A Page From the Journal of Lilarcor
This is SO boring! Booooo-ring!
Why aren't we going to kill something? ... I know, we've just killed that ogre five minutes ago, but still. I'm bored. I'm a sword, do you really expect me to give a damn about that scroll you're all worked up with? I can't even read! The whole sentient sword business contract didn't include that.
They're not even listening to me. What a bunch of losers. Kill something, I say, kill it NOW! Kill, kill, kill! You know, I'd actually feel better if this big dude wasn't sitting on me. Ow! You should consider losing a few pounds, ya know? Or get rid of that armor! You must be weighing a ton!
Speaking of killing, I've been wondering. Does vampirism affect swords? 'Cause I think that stupid thing bit me... okay, I admit, it wasn't on purpose, my brainless wielder swung me at its mouth, but anyway. Wouldn't that be cool? A vampiric sword who bites things and level-drains them like... whoah! Just don't get me near the smelly orcs again!
But anyway, if I think about it, I don't really wanna become a vampiric sword. I mean, yeah, I'd get cool new powers and all that, but... you know, daylight is really neat cause you can see the blood better in daylight when you go about killing stuff. Okay, maybe it's not neat, it's messy, but messy is fun.
Which reminds me. Gods, if I had a leg I'd kick this one in the rear that's so conveniently sitting on me right now. Go kill something... c'monnnn! Let me see some action here! And get your big butt off me, you're going to bend me and no one likes curved swords. Except that Drizzt something fella', but he doesn't like to kill stuff much. Not fun. Don't condemn me to a fate of eternal boredom here! I'm being nice and what do I get?
You know, I'm taking a break once this whole fancy adventure business is over. ... Bah, who am I kidding here? Go kill! Tear stuff to pieces! Now!
Ouch! No; stupid, STUPID girl! What were you thinking? Get off his lap right now, there wasn't enough air in this scabbard to begin with! Someone get me the magistrate. This is murder! Murder! And once she's solved the matter, can we kill her? Please? No? At least hurt her? Pleaaaaase? She could live without an arm or two.
By the way, can I like... get an upgrade? Speaking of that, some cleaning would do. Hear me? There, you can do it with that useless mage's robes . He never hits anything in combat anyway, he's like... useless. Can we kill him, too? Practice is good, you know? Now, what was I saying about that upgrade? Oh, yes. I'm tired of being a +3 sword thing. And two-handed, what's up with that? Can I be three-handed? ... Two and a half? Gee, you're no fun at all.
I think I'll just go to sleep. Wake me up when we're gonna kill something. Or at least cut off a limb. A finger? Grrr. Can I at least borrow your hand for a moment?
And stop bulging those eyes out at my journal like that. Ohh... you're damn lucky I'm just a sword and can't move to you on my own, or I'd show you.
Bah! Never mind. (Sigh.) Good night.