It was a sentence that should only come from the mouths of elderly people reading the newspaper obituaries. Instead, the words were spoken by Stan Marsh.
Stan certainly wasn't an old man. He was just a teenager. A young man in the prime of his own life, forced to face his mortality and suffer through the ultimate loss four times in the last few weeks. That was bad enough, but the latest loss was the boy Stan considered his best friend.
One by one his friends were dropping like flies, but there was no question that the untimely death of Kyle Broflovski hurt Stan the most. The only people possibly taking it harder were Kyle's immediate family. As he returned home from Kyle's funeral, Stan realized what everyone around him had already known for days: Stan was at the end of his rope.
With tears slowly running down his face, Stan headed upstairs into the bathroom of his parents' house. He removed his coat and began to frantically search the medicine cabinet.
Through the years Stan had heard many conflicting things about the afterlife, but he believed some kind existed. That's where his friends were now, so that's where he wanted to be. No more pain. No more loss. No more suffering. Most importantly, no more guilt.
Ever since Stanley began his quest to figure out who had killed Chef, his other friends began to die. Kenny and Butters tried to assure him it was just a huge coincidence. They said the killings were probably just the random act of a serial killer. Still, Stan couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. With his own life gone, Stan wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore, and hopefully no one else would suffer. His remaining friends and family would no doubt be hurt by this decision, but at least Stan wouldn't be around to see it. It was just another thing to feel bad about.
Finally Stan found the object he was searching for. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and ran the blade of a razor across his wrists without hesitation. As he fell to the bathroom floor, blood pouring out of his body, Stan took comfort in the knowledge that his pain would soon be over. He would join his friends very soon.
Or would he?