Chapter 61

Jessie was up at the crack of dawn, barely having two minutes of sleep in the whole time she'd been in bed. She looked over at Cindy, the girl still sleeping soundly. She was slightly envious, she hadn't had the slightest bit of sleep the entire night. She couldn't sleep, her mind wouldn't turn off. She couldn't stop thinking about Lillian.

Softly she pushed back the covers and grabbed her clothes then quietly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her so she didn't disturb Cindy. The house was still, a gentle light coming through the window as the sun started to rise. Heading to the bathroom she closed the door behind her, slumping against it for a moment then turned the light on.

An exhausted face looked back at her from the mirror, dark circles under her eyes. She looked awful and she felt just as bad as she appeared. Wearily she grabbed her brush and made the motions of tidying her hair then changed out of her pyjamas and quietly slipped out into the hallway.

Walking into the living room she saw Jack and Lisa asleep on the couch, Jack with his arms around Lisa. She stopped, smiling for a moment. They looked so cute together, they made a perfect couple. Not at all like Lillian and Robert. Her face clouded and she quietly made her way to the front door, slipped on her boots then headed out into the morning.

It was still and quiet as she walked down the path through the garden, heading for Warrior's pen. It was a Sunday, so there wasn't that much going on early in the morning like there was the other days. It was refreshing that it was so still, it had a calming effect on her and she breathed deep of the air. Lillian loved mornings like this. She thought soberly, stopping at the gate of Warrior's pen. Warrior and Cruze were grazing next to each other, lifting their heads to see her arrival then went back to their grass. She smiled soberly, taking in the moment and enjoying watching them eat.

'You okay sweetheart?'

She jumped in fear, looking up to see Jack as he placed his arm around her. 'Oh, Jack. You startled me.'

'Sorry honey. You looked a million miles away.'

'Yeah.' She turned back to the horses, Warrior and Cruze sharing a clump of sweet grass with each other. 'I didn't even hear you walk up. I must have been somewhere.'

He nodded. 'I guessed as much.' The look of exhaustion on the girls face didn't go unnoticed, so looked so tired, so drained. He stroked her cheek gently, the girl glancing up at him with a smile but her eyes weren't dancing like they normally did. She was upset, really upset. Those brown eyes looked so troubled, just like Lisa's had the night before. 'Are you alright my girl?'

'No.' She replied after a slight pause, her voice shaky. 'Oh Jack, I just miss Lillian so much. Lillian was always going to take me to a rodeo, her and I were going to compete together-' Her voice broke with a sob and she had to take a deep breath and compose herself before speaking again. 'We were planning on it, she was going to start teaching me how to barrel race but then-' Her eyes misted. 'Yesterday, competing, winning, I just wish it was with her. I wish she had been there to see me.' She looked up at Jack. 'I'm not ungrateful for what you and Lisa have done for me, I don't want it to sound like I'm ungrateful. You guys have been so good to me, you've both done so much for me it's just-' She glanced back to the horses. 'I don't know.'

'You miss Lillian and that's okay, it's only natural sweetheart.' He gently assured her. 'It's completely natural. We understand that. Greif is individual, everyone deals with it in their own way. It takes a long time to heal-' He touched her cheek, smiling. 'But in time you do.'

Jessie nodded, watching Warrior and Cruze. She was silent for sometime but when she spoke her voice was low and soft, sober. That tone and that look she got when she became 'Old Soul' like Mallory had described her personality. 'I think perhaps because I've never dealt with Lillian's passing that's why it's hit me now. I never had the chance to do that, never had a chance to move on. I miss Lillian, I really do, more then I have ever missed her and it hurts me to say that. I don't want people thinking I didn't love her because I didn't miss her when she passed, I just didn't have the time to process everything. I had to grow up overnight, I had no choice. There was no time for grieving.'

'I don't think any less of you honey, I know how hard it is when you lose someone you love.' He replied, kissing her head gently. 'It takes time honey, and most important is that you don't try and deal with it by yourself. I'm here for you Jessie, Lisa's here for you. Don't forget that.'

'I know, I just don't want to make you guys feel bad because I'm missing Lillian. You guys have given me so much, I feel my behaviour is being ungrateful for what you guys have given me. A home, a new life, love. I shouldn't be acting this way.'

'Honey, no one can tell you how to act when you've lost a loved one.' He replied softly. 'And Lisa and I understand. It won't make us feel differently towards you, you missing Lillian. We love you, that will never change no matter what happens. We knew of your past when we became your guardians, it doesn't matter to us. We love you sweetheart.' He touched her cheek gently again. 'You have been such a blessing to us. I'm proud of you. You don't give up. You are my girl, you are beautiful, strong, courageous and I love you so damn much.'

'I love you too.' She smiled, giving him a hug. She rested her head against his chest, pausing for a moment. 'You've been so good to me Jack. You are the best man I've ever known and the closest to a father I've ever had.'

Jack smiled sadly, kissing her head again. Jessie shouldn't have had to have the life she'd had, she should have had parents that loved her, cared for her. They held each other for a moment then Jessie pulled back, looking up at him. A slight sparkle was in her eyes again, a slight flicker of happiness and it made him glad to see she was feeling better. 'How about we go for a morning ride while Lisa and Cindy get their beauty sleep?'

She nodded with a grin. 'Sure.'

Their ride was short, just to the crossroads that connected the trails to Heartland and back but the girl felt better as they returned to the stud. Warrior had enjoyed his ride, so had Cruze and she smiled, patting Warrior's shoulder as they halted outside his pen. "Sorry you didn't get your gallop, we'll save that for later.'

'Where did you two get to?' Cindy asked as she walked up to them. 'I woke up and you'd disappeared.'

'Just a short ride.' Jack replied, dismounting the gelding and Cindy gave him a pat. 'I'm envious Cindy, this boy of yours is quite something.'

'He's not mine.' She sighed, rubbing the gelding's neck. 'He's going back to his owner soon. Lisa just borrowed him for me for the rodeo.'

'Oh, I see.'

'Come on Cindy, let's get them untacked.' Jessie remarked, leading Warrior up to the stable. 'Then breakfast is calling my name.'

She chuckled, following her as Jack headed for the house. 'You and your stomach!'

'Riding gives me an appetite.' Both horses were quickly untacked and brushed down, then turned loose and the girls made their way back to the house. 'I'm starving.'

'You're always starving.' Cindy laughed, taking off her boots then followed Jessie into the kitchen. Something smelt good, the girl sniffing the air. 'Yum.'

Lisa chuckled, glancing up from the waffle-maker at the girls as they walked in. 'Morning Jessie.'

'Hey Lisa.' She took a seat at the island, resting her arms on the bench. 'What's cooking?'

'Waffles.'

'Oh yum.'

'Dig in.' She placed a plate in front of them as Jack joined them in the kitchen, giving her a peck on the cheek as he walked past. 'Morning.'

'Morning.'

Jesssie giggled then went silent again, eating her breakfast slowly. Lillian used to make waffles all the time, next to pancakes it was one of her favorite breakfasts. She finished off her meal, pushing her plate aside then rested her chin on her arms.

'You want more Jess?'

She shook her head. 'No thanks Lisa, I've had enough.'

'What about you Cindy?'

'I think I'm pretty full.' She replied then looked up at the clock. 'What are we doing today?'

'Not much, but first there's a little surprise for you.' Lisa smiled, starting to clean up the kitchen. 'Why don't you go change then come back here and we'll show you your surprise.'

'Okay-' The girl raised her eyebrows, looking for some hint as to what her surprise was. 'What is-'

'Oh Cindy!' Jessie laughed. 'Go on, you'll find out soon enough.'

'Okay, okay.'

Lisa turned to Jessie after Cindy left. 'Can you go get Cruze and take him into the back garden? There's a red ribbon to tie around his neck on the chair out there.'

'You bet.' She headed to the door, quickly putting her boots on then headed back out. The horses looked at her as she walked back to the pen and she chuckled as she walked in, grabbing a halter and leadrope. 'Yep, me again.'

Cruze begrudgingly let her take him away from his snack, following her to the back garden and she found the ribbon, the gelding trying to eat it as she tied it on his neck. 'Hey, it's not food.' He snorted and she laughed, fixing up the bow. 'You greedy guts.'

The back door opened, Lisa leading Cindy out into the garden with Jack not far behind. 'What's my surprise?' Cindy asked as she followed Lisa, trying to figure out where they were going. 'What is it?'

'You'll find out in a moment.' She laughed, taking her over closer to Cruze then stopped. 'Okay, you can take your blindfold off now.'

The girl pulled it off eagerly, Cruze knickering at her and she chuckled. 'Cruze. What did you do to my surprise?'

'He is your surprise.' Jessie smiled, patting his shoulder. 'Can't you see the big red bow so expertly tied by yours truly and nibbled on by one very cheeky horse.'

'Yes, but what does it mean?'

'It means Cindy-' Lisa replied from behind the girl, placing her hands on her shoulders. 'That Cruze here is your pony. He is yours now, he doesn't have to go back to his owner.'

'You mean-' She stuttered, looking at the gelding. 'You're giving me a horse?'

She nodded. 'Yep.'

'Really truely?'

'Well his registration papers are being changed to your name, so that's a pretty good indication he's yours.'

'Oh thank you Lisa!' She exclaimed in excitement as the realization that Cruze was hers dawned on her. 'Thank you so much!'

Jessie handed the girl the horses lead, Cindy giving Cruz a hug as she joined Jack and Lisa. 'Now that you've got a horse don't forget Warrior. He'll still want his carrots from you.'

She chuckled, resting her head on Cruze's neck. 'He'll still get his carrots, I promise.' The gelding tried getting the ribbon again and she laughed, quickly untying it and placing it out of his reach. 'You can't eat it.'

Jessie smiled, Lisa's hand on her shoulder as she watched the girl with her gelding. She had them, she had a new life. She had a life that was worth living. She had a home, a family but something inside her told her that things weren't going to be smooth sailing for much longer….