Chapter Ten:

Touga rested his chin on his steeped fingers and stared at the slanting gray rain. Before morning the ambling brook would have swelled and reduced the gardens to little more than a muddy bog. Tomorrow he would make certain the pavilion was still intact and clear the fallen limbs from the orchard. His father's orchard.

Centuries had passed since his father's demise and yet, Touga could not bring himself to consider the orchard his own. He had not raised each tree from seed to sapling or painstakingly grafted the strongest limbs to the strongest trunks.

Despite his serious demeanor, a slight smile curled at his lips as he rose to his feet and began to pace the small room. Now summer was rapidly approaching, each tree would have to be pruned and shaped before it began to flower.

He paused in mid step, frowning out the side door at the cresting brook. The orchard was set high along the foothills of the mountain and in little danger of flood. The waters would drain in a few days, barring another storm and then…

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Haru staring at him. His eyes were shining and his face was nearly split in a grin. Staring was not the proper term, he was beaming.

Touga curled his upper lip, revealing square teeth and pointed fangs. "Something funny, old man?"

Haru laughed deeply, sounding like an old bear, and waved his hand. "Nah, now, don't be working yourself into a fuss. Old Haru was jus' thinking."

Touga snorted, his eyelids heavy with skepticism. "About?"

"Ah, well." Haru glanced up at him, his smile dimming and then twisting into wistfulness. "The way you was walking around an' looking all thoughtful like. It jus' reminded old Haru of..."

"Of what?" Touga snapped, flinging one hand out impatiently.

Haru frowned, scrutinizing the daiyoukai from head to toe. "I see marriage hasn't helped your manners none." He made a throw away gesture and shook his head. "It's jus' fool talk."

You've never said a foolish thing in your life, Touga thought as he crossed his arms and feigned a dour expression. "You dwell on the past too much."

And you not enough, Haru thought as he chuckled softly. "Ah, well, at my age I got more past than future. So it's reasonable, I think."

Touga watched as Haru rose from the floor and tried to remember a time the elderly youkai had not served his family. Or more accurately, he traced countless threads of memory, searching for a solitary moment where Haru was not quite so old.

"You speak as though you already have one foot in the grave," Touga scoffed and tried not to stare at the elderly youkai's liver spotted hands. "That's not like you."

Haru straightened to his full height, laughter rattling from his chest like loose pebbles. "I suppose I am feeling my age," he clucked and bobbed his shoulders in a shrug. "It happens to us all eventually."

"Even those who live forever," Touga said softly, uncertain of the sinking feeling within his chest.

Haru's laughter dwindled to chuckle and then he snuffed it out altogether. "No such thing as living forever. We live 'til we die or we live 'til we don't know the past from the now. Either way it's the same."

Touga ran a hand over his face, rubbing lightly at his temples, and pinched the bridge of his nose. There was so much history here, so many memories, and Haru was entrenched within it all.

"I hadn't realized life here had become so dreary that you'd willingly turn to philosophy," he teased, faking a broad smile. "Cho must be bored to tears."

"She's a good girl," Haru quipped, eyes twinkling with pride. "Smart as a whip, she is."

Touga nodded in agreement, distracted by the lightning that flashed silently outside the window. "You like anyone who listens to your stories," he insisted, pausing to count the time between strikes. "And she dotes on you."

Haru shuffled across the room to stand beside from Touga. "That she does." He hunched his shoulders, leaning forward to squint out the window at the pouring rain.

"Eh," he muttered, dismissing the weather with a wave. "This'll all be over come morning. The herb garden will likely be the hardest hit."

"What of the orchard?"

Haru chuckled and shook his head, thinking once again how much Touga sounded like his father.

"Ah, you needn't worry, Lord," he assured. "They're youkai trees, raised by youkai hands. They ain't gonna be hurt by a little rain."

Touga uttered a noncommittal grunt and turned on his heel, putting his back to the window. In truth, the orchard was such a trivial matter. Holding no great secrets or power, it would not aid him in future trials.

It was utterly worthless, meaningless, and it had belonged to his father. Father. "Tell me about these bandits," he hissed tersely.

Haru frowned, slightly baffled at his master's sudden change of subject.

"Now, Lord," he chastised, "don't be assuming ill of folk for no reason."

"Either way, they are trespassers on my land," Touga snapped. His tone grew sardonic and biting with bitterness. "I'm surprised that Amayami didn't rush off to make certain for herself. Trust is so obviously beneath her."

"Rushes off without thinking, does she?" Haru said edgily, ignoring the latter half of Touga's statement. "Explains why you like her so much."

A flash of amusement glittered in Touga's eyes. "You are fortunate that you are my father's favorite cousin," he bit out darkly, but there was no real threat to his words.

"Oh?" Haru chuckled, furrowing his thick eyebrows. "Struck a nerve have I?"

"Haru," Touga murmured in final warning. Too many days with too little sleep had left him irritable. "You try my patience-"

"Oh, you hush your mouth." Haru snorted, glaring as he waggled one gnarled finger. "Inu no Taishou or not, I ain't afraid of no one whose nappy I used to change."

Touga lifted his jaw and tried his best to look dignified. "You did no such thing."

"Sure I did." Haru shrugged off Touga's disbelief. "Who else was gonna do it?"

"Where was Mother?" Touga asked in a voice that was little more than a mortified squeak. "Or my nursemaids?"

Haru scratched his chin, amused as Touga's face darkened to scarlet. For all his bluster, the daiyoukai was delightfully easy to mock and even easier to embarrass. In part because he most empathetically denied there was ever a time that he was anything less than perfection.

"Of course you don't remember it none, but your birthing was difficult on your mother," he explained, tapping his chin with a bony finger. "You was big and Yumeni-dono was small and young like your Lady."

Touga gave him an unfriendly look. "Amayami is nothing like my mother."

"As you say, Lord," Haru conceded, offering a curt nod. "Yumeni-dono labored for three full days before she was able to push you into this world, but by that time she'd already begun to fade."

"She was dying," Touga answered softly. He had heard this story a thousand times and knew it by heart.

Mother had been dying, bleeding to death, and the midwife had given her up for dead. She had already gone cold before Father reached her side. In his grief, Father released surge of youki so powerful that the midwife had to shield her eyes, lest she be blinded. When the youki dissipated, Mother was alive and healthy, as if nothing had transpired.

Then there were other stories of bones mending and of crops that never failed. While his father was alive, no one feared death.

"Father had the power to heal," Touga muttered, forcing his thoughts back into the present. He wrinkled his nose in disdain. "What a shameful waste of youki."

"You only say that 'cause it passed you over." Haru clucked his tongue disparagingly. "You've always been jealous of what you didn't have, instead of being grateful for what you did."

Touga held his breath, feeling as though the elderly youkai had just spat in his face. He swallowed hard and blinked to clear his vision.

"Ah well, the power's in your blood, whether you want to admit it or not. I suppose we all have our gifts, an' you're still trying to figure out what yours is."

"I'm a warlord, not a nursemaid!" Touga's anger was sudden, genuine, but his tone was more akin to that of a frustrated child. "I've accomplished more than my father could have in a dozen lifetimes!"

"I suppose," Haru murmured, calm despite the tension in the air. "Pity you don't seem happy about it. An' happiness is all Oyakata-dono ever wanted for you kids."

"Happiness?" Touga muttered to himself. Happiness was such a trivial thing and, yet all he had done, all the senseless slaughter and all the betrayals, was for its sake. "When did I become so foolish?"

"Well, I did drop you on your head a couple times," Haru teased, his tone light and gentle, almost forgiving. "Never breathed a word of it to Oyakata-dono, and for that I'm surely ashamed."

Touga covered his face with his hands, yawning as he peeked over the tips of claws. His eyes glittered in anguished good humor. If Haru wanted to change the subject, he was more than willing to allow it.

"Father hated when you called him Oyakata-dono, which is why you did so constantly."

Haru bobbed his head, face splitting in a grin. "It used to make him so mad an' he'd get all flustered an' turn red, saying, 'Now, Haru, there is no need for such formality,' but," he shrugged, looking a bit abashed. "It just never seemed right calling him jus' Sesshoumaru like he wanted."

"No," Touga murmured, his voice lost beneath a soft rumble of thunder. Touga pulled the ornate clasp from his hair and tossed it down to the table. This talk of his father disturbed him more than he cared to admit. "Father hated being powerful."

Rather, his father had hated to be reminded that he was powerful. Sesshoumaru would have been content to live forever on this tiny plot of land. He would have tended his orchard and watch his children have children of their own.

This place was his father's home and Touga would protect it, always and forever.

"These bandits," he began and then made a face, amending his statement. "Travelers. Whatever. How long have they been camped in the forest?"

"Since the storm blew in a few days ago," Haru answered, unsurprised at the sudden change in subject. Touga had never quite recovered from his father's death and seldom forgave those who did. "Your lady wanted to investigate, but I managed to talk her out of it."

"So, it's only me she disregards." Touga tilted his head back, pondering the ceiling, and then looked back at Haru. "Did she say anything?"

"Lady? Nothing much," he said, a twinkle in his eyes. For once he was grateful that his youth was long past. Romance was just too exhausting. "Only that I should have the tea ready for you when you decided to come inside."

Touga frowned, deepening the worry-line etched between his eyebrows. "Did she?"

"That she did," Haru said, smirking. "Even told me what flavor to brew, though I never took you for one who'd enjoy ginger tea."

Touga turned to stare at the near empty teapot sitting innocently on the table and smiled sheepishly. "It's my favorite."

"Huh? Is that so?" Haru said, rocking back on his heels. "It does wonders for these old bones, that's for sure."

Touga nodded, wincing as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "I ache in the morning."

"Old wounds and too much fightin' will do that," Haru said with a sage nod. "Speaking of which, I put your lady friend in the master chambers."

Cocking a brow, Touga yawned into the back of his hand, and decided it was best to ignore whatever Haru was implying. "Are you ushering me off to bed?"

"Not my place to do so," Haru quipped, bemused. "But I know I ain't so good of company that you'd forget someone that pretty."

Touga made a face. "She's not that pretty," he lied, feeling oddly defensive. He was the Lord of the West, not some uncouth adolescent ruled by his baser impulses! "I've seen boys with better figures and…" He sighed, defeated. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"A bit twiggy for my taste," Haru admitted, winking at his obviously smitten lord. "But she is easy on the eyes that's for sure."

Realizing he had been baited, Touga muffled a chuckle and continued his amble about the room. He paused at the half-open side door and stared out into the drizzling rain. "She's very powerful. Like father was."

"And young," Haru added, frowning in fatherly disapproval. "I imagine she needs lots of looking after."

Touga ran his tongue over his bottom row of teeth, wincing as he prodded the gap where a tooth had been. Amayami was certainly capable of repaying violence in kind. Could be worse, Touga thought with dark humor. She could have used her poison.

"She can handle herself."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Haru said, waggling a finger for good measure. "You're not the smartest one in the bunch, but you've seen a lot of battles and are far wiser than folks give you credit."

Touga snorted, ignoring the insult-tempered flattery. Although, he did half wonder why Haru saw fit to berate him. "What are suggesting?"

"That you concentrate on teaching her a few things, instead of trying to get her on her back." Haru gave a curt nod. "You'd both be better off."

"Would we?" Touga muttered, looking away in disdain. Sometimes he wondered if everyone enjoyed testing his patience. "She's my wife."

There was none of the usual resentment in his tone, just a quite statement of meaningless fact. Amayami was his wife, but she might as well have been a stranger. "She doesn't take instruction well."

"I take that to mean, she doesn't take kindly to being browbeaten like one of your underlings?" Haru busied himself clearing the small table. "Can't say I blame her, seeing how I don't like it much myself."

Touga leaned in the doorway, crossing his legs at the ankle. His entire body feigned nonchalance. "Until Amayami's loyalties are certain, I cannot afford to give her free reign. I-"

His jawed clenched, aching, as glared harshly into the rain. For weeks he had demanded Amayami's trust and loyalty, but had offered her neither in return. "Everything I do with her is wrong," he said, feeling just short of a fool.

"It only seems like that 'cause your heart's involved."

Pride made Touga school his features into a bemused smile. "My marriage is a matter of state, Haru. Nothing more."

Odd, how easily the lie tripped from his tongue, almost as if he believed it to be true.

"Maybe so," Haru conceded, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "But it's the first matter of state to keep you up at night."

Touga straightened, cloaking his sudden uneasiness. The hour was late, sleep was elusive, and his thoughts were never far from his wife. There was no logic in denying the old youkai's words. They were obvious: yet… He lifted his chin and allowed a devious smirk to curl at his lips.

"She's a means to an end," he said in a voice that was firm and filled with his customary self-assurance. "And I intend to enjoy all she has to offer."

The words had barely left his lips when Haru uttered a sudden hoot of laughter.

"Boy, you're so full of shit, your eyes are turning brown. Jus' tell the girl you're sweet on her and get it over with. Or better yet, apologize for whatever it is you're feeling guilty about."

"I'm not… it's not my fault!" Touga huffed in protest. "If she would just relent once in a while things would be so much easier." His hands flexed as if he wanted to strangle something. "She's just so…so deliberately difficult! That's what she is!"

"And you are an arrogant boor."

Touga closed his eyes, fuming silently. Exhausted or not, he should have heard her coming. He turned on his heel just as Amayami glided through the partially open door. She moved with a casual grace that could not be taught.

She was dressed in simple yukata and wore her long hair loose, confined only by a simple braid at each temple. Touga swallowed. He wanted to wind his fingers into those pale tresses and forget his troubles for the night. "Amayami."

"Hullo, Lady!" Haru chirped, offering a sloppy bow. "We was jus' talking about you."

Amayami arched a brow, her eyes boring into Touga. "So I heard."

Every instinct within Touga told him to flee those pale, depthless eyes. It was only by exerting his will that he was able to return her glare with a baleful one of his own. "How long were you skulking about?"

"Long enough to realize that you hold a most unfavorable opinion of me," she answered, her tone deceptively pleasant. "I assume your indignation means that you lack the conviction to browbeat me within earshot."

From the corner of her eye, Amayami saw Haru's raised eyebrows and bemused smirk. Haru looked back and forth between the two fuming daiyoukai. Touga glared at Amayami, arms crossed over his chest, his golden eyes shimmering with rage.

"I see the Lord here wasn't jus' spinning tales when he said your tongue could shame an oni," Haru chided, his tone bouncy with humor. "Now you sit yourself down while old Haru goes to fix you something to eat."

"That won't be necessary."

"Save your manners, girl. No guest in this house is gonna want for a good meal, 'specially if they're family." He ambled towards the door. "Lord, you build a fire an' see if you can't break the chill in this room."

"I see a few hours sleep have done wonders for your disposition," Touga grit out at last. "What do you want, Amayami?"

Amayami extended her hands and took a small step forward. "We want the same thing. You're only too blind to see it."

Silence hung between them. He felt vulnerable, exposed, knowing his eyes revealed everything he felt for her. He closed the distance between them and lifted his hand to cup her cheek. "Do we?"

Her hand closed over his, then she used just enough pressure to break contact. "Don't."

His fingertips brushed down her cheek, lingering on her collarbone as she pulled away. Just then thunder rent the sky, seeming to shake the roof above them. Startled, Amayami jerked away, breathless from more than just fear.

Haru chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh now, no offence to you, Lady," the old youkai said, waving off her sinking glare. "I was jus' realizing you two probably won't need no fire to keep warm."

Cheeks flushing, Amayami straightened and visibly gathered her composure. She turned towards the window, retreating, but not before huffing in disdain. "Are you always so disrespectful?"

Haru swung his arms at his sides before clasping his hands together, his eyes dancing with mischief. "Why, Lady, I certainly am."

"Haru," Touga growled in warning. "I thought you were going to prepare dinner."

"Yeah, I think I'll best be gettin' while the gettin's good." He grabbed his straw hat from its hook near the door. "I'll leave your supper in the kitchen. And Lord, you remember what we talked about."

"Don't mind Haru," Touga said, long after the old youkai was out of earshot. "He only picks on people he likes."

Amayami made a light, airy sound somewhere between a sigh and chuckle and looked up at the ceiling. "Every morning I wake up wondering what you will do to perplex me."

"You're just as perplexing, perhaps more so." He touched the faint bruise on her cheek, an apology weighing on his tongue. "Most days I can't tell if you want me in your bed or if you'd rather see my head on a pike."

"Both."

The single soft-spoken answer stopped Touga in mid thought. His eyes widened as he watched Amayami's hand move over her face in a weary, defeated gesture. She took his hand in her own, entwining their fingers. "Why did you bring me here?"

Touga frowned, uncertain how to answer without offending her. He had brought her here, to his ancestral home, because she was languishing in the Western Hold.

"It wasn't to seduce you," he answered quickly, "if that's what you're thinking." He slanted her a grin. "Not that I'm adverse to the idea."

Amayami snorted, lifting her chin, and he mentally cursed. He rubbed her palm with his thumb, feeling the calluses left from years of swordplay.

"But that's what you thought, regardless," he said, lifting her hand to his lips. "And it's what you're thinking now."

Before his lips had so much as grazed her knuckles, she had already jerked her hand away.

"Despite what you think you know," she nearly spat. "I do not always think the worst of you, Inu no Taishou."

"Oh?" he replied coldly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Name one instance where you thought favorably of me. You can't, can you?"

Amayami flinched, but managed to look him in the eye. "I came to make peace with you, but I see now that it was a wasted effort." Her voice sounded weary and indignant. "Just like everything else with you."

Touga sank to his haunches with the ease of one who was used to living rough and before she could pull away, he wrapped his arms around her waist. She stiffened, flattening her palms against his shoulders as he pressed his cheek to her belly and tightened his arms. Then after a moment, she relaxed and began stroking his hair.

Amayami heard his breath grow deep and even. Relaxed like this, he looked so much younger and so very vulnerable.

"You're such a mystery to me," she admitted, sighing softly as he nuzzled her belly. "One moment you're strutting around like a common braggart and then the next you're…" she frowned, realizing he had gone very still and lax. She nudged him lightly. "Are you asleep?"

"No." He lifted his eyelids enough to see her through his lashes. "Just relaxing."

"Hmm." A smile curled at her lips as she combed through his yards silvery hair. "Is this how you always handle negotiations?"

Touga loosened his grip, allowing his hands to slide down her back to cup her bottom. "You'd be surprised how often it works."

His comment drew a short chuckle and he smiled in return. This is how it should be between us, he thought, turning his head so that chin rested on her belly. "I'm sorry."

As the smile vanished from her face, her eyes grew distant and Touga feared that he had offended her again. Before he could utter a single word of explanation or apology, she caged his face in her hands and bent at the waist, touching their foreheads.

"I know," she said, brushing her lips against his. "I too owe you an apology. I haven't been the easiest person to live with."

Touga felt his mood sink minutely. "You fight so hard for things that should matter little." He pulled his head away, scrutinizing every inch of her face. "And now it's broken you."

A surprised laugh escaped Amayami. She caught herself, aware of the sudden spark of his anger. "My, you do think highly of yourself, don't you? Be assured that it would take more than few minor inconveniences to break me."

Touga dropped his arms to his side, allowing her to step away. "A minor inconvenience?" he repeated, bristling as he rose to his feet. "Is that all I am to you?"

"And what am I to you?" she countered, sharply. "You certainly don't see me as an equal."

Touga closed the distance between them and caught the back of her head with one hand. "You know that's not true."

Before she could utter a single word, he kissed her hard, bruising, and parted her mouth with his own. His tongue darted between her lips, gliding over the sharp points of her fangs as his free hand splayed across the small of her back, urging her up into the kiss. He was not sure what he was trying to prove, but at the moment it seemed right.

With a little moan, Amayami dragged her lips from his to press hot kisses down the line of his jaw, catching the plump tissue of his ear lobe between her teeth. She nipped him lightly, and then licked the shell of his pointed ear in a single wet line.

Touga slowly sank to his knees, bringing Amayami's slight weight down with him, and lowered her gently to the floor. He placed one hand on either side of her head and bent, so that his face loomed only inches from hers. "You have more power over me than any being alive."

He lowered his nose to her hair, inhaling the scent of rain and of the sachets Cho had used to freshen the bed linens. "You're nearly as strong as I am, and so much faster," he murmured, swallowing as his voice grew hoarse. "There is precious little I can force you to do."

Amayami gave a wordless whimper and lifted her face to his. He felt her cool cheek on his throat, her soft lips parted as she traced the length of his jaw with her tongue. She brought her hands up between them, but did not push him away. "It's what you can do without trying that frightens me."

"You don't like losing control," he said, softly. His hand smoothed down her body, feeling the softness of his breasts, brushing over her belly and down between her thighs. "Of anything."

She flinched and caught his hand. "My body is the only thing I have left that's truly mine.

"Hmm, I see," he murmured, nuzzling her collarbone. He opened his mouth over hers, sucking in her bottom lip, and ignored the slender hand plucking halfheartedly at his fingers.

Her back arched and she voiced a little cry as he began caressing her through the light cotton of her yukata. Against her will, her hands plunged into his hair, pulling him down as she pressed clumsy kisses to his chin and throat. Thin ribbons of pleasure wove through her, one after the other, widening as they grew in strength.

Amayami trembled in anticipation, sucking in her breath, as Touga untied her sash with his free hand. Slowly, his fingers followed by his lips, he parted her yukata and exposed her skin to the chilly night air. With a tender laziness, he began kissing her breasts.

She pressed her lips together, smothering the growls that wanted to crawl from her throat. Her face turned red, her entire body tensing, as a foreign sensation grew within her lower belly.

Then she felt his gentle lips against her brow, slipping into her hairline, and down the curve of her jaw. She was aware of the heat radiating from his skin, and of the gentle pressure of his hands caressing her body.

"Shh. Don't fight so hard," Touga chided as his lips and teeth grew rough at her neck. "Tell me to go and I will go."

It was a lie and they both knew it. He would no more leave, than she would ask him to go. Still, he set back on his heels and offered her the pretense of escape. His hands smoothed up her arms and then back down to her fingertips. A soft moan escaped her lips when he lifted both her hands to kiss the insides of her wrists.

"So warm, soft," he murmured, lips brushing her flesh, eyes slightly dazed. His tongue grazed one of the stripes along her wrist, before swirling around her pulse point. "Just tell me to go."

Amayami made a sound low in her throat as indecision unraveled into temptation. His lips brushed against hers, and she felt her body relax and begin to yield. Until there was nothing that could keep her fingers from knotting into his hair or her lips from pressing against his as she pulled him down.

Touga rocked feverishly against her, face buried in the hollow of her throat. Her hands roamed over his body, touching him places she never before would have dared. There was a new anticipation, a confidence within her she had never felt before. Perhaps, she was tired of fighting the inevitable. Or perhaps, there was no perhaps and she simply wanted him.

Amayami moaned softly then, touching his cheek, urged his mouth to hers. The kiss began slowly and then changed without warning. Her mouth became desperate with a groan that seemed to come somewhere deep inside her.

Touga matched her fervor, his lips growing wild and tempestuous against hers. His tongue darted into her mouth, coaxing in a restless search for something more. She wound her arms around him and flattened herself against his body. His hands bruised at her hips, molding her against the warm evidence of his desire.

Abruptly, he tore his lips from hers and pinned her with his scarlet pricked gaze. Watching for any sign of hesitation, he pulled back slowly and untied his obi. Touga ran a trembling hand down the slight flare of her hips and the long length of her thighs. Wondering, as he began to kiss down her belly, why he was suddenly so apprehensive.

He had done this countless times, with countless women. Seldom were they anything but passing fancies or concubines traded for personal gain. Amayami was different. She was his, but more importantly, he was hers.

And I can't tell her, he thought, watching the soft rise and fall of her chest. Not ever.

He sprinkled kisses on her cheeks and forehead as he slowly removed his clothes. And nearly leapt from his skin when her hands slid down to unknot his hakama ties. After a moment, he crept over her, shifting most of his weight to his elbows and froze, entranced.

Amayami was always beautiful, but lying beneath him she was radiant. Her hair was sweaty and wild, curling softly around her, and her skin pale ivory with touches of rose. Her white-blue eyes had bled to the vivid cobalt of her true form and the stripes on her cheeks writhed.

Beneath him, she shifted and parted her thighs, drawing her knees up to hug his hips. She lolled her head back, squeezing her eyes shut as if in pain.

"Amayami, dearest," he murmured, brushing his lips against her burning cheek. "Look at me."

Very slowly, she opened her eyes and stared up at him, blinking. Her cheeks were flushed and her thoughts were muddied, but her anger was quick and biting. "Is this all you want from me?"

Touga pressed against her, his hips rocking slow and teasing, and then kissed the bridge of her nose. "This and more."

One of his hands slid between their bodies, smoothing its way down her stomach to touch her lower. Then without another word, he began pushing into her, slow and sure.

She tensed. It hurt, but the pain was fleeting, and nothing compared to the feeling of invasion. He was closer to her than any being had ever been. Swallowing a tiny cry of hurt, she looked up to find him staring down at her.

"Shh, it's all right." His voice was tender and calm, matching the soft, slow movement of his hips. "Just relax."

Biting her lip, Amayami slid her hands up his back, gripping his shoulders, and squeezed her eyes shut. The stabs of pain edged pleasure were almost too intense to bear. She squirmed beneath him, hips rolling to meet his as the pain slowly ebbed away.

Then, all gentleness seemed to leave him. His face turned violently red, muscles chording in his neck as his movements became harsh and demanding. She let out a cry, more pain than pleasure, and raked her claws down his spine. His mouth bruised against hers, tongue thrusting with the same rhythm as his body, muffling her cries.

Suddenly Touga wrenched his lips from hers and buried his face in the hollow of her throat. He made a low bestial sound, and then jerked as a long almost painful pleasure coursed through him. His body trembled, shuddering as he collapsed on top of her, gasping for breath.

Lifting his head, he kissed her, crude and apologetic, his hands griping at her hips. Touga felt her mouth tremble under his, heard her breath hitch in her throat. For a long moment he lay within her, content to nuzzle her sweaty hair.

"I never expected," he breathed unsteadily, his lips tracing the line of her jaw. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she replied with the shreds of her pride in her voice. She smiled softly, but could not quite look at him. "I'm fine."

Touga withdrew slowly, noticing the wince she tried to hide and rolled to his side. He stared at her for a moment, vaguely ashamed of his loss of control. "Are you sure?"

Amayami jerked her yukata closed, scowling. "I said, I'm fine!" she snapped roughly and then sighed, meeting his eyes. "Why do you care? You got what you wanted."

Bitterly, she wondered if she would always remember this night with the same amount of shame. As much as she longed to, she could never forget this night. He would, of course. He had other women.

Touga winced and reached for his clothes. "No," he said under his breath, searching her pale, wounded eyes. He leaned forward and caught her arms as she tried to rise. "Don't assume this was meaningless to me."

She forced herself to smile. "What should I assume?"

He shook his head, at a loss for what to do or even say. He wanted to tell her that this had meant something: that she meant something more to him, but the words refused to come.

Amayami drew her knees to her chest hugging herself and looking utterly lost. "I've betrayed everything that matters to me."

Her words were an icy blade to his heart. He wanted to feel angry, but instead found himself fighting a pang a guilt.

"I can't take back anything I've done. I've never even wanted to." His nostrils flared in a pointed exhale. "But now? Now, I feel as though I've lost the only good thing to come from the war."

To his amazement, she leaned into him and laid her head on his shoulder. "I was never yours to lose."

"I know," he ground out, hating the ache within his chest. Hating even more that he had no one, but himself to blame. "Damn it! I just wanted…I should have listened."

Amayami smiled faintly, sadly. "Me too," she whispered. She touched his face, feeling the muscles tremble beneath her fingers. For a moment, she imagined the shine to his eyes might have been tears. "I'm going for a walk."

He snagged her around the waist as she tried to rise. "Don't leave," he said, surprised by the desperation within his voice. "The woods are dangerous at night."

His arms smoothed up her back, pressing her up against him. He felt her sigh. Her breath was warm on his skin and his body responded instantly to her touch.

"Safer out there than in here," she mused aloud, sighing as he kissed the space behind her ear. Her skin felt large and aching, and her body throbbed in places she never thought it would. To her surprise, it was less of a pain and more of a longing. "I'm fine, Touga. Really."

Touga rose to his feet, lifting her with him and set her lightly on her feet. He wanted to carry her, to hold her close, but did not wish to distress Amayami further. Instead he ran a forefinger down one of the stripes on her cheek. "Then stay with me tonight. I want you near me."

Amayami's eyes flashed with a reflexive spark of anger at the challenge within his words. Then relented, sighing as she shook her head. It was of no use. She had already given him everything he wanted to take. "I need time to think."

Touga pressed a kiss to her forehead, right above her crescent moon. Then he cupped her chin, his eyes very serious. "I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing one cheek, then the other, "I wanted your, our first time to be…" He flung out his hand, a gesture of frustration. "More than just rutting on the floor."

Hot shame washed over Amayami and she averted her eyes. "That's all it was to you?"

"No! It was…damn it!" Gripping her shoulders, Touga gave her a little shake. "Stop being so fucking stubborn and listen for once!"

He glared at her with heated impatience, daring her to speak a solitary word. "I wanted it to be special, because you are special to me; more special than my concubines or anyone else. You're going to be the mother of my heir!"

"So I'm just your broodmare?" Amayami snapped, resentment burning in her eyes. "I hate to disappoint you, Inu no Taishou, but you are several decades too early."

At his wit's end, Touga caught her around the waist and pulled her into a bruising kiss. "Stop it," he bit out, then slowed his kisses to light pecks. "Stop trying to pick a fight with me."

Amayami glared at him a moment, then her features softened into the start of shy smile. He was correct: she was trying to pick a fight with him. She was angry with him, but mostly at herself for her inability to stay angry. At least not over trivial matters.

What was it about Touga that bid her to always forgive him? If he were anyone else, the servants would be cleaning his blood from the floors.

Perhaps it was the soft look in his eyes or the wicked quirk of his lips. An undefined something that would not allow her to remain angry with him. She liked his sense of humor and his braying laugh and when he called her pet names, even if she would barely admit it to herself.

He's charming, she allowed, laughing softly to herself. When he's not acting like a complete dolt.

Touga watched the emotions play over her normally impassive face and wondered what she could be thinking. Experience told him that it was likely something at his expense.

He stepped back, holding her at arm's length, to give her a stern look. "What?"

Amayami shook her head, eyes twinkling with laughter and her expression slightly dazed, then gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "You're cute."

"I am not cute." Touga balked at the very concept. "I'm a warlord."

Her pale brow arched, regal and bemused. "And you cannot be a cute warlord?"

"No," he said flatly, shaking his head. Amayami was in one of her perplexing moods again. Perplexing, in that he was uncertain whether to laugh or brace himself for her wrath. "I cannot."

She laughed and slipped free of his grasp in one easy movement. "Well," she clucked, flicking the end of his nose. "We do not always get what we want now do we, Inu no Taishou?"

"Damn you," Touga murmured softly, without any real anger in his tone. "Can't you just accept an apology?"

All amusement left her face. She held his gaze, eyes sinking and unreadable. "I'd rather you attempt to rectify your wrongs, than have you have offer apologizes. But I don't wish to talk about that now."

"Of course not." Touga threw up his hands in defeat, bitterness creeping into his mood. "You never want to talk about anything important."

"I want to know what upset you enough that you felt the need to strike me," she began, her tone sharp. "But if you're going to whine, I will have to draw my own conclusions."

He reached out helplessly, hands not quite touching her. "I said I was sorry. Short of begging your forgiveness, what else can I do?"

"As I said before, your apologizes mean nothing to me unless you are willing to rectify your mistakes." She lifted her hand to his face, stroking the jagged stripe on his cheek. "You can start by telling me what's bothering you."

Touga took her hand in his, squeezing lightly. In truth, he did want to talk, but was worried at what she might think. His history was long, bloody, and colored with matters better left unspoken. There were shadows no amount of light could fill.

"It's a long story, Maya." He looked up at the ceiling, sighing at the slatted boards. "And a rather ugly one."

He tried to pull away, but her grip on his hand froze him. Her sudden tenderness towards him made his heart swell in his chest. Without a word, she pressed her lips to his cheek, then his chin and the corner of his jaw.

"I have the time," Amayami whispered into the shell of his ear. "And I won't judge you by your family."

Touga had to smile. Her words were so earnest, so heartfelt that he could feel the truth in every word. Or at least the truth she wanted to believe. She stepped back, offering him the chance to gather his bearings.

As she turned away, Touga slipped into his kosode and pulled an old haori from the wall. He gave it a shake, freeing it from any dust before draping it over her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" she asked, confused as he pulled the padded fabric up over her head like a hood.

"Come with me," he said, leading her by the hand. "I want to show you something."

She dug her heels into the floor, stubbornly refusing to move. "What? Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He took both her hands, tugging them in unison. "You said you'd stay with me tonight." Realizing how close he was to begging, he let go of her hands and stepped away.

Amayami fisted one hand into the haori to keep it from sliding from her shoulders. "I did not," she scolded with good humor. "Honestly, you're such a child sometimes."

Touga snorted, crossing his arms over his chest and arching a brow. "And you nag like an old woman." He softened, but just marginally. "Amayami, please."

It was the please that convinced her and that his words were a request, rather than a command. She nodded slowly. "All right, but only if you promise to tell me everything."

He considered for a moment, irritation creasing his brows. It seemed ironic that one so private, almost secretive, as Amayami would demand disclosure from another.

"You have my word," he said, sighing in defeat. "I will tell you everything, even matters you will wish to have not heard. Then afterward, we'll talk about what happened tonight."

He held her eyes, watching as she nodded in agreement. Her pale eyes and impassive features concealed her thoughts too well. "We're going for a walk?"

Touga took a moment to straighten his clothes before stepping through the side door. To his chagrin, he realized Haru had left it open. "Yes," he murmured, hoping she would not come to the same realization. "To the orchard."

"I could see it from the bathhouse." Amayami snuggled down into the haori, slipping her arms through its sleeves. "I wanted to visit it earlier, but I fell asleep while waiting for you."

Touga grimaced. "I couldn't face you after what I'd done," he admitted, looking back over his shoulder. "Hitting you was inexcusable."

She halted in her tracks, glowering at his back as he continued walking. "Because I'm a woman?"

Touga snorted and shook his head tiredly. "I've killed more women than I can count." There was no boasting in his words, only a tired statement of fact. "Some even younger than you."

"Then why?" she called, lengthening her stride to match his. "What makes me different?"

He glanced at her sideways. "If you were an enemy I would not hesitate to kill you."

"You could try."

"I could try," Touga amended, looking up at the lightening sky. It would be dawn within an hour. "I would not have hesitated to use force. But back there you were trying to help and I took my anger out on you."

He fell silent for a moment, before letting out an audible breath. "And then we rutted on the floor."

Amayami rounded on him. "Must you be so offensive?" She paused to draw a calming breath. "Beasts in the field rut, we do not!"

Touga blinked at her as if she had lost her mind and raised his hands in a placating gesture. He had the good grace to squeeze his laugh into cough. "Yes, dear."

"Don't you dear me-" she caught herself in mid phrase. She angled her chin defiantly, glaring sideways at his smirk. "What must I see in the orchard?"

"Your wedding present."

Amayami paused, now more confused than abashed. "But you said…" she shook her head, frowning. "You've already given me a wedding gift."

"I have, but you didn't seem to like it." He let out a pointed exhale. He had given her an obi, wide and beautiful, cut from silk imported from the far west. "So, I thought perhaps you'd like something else. Consider it a one month, almost two month, anniversary present."

Amayami frowned, perplexed at the faint hurt within Touga's words. It was not like him to be so sensitive. "I thought it was beautiful," she explained, smiling gently. "Too beautiful to wear with a sword."

Another breath and he paused, turning to study her. He almost said, I'll protect you, but thought better of it. She would only be offended.

"You have claws, rather sharp ones, and poison. And you can move like lightning." Curious, he watched her fist her hands into the folds of her yukata. "What was your mother?"

"Powerful, beautiful, and very sad," she answered, her eyes far away. "I was too young to remember much else."

"I see." Touga could sense she was dodging the question, but let it pass. Knowing, as he did, better than most, the pain family could cause. Still, part of him longed for one of his own. Perhaps, he truly was a fool.

"What do you think of the orchard?"

"It's beautiful," she said, blinking the drizzle from her eyes. "What kind of trees does it have?"

"Fruit," he said, chuckling when she rolled her eyes. "Plum mostly with a few pears and peaches. We tried to grow nuts once, but the soil isn't right." He paused, watching his booted feet sink down into the muddy soil. "It's yours."

"You're giving me your family orchard?" Amayami asked after a long moment. The uncertainty coloring her voice matched that fluttering within her breast. "Why?"

"Because it's mine to give," he said, his words flat and hollow. "No more questions, Amayami."

Before she could protest, he turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving her with a choice of whether or not to follow.