that moment, JJ finally believed that they weren't going to abandon her and it made her feel awful for the way she had just treated all of them.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." JJ let the dam break and the floods poured. Morgan held tightly round her waist for support to stop her crumbling to the ground and Emily wrapped her arms round JJ shoulders to comfort her best friend.
"Shhhh sweetheart you have nothing to be sorry for. You were hurting and that's ok. Everything's going to be ok now. Your safe now, we've got you."
After a few minutes of sobbing, JJ's tears subsided, and Morgan unwrapped his arms from JJ only to wrap them round Garcia.
"JJ, you need to get something to eat and some sleep. It's been a long day and I bet you didn't get much sleep last night and I know for a fact you haven't eaten in a few days either." Hotch rubbed JJ's arms; she nodded her head which was resting on Emily's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She lifted her head and looked at Hotch with exhausted eyes "Here, this belongs to you." Hotch handed JJ her badge.
"Thankyou." She whispered.
Together they all walked up to the cabin.