Latias, this isn't another illusion you made for me, is it?
…
No, my messages aren't reaching her.
"…Nova? Move your arm."
I snap out of my futile attempts at telepathy upon hearing Phendrene's words. She is sitting beside me as I lie on the bed in lethargy. I obey her as she moves the cloth up my flank, her paw pressing gently down. The warm, wet sensation below my armpit is comforting as the cloth cleans the dried blood from my scales.
Rue stands across the room, arms crossed and face blank. She seems constantly on the verge of saying something, but never does.
Phendrene looks over my arm, and scrunches up the cloth and puts it aside. She stays still for a moment before beginning to reach her arms around me. Instinctively I parry her arm before she is able to make contact and turn away to face the wall.
She takes a sudden breath. "Sorry, I-"
"Just leave him alone," Rue says, her voice much less harsh than usual. She takes a few steps towards us and tugs the Charizard. "Let's leave." The weight disappears from the bed, but I remain curled up in the corner, even after they shut the door behind them.
Yes, leave me alone. If not for my trouble in deciding who I preferred out of those two females, I would have never gone out alone into the mountains so recklessly. And my brother would still be…
I blink and stare at the contours on the stone wall, illuminated by the torches inside the room. My eyes are sore and tired, such that I can feel them throb with every beat of my heart.
Nothing feels right. I don't want to taste the blood in meat. I don't want to feel Phendrene's scales. I don't even want to feel this bed beneath me. But the usual method to making sensations go away is submerging myself in water, and that would remind me too much of my time with my brother.
That's why I have to keep my eyes open. If I don't focus on these mundane shapes, my mind will go back to that scene filled with blood and gore. And now that the rage and violent urges are no more, I cannot stomach still thinking about it. Any more, and I might feeling like throwing up.
How long did I spend bawling on that mountain path? Who knows. Eventually my tear ducts and vocal cords gave in, and I returned back here. The other dragons more or less garnered what had happened from the state I returned in, and after getting the result out of me, did not force me to retell that terrible experience.
My stomach grumbles, an instinctual cry for nourishment, but I don't want to eat anything. Why would I deserve to sate my hunger when my brother isn't even alive? What right do I have?
The door sounds again, not that it changes my position. Out of the corner of my eye I spot Rue, and only her. I let her sit down on the bed and put an arm to my shoulder, because her skin doesn't repulse me.
"Nova," she says in a soft voice. "I'm sorry."
"Mm," I let out a hum with my hoarse voice.
"No, I mean it. I shouldn't have yelled at you. About… you know."
"Doesn't matter."
She doesn't respond to that, and for a few seconds, I just feel her rough grip on me. In truth, it feels far less comforting Phendrene's body, but…
"You shouldn't blame Phendrene," Rue says, as if guessing my thoughts. "In fact, this would be a good time to rely on her."
I turn my head ever so slightly. What nonsense is she spouting?
She meets my gaze and sighs. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm going to sleep in one of the inner rooms tonight. If you feel like you can ease the pain through… being with her, then go for it."
It takes me a moment to understand what she means. What does she take me for? How could I have those desires in a time like this! If I were not so lethargic, I would have yelled back at her, as if she had just insulted me. But there is no strength for that, and I just shake my head and turn back to the wall. "Whatever."
"All right, well… hope you feel better."
Her presence disappears from beside me as I am left to ponder her words. I can't deny that there is some desire to envelop myself in Phendrene's warm embrace to ease my mind, but it feel so wrong. Why should I be allowed to indulge in anything when Spirit went through so much suffering? And to think that these uncertain feelings were what influenced me to leave on a trip with no regard for safety…
The door creaks and this time it is the Charizard that enters. I pretend to not notice her as she climbs onto the bed and settles next to me. We lie in silence for a few moments, but it is not long before I feel her snout on my nape. And then, her arms over my shoulder.
She begins to nuzzle me lightly as she scoots her body in, careful not to crush my wings. It is nothing I am unused to, and so I let her, feeling her warmth course through my body.
"I'm here for you," she mutters softly as she clutches me close to her chest.
"Thanks," I answer, unsure of what I should do in response, so I stay still.
Eventually, her weight on my wings becomes uncomfortable, and I signal her to scoot over. I reposition myself so that I lie facing her. I see her hesitate for a moment before she dives into my neck to cuddle. Even though my reservations are still there, I keep telling myself that she would have done this before, too… It's not like we're doing anything unusual…
But the feel of Phendrene's snout against my neck reminds me of the time another female had done that. I still have an arrangement to meet Sylvia in three days - two, now. I wonder if I even want to go. Would I be expected to? Of course not. I'm sure Sylvia would understand.
…Why do I care about her expectations of my feelings if I'm here with Phendrene? What would she think if she saw me now, cuddling with another dragon? Aargh! Why do I even care! My brother is dead because I…
"What's wrong?" Phendrene pipes up as she feel me convulse. "Relax, Nova."
"How am I supposed to relax when my brother's dead?" I answer and look away. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now… I shouldn't have-"
"Shhh…" She puts a paw against my chest as she locks eyes with me. "It's going to be all right. I love you."
I let out a sardonic huff. "Really? My brother got killed and that's all you care about?" But as soon as the words leave my mouth and Phendrene has a look of hurt in her eyes do I regret what I said. "Sorry, Phendrene, I… I don't want… I wish everything wasn't real."
Phendrene simply stares at me for a moment, processing what I mean.
"Just tell me you're an illusion," I say, knowing it to be impossible. "Please…"
"Nova…" Phendrene reaches up to my face, and cups it gently. "If that would bring him back, I would gladly be an illusion. But I… I am real." She takes a gulp, as if she is afraid of angering me. "I'm sorry."
With that, she leans her face in and prods her snout right onto mine, before sliding to the side and full-on nuzzling me. My face tingles with warmth as she holds it tightly against hers. I wonder what it would feel like if I told her what kissing was. Would she…?
I suddenly feel disgusted with myself, thinking of doing something with Phendrene that Sylvia taught me. So I scrunch up my face and, against my instincts, push her away. I open my mouth, trying to give some excuse, and somehow what comes out is, "But I don't know that you are real. She… she could make you say that."
"What could she not make me do?" In her eyes is a determination to prove me wrong.
"Nothing," I reply, defeated. "She knows everything about the people around me. She… she once created an illusion of you all forgetting me. And I believed it."
"Can she sing?"
"Huh? What are you…" I trail off as I see a smile forming on Phendrene's face, as she begins to hum a tune that she has sung many times over the years. The melody reminds me of the days we had spent together in the forest, in the desert, and in this very cave…
This time, I am the one compelled to lean into her neck. As I do, she wraps an arm around my back and holds me close as I feel the soft vibrations coming from her vocal cords. A sense of fatigue washes over me as I relax in her arms…
…to find myself perking up when the door sounds. Our positions had swapped during our sleep - Phendrene's snout is up against my neck again - but I pull away a little as I turn to find Rue's prying eyes watching us. She glances downwards for a moment, before she sighs and says, "Come hunt for the morning meal, Phen?"
"All right."
What is your problem? I tell to the nosy Haxorus. I didn't do anything weird with her!
Rue scoffs and rolls her eyes, but otherwise ignores me. I read her surface thoughts but they are merely of the hunt instead of a prepared response, like how it usually us when we are conversing through telepathy.
As the two exit, I lie back down onto the bed, listless. I am grateful for Phendrene's attempts to comfort me, but the question of what it is between us still looms over me. I wonder why I even bother to think about this issue, after what had happened. Yes, these same thoughts manifest in a feedback cycle, making me feel less of myself for simply thinking them, and there is no escape from them.
I am tempted to simply fly off to find Sylvia, remembering how enjoyable it was spending time with her, but deep down I know that it will be no different. I would feel guilty about trying to feel better about my brother's death, even though I'm sure he wouldn't want me to stay like this.
I feel as if I am supposed to cry more, but I am truly out of energy. So I just lie there, focusing on keeping my mind blank.
When the two return with the food, a ravening instinct awakens within me as I hurriedly rush over and snatch the fresh meat from them. From the lack of food and the exertions, I must have been famished. The taste of blood which disgusted me last night becomes the new source of respite, in a similar fashion to the anger and hatred I felt towards the Scyther. But within the minute I have already stuffed myself full, blood dripping from my mouth and the two huntresses watching me like I have gone crazy. I lower my gaze away from them, in part due to guilt yet in part due to indignation, before I head out to the river to wash my face clean.
I remember when he was still a Dratini, still confined to this small stream with no one to accompany him as he slept. Somehow, he regressed in maturity after evolving, tangling on our necks like no tomorrow, as if to make up for the lack of attention and affection he had suffered through when he was a Dratini. What would he have been like as a Dragonite? I suppose I will never know.
And neither will Father. The chill in my spine spreads towards my stomach and turns to horror as I force myself to think of Father. Should I depart to find him and be the bearer of ill news, or let him live in blissful ignorance for as long as he may? Either way, he will have to go through the intense grief as I did yesterday, and by the end of it, perhaps I will have gained some new scars. I would deserve it, anyway.
I return to the room to find Rue and Phendrene still eating. They pause their conversation as I enter, and do not resume it when I lie on the bed. I find myself tempted to look into their minds without consent, but decide against it.
Phendrene grabs her father who talks with me about the event and offers his condolences. I accept it much more graciously than I did Phendrene's, but it still leaves me with an empty feeling. Soon, Phendrene enters the inner room to tend to the infants, leaving Rue alone with me. I turn to stare at her, and she glares back. We remain in the staring contest for perhaps five seconds before I ask through telepathy, So did you really expect us to mate last night? That is rather strange of you.
Rue almost coughs her meat up when she hears my message. Did you really just say that? Are you still Nova?
I give a mirthless snicker. It was obvious what you implied. Perhaps on another day I would have used a euphemism, but I don't care. So, what did you intend?
Fine! I'll tell you. But let's go outside and speak properly, using our mouths.
I comply with her request as we exit and I carry her up to the familiar mound of dirt above the cliff. Taking a seat in the cool morning breeze beside Rue, I remember a time where we had a similar conversation. "Do you remember when you said that mates are stupid and everyone who gets one is stupid?" I ask her.
"Yes, of course. But you ran off with that Noivern, so you are interested in females. So there's no reason for you not to be mates with Phendrene. …What? It was so obvious that we were all trying to set it up."
She states it so matter-of-factly, in such a stark contrast to her blame from before, that I am lost for words. "…Even Father? That seems a bit overbearing."
"It was for Phendrene," Rue admits as she looks across to the canyons in the distance. "She had fawned over you for so long, and so intensely, that I couldn't bear to see you ignore her affections anymore."
"Then what about what you said yesterday?"
"This time it was for you, too. I mean… if you actually followed my advice, it would have been a helpful distraction so that you would get over… you know." She turns her head even further away, not wanting to look at me as she utters those words. "Of course, you don't like this. I get it."
"I hate it," I spit as I ponder the notion. "To think that Phendrene is just something to be used to get over my brother's death? Disgusting."
Rue suddenly turns her head toward me, her tusk swinging right by my face, and I instinctively inch away from her. "You know what's more disgusting? Having Phendrene serve you so diligently with all that food and affection, and then completely ignoring her and flying off with a random Noivern. But what do I know?" She begins to raise her voice, bitterness in her eyes. "These tusks were nature's gift to us Haxorus… but it only prevented me from ever showing affection to anyone cared about. Even you flinched when I did something as innocuous as turn my head."
I have no answer to her words, and she simply sighs and continues. "But this conversation is not about me. What will you do now? If you aren't willing to become mates with her, might as well tell her now so she stops fawning over you. And then you can go find that Noivern."
"Wait, I don't get it. I thought you disapproved of Sylvia and me?"
"If you like her and not Phendrene, what can we do? Just answer me first. Are you willing to be mates with Phendrene?"
Her insistent questioning has made me rather uncomfortable, as my mind is forced to ponder the things I would do with these female dragons. I open my mouth to give her a response, but find that it is impossible to put my thoughts into words. I want to give her love, as a beautiful female like her deserves, yet I absolutely refuse to dirty her by… My thoughts should not go there.
Rue shoves me in the side. "What's so difficult? It's one of two answers. Yes or no."
What will happen if I say no? Will I be forbidden from hugging her? Would she be still be able to happily feed me? What will happen if I say yes? Would people start asking for children? Would people eye me and think I had done the thing with her?
I rapidly shake my head to clear my thoughts. I can't decide. Why does Rue care so much, anyway? I look up to her frowning, and finally open my mouth. "It's really none of your business. It's between Phendrene and me."
She huffs and glares at me disapprovingly. "Are you fucking serious? So you're just going to keep on using her?"
Her swearing catches me off guard. "That's not nice. How am I using her?"
"You're making her take care of you without committing yourself!"
"I'm making her? Are you for real? Do you see how much she clings to me?"
"That's because she loves you!"
I open my mouth to shout a response back, to be left silent once more. Rue opens her mouth, but I put my paw in her face and look away.
"I swear- You little- Argh! Fine, be that way!" She punches the ground before standing up and marching off. I scrunch my eyes shut, trying to purge all of the troublesome thoughts. It doesn't matter… Why does love and romance matter… Forget about it.
The sound of wingbeats comes into earshot, distracting me from my thoughts. I reopen my eyes to find a familiar Salamence gliding closer. A pit forms in my stomach as the thoughts of romance are dashed from my mind. How could I have been arguing about that, when… when my brother...
Father lands with a strong thud, sending a small wave of dust. "Hello, Nova. I am back early."
"Father," I call weakly.
"It's because I was worried about you and Fly," Father explains as he walks next to me. "How did the night with the Noivern go? Is she a good choice for a mate?"
"No…" I let out, not listening to his words carefully.
"Ah, that's unfortunate. Guess I won't be expecting grandkids anytime soon, then." Father lets out a chuckle. He never does that. His visit must have gone poorly, and now he is trying to act overly optimistic. But…
"Blight." Rue has navigated back to us, her face having gone as solemn as mine. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? What…" The Salamence seems to have finally noticed that I am completely avoiding his gaze. His tail begins swinging faster in anxiety. "Where's Fly?"
A massive sense of dread looms over me as Father inches closer. "Nova?" He raises his foreleg to lift my chin up, so I am face to him. "What happened to your brother?"
I suddenly find it difficult to take the next breath as I remain sitting in front of Father. I open my mouth to try to give him an answer, but all that comes out are uncontrolled breaths. "Father… He… I…"
"He was killed. I'm sorry," Rue says in my stead as she places a gentle paw on Father's back. I don't see or hear a reaction from Father as I try to recompose myself, but the tears have already started flowing again.
"It's my fault," I admit with my face staring at the ground, and my arm and wings tense, ready to brace for any physical retribution Father may inflict on me. But none comes, and so I begin to describe the events that lead up to my brother's demise. I recounted my romantic woes, the argument at the ponds, the promise of the Scyther, my brother's desperate pleas, and finally, how it all ended.
When I am done, I close my eyes and tuck my chin in, ready for anything my Father wishes to inflict on me. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry," I repeat, but nothing happens. In the silence, I begin to hear Father's steady, slow breathing, but it simply stays there.
"Rue, Is it true?" Father finally says, his voice barely a whisper. "Is he in his right mind?"
"...Yes. He had lots of dried blood on him. Phendrene had to clean it off." Rue explains, her voice more stable than mine but less than Father's. "Should I leave you two alone?"
"No, stay," Father answers quietly. I expect him to follow up on it, but there is another period of silence. Neither Rue nor I dare do anything.
It feels like eons before I finally feel something warm and damp on my nape. It takes me a moment to realize that it is my father's breath, and that he has placed his head between my antennae.
"Nova," he calls, the vibrations from his voice transmitting to me from his nestled snout. "You are my son. I will not hurt you."
I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck as I caress my wet cheek against his. "Oh, Father…" I let myself cry harder, as if I am a hatchling crying to his father about a scraped leg.
"Son, it's all right," he continues, his voice becoming louder, but no less steady. "When you are ready, let us go."
I pull away slightly to look at his face. Other than the wet markings from my tears, his face is completely dry, and there is no sadness in his eyes. "Go…? Go where?"
His eyes lock onto mine, and I realize that grief manifested in something different for him. Instead of sadness or mourning, Father's gaze has unbridled murderous intent.
"Go kill them all, of course."
His gaze is so intense that it has somehow quelled my flow of tears. I raise an arm to dry my face, as I suddenly lose any further drive to cry. Crying does nothing when there are still people out there responsible for my brother's death. With that thought, I find a smile creeping back up onto my face. That pure, unadulterated of anger I had when interrogating the Scyther… it is returning.
"Yes, Father." I push myself up from my sitting position, and stare at the mountains in the distance, hiding those responsible for Fly-Spirit's death. "I'm ready."
"And Rue, you may come with us." Father turns to acknowledge the Haxorus that has been standing beside us all this time. "With the three of us, we should be able to massacre them."
" …Killing them all?" Rue seems distracted as she repeats Father's words under her breath. "Are… are you two serious?" Her voice is full of doubt, bringing me out of my violent state. "You must have flown here overnight! At least take some time to-" She takes a small step backward as Father turns to stare at her. "There's no point going to avenge him if you two get yourselves killed!"
"I've slept enough," Father answers. "You two, get ready as soon as possible."
"I-I just ate, and I prefer to enter battle on an empty stomach," Rue adds, raising a paw in protest. "Plus, wouldn't it be better if we attacked at night?"
Father bares his teeth and growls lightly. "You sure have a lot to say."
Rue somehow manages to match Father's death stare and crosses her arms. "Is any of what I say wrong? I'm trying to optimize the situation so we can give it our best shot! …"
Her voice quivers ever so slightly, making me question its sincerity. I look to Father, who takes a moment to gauge the Haxorus, before finally saying, "I give you ten minutes to inform Phendrene. Then, we leave."
Rue opens her mouth to retort, but manages to hold it in, and she turns to me. "Fine, come bring me down. Quickly!"
Without a word, I dash forward and offer my back to her. She climbs on, and in a swift flap of my wings I bring us down to the entrance.
To my surprise, she doesn't even reach for the door. "Aren't you gonna convince Blight to calm down?" she whispers.
"What? You heard him. We're going to kill them to avenge my brother." With those words, I begin to recall memories of the Dragonair. Somehow, when I imagine vanquishing these creatures, it brings a smile to my face.
"Are you serious? Isn't the Scyther already dead? What's the p-"
"The non-dragons killed my son," Blight's voice sounds from behind, having caught up to us. "The Scyther is gone, but there are still people responsible. We will kill them, and anyone in our way." The Salamence steps forward, butting his head right into Rue's side. "If you're not seeing Phendrene, we should leave now."
"Y-You can't possibly be going back in to risk your lives so imprudently! At least recruit Jet and Sylv-"
A loud thud sounds, causing Rue and I to flinch. Father had just slapped the ground firmly with his tail. "No. Listen here, Rue. You either go see Phendrene now, or Nova and I leave without you."
"Leave?" Phendrene pops her head out of the doorway. "Blight? You- what are you all doing?" she exclaims as she steps out of the door.
"We're going to avenge my younger son," Blight states flatly.
Phendrene's eyes widen for a moment, before she begins speaking. "I'll come too, I-"
"No!" Rue rushes over to Phendrene and grabs her shoulders. "Phendrene, you stay here. We battle dragons will take care of this."
"But… but…" She glances over to my father, and then me. "Fly just… and you are all… You guys can't! What if you…"
"What do you take us for?" Blight answers with a scoff. "We are among the strongest dragons to fly under this sky. Our lives will not be taken so easily."
"If it proves too unreasonable, we will retreat," Rue tries her best to reassure the Charizard, though her words earn her a look of ire from Father. "But please, trust us."
"You…" Phendrene takes a few rapid breaths, before looking to me. "No… I won't let you go. Please, if any more of you die… I… I can't…"
"Hey, it's okay." I walk over to her, and give Rue a slight nudge. She reluctantly moves out of the way as I take hold of Phendrene's paws, one in each. "Phendrene. We'll come back alive. Do you trust me?"
"Nova…" Phendrene's gaze falters as she loses her balance and falls into my arms. "I love you… I don't want you to go…"
"I promise you, Phendrene. We will come back alive." I hold her close firmly, letting myself feel her warmth one more time. "Now, let us go."
She lets out mewl, but manages to detach herself from me. "All right, Nova. Please, all of you… be careful."
I give her a nod, and then turn to Rue and Father. "Ready?"
Father instantly turns and gets a running start before ascending into the sky. Rue scrambles to get on my back as I hold my gaze with Phendrene. "Goodbye, Phendrene," I say before shooting into the air.
Ahead of us, Father is flying faster than I have ever seen him fly. As we near the first hill, I hear him let out a long howl. I am left to ponder if it is one of battle or one of mourning as we speed on.