MILITARY HYSTERIA
CHAPTER 4: WHATS UP WITH COLONEL?
Everybody was sitting in Roy's office talking away, as if the world had stopped just for them, actually Roy wasn't even there nor was Riza so all of the subordinates were in the short fantasy of freedom. Then Roy had busted into the room without welcoming.
"Hello Colonel!" greeted Fuery.
Roy quickly shoved his face into fury's "give me your lunch?" demanded Roy.
"What sir?"
"You heard me boy!"
"But sir what do you need my lunch for?"
"Just give it to me".
"Alright" Fuery had reached into a desk and pulled a brown paper bag "here you go" Roy quickly snatched it out of his hand and search through it like he was looking for gold, or something important. He threw the lunch on he floor. "Where's the tuna?"
"Tu-tuna sir?"
"Yes, and where's he cheese?"
"Cheese si-"
"Don't 'cheese sir' me! Don't tell me you don't have cheese!"
"No-no sir I'm lactose intolerant".
"God you are such a nerd, go and get some tuna and cheese now!"
"YES SIR!" Fuery had quickly ran out the door.
Roy slammed in his office chair, his faced looked left in right with paranoia, and he fumbled his fingers up and down.
"ummmm colonel?" asked Falman.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT BAKA?"
"Dang colonel that hurt" whimpered Falman.
"Well listen, I just don't give a f#ck".
Havoc looked at the colonel for a long period of time "awww I see now" says Havoc, "What he hell you talking about Havoc?" says Roy.
"You're going through your mid-life crisis".
"What?"
"Your mid-life crisis, when your hair turns gray, you start to have craving for the most unusual things, and mood swings of course. Colonel your getting-"
"Don't say it Havoc!"
"Old".
"NOOO I'M NOT OLD!" yelled Roy.
Fuery ran up in the office with a gift to present to Roy "here you go colonel, some cheese and tuna like you ordered" Roy quickly slapped it out of Fuery hands "So your calling me fat now?" Fuery stood there shaking, "This tuna LIGHT and this is lactose low fat cheese! What the hell were you thinking?"
"I was thinking you might want to keep your figure si-sir".
"What do I look like a bitch? Go get me some real tuna and cheese!"
"YES SIR!"
"Hurry up slave!"
"Mid-life crisis" teased Havoc.
"I am not old and I'll prove it!"
NEXT DAY
Riza was sitting in Roy's chair; technically keeping it warm for his arrival. "Hey where's Roy?" asked Riza while looking at her gun in a slender view "three words, mid-life and crisis" says Havoc
"Ooooh so he's going through that stage already?" asked Riza "yep"
Then a body came crashing through the wooden well-carved door "Yo, you ready to rock!" yells Roy. "Ro-Roy what happened to you?" says Breda. "First stage of mid-life crisis denial of being old, so he is reverting back to his teenage years" says Havoc.
"Quiet pot head! I am young and there's nothing you can say about that!" Roy was dressed up in some dragging black ripped pants; the shirt had ripped sleeves and his hair. O god his hair was spiky at the top and the side of his head was shaved.
"Boy that is a big turn off," says Riza.
"Whatever dike" snapped Roy.
"Did you just called me a dike?" yelled Riza.
"Did I st-studder lesbian?"
"I am not a lesbian!"
"Sure that's what they always say" Roy dwindled his way to the window and pulled out a spray can. "What do you plan on doing with that?" questions Havoc, holding back Riza.
"What do you think pot head? I'm destroying property," says Roy, as if it was normal to make mischief. He started to spray paint the window.
"You have lost your mind Roy," says Havoc.
"Whatever pot head" sneered Roy.
"Stop calling me pot head!"
Roy ignored his comment and continued to paint his masterpiece, when he was done everybody was in shocked of what it said:
THE FURHRER SUCKS ASS, HE CAN KISS MY LEFT NUT
"Isn't it rockin? I think this brighten ups the room" gloated Roy. No one had nothing to say they were to stun by Roy's insunbordination. Then Fuehrer Bradley had walked in "I'm just checking up on my hard working mili-" Bradley looked at the graffiti on the window "who the hell did this?" asked Bradley.
"RIGHT HERE! YO THE R. MUSTANG RIDER DID THIS!" yells Roy "Whatcha think it brightens up the room right?" Roy wraps his hands on Bradley's shoulder "is it great or what?"
"Please come with me Roy," says Bradley.
Fuehrer Bradley had walked to the door with Roy following him "see you sucka's later". With that he left with his pride behind him.
"Ok...fifty bucks saying that Roy will be kicked out t he military!" yells Havoc, while slamming his money on the table. "I bet that," says Riza.
"You Riza?"
"Hell yes that bastard called me a dike."
NEXT DAY
Roy slump into his office he was wearing his uniform but had to wear a cap on his head. He sat down in his chair wide eyed and scared. "Colonel was did you go? Yesterday you never came back, what did they do to you?" asked Riza
"I cant say what they did just know, what they did cannot be spoken by human words" whispered Roy
"Common Roy tell us," says Havoc. Roy started to cry. "They-they made me-"
"Yes?" says Riza.
"THEY MADE ME WATCH A VIDEO OF ROSEOL DONALD ON A STRIPPER POLE! IT WAS AWFUL!" he cried. "Eww that will make any man want to cry, for me, kill myself," says Havoc.
"Oh my poor baby" says Riza, while hugging Mustang. "It was awful Riza! Awful! I told them to stop but they wouldn't do it! They wouldn't!" sobbed Roy "It's ok Roy Roseoll Donald is lesbian anyway so you have nothing to worry about" says Riza.
"Al-alright" sniffed Roy.