Matsuri relaxed on the couch of their hotel suite, running her fingers over the soft throw-pillow at her side. She glanced out at the vibrant sunset over the lake beyond the balcony, and at the even more vibrant, red-haired, lean-built young man leaning on the railing. Her long brown hair was secured with a hair tie into a low side ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of black boot-cut yoga pants and a comfortable light pink sweater.

He had not changed much since the war, save for the length of his hair. Ordinarily, he wore a long sleeved button-up red shirt with an upright collar and red pants. He hardly wore his ceremonial robes anymore, stating in a live TV interview that it widened the social distance between him and his people, and that they were slowly becoming old-fashioned. He had added that he would pull them out of his closet for when a noble or another village leader came to town for business meetings.

Tonight he had chosen to dress in a more casual way, exchanging his red uniform for a pair of black pants and a soft long-sleeved red shirt. The neckline was wider than usual, and revealed his collarbone in a very flattering way.

Her heart ached for him constantly; as he trained her to be a top-notch ninja, she had slowly developed a crush on him, which later blossomed into a deep and profound love. He had shown little sign of acknowledgment of her sincere affection recently, let alone acceptance and reciprocation of her feelings. They had kissed once during her chuunin survival exam, out of relief to find each other alive after an assassination attempt on his life, and she flirted with him whenever she got the chance. Since the war, they had grown apart; he was always tied down with political events or meetings, and she was always out on a mission with her team, training in the nearby desert, or studying at home in her apartment. Even with the new technology that the world had recently invented which sped up some of the more tedious processes of filling out and filing paperwork and authorizing military operations, neither could catch a break to socialize with the other.

After the war, Matsuri swore to herself that she would drop the silliness of a gossipy and petty teenage fangirl and grow up into the young woman she aspired to become. Gaara's recent disinterest in her feelings for him had finally pushed her over the edge to concentrate on a deep and long study of ninja history and wind-release jutsu that she could incorporate into her rope javelin techniques. She had also asked Kankurou to ask Gaara to put her with a different team, as she felt that taking care of her teammate Yukata all the time – who was so clueless that she should have been born a blonde - was holding her back from being her best self. The Kazekage accepted her request, asking Kankurou if knew anybody with whom she would work well alongside. He said yes, and that he would take care of everything as the leader of the Counter-Terrorism Division.

And then Shijima Hoki had stepped into the picture after the marriage meeting and Kankurou's staged coup d'etat in the Sand Village. She had started out as a sweet and gentle woman, but Matsuri began to suspect her of lying to everyone about her true nature and intentions when Kankurou explained to her that Shijima had tried to kill Gaara because of a misunderstanding about his engagement to her sister Hakuto, who had a secret lover and was planning to escape. She didn't realize until Temari told her off one night that her suspicions were brought on partially by her jealousy, and should be taken with a grain of salt. It broke her into pieces to learn that Temari knew of Gaara's sexual interest in Shijima, meaning he had moved on past her old harmless flirtations (and one shy kiss in the Demon Desert) to a more serious and mature relationship with a stunningly exquisite woman that she could never begin to compare to. She went home and cried for days afterward, knowing that her long-time dream of becoming his girlfriend was now unattainable.

Kankurou had been there to catch her when she fell – she remembered his kind and protective words and tight embrace as she sobbed - and was instrumental in her awareness of Gaara's doings since then. He had insisted upon telling her everything about the Kazekage's life, from their uncle's suicide and Gaara's madness to hide his grief, to the current situation surrounding the marriage meeting and his acceptance of Shijima into his inner circle of friends and family. As Gaara's older brother and an advocate for Gaara and Matsuri's friendship (and possible romantic relationship), Kankurou tried his best to nudge his brother in her direction, but to no avail. Gaara either didn't understand or refused to see any vague hints that were thrown at him, always distracted by Shijima's beauty, grace, and kindness.

But then, tragedy struck. Shijima left the Sand Village, saying she needed to be with her sister in the Leaf Village, or she could never truly be happy. Gaara was devastated, admitting to his siblings that she was the only woman he had ever envisioned himself being married to. He cried uncontrollably that night, went to sleep exhausted and hoarse, and in the morning he swore he'd never fall in love again.

Kankurou told Matsuri later that their breakup meant that she had a chance to make a fresh start with him, as he had suggested to his little brother that she might be a replacement as an escort to the wedding. Gaara accepted one one condition: his brother had to promise that she wouldn't make a fool of herself. Kankurou promised, but made a counter request that Gaara make up with her, as he couldn't stand the lack of communication between the two and hated seeing them suffer for it. Again, his brother reluctantly agreed.

Matsuri sighed heavily. Winning the Kazekage's heart was impossible, even with her stylists and his siblings helping her to look and act her best. In the last two months, the makeup artist, hair stylist, and a tailor who knew Gaara's personal tailor had taught her everything they knew about beauty, and had told her their secrets to perfection. How to dress in civilian clothing when off-duty so that one's figure would be accentuated by coordinating colors and flattering shapes instead of hidden beneath flak jackets, how to apply makeup so that it brought out the natural contour of one's face without being heavy and obvious, and what angles to trim one's bangs so that it framed one's face. Kankurou and Temari had set her up with a tutor who spent hours teaching her proper etiquette, ranging from how to eat using a full set of silverware and plates, to how to speak to a dignitary without offending them. At Kankurou's insistence, Temari had given her a detailed and rather matter-of-fact book on sexuality. It covered both a man's and a woman's bodies and how they worked during sex. She found it to be graphic but informative, and studied it until she felt confident enough to explore her own sexuality by herself.

The train ride had been fortunately uneventful, and it had taken several hours to reach the western border of the Land of Wind.

(flashback)

The girls sat at a table near the front of the train car, flipping through a fashion magazine and talking about how one might accomplish the different styles, and which ones they liked or disliked.

"May I sit here?"

Matsuri looked up. "Gaara-sama? O-of course, sir…."

Sayuri, the makeup artist, moved over so that he could sit across from his former student.

"Thank you."

"Did you need something, Kazekage-sama?"

"No. I've just finished speaking with my brother about the upcoming week, and thought I'd socialize for a moment."

He gazed at the page they were on, and suddenly reached out to point to a model.

"I've met her before."

"So cool! When?"

"A long time ago, when I was still working to become Kazekage, I was assigned to a mission to protect her from a stalker. Matsuri went with me. Do you remember her?" he asked, looking up into Matsuri's eyes.

"Y-yes, sir. I know her. She was really nice when we met her. That stalker turned out to really have feelings for her in the end, and she turned him down flat. I wondered whatever happened to them."

She studied the picture.

"She looks so different now."

"Yes, women seem to do that. One minute, they're young and pretty, the next they're painted with makeup and hair dye and other things…. Not that it's a bad thing to change your image to feel confident, but most of these women are so unsatisfied with their bodies as they really are. I've never liked women who are overdone."

Sayuri nodded. "Me neither. I'm a lesbian, by the way, so I know about women."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I have a girlfriend back home in the Sand Village. She's really nice. I'll introduce you, if you want."

"I probably know her already, but… sure. I'd like that."

"You know everybody in the village, don't you?"

"Yes. It's part of my job as Kazekage."

"Ok, so tell me something." Sayuri glanced at Matsuri briefly. "Everyone wants to know about Shijima-san and the arranged marriage. How she came home with you, what your relationship was, why she left, I mean… she was totally gorgeous, and then she just disappeared—"

"Sayuri-chan, you don't ask questions like that! It's not our business!" Matsuri interrupted.

Gaara shook his head. "It's fine. I don't want it to remain a secret anymore among friends. Besides, your stylists each have a confidentiality agreement with the Sand Village as part of their job."

"Y-yes, sir."

"I met her at the marriage meeting. She was the older sister and bodyguard of Hakuto Hoki, who would have become my wife had I accepted the arrangement. Shijima helped me rescue her sister, but then it turned out that Hakuto had a lover. I couldn't bring myself to separate them by marrying her, so I let them go. They're living with the Nara family in the Leaf Village until they can get their feet on the ground again. The Alliance is helping to hide them from the Hoki clan, as the punishment in their family for eloping like that is death."

"What a strict family. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that." The hair stylist, Yuriko, wrinkled her face in disgust.

"Shijima came home with me as my aide, much like my mother's brother Yashamaru was to my father before he committed suicide. She reminded me of him in some ways, especially her serious face. I fell in love with her after only a few weeks…. or what I thought was love….. But please don't misunderstand, we never did anything more than have dinner together a few times."

"Of course, sir."

He looked away from the girls towards the window beside them.

"She left, saying she wanted to be with her sister more than anything, that it was what she had been created for…. as a bodyguard."

"Wow. Tough luck, huh?"

"Yeah. I was upset for a while…. But then, my brother told me I was being ridiculous, and I realized he was right. It wasn't as if we had declared our love for each other and become a couple. I swore to myself to never fall in love again, but maybe there's someone else out there waiting for me."

Matsuri squeezed her hands together in her lap in an attempt to keep herself quiet.

"I've been told I have a big heart. I…. I want to share it with someone….."

He swallowed.

"I've always wanted that….."

She raised her head.

"Gaara-sama, you'll find someone. I'm sure of it."

Her eyes were bright with determination as he turned back to face her.

"Matsuri….?"

They stared at each other, her breathing patterns becoming labored with emotional restraint.

"I…. But I thought…."

The three stylists glanced at each-other, and then at them.

The train kept rolling along the track beneath them in a persistent rhythm.

"Please excuse me."

Gaara stood and walked away quickly towards the back end of the car, knowing better than to say anything further and escalate the situation; his target the bathroom, his heartbeat threatening to explode from his throat.

She stared after him incredulously.

Sayuri frowned. "Ok, what just happened?"

Yuriko rubbed her friend's arm. "Matsuri-chan, are you ok? Hey, snap out of it!"

"That was super weird. He's never been like that, has he?"

"N-no…. Not that I know of." Matsuri shook off the stupor, turning back to her friends

"Huh. Well…."

"I wonder… is he in love with you?"

"Probably not, Yuriko-chan. It just got really awkward all of a sudden, and he couldn't handle the pressure. I think that's all. Gaara-sama would never love me that way. He never has."

Sayuri frowned. "Don't say that! You're more than worthy of his attentions! Look how far you've come in just a few short months!"

"That's just a matter of changing my physical appearance and learning how to be a woman, which doesn't always equal maturity. I've always been a fan-girl around him, and he'll always think of me that way. He's never considered any girl seriously until recently. I thought it was impossible for him to feel romantic love, like an asexual or aromantic person might. But he fell for Shijima. She's so pretty, and so strong….. I'll never be like her enough for him to change his mind about me. I have to accept that and move on."

"Hey! Don't give up, ok? Maybe you don't have to. He had a perfectly normal conversation with you just now. That's part of why we came here, so you two can reconcile. He panicked just now, right? It might be that he's starting to feel something now that you've shown him you're not weird anymore. You never know.'

"But I know Gaara-sama, and I have my doubts."

"Alright, but we'll see who's right in the end. I hope for your sake it's me."

"Sayuri-chan…."

Matsuri sighed and stared out the window, wishing the trip was over already and she was safe and alone in her apartment.

When Gaara returned to the main room of the train car, he sat in a different seat next to his brother, who smiled and reassured him quietly that everything would be ok. He slept fitfully for the remaining few hours of the trip.

(end flashback)

The breeze from the ocean outside picked up Gaara's bright red hair and played with it, sending it in different directions at once. He reached up a hand to smooth it gently, turning around to face her as the sun slipped entirely behind the horizon.

She bit her lip as their eyes met.

He walked into the room, closing the double doors behind him.

Is he ok?

I hope I'm not scaring him, like earlier today.

Okay, Matsuri. Act natural. You're so obviously nervous. Calm down.

Gaara sat down gingerly on the couch, his movements fluid with the haze of sleepiness he felt from the train ride. His hands found each other between his knees.

They sat there for several minutes, each contemplating the consequences of speaking first.

Finally he sighed deeply and turned to her.

"Matsuri…. this-…. this silence is getting us nowhere."

She gasped.

"I know I ran away from it on the train, but….. I'll get right to the point. There's no other way."

Her hands tightened their grip on the cushion.

"Do you still love me?"

"W-what? I-"

"Don't lie."

"I—I wouldn't, sir, but-"

"I'm tired of this-…. this tension between us….. you….. we….."

Gaara trailed off as he saw tears spilling over onto her flushed cheeks.

"I—I'm s-sorry, Gaara-sama…. (gasp)…. (sniff) I…. it hurts—"

"What does?"

"M-my heart—I—I-I can't breathe—"

She clutched her chest in pain, leaning forward a little to hide her red face behind her hair in shame.

"It's healthy, though…. to cry like this. You need to let it all out properly, or it's just going to get worse as the week goes by."

Matsuri nodded shakily. "Yes, sir—"

Gaara sighed again, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a handkerchief embroidered on one corner with the kanji character for 'love'.

"Come here."

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I—I-I can't…. I don't—I mean…. it isn't right for you to….." She swore.

"Please?"

Another shake.

"Matsuri….."

His eyes saddened.

"Not as Kazekage or Sensei, but as a man and a friend…. I'm offering you comfort and a listening ear out of the kindness of my heart. Why are you refusing me? I really don't understand….."

"I—I don't deserve you…. (sniffle)"

He frowned.

"I don't know about that, but….."

She felt the shifting weight of him moving to sit next to her, his arms reaching out.

"Please, just let me hold you…."

"Gaara-sama—(sniffle)"

Matsuri sank into his embrace, feeling something shatter inside of her. Then more tears fell, and she buried her face into his chest.

His hands pulled her gently against him as he felt emotions rising from the pit of his stomach to close his throat. Her cries caused his eyes to water as well, and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to go on holding her until the end of the world.

"I—I love you so much, it hurts—a-and…. When I saw you with Shijima the first time, I saw the way you looked at her, and I thought…..I've worked—s-so hard for that look, and you gave it to her… I just…. It's so unfair…."

One hand moved from her back to her hair to stroke it with a delicacy he didn't know he had.

"I know…."

She gasped through her tears.

"If—if you knew, then why didn't you—? Men are so impossible….. My feelings can't reach you half the time—"

Her breath hitched several times.

"I'm sorry… you know I love you as a friend. That much I'm fully aware of."

Matsuri's fist squeezed his handkerchief to restrain an urge to punch him.

"You—you bastard—!"

"Hey. You're just calling me that because you're angry. You don't really mean it."

She collapsed against him in defeat.

"Let's not fight. You're precious to me. You know that."

He pressed her closer to him, resting his chin on her head.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend just because you think I don't feel the same way that you do."

"I—I'm s-sorry…."

She took a few deep calming breaths, but to no avail. The tears just kept welling up from somewhere in her stomach.

"Just cry if you need it."

After a while, she sat up slowly.

"I'm exhausted…."

Gaara released her, noting his reluctance to do so, but only at arms' length.

"Matsuri?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I really am sorry."

To her surprise, he stood and bowed to her in apology.

"G-Gaara-sama, y-you don't have to—"

"I've hurt you, and I've broken our bonds of friendship."

"B-but you—"

"It was inexcusable."

Matsuri shook her head vigorously. "N-no! You followed your heart, even if you found out later that it was wrong! How can you apologize for that, Gaara-sama? You had every right to do so!"

"I've made you cry, and I'm sorry. A man ought not to do that to a woman."

She looked down at the white, finely embroidered handkerchief in her hands. "Oh."

He straightened slowly.

"Are you ok now?"

"Yeah."

Gaara smiled warmly. "That's good."

She stood as well, straightening her sweater hem nervously.

"Matsuri, before you go to bed…. you need to understand something."

"What?"

"I…. I don't know much about romantic love…. but….."

He took a deep breath.

"I do know this. If you show me that you've grown past the silly teenage girl I once knew into a mature young woman in the next few days, then maybe….. one day….."

Her mouth dropped open.

"You still have a chance. Just be yourself, and remember the lessons I've taught you, and enjoy the time we have together."

"Gaara-sama…." She raised a hand to her chest. "I…."

"No matter what happens between us this week….. please know that there's hope for the future. Don't let the past hurt we've caused each-other taint our happiness as friends with bitterness and emotional distance."

"Yes, of course, sir."

"For now, you should sleep."

"Yes. Thank you very much."

"Hm. Good night, then."

He watched her shut the door to her bedroom with a mixture of relief and concern. She had stopped crying, but it still seemed like something wasn't right.

She had been a constant source of strength during his first few years as Kazekage, and he still remembered the euphoric way it felt sometimes to know that she loved him more than any other man. He had become so sure of himself then, so willing to be different from the traditional and conservative elders.

But something still bothered him. What was it that made him so…..?

He had no idea. For now, he needed to rest.

Gaara walked to the phone to place a breakfast order for the next morning, and went into his room, shutting the door behind him. He slid into bed and laid back against the white pillows, but did not sleep. His mind was full to bursting with memories of their past; their first meeting in the Academy courtyard, their several hours long sessions in his personal training room, the chuunin exam kiss that had complicated things, her smile when she saw he had been resurrected after he was killed by the Akatsuki, and the ever-present nagging worry that she might not be strong enough to survive the war - which, miraculously, she did.

After the war, he hadn't seen much of her, as she had buried herself in her studies and ignored her friends. He felt terrible knowing he hadn't done anything to maintain their friendship during those long three years when the Shinobi Alliance was still being formed. He did, however, briefly attend her twenty-first birthday party, long enough to awkwardly say 'hi' and 'congratulations' at Kankurou's request.

He turned over on his side and pressed his lips together in a frustrated pout.

Damn it….

I've broken her heart. When I met her, I swore I'd never…..

Tomorrow, I'll definitely….

But why do I want that? I only see her as a friend, don't I?

Why is this so confusing?

Love is really hard sometimes….. even if it's platonic.

It isn't as if I don't care for her. I'm proud of how far she's come, and I want the best for her.

The issue is, her idea of the best is having me as her boyfriend. I don't know ifI can do that. I could barely handle my relationship with Shijima, and I had trouble talking with her sister because she was so beautiful.

They say when you fall in love, it's because of the way a person looks or because of their attractive personality. With Shijima, I think it was mostly influenced by her body and that face she makes when she's serious. But that's just lust for sexual pleasure, and needing to keep memories of my uncle alive.

With Matsuri….

I don't know.

She's courageous and strong-willed. Her knowledge of ninja techniques is growing steadily, now that she's finally devoting herself to furthering her education instead of pining away for me. When I trained her, she seemed to learn quickly.

She cares for people the way I've taught her to. She's only mean if someone says something negative about me, or tries to hurt me or the people of the Sand Village.

Something about her passion for life used to excite mine. I miss that.

Her complexion is nice, and her muscles are toned from training. I noticed tonight that she looks more like a woman than a girl. Not like a porcelain doll, but I don't think I need that. Shijima's sister Hakuto was too delicate and fragile for me. It's equally as pretty, but I think I prefer a real woman, like Temari. I like women who are just as strongly built as their will of fire.

What else could a man ask for? Why not date her?

She's perfectly healthy and attractive, and she's crazy about me.

Also, there's that kiss we shared five years ago during the survival exam in the Demon Desert.

I like being around her, when she's not being weird and giggly. When I give her an order as Kazekage, she obeys unless she sees something morally wrong with it. She and Naruto have that in common.

But that's just deep-rooted friendship, at the very least.

I'm not afraid to go out with her, but….. still, you shouldn't do it unless you really feel that way about someone. Otherwise, it's a lie. And I could never lie to her.

I hope she'll be alright just being friends for a while. I can't date her until I know for sure that it's romantic love. I don't want to break her heart again.

I couldn't face her on the train. I must have looked like a fool. And then tonight, I tried to be honest and fair with her, but I'm sure it came across as emotionally distant.

His mind wandered to the bedroom door, and beyond it to her room, wondering if she was also tossing and turning in emotional confusion and agony.

Matsuri…..

I really am sorry I hurt you…..

I'll try harder tomorrow…..

Finally, exhaustion took over, and he slipped into a deep sleep.