"What?" I glanced between him and the door. Nobody had been in the hall, at least not that I had noticed, but the fear that someone might walk in and see him standing there made me nervous. "You shouldn't be here. What if someone sees you."

"Doesn't matter, now." He waved off my concern. "And I said I'm staying. Only if you want me to, of course. I can go if you'd like, but I really don't want to leave you right now."

He couldn't stay. He could get in trouble. My life might be shot to hell now, but that didn't mean I could jeopardize his life too. He still had his own career. His own reputation. I didn't want to ruin that. "But what abo-."

"Don't worry about it. Remember what Alberta said? You aren't a student here anymore. That means I'm not your mentor." As if he knew the next argument forming on my tongue, he continued, "And truth be told, age was never truly an issue. Not legally, at least. It was all just an excuse."

I must have looked as confused as I felt because he took a deep breath, took another step toward me, and reached for my hand.

"Age of consent in Montana is sixteen. I just..." He shrugged. "I just needed another reason to stay away, and telling myself that you were too young helped a little. I'm sure people will still have their own opinions on the matter, but right now, I couldn't care less."

The brat inside me wanted to ask why he had checked Montana's age of consent, but I had a feeling that it was more about validation than legal worries. Dimitri needed order. Rules. With our seven-year age gap and the fact that I was still a bit shy of my eighteenth birthday, it would be easy for him to feel disgusted and ashamed of his feelings for me. I'm sure he still hated himself sometimes, even though I returned those feelings.

Knowing that his feeling didn't automatically make him some horrible person, even if it was just in the eyes of the law, must have soothed that self-hatred a little.

There was no way I'd ever make light of that.

"So," he said, as all seriousness of the day fell back down on us. It felt so heavy, as if it might suffocate me at any moment. "Can I stay, Rose?"

I nodded and stepped into his arms, needing some protection from this landslide. Instantly, I felt myself relax a little. For the first time since I'd been handed my devastating sentence, I felt safe enough to smile.

"Yeah," I whispered in relief. "I want you to stay."

He squeezed me tighter, pulling me against his chest and the pounding of his heart.

When he kissed the top of my head, we both took a long breath that seemed to draw on the other. That simple action felt like it solidified some unspoken promise between us: We'd figure this out, and we'd figure it out together.

Today had been an emotional roller coaster. I felt on top of the world when I bested Dimitri during the field experience. Then, that horrid thing had taken over and consumed me. I had honestly thought that the darkness would kill me. The brutal monster I had become under that influence terrified me. And then, somehow, it all evolved into one of the most perfect moments of my life. I went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in an instant. All because of him. I had even dared to hope.

I should have known better.

Now, I was in the midst of a hell so dark and so deep, I couldn't find my bearings. I was clinging to anything that seemed solid. And that was Dimitri. He was my rock in all this.

We tried to settle under the covers of the queen-sized bed, which felt way too small for a man like him, wearing nothing more than our underwear.

After the cabin, while we were returning to campus, a guardian had spotted us and relayed the message that Alberta needed to speak with us immediately. I had noticed how Dimitri had tensed at the news, but I had assumed it was just the fear of being caught together. Now, I wondered if he had known what was coming all along.

There had been no time for me to change out of my torn and blood-stained clothing, so now they were pooled at the foot of the bed alongside Dimitri's. His clothes had fared better than mine, but my darkness-induced rage had also left its marks on him.

Even if our clothes hadn't been destroyed, I needed to feel his skin against mine. Not in a sexual way. I just needed to feel his warmth. I needed to hear his heartbeat. I needed to touch his body and trace the various scars that created a road map over his chest. I needed to feel and remember everything because it would all be gone in three days.

I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to keep a few tears from escaping, but they fell onto his shoulder anyways. The hand sifting through my hair paused a moment, silently acknowledging them before he resumed his comfort.

"What am I going to do, Dimitri?" The thought kept running back and forth in my mind. I was restless because of it.

"We'll figure it out. I promise." He kissed my forehead, sealing that promise. "But not tonight. It's late, Rose. We both need some rest so we can start fresh tomorrow, okay?"

I knew it was totally illogical, but part of me didn't want to go to sleep because if I stayed awake, it might keep the next day from coming. If the next day never came, neither would the day after. Or the day after that. Then I'd never have to leave.

I couldn't tell him that, though. It was too twisted, even for Rose-logic.

Instead, I turned around, facing away from him, and hoped he wouldn't see or feel me crying anymore. As usual, he was right. We needed sleep, and I knew he wouldn't allow himself to sleep until I did.

He also twisted and pulled me flush against his chest. He held me from behind, so I could feel every inch of his body against me. I probably could have thrown the blankets off and still felt nice and warm with him holding me like that. I snuggled a bit closer and smiled when his hand started to trace the underside of my breast. It was almost like now that he had gotten a taste of my body, he couldn't get enough, even in the worst of times. That calming motion, coupled with his meditative breathing, was enough to relax me into sleep.

I was there on the precipice - in that odd place where dreams and reality intermingle - when I felt the first tremble. Dimitri's body shuddered, just a little at first and then a little more. And then those deep, even breaths that had soothed me into sleep became choppy. Then choked. He pulled me tight into him, tucking his face into my hair. And this time, instead of my tears on his chest, I felt his tears on my neck.

All I could think was that this had to be a dream. It had to be. Because if it wasn't, my rock was crumbling right along with me.

Authors Note

Thank you all so much for the kind comments as I finally returned from my much-too-long sabbatical. The past few years have been a struggle, filled with unfortunate job loss, family death, COVID struggles, and a sudden cross-country move. Pair all those with general life craziness, and time slipped away from me. This is a story that has been rolling around in my head since I wrote Shadow Kiss DPOV (in fact, you can even read a few references there!) and I'm thrilled to finally share it with you. It will initially be rated T, but I'll be changing it into an M rating in a few chapters. I'll be returning to my weekly postings after this chapter, so expect updates each Sunday night.

Thank you all again. It is so good to be returning home to my roots!