Summary: Some of the teachers discover the Harry Potter books when the Muggle Studies professor invents a wizarding version of a computer to access the internet.
Disclaimer: Nothing Harry Potter is mine.
A/N: Just a random little story. I'm sure it's not original, but whatever.
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The Dangers of Parch-net
Minerva McGonagall looked curiously at the piece of parchment lying on the desk in front of her. Taking up her quill, she wrote the word 'on' at the top. Immediately, the words 'Parch-net' appeared at the top in a fancy script. After a moment, the word 'Google' appeared below.
This parch-net was a new invention, and the Muggle Studies teacher—inventor of the thing—had distributed beta versions among the Hogwarts staff. From what McGonagall could gather, it was some sort of adaptation to the muggle internet and, while the wizarding world would soon have a web of their own, as of now she was looking at a common muggle webpage.
Apparently Google was a search engine. If you put a word into the strange white box, it would look all over the web for the word and give you links to all the pages with that word. The whole thing seemed more than a little strange, but the transfiguration professor was curious.
Curiosity was what prompted her to write her own name carefully in the white box and tap her quill on the search button.
She nearly fell over in shock when she saw the links that came back. The muggles knew everything about her! They knew what she looked like, what she did; even that she was a wizard. Reading on in sick fascination, she found that they knew about Harry Potter too, and the Order—everything she and Dumbledore had worked so hard to keep secret.
She snatched up the parchment in a panic and rushed to Dumbledore's office to inform him of impending disaster.
As she burst into the room, Dumbledore rose from his desk in surprise.
"Minerva, what seems to be the trouble?" he asked placidly.
"Harry Potter… Order… Muggles…know…" She stopped speaking and took a breath. "The muggles know about Harry Potter and the Order… they know everything."
Dumbledore's face broke into a grin. "I know," he said, a laughter evident in his voice. His eyes danced with amusement.
"But our–" she began, but Dumbledore cut her off, expression becoming serious.
"They know nothing. They believe it to be a work of fiction; they do not suspect. So long as we keep the parch-net away from the public until Voldemort is defeated, all will be fine," he explained calmly.
Minerva let out a breath. "Alright." Just then, the door burst open once again, and Severus Snape burst into the room. The expression on his face mirrored that which had just vacated her own.
"Parch-net… slander… I'll make her sorry!" he cried. Dumbledore hurried to the new arrival.
"What are you talking about?" he asked calmly.
"The author," was the only response.
Dumbledore blinked, not quite understanding. "Well?" he asked.
Snape looked at him as if he were dense. "Did you read any of those books she's written?" he spluttered angrily. "She says only the worst about me. She's made me the bad guy! Potter, however, is nothing but fluffy bunnies and good looks, off to save the world." Utter detestation dripped from every word and he said 'potter' as he might say 'shampoo'.
Dumbledore chuckled again and patted the Potions teacher on the back. "It's only fiction," he said quietly. "Creative license, if you will. And as it's only available to the muggle world, it shouldn't affect you at all," he added with a smile. "Now I think it's time we rounded up all these parch-nets and returned them to their inventor. We'll let her know that she can begin producing them after Voldemort is defeated."
"What?" cried Snape. "You're going to let her produce them? With that floating around?" Dumbledore nodded.
"She said she would be able to create a version of the web for our own use, to keep muggles from stumbling upon it. It would work the other way as well, keeping us from learning about their books," he explained.
Here McGonagall spoke up. "Excuse me, but if we would be unable to see anything of theirs, why must it wait until after the fall of you-know-who?"
"Precaution." Snape scowled at the headmaster's answer, but didn't protest further. Instead, he slunk bitterly out of the room, returning to the dungeons.
McGonagall handed her parch-net to the white-bearded man and thanked him before returning to her own classroom. Class would be starting soon, after all. When she was gone, Dumbledore returned to his own parchment and continued to read, and amused smile on his face. He would go around to the other professors and return the parch-nets to the Muggle Studies professor at dinner. For now, he would explore the world of Harry Potter Fanfiction.