Four Walls
Summery: I broke his heart, and a simple "I'm sorry" isn't going to fix that.
A/N: This is in Elizabeth's thought on Will after DMC. Major spoilers!
How many times will I be telling myself that I did it for us? I guess I'll be telling myself until I can finally tell him. I've been laying here for hours now trying to fall asleep o this cot in the back of Tia Dalma's hut. It's kind of hard with all the crew here. And Will.
Will…
These four walls
They whisper to me
They know a secret
I knew they would not keep.
I miss him. Even though he's lying right next me over on the other cot. It's funny how you can miss someone so much when they're lying right next to you knowing that you can't have them. That's the worse way to miss someone. I liked it better when I did have Will. No, I loved it.
I remember when it was just us two together. It was like we were in out own little world. Our own room even when it was just us. Doing nothing, doing everything, just having each other…that's all that mattered. I miss the kisses he would give me; on my cheeks, on my forehead, on my hand, on my lips.
I didn't take long
For the room to fill with dust
And these four walls
Came down around us.
Why did I have to kiss Jack? What am I kidding, I know why I did it. I did it for us. I wasn't ready to die without him by my side. I wasn't ready to die before we got married and have kids. Because I love him too much to die. For us to die
When he asked me where Jack was when I got into the long boat, it broke my heart to lie to him. It broke my heart to see the hurt in his eyes. Knowing that I was the one that caused that look. We haven't spoken to each other since then. He hasn't spoken much since we left on the long boat. I miss his sweet voice.
I feel so alone.
Must have been something
Sent me out of my head
With the words so radical
And not what I meant
Now I wait
For a break
In the silence because it's all the you left
Just me and these four walls again.
I want so much to talk to him. To tell him how sorry I am. But I can't. It would hurt too much for Will to relive me telling him why I kissed Jack. For when I do tell him, I won't make excuses because we both know that it's my fault.
I'm starting to lose trust. Heck, I'm starting to lose myself. Losing trust in everyone I meet, everyone I know. Because when you don't trust someone, it doesn't hurt so much when they stab you in the back. Or when you stab them in the back in my case. You won't have to feel so much guilt and pain after. Because that's what I'm feeling; guilt and pain. And no one should ever have to feel like this because of trust.
So, why do I still trust Will?
It's hard now to let you be
I won't make excuses
I've made my peace
It didn't take long for me to lose the trust
'Cause these four walls were not strong enough.
I remember I used to say that I didn't have any regrets. Because if I did have regrets, I wouldn't be where I am today. Looks like I've turned my back on that concept. I now have regrets. If I had the chance to go back and change everything, I would do it. I'd think of a different way to leave Jack on the Black Pearl. Why did I have to have 'curiosity'? I wish I had never had that conversation with Jack. But if I didn't, I wouldn't have realized that I have this strength in me I never thought I had. I wish I had that strength right now to help me through this pain.
When I was younger, my teachers always told me to put on a strong face when you're going through pain. But I can't do that right now.
Must have been something
Sent me out of my head
With the words so radical
And not what I meant
Now I wait
For a break
In the silence because it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again.
I turn over to look at Will. He always looks so peaceful in his sleep. But tonight he's got this angry look on his face. He's probably dreaming, more like having a nightmare of Jack and I and watching us fade away. All because of me. I can feel hot tears stream down my face. But it wasn't like I was going to stop them.
Because I deserve to be in pain.
Yeah, it's difficult
Watching us fade
Knowing it's all my fault
My mistake.
I let him down. Because I promised that I'd be his forever. I'm still his girl, but I don't know if he wants me to be. And it kills me not knowing. It almost feels like he's not here. Probably because I feel so alone. But I should feel this way.
Because it's all my fault.
Yeah it's difficult
Letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault
That you're not around
I'm going out of my mind with all this pain. I wish it would just stop. But it will never stop, not until I tell him why I did what I did. I'm in so much pain that I can't even think what I did. It hurts too much to think about it. I'm trying to keep my sobs quiet so Will won't wake up and see me like this. Will…I don't deserve him. Not after what I did.
I wish we could wake up and go back in our own little room. Too bad I'm the only one left in these four walls.
Must have been something
Sent me out of my head
With the words so radical
And not what I meant
Now I wait
For a break
In the silence because it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again.
I can feel my eyes start to droop. I've had a long day. Heck, we all have. Especially Will…
…Will
It always goes back to him. Because I love him so much. But I broke his heart, and a simple 'I'm sorry' isn't going to fix that.
Again…