Harry: You know, you two need to get over this stupid bickering.
Hermione: Harry, tell Ron that I'll get over this when he stops shoving his relationship with Lavender in our faces.
Harry: *sigh* Ron, Hermione says…
Ron: I heard her. Harry, tell Hermione that she shouldn't feel jealous since she already got to snog Viktor Krum.
Harry: Oh for…whatever. Hermione, Ron says…
Hermione: I heard him. Harry, tell Ron that that was two years ago, and I wasn't parading it around in public at every opportunity.
Harry: You know, if you guys can hear each other, you really don't need me to…
Hermione: Just do it Harry.
Harry: God damn it. Ron, Hermione says…
Ron: I heard her. Harry, tell Hermione that…
Harry: Can't you two act like somewhat mature people?
Lavender: Is all this because of me?
Harry: Nah, I think this is more of a them problem.
Hermione: Harry, tell Ron that…
Harry: He's not going to listen.
Hermione: Of course he won't. He's always been an ignorant asshole of a…
Harry: Actually, I should actually say he can't currently listen. His head is currently between Lavender's thighs.
Lavender: It really tickles.
Hermione: Oh for fuck's sake *starts packing up her stuff* By the way Harry, I think you could be in some trouble.
Harry: Hermione, for the last time, I'm not getting rid of the Half-Blood Prince's book.
Hermione: It's not that. A lot of girls know you're going to Slughorn's party, and they've been planning to slip you love potion in the hopes that you'll ask them.
Harry: Really? Are they hot?
Hermione: *slaps Harry* What the hell is wrong with you?
Harry: Hermione, I'm a sixteen-year-old boy who is being hunted by the most powerful dark wizard of all time and will likely be killed by him, and I have girls willing to throw themselves at me before my inevitable demise. How the hell else should I be reacting to this news?
Hermione: Because this school has redefined what the placebo effect does to people, and they'll think it worked on you to such a degree that it does.
Harry: Hermione, you're missing the important part here.
Hermione: What's that?
Harry: I could get laid *gets slapped again*
Ginny: Slap him again for me *Harry gets slapped again*
Harry: Speaking of love potion though, how are they getting it into the school? Or are they just brewing it themselves?
Hermione: No, Fred and George are sending it to them.
Harry: I thought owls were getting searched?
Hermione: Yeah, Filch searches them.
Harry: You'd think they'd get someone who actually knows how to detect dark objects to do that job, so that Malfoy wouldn't get…
Hermione: Oh, will you stop with that.
Romilda: Oh, hi Harry. Would you like a gillywater?
Harry: Why thank you, I would… *reaches for the bottle*
Hermione: NO! *slaps the bottle out of Harry's hand, smashing it on the ground*
Romilda: …I also have some chocolates *starts handing Harry a box of chocolates*
Harry: Why thank you *reaches for the chocolates*
Ginny: She said no *lights Romilda on fire, turning her to ash*
Harry: Well, that was unnecessary. She was just giving me chocolate.
Ginny: It is literally dripping with love potion.
Harry: I fail to see your point.
Ginny: Listen, one way or another you're taking someone appropriate to Slughorn's party…
Harry: Who even said I wanted to go?
Ginny: …and that appropriate person is…
Luna: Hi Harry.
Harry: Hey Luna, wanna go to Slughorn's party with me?
Luna: Sure.
Ginny: …okay, I'll accept that one.
Harry: So Hermione, who are you taking to Slughorn's party?
Hermione: Oh, um, I'm taking a…umm…talented Quidditch player.
Harry: But you never asked me.
Hermione: …not you, it's…
Cormac: Hey Hermione, I'll see you Friday for Slughorn's party.
Harry: …well…
Hermione: Shut up Harry, I'm trying to make Ron jealous.
Ron: *coming up from Lavender* Sorry, did you say something?
Lavender: She's going out with Cormac McLaggen.
Ron: Huh, good for her *goes back to Lavender*
Harry: …well…
Hermione: I refuse to let you tell me you told me so *leaves*
Harry: Spoilsport.
*on the way to Slughorn's party*
Luna: Did you hear there's going to be a vampire at the party?
Harry: I did not. I wasn't even aware vampires existed in this series.
Luna: I bet it's Rufus Scrimgeour.
Harry: I somehow doubt the Minister of Magic is a vampire.
Luna: And I bet you're wrong.
Harry: You're on *enters the party*
Sanguini: BLARGH! I am Rufus Scrimgeour, and I'm going to suck your blood.
Luna: HA! Called it.
Harry: That's not the Minister.
Luna: Of course it is. He just said so.
Eldred: Okay Sanguini, that's enough.
Sanguini: Hey, you didn't tell me this wasn't a costume party, so I'm getting as much use out of this costume as possible.
Eldred: I told you more than once that this wasn't a costume party, you just like being a dramatic bitch.
Sanguini: And I told you I don't listen to things like that.
Slughorn: Now, now guys, no need to fight. It's a party.
Eldred: Sorry sweetie.
Sanguini: Sorry too *kisses Eldred* Wanna make up in private?
Eldred: Damn right *leaves with Sanguini*
Slughorn: Ah, I see they're going to take advantage of the 'private rooms'.
Harry: The what?
Slughorn: Harry, my dear boy. My parties often have teenagers at them. Do you not think I don't know what's pretty much synonymous with 'teenager' and 'party'? Incidentally, if you and Miss Lovegood would like to check them out…
Luna: Perhaps later. I see someone I want to talk to. Come along Harry.
Harry: *stunned by what Luna just said* Yes Luna… *starts following her* So who did you want to speak…
Trelawney: Ah, Miss Lovegood. Nice to see you. Mr. Potter, how are you alive?
Harry: Just because you keep predicting my death doesn't mean it's going to happen.
Trelawney: I'll be right eventually. Though I'd like to know why I haven't seen either of you in my classes lately.
Harry: Well, I dropped Divination, because bi-weekly death predictions get very demoralising after a while.
Luna: And I'm being taught by Firenze now.
Trelawney: Oh, that bloody horse.
Harry: I would have thought he'd be back with the other centaurs now.
Luna: Actually, the other centaurs said he couldn't come back until he defeated Umbridge, otherwise they'd kill him.
Trelawney: I'll be more than happy to do that for them.
Harry: But…she is defeated. We got rid of her.
Luna: They need a body.
Harry: I'll be more than happy to do that for them.
Slughorn: Harry, my boy. I was just talking to Severus about my star pupil, and he wanted to have a word with you.
Snape: This…is your star pupil?
Slughorn: You seem surprised, Severus.
Snape: I never realised Potter had any skill at Potions whatsoever.
Harry: Maybe when I have a teacher that's encouraging rather than an asshole, I can really show how awesome I am.
Snape: Then how the hell did you get an O in Defence Against the Dark Arts last year?
Slughorn: Pure talent, obviously.
Snape: I believe there might be something else going on.
Harry: Uhh… *sees Hermione across the room* Oh, look, a distraction. We'll continue this conversation never.
*across the room*
Harry: Hey, you okay?
Hermione: Bringing Cormac was a mistake.
Harry: No shit Sherlock.
Hermione: Oh, come on Harry, really?
Harry: You're right, I should be saying 'elementary, my dear Watson' to you.
Hermione: HARRY!
Harry: Okay, okay, what do you need?
Hermione: I'm planning to just hang out here until the party's over. Could you tell me if Cormac's coming?
Harry: Like now?
Hermione: Yes, like…oh shit *hides under a nearby table*
Cormac: Hey, have you seen Hermione?
Harry: Let me check. Hey Hermione, have I seen you tonight?
Hermione: Nope.
Harry: Nope, sorry.
Cormac: Huh, I wonder where she went off to? Oh well *leaves*
Harry: So, are you really planning to…
Filch: *bursting into the party, dragging Malfoy* I found this boy wandering the halls, claiming he'd been invited to the party.
Draco: I never said that, I said I was checking on…something.
Filch: And the only something around here right now is the party, so it must have been that.
Draco: *eye twitch* You know what? Sure, why not?
Slughorn: Eh, it's not a party without gate crashers. Let him in.
Filch: Aww, I wanted to punish him.
Snape: I can do it if you wish.
Filch: Eh, good enough for me *leaves*
Snape: Come along Draco, I wish to speak to you *drags Draco out of the room*
Harry: Ah HA! Now I can prove my point about Malfoy being evil.
Hermione: Harry, you're not going to… *Harry leaves* Damn it, you were supposed to be my lookout.
Cormac: *looking around* Hermione? Was that you?
Hermione: No.
Cormac: Okay, I'll keep looking for you *leaves*
*empty hallway*
Harry: *under the Invisibility Cloak* Where the hell did they go? They didn't have that much of a head start on…
Draco: Did you hear something professor?
Snape: Stop trying to change the subject, Draco.
Harry: Found them.
Draco: There it is again. Somebody's eavesdropping.
Snape: Draco, I'm talking to you. Tell me what I want to know.
Draco: No.
Snape: Draco, I have made an Unbreakable Vow saying that I will help you in any way possible, so please just…
Draco: You're just saying that so you can get the glory, but I can handle this.
Snape: Can you?
Draco: Watch me *leaves, almost crashing into invisible Harry*
Snape: Fucking teenagers *leaves*
Harry: Huh, that was an interesting development. I feel like I'm forgetting something though…
*back at Slughorn's party*
Luna: *in a private room, alone* Huh, guess he wasn't as into me as I thought.