"Quil. If you do not want to know right now, I will not force the knowledge onto you. It will be always up to you whenever you want to know. It, however, is important that we test all members in time. That way we can fully understand the family tree. It has been the responsibility of Alphas to track parental lines for generations. This current pack is bigger than any have been in the past. Rumours surround how each of us is connected. Nothing is currently based in fact. As Alpha, I feel a responsibility to stitch each pack member directly to their source of magic." Sam spoke with reverence.
I felt my skin become electrified as Sam spoke with power in his voice. I needed to focus on anything else, or I would need to bring Sam upstairs right now. The thought of him using that tone on me excited my bones.
"I can probably get the tests soon." Leah seemed unfazed by Sam's speech.
Looking at my sister, she was the picture of comfort and grace. Each second around this table, I had the feeling that I did not belong. That without my imprint, I would not be here. Yet, Leah sat on Jacobs lap like she would be there even if he wasn't. She did not need Jacob to belong here. Momentarily, my soul wished I could say the same thing. Maybe knowing that I am connected by blood to this magic would give me the confidence that Leah has.
Chapter 23: Where's Home?
As Always Happy Reading!
The speed in which the pack was able to devour mountains of food would always amaze me. The amount of food that had been laid lovingly out on the table, was more than I would have eaten in a month back home. Even then, that would be a good month of Grandma's cooking. Maybe if Grandma was still around, she could teach me new recipes to try on the men around the table. She always had ways of making more than enough food.
Sam's lips brushed the back of my neck, pulling me away from the comforting feelings that came with the memory of my grandmother. Focusing back on the table in front of me, I watched as the men started to filter out. Jarred and Quil, being the first two, stated that they needed to see their imprints. I think they were hurried out by the constant glares from the imprints around the table. I did not participate with the imprints silent scolding of the men, not that I did not enjoy it.
Choking back a laugh, I watched Rachel's eyes roll. She did not like that the men did not bring their imprints with them. Momentarily, I worried that she would start more drama. I had a deep desire to have the pack all on friendly terms. My soul knew rifts would cause Sam pain. I mentally noted that I needed to try to bridge the gap between the men and the rest of the pack.
Seth left the table with his flamboyant happiness. Pain hit my heart for a moment as I realized how much was on the line for Kyle. If we could keep him young, not force him to grow up too soon, maybe then he would be as cheerful as Seth. I watched my brother as he did a flip off the deck, obviously trying to show off. Some of the other boys seemed to pester him over the small action, one upping him with twists and turns off the short deck platform. In my heart, this is what I wanted for all the pack kids, to not be overburdened by the pack life, but instead to find a sense of freedom within the group.
Sam's hands seemed to be unable to let go of me. He created intricate patterns of lace with his fingers across my body. Each brush of his finger caused me to slightly shiver. He paused the tracing of his fingers, wrapping his arms around me. Encompassing me in his warmth, I relaxed against his broad chest, letting the heat soak into the deepest part of my body.
I absolutely love the feeling of Sam against my body. I silently scolded myself for not saying goodbye to each member of the pack. The feeling of my imprint holding me narrowed my focus, like we were the only ones in the room. I could live in this narrowed view for the rest of my life and be perfectly content.
"Well, I should be going home" Kyle's voice broke through my entrancement.
I sat up in Sam's lap. My eyes fell onto the young boy, burdened with anxiety and fear. My fingers dug into Sam's lap as my anxiety appeared to answer Kyle's. Sam remained relaxed under me, even though I was squeezing him tightly. Kyle did not meet my eyes.
Turning on his heels, he started walking for the front door. I was on my feet before anyone said a word. I was grateful for the first time in my life for the sprint speed drills in volleyball training. Kyle knew I would be coming after him. He tried to race me to the front door. Slamming myself against the front door, I blocked his way. Kyle had a desperate gleam to his eyes. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and protect him from the world. For that to happen, I needed him to not leave.
"Bella" Kyle begged.
"You are a child!" I could hear the panic in my own voice.
"I am old enough" Kyle sounded like a toddler trying to convince a parent to get a new toy. The need choking off his regular pitch, causing him to squeak.
"No" I could feel the tears coming to my eyes. I did not want to cry. Kyle needed to trust me. How could he, if he thought I was not emotionally able to protect him?
"Kyle, come take a seat at the table." Sam spoke from the other room. It wasn't a command, instead a request.
I watched as he hunched over like he was being caught stealing from a cookie jar. My heart ached as I watched him walk into the dinning room. Kyle flung himself into a seat across from Paul and Rachel. He did not make eye contact with anyone around the room. Yet, almost everyone's eyes were on him. Jacob, Leah, Paul, and Rachel starred down the poor boy. Embry's eyes were on me, his expression one of pride. I was a coward, only meeting Sam's eyes before I sat back down on his lap. Sam was gleaming at me, like I was the best thing he had ever seen in his life.
I tried to shoot him a small smile. Yet, I could feel the happiness being overwhelmed with the anxiety in my heart. The last thing I wanted was Kyle living in his family's old house alone. They abandoned him, and the last thing Kyle needed was to feel abandoned each night as he slept. I wanted him to feel comfortable and safe. Truthfully, I wanted Kyle to stay here.
"Kyle, do you wish to tell me why my imprint chased you to the door?" Sam asked.
Sam probably felt through the bond that I was unable to explain it to him. My body felt taut with anxiety, but my voice was silenced with fear. I did not want to say something wrong, something that made Kyle feel unwelcome.
"I don't know" Kyle mumbled under his breath.
"Kyle" Embry prodded.
I watched Kyle meet Embry's eyes. The pain in the boy's eyes caused my breathing to hitch. Embry did not show his recognition of Kyles pain. Instead, his brows raised in a question.
"I was going home" Kyle spoke to no one in particular.
"Do you wish the boy not go home yet?" Sam held me tight as he asked me.
"Who's home, Kyle?" I asked, needing the table to understand. I did not want to put Kyle on the spot, yet I couldn't have him leave.
"Bella" Kyle begged.
Everyone around the table was a trusted friend. This was a supportive environment. They needed to know to be able to support him. Kyle would not understand that right now. I reminded myself of that, over and over again. If Kyle was sitting before anyone else, he would be able to lie his way out of this conversation. I lied myself out of similar meetings when I was his age. He made a mistake, trying to leave when everyone was watching him. This proved his innocence, and how he was a protected child, until now.
"Anyone want to fill the rest of us in?" Jacob asked. I could tell from the lines on his face that he did not enjoy being out of the loop. Being the son of the chief, he probably was not uninformed often.
I let my eyes drop. The similarities in Jacob's voice shot me back into my own childhood. Now I wanted to lie for Kyle, based on pure survival instinct. Kyle would be okay, I would ensure it. Maybe I could get a job, we can live out of his parents house and go to school. I could keep us afloat.
Strong hands wrapped around me. Emotions of safety and support flooded from Sam into the bond. My moment of panic waned in it's control over my thoughts. I allowed Sam to sooth my fear. Feeling each of the pieces that had shattered in panic to click back to put myself together again, Sam offered me his hand. Only then did I notice that I was squeezing my hand so tightly that my knuckles had gone white. Painfully, I unclenched them, wrapping them tentatively around his hand. The warmth from his hand soothed the pain in my hand muscles.
Kyle sighed loudly. I could hear the frustration in his breath. "My parents moved off the Rez"
Sam encompassed me in his arms. I did not realize when I started shaking. Leah and Jacob talked in fast words to each other that I missed. Rachel stood up off Paul's lap and walked around the table. Only stopping when she reached Kyle. She pulled him into her, encircling him in love. I watched as she held Kyle, her body providing him a safe space.
I wanted to be able to do that for Kyle. Yet my own memories of abandonment was impeding my ability to support him. Angry tears stung my eyes. Sam lifted me off his lap, turning me to face him as he pulled me into his chest. I focused on his breathing, not wanting to prove to Kyle that he couldn't depend on me.
"Your parents left you? Who's parents could do such a thing?!" Jacob sounded shocked. I was glad I was not facing him. I could feel my face twisting into a mask of pain. It was simple for parents to leave. Only the truly good ones ever stuck around.
"Jacob, not the point" Embry sounded slightly scolding in his tone. He understood exactly where Kyle's parents were coming from. Probably like what happened to me, Embry's mom would leave for long periods, only returning when absolutely necessary.
"The council will want to know" I could hear the chief's authority coming out in Jacobs voice.
"They will know, but, not today" Sam spoke softly, no doubt remembering me walking away from him the last time I sent these emotions through the bond. I could feel his love and support crashing against me through our connection. Each moment I felt tentatively more secure in my emotions.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at Kyle. His face was stained with tears, mirroring mine. I could read the fear on his face, and each moment of silence scared me that he would not return to the carefree child he was. He must have been a carefree child once, before the weight of protecting the tribe was thrust on his slim shoulders.
"I think Kyle should move in here" I whispered into Sam's ear as quietly as I could manage. Knowing that everyone here had amazing hearing, besides Rachel and I.
I felt Sam beam with pride through our bond. Instantly, I was at ease. This is what he wanted to offer, but would not without consulting me. A pang of guilt hit my heart. Sam offers me so much, and yet I offered Kyle this home as if it was only mine. If this happens again, knock on wood, I made a mental note to talk to Sam before offering.
"Well as I see it, Kyle, you are too young to be living on your own" Sam gave the boy a tentative smile.
Kyle tensed. I knew his expression, having seen it enough times from friends on the streets of Phoenix. Kyle was debating whether to hear Sam out or run. It was the same look that I gave to the do-gooders who offered to help. On one hand they help you, with the same hand they report your mom. It is a win, then plummet to your death offer. A bowl of soup was never worth that much to me.
I felt my lungs demanding more air. Yet, I could not bring myself to breath in the tense silence. Sam's hands had noticed the lack of air entering my body. He focused his loving strokes on my upper back. Sam was anxious to get fresh air into my lungs. The desperation was felt both through the bond, and his stroking of my back.
"What do you want to do Kyle?" Embry broke the silence. His words allowed air to flow into my lungs, body filling with much needed oxygen. Sam pulled me against his chest, as if he was savouring the air in my lungs.
"I can't interrupt that" Kyle announced. His voice had an anxious pitch.
I caught the last moment of Kyles gesture at Sam and I.
"You wouldn't be interrupting" I told him. I stood, knowing Sam can read my expressions like a book. I needed to be careful about how I explained this to Kyle. My back to Sam, I continued "Kyle, if you are not here I will be sending Sam to your house every twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes?" Kyle raised his eyebrows as he questioned.
"Maybe ten. Depends on how worried I am about you" I shrugged. My face felt like it was a secure mask. Sam would see right through it. Even now, I felt his emotions searching for truth through the bond.
"Bella, I am a big kid. I can-" Kyle started.
"Veto. That is so fucking vetoed" Embry interrupted.
"I second that veto" I met Embry's eyes with a genuine smile on my face.
"I cannot go against my imprint. It is important for me to keep her happy." Sam's voice sounded unsuspecting. I allowed my feeling of triumphant joy to course through the bond. The answering feelings Sam sent through the bond made my heart glow.
"Where would I… How could I… My stuff. My house. I mean, what is the plan?" Kyle stammered his half spoken questions.
"Easy answer. Where would you, in your new bedroom upstairs. You can do it easily, go get your stuff. Your house is yours, no one other than you will hold claim to it. The plan is live here, until you are old enough to live on your own." I tried to answer all the questions. "Am I right?" I schooled my features turning to look at Sam.
"Sounds right to me" Sam's answering smile was radiant.
"I don't know" Kyle sighed.
"Give it a try. They are not going to keep you hostage." Paul added as Rachel sat back in his lap. "If they do, let me know. Won't be the first time I fought Jake or Sam. It would be about time for a good reason."
Rachel lightly elbowed him as he finished speaking. He wrapped his arms around her, tickling her lightly, until she let out the cutest chirping giggles.
"Embry would you help Kyle gather what he feels he needs?" Sam asked.
"Of course" Embry stood up. "Are you ready to go now Kyle?"
The poor young boy looked like he was going to cry. My heart searched for Kyle. I wanted to hug him and hold him. This time, when Kyle stood I did not race him for the front door. Instead, I watched with anxious breaths as he left. Embry shot me a 'don't blow our poor abandoned childhoods' look. It makes me smile momentarily, before I return to the safety of Sam's lap.
"Well, between that and the long council meeting, my brain is mush" Jacob announced.
"I am hoping that you are able to have one more conversation, Jake" Sam's tone was casual yet uneasy.
Paul and Rachel looked between the two men. Obviously, both trying to get clues as to what the conversation was going to be. I saw the defining lines in the people gathered around the huge table. The people looking at conversations from the council perspective was Jacob, Leah and Rachel. Paul, Sam and I looked at issues from the pack perspective. This was the core group that made all of the decisions. Partly, I was worried that I was a part of this core group. My perspective was not one that was raised here. Again, my head felt out of place, even though my heart was secure in my love for Sam.
"Did Billy take every imprint on the lake?" Sam asked.
Authors Note: I hope everyone is settling into the festive season. Know that I care deeply for everyone who has made it this far in my writing, I do hope that you take time to do some self care. Remember you are loved and that everyone is always welcome to pack meals. You are Loved.