"Bella, my Bella" I cooed as my body moved, slowly rocking her back and forth. My body molded around hers, if I could give her my body, in this moment it would not belong to me. Knowing now was not the time to make grand promises. Not when my love, my Bella was clinging to me, as if I held the air she needed to live.
I felt the moisture dripping from her eyes. My body wanted to shake with emotion, knowing that my mate was in pain. Feeling that even though I was holding her in my arms, I was somehow also losing her. My muscles wanted to contract around her, to hold her in a vice grip, never letting go. My wolf held back his strength, and his need for control. We would not control her. Our body would never cause her harm. I pressed my lips against the top of her head when I felt her decision deep within my soul.
A howl ripped through the night. I knew it was the pain anyone phased was feeling because of her choice. My wolf wanted to howl too, yet, we were now on borrowed time. I would not mourn this prematurely.
Chapter 28: No One Says Goodbye
As Always Happy Reading
I felt Sam's hands hesitate against my skin. He trusted his pack to keep us safe. That is the only reason he allowed the hesitation now.
His teeth brushed against my neck, almost like a promise. My body had not yet realized what my decision would change. I would not stand in the way of my need for Sam, truthfully knowing I am not strong enough to resist him.
If I ever tried drugs, I knew I would never find a substance that affected me as strongly as Sam.
"Sorry", I spoke into his chest after my tears had dried.
Peeling my face off his naked chest, I felt the sticky residue of the tears. I couldn't bring myself to separate too far from him, not now that my decision was made. His chest was laced with a pattern of dried tear rivers. Only then did I realize just how hard I had cried.
I would not give him reason to think I was mourning him. Not yet. I would cherish the moments I had left. This was only meant to be a visit, so that I could watch my father get married. Nothing more.
I huffed slightly - lying to myself was never this hard. As Sam still embraced me, I accepted that I would forever be changed. Who knew such excitement could happen in the Pacific Northwest. Any book written on the premise of my new reality, well, it would be categorized as wildly imagined fiction.
"You never need to apologize to me" Sam spoke softly.
His tone was softer than normal, as if he was trying to not scare me. The emotions I must have been sharing through the bond might have lead him to believe I am unstable. If I was going to leave him, I wanted him to not worry about my mental state. This would not be the first time I lived with Renee.
Maybe after I graduated high school, I could do online university. I don't think Sam would mind meeting up half way between Phoenix and La Push. My chest hurt thinking of the distance that would soon be between us.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I clung to him. This man gave up so much. He had to change any normal idea of a future when he phased into a giant wolf. I would not be a burden to him. Instead, I silently vowed that I would not cry about my decision until the plane took off.
"Renee texted me. She needs me to come home." My voice sounded distant in my own ears.
"Are you leaving sooner than your original flight back?" Sam's voice sounded rehearsed.
I swallowed hard. My body did not want to voice what I knew to be true. Did I need to leave sooner than next Friday? Probably not. I know I paid enough money to keep a roof over her head until at least the following Monday after I was scheduled to return. If I could sleep on the plane I would be able to work all day Saturday. That would at least give me some pocket money to survive on.
"I don't want to leave" The thought that was slamming against my soul whispered to Sam.
"You will always have a home here" His lips brushed my forehead.
In his arms I felt safe, warm, and loved. Things that I would never feel in Renee's care. Things I hadn't felt in years, before this trip. I would not stop him from loving me. Especially as I mentally prepared to return to a world of cold, hunger, and manipulation. These moments with Sam would keep me from becoming bitter. Which was the destiny of many girls brought up in a world of drugs, pain and abuse. It was my destiny before this trip.
I had felt myself becoming harder to the world. Placing blame for my actions on the harshness of the world, rater then my own decisions. It would be harder to blame the universe for this decision to return to Renee. After feeling the possibilities that are possible under the near constant cloud cover. Maybe it was always cloudy here because the people who lived here had so much warmth that the sun didn't always need to shine. Unlike the streets of Phoenix. There, the sun needed to shine, because no human did.
"I should get ready for the party." I muttered into his chest.
The pain of my choice was constant, each beat of my heart sent the poison ink of my choice through my body. A small part of my soul hoped for some miraculous change to occur. Something that would make staying here, with the man that had become my world, a perfect reality. It needed to be something that was guilt-free, though. Ever since I could remember, I was the one raising myself, as Renee went on her benders. I would blame myself forever, sacrificing my own happiness, if anything ever happened to her. Especially if I was living within hugging distance of Sam.
Knowing my habits, I would self sacrifice my current happiness at the memory of her unhappiness. An eye for an eye. At least if I was in Phoenix I could take care of her. Provide her with basic happiness. Would that make me happy? Well, no. Would it take the guilt I am feeling from my own happiness off my shoulders? Yes.
Sam held me as I thought. The connection between us has grown so strong in such a short time. He knew I did not want to let go of him. Even if it was the responsible thing to do. My meltdown must have used up valuable time. Time that I needed to get ready, if I was going to play the role of perfect step-daughter.
"Can I help you get ready?" Sam's voice brushed against my skin in a tone of worship.
Leaning away from his chest I looked into his eyes. They held within them a glow of love. No one had ever looked at me that way before. Not until him. When I leave I know no other will look at me the way Sam did. No one could ever compare to him. Sam was molded, put on this earth to love me.
"I would love that" I pealed myself out of his arms.
Sam seemed hesitant to break our physical connection. I couldn't blame him, he must have felt all my emotions. I steadied my emotions trying to convince myself that I could break our physical connection. If I could convince myself, then maybe I could re-assure him.
"Okay" He breathed in a sigh.
His arms dropped from around me. Instantly I felt regret for my decision to return to Renee. Forcing a smile on my face, I turned away from Sam.
I wouldn't be able to keep this from him for long. After the wedding I will tell him. I owed him the lifetime worth of happiness. Even if I only had a handful of days left with him. I wanted to make him the happiest he has ever been.
It was the least I can do. After he gave me more happiness than I could have ever thought I deserved. Sam will always be my main source of happiness. For the next few days, I hope to collect as much happiness as I can. If I couldn't take him with me, I would bring along every memory imaginable.
"What does one wear to a "Congratulations on marrying my Dad tomorrow" party?" I shot him a smile.
His expression lit up as I smiled at him. Turning to the closet, I began pulling out dresses. Holding them in front of me. Trying to get a feel if any of them would be a good outfit for tonight. With each option Sam smiled, then waited until I formed my decision to add his opinion.
Holding a red dress in front of me, I examined the long slit up the leg, it went from the bottom of the dress to my upper calf. I kicked my leg against the fabric, seeing just how high the cut went.
"I think this might be too revealing" I pursed my lips as I spoke.
Pulling the top of the dress against my body. It would be very revealing. The plunge went deeper than it had first appeared. The translucent mesh taking the dress plunge from between my boobs, it looked like it would reach just before my bellybutton.
"You will never hear me complaining about you in that dress" Sam spoke from behind me.
He was looking over my shoulder at me in the mirror. His eyes held a reverence that I had never seen in a mans' eyes before. Almost like he was trying to take in every moment with me, like I was trying to do with him. I turned, dropping the dress. Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around him. He crushed me against his chest. Breathing him in deeply, I tried to compose my emotions. This man was worthy of someone so much better then me. Yet, the universe had picked us to be together.
Looking up I happily found his lips inches from mine. Quickly closing the gap, I let the feeling of his kiss overwhelm me. Impossibly, his lips were both strong and soft as they embraced mine. I could travel around the world, yet never find a spot that I wanted to be more then in Sam's arms.
A loud knock sounded against the door. I jumped slightly. Sam adjusting, not letting our kiss drop. He must have heard the person coming. It seemed like nothing could surprise Sam.
"Excuse me. She needs to finish getting ready. People will be here in twenty minutes" Leah called from the other side of the door.
I broke the kiss, feeling the panic of the time crunch. Sam growled slightly, I knew if it was up to him we would kiss forever. Heck, I liked that plan as well. My drive to be responsible took over. Years of life or death relying on me to be responsible, had trained my responses.
"Shit. I don't even know what I am going to wear" I panic-whispered.
Leah took that as permission to enter the room. The lifesaver that she was held out a clothing hanger to me. On it, jeans, a fitted top and a leather jacket. Looking at the jacket, it appeared to be lined with some type of fur.
"Sam you really didn't suggest she wear dresses did you?" Leah raised her eyebrows at him.
"What, she would look like a knockout in a dress. Though I have other clothing options I like her in more" Sam winked at me.
I felt the heat raising to my cheeks. I tried to squeeze my thighs together without either wolves noticing. The effect this man had on me was incredible.
"She shivers in a hoodie. You really expect her to make it through a party, sans Sam, without a jacket?" Leah pointed out.
I froze, I didn't even think about that. It must be why Leahs option is so much warmer than any that I had been pulling out of the closet. As warm as it appeared it wouldn't look out of place. Jeans and a grey t-shirt, with a medium weight light blue sweater. Nothing too fancy or casual for a party in the Pacific Northwest.
"Thanks for the outfit Leah" I told her, taking the clothing into my arms.
With a wink, she left the room, leaving Sam and I alone in the room. Before I could be distracted by the only thing on my mind, I quickly changed into the outfit. If I was only going to be here for a short time I really needed to get back into the role of a perfect daughter again. It would not be a positive thing if I let myself forget how to be the perfect daughter, I needed it to survive.
Warm hangs wrapped around my waist. Without hesitation, I leaned into his embrace. I would miss this. Whomever decided that I was worthy enough for the love of this man, I could never pay them enough. Yet, in the same breath, I wished they never picked me for this gift. Anyone else would be more worthy for this man. Anyone else would not be a coward and leave. Sam deserved someone brave, strong, and unwavering in their love of him.
I was only one of those things. Knowing that when I leave, I will never stop loving him. No one will ever catch my lustful gaze. Every emotion on the spectrum of love was unwaveringly loyal to Sam. He will be my only love. Maybe one day he will accept me back into his life. Maybe after Renee has passed away, I will finally have freedom to escape her.
Until then, I knew I was on borrowed time. Yet, I could not voice the words to Sam. Selfish, I know. I want to live in the bliss of Sam's love a little bit longer.
Twisting in his embrace, I faced him, leaning up on my toes to close the gap between our lips. The warmth and softness in his kiss, brought tears to my eyes. Quickly, I blinked them away. I will have time to mourn later. I put the memory of this moment into the back of my mind. Closing it in a comfortable chest, I will cherish each kiss with the same care. Knowing I had an unknown amount of time after we part. I will pack each kiss softly away, as it will be the only lifeline to my happiness.
"I love you" Sam whispered against my lips.
"I love you" I could hear the slight break in my voice.
Time passed without my notice, spending time soaking up Sam's love, like a person drinking water before entering the desert. I could feel throughout the kisses that Sam was drinking me, as much as I was drinking him. Like the forest at night, his scent changed, blooming into a lustful need, that washed over him like a thick cologne.
Had I truly only been with this man for less than two weeks? How could that be true. This connection between us had me feeling like I had known him for my entire life. Maybe longer. If someone told me that I had loved Sam in every version of myself since the beginning of me, I would have not doubted them.
Even though our time together in this life seemed to be destined to be a short, passionate affair, I would never regret it. This short time that I had to be in the arms of my love I would not take for granted.
A knock sounded at the door. Breaking our moment. Did the knocker not realize the importance of this moment for me? They probably had a lifetime of happiness to look forward to. I had a week.
"You should get dressed" Sam smiled down at me.
My annoyance must have shown on my face. I wiped my expression to one of loving content. Deciding to let Sam think that I was just wanting to get greedy with his love. Allow my teenage self to show the traditional trait of selfishness. A trait I had no right to learn as I was returning to Renee.
Sam assisted me into Leah's chosen outfit. Each brush of his hands against my uncovered flesh left me hungry for more. I wanted him deep in my core. Had I allowed myself to be honest with the short time I was granted, I would have ignored social obligations. Who cares if my father is disappointed, when I was returning to Renee so soon.
"I guess I should make an appearance at the party" I sighed. Loosing my urge to be selfish the second I looked into Sam's eyes.
If I stayed, Sam would realize I am nothing but a selfish person. I can't be enough for him if I ignored my responsibility to Renee. No matter how much I might want to do just that.
"I guess you should." Sam sighed.
"Will you come and pick me up after?" My throat felt like it was closing around my words.
If Sam said yes to picking me up, would he change his mind if he knew? If I told Sam that I was going back to Renee, would his answer change?
"I would love to pick you up tonight. If you need me sooner than I am here, call me." Sam's smile didn't reach his eyes.
"I don't want to be a burden. Just come and get me whenever you are done with Charlie's -" My words were stopped.
Sam's lips crushed down on mine, possessively controlling the kiss, as if I am the air he needs to breath. I grabbed Sam's hair, pulling him impossibly closer to me. My fingers started to intertwine with his hair, I could be pulling it out, yet I didn't care. This kiss is worth it, I would proudly declare why he has a bald spot. If only to continue this world tilting shift.
"You are my world. Never could you be a burden." Sam growled against my lips.
Authors Note: Im sorry. Please let me know what you think in the reviews! I am so excited for the next chapter! If you have any predictions on what is to come, let me know in the reviews! Thank you for still being here with this story. It means the world to me that you are still reading, as I write, and rewrite to give the story the voice it deserves.