"Bella, my Bella" Sam rocked me as he cooed. His deep voice washing over my skin in a soothing tone. I could hear the slight rasp that came when a phrase had been repeated again and again.
How long had Sam been speaking without me hearing him? I let my mind refocus on Sam's arms around me, enjoying the feeling of our connection. A tear leaked from my eye as I realized I would never feel love like this again. If I returned to Renee, to save the pack from my destruction, I would be losing the love of my life.
My breath hesitantly filled my lungs, fear washing over me. As I exhaled, I peeled the fear that stuck to my soul, forcing it to exit my body. Sam's scent filled me full of love, protection, and understanding. I could not voice my new realization, it would be too painful for him. Instead, I would hold my inadequacy and inability, and when the time came , I would save the pack.
The pack deserved better, I would make sure they never had to deal with the destruction that is me.
My decision leaves my mind as a howl sounds, dangerously close to the house.
Chapter 26: Love is not Control
POV: Sam
As Always Happy Reading
Being separated from Bella was like a bumblebee consistently stinging my brain. It was a consistent pain, yet, my body did not grow used to it. Each sting hurt, every sting a reminder that she was outside La Push borders.
If the man version of me did not like the pain, at least he understood it. In wolf form, I was fighting not only the relief of the sting that running to her would bring, but also the instincts of my wolf.
I forced my nose to the ground, needing to focus on the path that I was on. Luckily I was running with Paul, he didn't laugh when I found myself following my instinct, forcing me to painfully turn back ten miles out of our borders.
Instincts are always something that new wolves struggle with. In these predatory forms, it was easy for new wolves to catch a scent and be triggered into a hunting frenzy. Luckily for us, the forest provided enough prey, and new wolves seemed to be a part of the very ecosystem. No threat of accidental overhunting by our kind.
'Sam, I am not picking up on a leech smell-' Paul started.
My soul shuddered, I had to fight the compulsion to turn tail and run to Bella. She is with two very powerful wolves, she is safe. She is safe. I took a moment to focus on my breathing. No need to go into a suspicious situation with a panicked mind.
'It doesn't smell sweet, but it also smells devoid of its usual smell. Dude, am I making any sense? I don't know how else to describe it. Something is off' Paul's mental voice sounded flabbergasted.
I focused on what he was smelling. It did seem devoid of the normal odours of the forest. As if someone wiped the very moss of its scent.
'Who is next on patrol?'
'Quil, why, Sam?'
'On your next lap, see if you can get him to start early. I don't know what this absence of scent means, but I know I wouldn't mind an extra set of paws on the ground.'
Paul made a mental note of both the lack of scent and location, before bee-lining it to Quil. In wolf form we could sense where the rest of the pack was, no matter the form they are in. It was both a blessing and a curse for the young wolves. Sometimes they felt like they were being tracked.
As Alpha, I never used the ability to track where the wolves are for personal knowledge. I reprimanded others that used the locations of pack mates for personal gain. It did seem to run in a specific bloodline to use the others location without worrying about consent. I shook my head, needing a focused mind in the presence of this new information.
I ran the route faster, accommodating for the moments that I was the only wolf on the outer boarder patrol. Paul never took long to return. He had always been loyal, since shifting into a tribal protector.
I ran three laps full speed, nose to the ground, trying to find the lack of scent. Starting my fourth lap, my brain started to ache. I had run training with the pack on things they could actually track. Smelling for something that is missing had my wolf instincts fighting my human direction.
My brain hurt more as I blocked Bella and her distance from my mind. I needed to focus if I was going to protect the tribe. Heart burning, I ran faster, nose sore with the strain of each inhale. As I rounded the fifth lap the strange lack of scent had dissipated from the original location. Heart dropping, I hoped that the combination of both Paul and my memories of the weird sensation could be transmitted to the rest of the pack in a way that made sense. Yet, it was so unique that I was not sure it could be explained. Maybe there is a story passed down that would explain the sensation. I would have to remember to ask Billy tonight.
'I'm back. Sorry, Quil was, well it was not an opportune time for me to go and get him.' Paul mentally laughed.
It was a common occurrence, if not an unfortunate one. With time, I was sure I would be pulled away from Bella, as much as I would not want to go. The only reason it hadn't happened yet, was because Paul stepped up to cover me. The perks of a new imprint. Soon, I would start repaying his kindness, with a pregnant mate he would be needed at home.
'I have run six laps now. Nothing else has the strange scent' I could hear the desperate annoyance in my own tone.
'Weird.' Paul ran faster, retracing the paths I had run over and over again.
'The original scent has disappeared too. We didn't imagine it did we?' I felt stupid asking the question. Yet, It needed to be voiced. I needed the reassurance that Paul believed in the strange sensation as well.
'No man. It was real. It made me stop mid-stride. I was thinking about Rachel, not really paying too close attention to the route. Then, the absence of everything hit me. It was real.' The confidence in Pauls mental tone relaxed my anxiety.
'I will ask Billy about it tonight at the party' I sighed.
Billy was not who I wanted to talk to tonight. If I was honest with myself, I was still mad that he had taken Bella anywhere near the fog. Yet, he was still acting Chief. Hell, even when he finally gave full control to Jacob, he would be in the sidelines second guessing decisions. Maybe that is why Jacob has not demanded full control yet, because he knows it will never happen. Not while Billy is alive.
Quil phased in and ran the internal routes. The thought of us pulling him away from Clare because of an actual threat had him on edge - not that I blamed him.
I stuck to running the routes closest to where Bella would be driving in from. I watched the cars on the road, needing to know the exact moment that she was safe and within the protection of the full pack again.
When I finally watched Leah and Seth driving, I was overjoyed to see Bella in the back seat. She was rubbing her chest as they drove. I followed the car, waiting for a moment without humans around to let her see me. I could sense the laughter in Pauls mind. In private, he would joke with me about being a dog chasing a car, I just knew it.
Not that he was wrong, I would chase any car that Bella was in. As long as she wanted me to chase her. Finally we came upon a break in the trees, with just their car. I made myself more noticeable against the dense forest. The moment her eyes met mine, I felt her light up. The empty emotions I felt all patrol vanished. I knew I needed to return to patrol. Stopping my run, I watched the car safely turn into protected territory.
'Sam, I need you to smell this, is this who I think it is?' Paul mentally screamed at me.
I ran as fast as I could to his location, my mind more focused now that I had seen Bella. Still searching for the elusive lack of scent on my way.
I stopped in my tracks 10 meters away from Paul. My nose stung so hard my eyes watered. We knew this scent - the Cullens have come to the border's edge. I had not spent enough time in the vegetarian's company to distinguish who had almost crossed into our lands by scent alone.
'Let the others know. Pull back to our borders for patrol from now on. No need to start a war moments before a celebration.' I commanded.
It was important to deal with the Cullens with an orderly pack. Too many young wolves that had the desire to prove themselves. We didn't need any of that. I internally sighed, knowing I would have to write letters to the Cullen house. I needed to know why they had come so close to the border.
Technically, Cullen correspondence should be a Chief duty. Yet, last time Billy was not able to remain calm enough to not break the pen. The treaty was not broken, yet. A letter questioning why they had come so close to the border would be a logical step. Jacob did not have enough emotional control to take over the responsibility. Maybe Leah could do it, after the wedding. I would not put that on her before then.
'Sam, I will cover the rest of your patrol. Quil and I got it. I know this adds a lot to your plate.' Paul practically ordered me.
If it was any other wolf I would have not had listened. Yet, Paul was my second in command. I trusted him more than any other wolf to take care of the pack with this new information.
I ran home, knowing I would be on the phone all afternoon. All the Elders would need to be informed. My wolf protested as we ran past the Clearwater house. If I got home now, I might be able to see her before the party.
I watched the sun cross the sky as I explained the same story for the ninth time. Hopefully the next generation's Elders will have a group chat. Maybe then my child won't have to waste their time calling everyone individually. Not that I minded who I was talking to now. I saved my personal favourite for last.
"Old Quil, do you-" I paused knowing I was going to sound crazy. "Is there any history about a missing scent." I asked holding my breath.
"Missing Scent? Did you not smell the Cullens? It is odd for them to be close to the border." Old Quil asked without condescension.
"No. It was before the Cullen's scent. I don't know how to explain this, it was like the forest was wiped of its aroma" I felt my eyebrows pinching together. At this rate, was I going to be questioned on my sanity? If I was in the elder's shoes, I would have questioned a non-existent scent.
"Have you told Billy about this?" Anxiety laced Old Quil's voice.
I leaned closer to the phone. It was not something that was common with Old Quil, he was usually consistently optimistic for an old man.
"I did. He told me that I must have ran too many patrols back to back. Basically told me that I was mistaken. Don't tell him but I have two separate patrol groups running right now." I admitted to Old Quil.
I focused internally on the location of the wolves, as I waited for Old Quil to speak. There was only a 20 second window between patrol lines. I calmed my worry by reminding myself I had wolves running alternate routes. Each new wolf on patrol is slightly confused before they get the run down on the routes. If the pack was running this for the first time, no intruders have inside knowledge on it.
"Sammy, keep running patrols. There is a story that the chief has forbidden the council from sharing. I will try to force him to see reason. Until then, be on high alert. All I can say is thatthe scent is not necessarily an enemy." His voice sounded pained.
"Okay, I will." My anxiety increased as I realized his cryptic message.
"Sammy, monitor the patrols closely tonight. I will try to convince Billy to stop being stupid." I could practically hear Old Quil's eye roll over the phone.
"I will. I promise to keep them safe." I hung up the phone. Anxiety needing me to be back in my wolf form. I needed to keep the tribe safe.
After an hour of running a confusing double patrol even I was beginning to question my sanity. If it was not for Pauls memory of the weird scent, and the Cullen's weird behaviour, I would have lost the determination.
Luckily, I didn't have Jacob questioning my patrol routes. Billy was helping set up for Charlie's party tonight, which meant that Jacob was tied up in party preparations.
My chest began to have a phantom pain. I tried to breath through it, never feeling anything like this in my life. A split moment of panic had me worrying that this was the beginning of a heart attack. Just because I was a fast healing wolf, did not mean I wouldn't have a heart attack. It was just recently that the towns clinic kept any medical records on acting protectors. It left a lot of our health history up to oral stories handed down from council.
A wave of panic overwhelmed my wolfs comprehension. I was forced from the wolf form mid stride. Naked, I fell to the floor, sliding ungracefully into a tree with a thud. It only took me a moment to realize my body was fine. Yet, panic filled my mind.
I knew exactly where this panic was coming from. My stomach dropped as I pulled my cut-offs on. The emotions in my head too much for the wolf to handle. I knew this as my wolf screamed for me to phase, we could get to her faster if we just phased. The logic of my human body held on to control as I ran barefoot through the underbrush. Running top speed on trails I had only run as a man during high school gym. Moving my body as fast as I could, all so I could get to her.
My heart stopped as I saw her in her window. Bella stood shaking, tears rolling down her perfect cheeks. I raced to comfort her, heart breaking as she roughly wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. I didn't like anyone being rough with her, including herself.
Bella didn't look at me as I entered her room. Crossing the space between us as calmly as my body could manage. I did not want to scare her in her sensitive state. Her body melted into my touch. I tried to send feelings of love and safety through the bond.
Her emotions rocked back into me. Feelings of inadequacy, fear, and unworthy shaking my core. My soul lit on fire, trying to burn the untruths her soul was projecting. If I could smother the feelings with positive emotions, maybe then she would feel even half of the love I held for her. I wanted her to feel safe, cared for, respected and loved by not only me, but herself.
"Bella, my Bella" I cooed as my body moved, slowly rocking her back and forth. My body molded around hers, if I could give her my body, in this moment it would not belong to me. Knowing now was not the time to make grand promises. Not when my love, my Bella was clinging to me, as if I held the air she needed to live.
I felt the moisture dripping from her eyes. My body wanted to shake with emotion, knowing that my mate was in pain. Feeling that even though I was holding her in my arms, I was somehow also losing her. My muscles wanted to contract around her, to hold her in a vice grip, never letting go. My wolf held back his strength, and his need for control. We would not control her. Our body would never cause her harm. I pressed my lips against the top of her head when I felt her decision deep within my soul.
A howl ripped through the night. I knew it was the pain anyone phased was feeling because of her choice. My wolf wanted to howl too, yet, we were now on borrowed time. I would not mourn this prematurely.
Autors Note: Shit! Sorry Friends. I did not mean to leave you hanging like that. Please let me know what you think and if you want more in the reviews. I am writing the next chapter now, hopefully it wont take as long!