Anyway thanks to the brilliant Duck for checking this again!
Life in a Loony Bin
Fulton's POV
A wave of dizziness overtook me as I sat curled in the corner of my room, gasping for breath I tried to calm myself down. I hated feeling this way. I hated anxiety. I constantly wished that I could get rid of this. I tried to count to 10 in my head anything to calm me down, but it wasn't working. I needed Portman but he wasn't here. I can't cope with this. I really don't think I can go on.
flashback
"1...2...3..4...5..." I began to count to 10 trying to calm myself. My school counsellor seemed to think this could work. I glanced up at the mirror staring at my reflection. I was a mess my eyes were red and blotchy, my skin was pale and my hair was greasy. I couldn't cope I was falling apart. I didn't know what to do anymore.
"Fulton! Get your goddamn ass out of the bathroom!" My father bellowed, banging on the door. It shook as his fists pounded on it.
I opened the door walking past him with my head down,
"How much time do you spend in the bathroom? What are you, a fairy?" he grunted.
I kept my head down and continued to my room, once I was locked inside I continued to try and regulate my breathing. It was no use as my breathing got worse my head began to spin and I felt like I was going to be sick. I sat down on my mattress on the floor huddling into the corner. I pulled up my covers and wrapped them around me. I had to feel secure. I had to feel safe. Tears rolled down my face as my panic attack continued.
"Stop…. Stop …. Please stop ….please….I can't stand this anymore…" I cried.
"Fulton!" my dad yelled, "you better get your ass to school today. If you miss one more day you're going to get expelled and then you're out!"
I made a noise signalling that I was getting ready to move. My breathing slowly went back to its original pace but, my heart continued to beat way too fast and my head was spinning. I picked up my school bag and quietly ducked out of my house. I knew I had to go to school as living on the streets had no appeal to me but I hadn't managed to stay at school for a whole day in over 6 months. That was if I even made it in. Often my anxiety was so bad that I thought I was going to collapse or be sick.
I made my way towards the school, my main concentration going towards my breathing and keeping any thoughts out of my head that may cause me to panic even more.
As I walked up the stairs of the school I could feel the panic getting worse, my breathing got worse and my whole world began spinning.
"Fulton," my name echoed through my head, I turned to see my school counsellor, Brian walking towards me.
"Do you want to step into my office?" he asked me. I nodded following him, my hair in front of my face. I used to have a lot of friends but my panic attacks had drawn a lot of attention. Who wants to be friends with the weirdo that kept freaking out about nothing.
As I entered I took the seat that I had seen so many times. Brian sighed as he took his seat on the opposite side of the desk.
"Fulton," he sighed rubbing his stubble with his hands and leaning back, "I think you need help, I mean you looked like you were already panicking and you were just in the door."
I looked down embarrassed I knew that I didn't want help but I also knew I needed it. I wasn't coping at all!
"What were you thinking?" I asked. I was feeling very hesitant, I had no clue what was about to happen.
Brian got up and went to the door.
"You can come in now," he called to someone.
A man with short sandy blonde hair entered, he was dressed smartly and at first he seemed severe man but as Brian pulled up another and he sat down he smiled and I relaxed slightly.
"Hello Fulton, my name is Doctor Orion and I am a psychologist at Eden Hall mental health unit," I nodded taking things in, "I would like to talk to you about how we can help you with your anxiety."
I glanced up at the Eden Hall entrance doors. I had talked to Dr Orion for god knows how many hours while he assessed my 'condition.' He decided that I was failing to function adequately and that my coming to Eden Hall would be best for me. After that he called my parents and agreed to meet them at our house. After talking to them for what seemed like an eternity, Dr Orion emerged and told me to go pack my bags. I didn't know things could happen this quickly.
Leaving my house was difficult, my mum was in tears I'm not sure why she hugged me goodbye. My dad leaned close into me and growled in my ear, "Don't bother coming back!"
End Flashback
I later found out that the reason this had happened so quickly was because this was a new facility and Brian had been in contact with Dr Orion about my condition for a long time. I crawled over to my bag pulling out what I desired. I just needed it all to stop. I felt a sudden calm come over me knowing that for the first time in a long time that I would never have to feel this anxiety again. I could be free from the pain, soon it'd all be over
Portman's POV
I walked back from an extended session with Bombay. Those sessions were draining, mainly because I wasn't allowed to leave until we made some progress.
I walked back to the room I shared with Fulton. Since meeting him here we had become close, closer than friends we were sole mates. We were meant to be together for ever. I was capable of calming his anxiety and he could keep me… well me.
"I'm going to bed now," I told Sister Heather. She nodded back to me, it was weird having to tell someone your every movement.
I walked towards our room and as I opened the door I saw a sight that would be forever burnt on my retina for the rest of my life.
As I stared at the horror in front of me my heart stopped; Fulton was dangling from the light, the chord to his dressing gown tied in a macabre embrace around his throat and from his wrists dripped his rich, red blood. I saw the razors on the ground beneath him lying in a pool of his blood, I saw his open bag by his bed, I saw everything in horrifying clarity.
His pale white body was just hanging there. The light from the doorway made him look like he wasn't on this earth. And as it slowly began to hit me that he wasn't and never would be again. I could feel something build inside me.
A strangled scream escaped my lips. Id lost him, I'd lost the man I loved.
I felt myself shatter into a thousand tortured pieces and I knew without him I'd never be whole again.
Thanks, please let me know what you think!
Dex