Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evo…deal with it.
Author's Note: Alright. I wasn't sure how high to rate this for the general public. It's nothing graphic or anything…just 'birds and the bees' talk using eufemisms. Idea was ripped from a chat I had with some RPG buddies. Thus, this fic is dedicated to them...and our collective insanity.
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The residents of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters shuffled into the kitchen…well, at least some of them did. Others seemed wide-awake. X23 was one of those who fell into the second group…Tabby too. Scott fell into the first category. Juggling college, Jean, training, mutant instruction, and the hassles of being an X-Man he was in a fog most mornings he didn't have a training session…and yet couldn't sleep because his body was used to being up. He could understand how X could be awake…she always seemed ready for anything. It was strange how things had gone since she arrived at the mansion…she'd even started flirting with a certain southern gentleman and it seemed like the two of them were dating on some level. What Scott couldn't figure out was why Tabby was awake…and so cheerful.
Ray swiped the box of cheerios out from under Scott's nose, pouring himself a bowl before the older mutant had the chance. Oh yes, mornings at the Institute were fun. Scott grabbed the box back and poured his own bowl, and then took the milk Ray had just finished pouring. And then it hit…X looked over at Berserker and asked the one question no one thought she'd ever ask. "Ray…what's sex?"
In surprise Scott sloshed milk over the side of his bowl, "Dammit," he muttered, getting up to grab a paper towel. Ray's eyes seemed to grow wide as he shot a glare over at his sometimes girlfriend Tabby…he knew she had something to do with all of this. The blond just shrugged, taking a bite of a Pop tart. Scott smirked, wiping up the mess and pouring a glass of orange juice and started to take a sip when X's voice piped up once again. "Scott, since Ray won't tell me…what's sex?" The juice that had just entered his mouth shot up his nose…and burned. Scott coughed, turning a shade of red. "Well…uh…it's…"
"I really wanna know, Scott," X said innocently while Tabby smirked from her seat next to her.
Scott's face screwed up. Why wasn't Jean here? Jean could take her aside and have a little girl talk…and why did she have to ask in front of everyone? "Sex…is…when the birds and the bees have a tea party," he said quietly, hiding his head behind the box of cheerios.
"Oh…" Tabby cooed, "Really? A tea party, eh?"
"Yes." Scott muttered through a scoop of cheerios in his mouth.
"Well," Tabby continued, "In that case, Scott…you wanna have sex?"
Scott choked on the cheerios in his mouth before saying, without missing a beat, "We don't have any birds or bees, Tabby." Mentally he couldn't help but think Why me?
"But we do, Scott," X piped up. "In the garden, I saw them."
"I wanna have a tea party," Ray said, looking Tabby's way.
"Let's have a tea party, Ray," Tabby agreed.
Ray cast a look at X and Tabby before giving a sideways glance to Scott. "Explain this whole birds and bees thing…but using mine and Tabby's names." Scott turned a deeper shade of red and tried to ignore him, acting as though he found the serving size information very, very interesting. "Please, Scott? I'm sure you can explain it so well."
"I…" Scott didn't need this at breakfast, so he quickly tried to think of an excuse…watching as X stared intently upon him. "I…I don't know which one's the bird and which one's the bee."
"Fine," Ray said, "I guess I'll have to be blunt then." He scooted his chair closer to X23 as though sharing a secret. "Well ya see, X...ya see…"
Scott shook his head…he really didn't want to hear this. "Oh fine! I'll explain it!" The whole kitchen grew quiet. Tabby seemed particularly interested. "Okay…" Scott took a deep breath, trying not to freak out. "So you got this bee…Ray…and then there's the bird…Tabby…and the bird, Tabby, decides to host a tea party…no wait," he held up a hand, as his words came out quicker and quicker. "I'm confused, Ray's hosting the party…and being a good host he pours Tabby a cup of tea…" his face was getting almost as red as his glasses as he muttered through it. "And gives her some sugar to go with it because tea is no good without sugar."
Tabby burst out in laughter while Ray held in a snicker. X just sat there for a moment before saying, "So…that's why they call it the birds and the bees…." She looked thoughtful for a moment, thinking of Sam. "Y'know…I think I want a tea party…I think I might start one…why don't we have a BIG tea party, Scott? And invite everyone!"
Scott's red face went pale and then red. "That's…uh…one big tea party…I think they have a different word for that."
"A tea fiesta?" Tabby offered.
"Tea orgy," Ray muttered under his breath before bursting out laughing.
"No, not orgy..."Scott said, shooting Ray a look, "definitely not orgy." He didn't even want to try explaining to X what that meant. "Maybe…garden party? That's what they used to have when there were too many people to have a little tea party round a little table and they'd play croquet to pass the time while they were waiting for the massive amounts of tea…" Scott shook his head…now his mind was in the gutter…completely. Lord he hoped Jean didn't come down right now, she'd look at him saying 'who are you and what have you done with Scott?'
X was silent for a while and Scott went back to eating his Cheerios, hoping that was the end of the conversation as he heard snickering from the other table occupants. X's voice once again hit his ears, though quiet, as if in thought. "I bet Sammy has tea….but…how do I get it? Scott, if Sam has the tea, how do I get it?"
Scott coughed, choking on his Cheerios. "X…I think, that you're a little young for tea…"
"I am," she asked.
"Yes," he nodded, "Way too young for tea."
"Alright," she said quietly, "I guess I'll just have to stick with…" X paused, thinking up a euphemism for kissing, "…giving Sammy sugar."
"Huh?" a confused, tired voice asked. The southern blond stood in the doorway. He hadn't been up long enough to try to figure out what was going on.
"Nothing," X smiled innocently.
Fin.