Title: Otherwise
Author: Ainahim
Pairing: Riku/Sora, brief Sora/Kairi
Rating: T for character death
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not mine. It is soooo not mine.
xXx
Riku wanted to die with him. I can tell.
When Sora died, he didn't react. He was just shocked. There was no other emotion, but I mistook that for him not really caring, and I hated him in that instant. How dare he not care.
The day it happened was my day to cry.
I was the one who had held onto Sora, telling him everything it would be okay, that the wound wasn't that deep, really, even though it was. Riku was stroking his forehead, telling him to listen to me, to hold on.
He did hold on until the fighting stopped, but he didn't hold on long enough afterwards. I think our hearts momentarily stopped beating with his, and when my silver-haired friend simply stood up and began to walk away from Sora's limp form, I lost it. I ran up to Riku, asking him how he could be so unfeeling, crying and wanting to hit him and scream more, but I couldn't. My grief took hold and I lost my footing. Riku held on to me then, but he didn't say anything, didn't try to comfort me otherwise, because there was no way to comfort me otherwise.
I think he was trying to deny it was even happening. But now there's no way to deny it today.
Today was Riku's day to cry.
And now, watching him, I can see the pain on his face as he looks to the headstone. It's Sora's name. It's Sora's birth date. It's Sora's death date. Riku, in an obviously subconscious act, because he would never do this consciously, puts a hand over his heart.
I am literally watching my friend's heart breaking, and it hurts to watch almost as much as Sora's death. I can only imagine how it feels for Riku.
Everything he never got to say, that I know he never got to say. Everything I tried to get both of them to say, that I never could.
Riku saw Sora as mine, because that's how we played it to the public, but I knew the truth. I knew that Sora wanted to be Riku's. He cried when he told me that's what he wanted, he said he was sorry but that it couldn't be any other way. I expected to be more hurt by the news, but honestly, it was easy for anyone to see. It just took me Sora's confession to get myself to admit it.
Riku had told me he wanted Sora. But they wouldn't let me convince them that it was mutual.
So they never knew what could have been, even when I tried. So it isn't my fault.
And yet…seeing Riku now, I feel as though it is. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. They were the only two people who really mattered to me, and they never lived their biggest dream. I was the messenger in the middle with the power to make it happen. I didn't.
It isn't my day to cry anymore, but I shed a tear, to coax Riku along, almost as if telling him that it's okay.
My tear was all that he needed. He drops limply to his knees, his eyes wide, reading over the words on the grave…name…birth…death…will be missed…will be dearly missed. A dry sob escapes Riku's lips, and I drop next to him, trying to hold him as he cries the way he held me.
I don't say anything, don't try to comfort him otherwise.
My eyes widen as I hear Riku whisper his love to the grave, his tears spent, not caring that it's far too late.
I don't try to comfort him otherwise.
There will never be a way to comfort him otherwise.
There will never be a way to bring back what's been lost.
xXx
A/N: I needed to write angst. There you go. You really don't have to read or review, just wanted to write angst.