A/N:*drops the chapter on the table and slides away* Thank you Bruntwaffle and Biscuit for helping me with this chapter! You are the best!
Marinette pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as she marched forward in the snow, hoping to block the chilly air from tickling her neck. Children laughed as they threw snowballs and made snow angels in the park. People were lined up near the bakery, waiting to get the perfect treat to bring home for the holidays. Christmas lights were hung around almost every building — trees were decorated with lights — their glow glistened off the fresh snow.
Everywhere she looked, individuals were singing and laughing. Couples were sharing intimate glances and kisses. Friends rushed toward each other, sharing greetings with large hugs.
Yet, as she walked home, she felt more isolated than she could ever imagine.
She stops in the middle of the sidewalk and watches as a couple runs towards one another, meeting halfway. Her heart twinges with pain as one of them wrapped their arms tight around the other.
She wanted to be them.
It had been six months since Ladybug and Chat Noir had defeated Monarch. Six months since Marinette had last seen Chat Noir; waiting every night for him to show up at their spot and crack a pun about being late for their date. Marinette knew he never would, but she still hoped for one last miracle.
She watched as the couple let go. She watched as they intertwined their hands, as both walked away.
It paralyzed her with the memories of the past, unable to move forward.
Today would have been their seven-month anniversary. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It never was.
With every fleeting moment, she replayed the memories of their only month as a couple. She was thinking about how she would give anything to have just one more second with him. To be able to play cards on top of the Eiffel Tower with him. To be able to share a warm sunset with cold drinks with him. To stargaze late into the night next to him. To be able to feel his lips pressed against her own. To feel his breath tickle the back of her neck as he peppered it with small, soft kisses.
"Marinette, you're staring at them," Tikki softly warned her.
"Right, sorry." Mentally kicking herself, she moved forward again.
Yet, the days continued to pass, even if she tried to stop them. Marinette thought she would have moved on by now, but every morning she was hit with the memory of that day. And now she would constantly be living in the aftermath.
The bell above the door chimed as she pushed it open. The smell of freshly baked bread and warm pastries filled the surrounding air. Slipping past the customers who were waiting in line, she made her way to the back of the bakery. Hoping to sneak past her parents and Adrien.
It delighted her that he had found something that he was passionate about. Even if she was a little jealous. Sure, she was glad he was happy, but how?
It just made little sense to her. He had lost everything, but even so, there he was, every day, smiling and laughing.
She kept her head down as she walked past the kitchen door.
"Marinette! Would you like some pastries? They are fresh out of the oven." Just then, Adrien stepped out there with a plate of steaming dessert in his hand.
"Thank you, Adrien. I'm okay," Marinette absentmindedly answered as she gradually made her way toward the apartment door.
Things had been different between them since he started working here. Long gone were the days of her stumbling over her words and her awkwardness when next to him. Even so, they still weren't nearly as close as people seemed to believe.
A slightly muffled cough came from behind her, pulling her from her thoughts. Marinette tried to ignore it as she slowly headed up the stairs.
She instantly dropped her bag when she heard the plate hit the ground, however. The ceramic plate shattered upon impact and tiny pieces slid all across the floor.
She spun around to see Adrien clutching his chest. The muffled cough quickly became louder hacks as Adrien leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath.
Within moments, Marinette was next to him, holding on to his elbow with one hand to support him; her other one rubbing large circles on his back, attempting to soothe him.
After several long seconds and a few harsh coughs, Adrien could finally calm down his lungs and breathe again.
"Are you alright?" Marinette asked as she helped him stand upright.
Adrien let out his last small cough. "I'm fine, just had a little itch in my throat" He looked down at the mess of the broken plate and ruined pastries. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to drop them. We can pay it off of my check." He bent down and started to pick up the larger pieces of the broken plate.
"That's not necessary. It was just a plate. I have broken a thousand before this one." Marinette walked into the kitchen, grabbed the broom and dustpan, and began sweeping up the pieces that Adrien didn't get.
"You always have been clumsy. It's one of the many things I like about you." He said so earnestly, Marinette turned around, directing her gaze on the ground. Trying to hide the faint blush that was creeping up on her face. She might have gotten over her lycée crush a while ago. But that didn't stop her from still feeling all sorts of fluttering in her chest whenever he would say things like that to her.
"But that seemed like more than an 'itch'. Are you feeling sick? Maybe you caught the flu? Do you need to take the afternoon off?"
She emptied the dustpan and returned the broom to its place.
"Marinette, I'm fine. It's just an itch."
"Right." She averted his gaze. "If you say so," She looked back at him, doubt in her eyes. She wanted to ask more questions, but didn't dare pry any further. "Well, will you at least come upstairs for some tea to help soothe your 'itch'?"
"I mean, I already took my break and there's–"
She ignored his response as she peeked around the corner inside the shop.
"Maman, I'm taking Adrien upstairs for a cup of tea. That's okay, right?" Marinette screamed, so her mother would hear.
Sabine turned around to look at her, before attending to the next customer." Okay, honey. Don't take too long!"
"Come on." Marinette motioned for him to come as she picked up her bag again.
She noticed Adrien wasn't following her after she had made it a few feet up the steps. Marching back down then, she firmly grabbed his hand and practically dragged him up the stairs.
Marinette paused for a brief second before opening the door to the apartment. This was… not exactly what she had wanted for her afternoon, but her friend needed help. All her other plans could be put on hold.
Setting her stuff down, she went straight to the apartment's kitchen and worked on getting a kettle on the stove.
She watched as Adrien stood in the doorway, looking a bit out of place.
"You can come in." She said as she started climbing the counter to reach the teacups on the top shelf. "I promise I won't bite."
"Okay," Adrien slipped his shoes off, set them outside the door, and walked over to her. "Should you be climbing on the counter?"
"Well, yeah, I do it all the time." She carefully set the two teacups down before she lowered herself from it. Not noticing the small puddle of water on the counter's surface, she realized it a little too late as her hand that had been supporting her slipped out from where it'd been. She struggled to maintain her balance, causing her to fall back. She tried to grab hold of anything within her reach, but failed. Accepting her fate, she closed her eyes while she let gravity take hold.
She felt Adrien's her to her from falling back. Carefully, he lifted her back up and set her down on the ground again. She could feel the blood rushing to her face as she turned around to face him. His hand lingered on the bare skin of her torso, his touch sending waves of electricity through her, lightening up every one of her senses.
His face was close enough that his breath mingled with hers. "Maybe you shouldn't," he said quietly, with mirth.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Marinette thoughtlessly whispered back, still flushed.
Between seeing that couple earlier in the day and the mix of loneliness, solitude, and mourning, all she could think about was how much she wanted to kiss him. But that's not appropriate. How could she still feel that way? Especially on her and Chat Noir's anniversary, of all days. All her senses were pulled towards Adrien, calling out, wanting to be wrapped in all his love. It was like every cell in her body was bursting with the desire to be close to him, held by him.
Adrien gently brushed the few stray hairs from her forehead behind her ear. A shiver ran up her spine. Marinette looked up and met his eyes.
As Adrien started to lower his head closer to her, the kettle began to whistle, resulting in Marinette jumping back. Whatever built-up tension they had had dissipated, just like that.
"Right, the tea!" Marinette slurred, turning around and turning off the burner.
Adrien cleared his throat, then took a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. "Yes, the tea." He whispered, voice a bit husky.
Marinette busied herself by grabbing the box of miscellaneous tea bags and sitting down next to him in sequence. "You can pick whatever flavor you like. We have just about everything in there." She huffed, as her heart filled with endearment. "Maman always says, 'A good cup of tea will fix all your problems.' I don't believe that, though. She also says all teas have a meaning of sorts–" Marinette continued her ramblings as she set everything up on the counter. Meanwhile, Adrien glanced at each of the options available. Two specific flavors caught his attention most, so those were the ones he settled on.
"This tastes… Surprisingly, good!" Adrien stated, a bit awed, as he continued to sip his drink.
"What kind did you pick?"
Adrien then examined the discarded packing. "Lemon-chamomile. What does your mother say this one means?"
Marinette set her cup down. She stood back from where she was leaning on the counter and crossed her arms, raising her finger to her lips. Tapping it while she tried to remember just what was it her Maman had told her.
"Oh, yeah!" Recognition flashed in her expression, eyes a bit wide. "Lemon is purification, love, friendship, healing, broken heart relief, and anger management. Chamomile is mostly just soothing and protection. The perfect drink to have when particularly stressed out." Marinette leaned back on the counter and whirled her tea with her spoon. "But they don't really mean anything."
"Well, what kind did you pick?"
"Ah, strawberry lemon."
Adrien let out a small laugh. "Of course you did."
Marinette glared at him before gently kicking his shin. "I happened to love strawberry-flavored drinks."
"Oh, we all know you do." He said with a smirk. "Remember when we all went to the countryside two years ago, and you ate so many strawberries you got sick."
Marinette mentally cringed at the memories from that summer. She had eaten so many strawberries during the day that she had spent the whole evening emptying the contents of her stomach.
"Don't remind me." She said, using her hands to conceal her face to prevent him from seeing the blush creeping up on her face.
Adrien reached over and gently pulled her hand away from her.
"Don't hide. I like it when you blush. You look like a strawberry," he said cheekily.
"Since strawberries are so amazing, what do they mean?" he asked as he playfully tapped her foot with his.
"Love, luck, joy, broken heart, and relief."
He glanced down at his cup, there was sorrowfulness written on his face, "Sounds like the tea was made especially for you, then."
Marinette thought she saw a slight flush appear on his face. Was he? No, why would he blush around her? It wasn't like he had feelings for her, anyway. He told her back in Lycée that he was in love with someone. She felt a tightness in her chest. Even though she was over her crush, it still hurt to know that he wasn't interested in her.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" She glared at him with a playful but tired look in her eye.
"I meant nothing bad by it!" He raised a hand in his defense, then waved it a bit as he continued. "You've just been distant for the last several months." He managed to sound even quieter. His grip tightened around the mug. It was like he almost regretted even saying it. "And from the way you hold yourself, it just seems like you had your heart broken. You used to radiate love, joy, and this fierce wave of energy. But now you just seem… lost and empty."
Adrien looked up from his cup and stared at her, locking eyes with her. She could feel his gaze seeking hers for any hint that the person she was still there.
Marinette sighed, closing her eyes, breaking off the possibility of him seeing all that pain she was trying so hard to hide. "A lot has happened since the end of lycée."
A heavy cloud of melancholia settled between them.
Taking another long sip from her drink, Marinette decided to change the subject. "Anyway! Anything new going on for you?"
"Not really." Adrien shrugged. "I think next week is my final physiotherapy appointment for my hand." He flexed his hand as he turned it over and examined it.
Marinette watched as the skin pulled around all the scars that spread over it. The scars resembled a broken mirror, all connected at a center point and flowed out from there. Between the rough-looking skin and the way, it reminded her of that night. Marinette had a hard time looking at it. The memories of what happened are still too fresh and raw in her mind to bear. His once-perfect hand was now scarred because of her. She was the reason he had gotten injured. If only she had been in her right mind and checked to see if he was home first…
A sigh. "I'm sorry," Marinette whispered, truly remorseful in her tone.
"Nothing to be sorry about. It's not like it was your fault."
Marinette tried not to let his words cut through her, at least not that harshly. If he knew, would he still be friends with her? Would he still be able to sit here and share a cup of tea with the person who ruined his life?
"It's not like I was a hand model." Adrien tried to joke, laughing at himself a little.
She looked back down at the pink tea in her cup and watched as it swirled around.
After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, "How is college going?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
And at that, she let out a loud groan. "Don't even get me started. Finals are coming up within the next week, and I haven't even started on my project. I have to make a whole clothing line that tells a story."
"Well, if you need any help, just let me know. I'd be happy to." He smiled at her. It was small but genuine. She averted his gaze, feeling a bit shy. Even now, he still tries to be a good friend.
"Thank you. What about you? Do you plan on hopping on any courses in the spring semester?"
"I don't think I will. I, um…" Adrien paused. A sadness settled into his features. A distant look in his eyes. Marinette wanted to go over and pull him into a hug. But before she had the chance, his expression changed back to his normal, carefree mannerism. "I like working here! There's going to be a lot more clientéle during the spring months. Your parents would appreciate the help. Plus, there are still so many things to learn."
Marinette would never tire of how his eyes lit up with excitement whenever he talked about the bakery.
She nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a great plan." She gazed back at her cup, swirling what was left of her drink slowly. "Papa won't shut up about you. He loves you, a lot. Maman too. We all do."
There's a silent, wistful pause before he replies. "I am so grateful that they gave me a chance. Not many people would want a terrorist's son working for them." And at that, she felt a spark of anger rise up her chest.
"Well, they're missing out on getting to know the most amazing person ever and the hardest worker they would ever see."
He flushed a bit, not that she noticed, and bubbled with giggles.
"Thank you, Marinette. You always know the right thing to say."
"I am only speaking the truth." Marinette crossed her arms and stood her ground, almost pouting. She would be ready to fight anyone who dared try to talk down about Adrien. If only they could see him the way she does.
"Aw, don't sell yourself short. You are amazing too." a sweet smile settles on his face as he reciprocates her compliment. He then turned to the clock on the oven. "I should probably get down there. It's almost time for the dinner rush. Thank you for the tea."
"No problem. But please, promise me if your 'itch' keeps up, you will see a doctor."
"I promise. Baker's honor." Adrien said as he placed a hand over his heart.
Marinette chuckled in response and rolled her eyes. He was definitely spending too much time with her father.
She watched as he slipped his shoes back on and headed down to the bakery. Once he was out of sight, she took a deep breath and started to clean up their tea break leftovers.
She had grabbed and unwrapped a small plate of cookies for Tikki before she started washing the cups.
As she scrubbed the teacups, she replayed the conversation in her mind, mentally facepalming herself for basically throwing herself at Adrien. She was in love with Chat, not Adrien.
She noticed as the small snowflakes fell and landed on the windowsill. They melted away within seconds of landing. She felt like she was watching her hopes and her dreams, melt along with them. Every time another one landed, she wished for it not to melt, even if she knew they were bound to. She just wanted something to stick, to stay.
She wanted Chat Noir back.
She could taste a sense of sourness rising in her throat.
Marinette felt the tears spring in her eyes. Frustrated and upset, she slammed the teacup into the sink and watched as it hit the sides and spun around; never shattering.
"Marinette, is everything okay–?"
She ran her hands through her loose hair, before sinking to the ground. Leaning her back against the cabinet she pulled her legs close to her and rested her forehead on her knees.
"No, Tikki. Everything is not okay." Marinette voiced her frustrations. "Today is our anniversary and there I was practically flirting with Adrien. Wishing that he would kiss me." Tikki came over and rested on her knee. With her little paw, she wiped away a few tears from Marinette's cheek. "Is it wrong of me to still have feelings for him, even if I am in love with Chat?"
"You know that Chat is gone. It is perfectly normal and healthy to move on. You will always love Chat Noir, but that doesn't mean you can't love Adrien too."
"But what if I don't want to move on?" She choked out. The wound of losing him still felt too fresh. She didn't want to accept that he was gone.
"Oh, Marinette," Tikki whispered with concern. "One day you will have to. You can't live in the past."
She looked up at the ceiling and blinked a few times, trying to get the tears to stop. It hurt, knowing that Tikki was right. No matter how much she wanted to stay in the past, the world would still move forward. In the end, the only one who would her up would be her.
Marinette let out a deep sigh before standing back up. "Let's get these dishes done."