After getting back on his feet, Stan turned his head away from the lights and observed his very own lifeless body still laying on the tiled floor. He was now positive his suicide attempt had worked, but then why was his soul still in the bathroom?
"Maybe I'm in limbo?" the boy thought to himself. Sure, that could be it. Maybe he just needed to float to Heaven? Not knowing what else to do, Stan began flapping his arms. He realized pretty quickly that he couldn't fly.
Now Stan was starting to worry. A few other possible scenarios ran through his mind. Maybe he
wasn't even meant to go to Heaven? Maybe some other religion was right, and he'd come back to
life as a toad or something? Whatever the case, Stan didn't like just hanging out in a bathroom.
He didn't want to be there. He wanted to be with his lost friends again.
Stan ultimately decided to leave the bathroom and walk to wherever exactly he was meant to go.
He couldn't just stand around and wait for something to happen to him first.
As it turned out, he couldn't walk anywhere. That was because the exit was blocked. As soon as
Stan turned the knob and opened the door, he found someone else standing on the other side of it.
Stanley was now face to face with Death. Or rather, the temporary Death. Stan had finally met up
with Damien.
"How'd you get in here?" Stan wondered out loud.
"I have my ways. Suicide, huh?" Damien observed as he drew back the hood of his cloak.
"Yeah" Stan said back. "Can I go see my friends now?"
"That depends where they are. I'm sending you to Hell, so you'd better like it there."
"Hell?" Stan frowned. "Great, I'll only have Cartman to hang out with."
"Not my problem." Damien replied without a hint of compassion in his voice. He then waved his hand, causing a small hole to open up in the floor.
"Why do I have to go to Hell?" Stan asked.
"Because I said so."
"You don't understand. I didn't kill myself to be a sinner, or because I don't care about life or anything. It's just that all my friends keep dying, and I wanna be with them again."
Damien rolled his eyes. "I don't care. These last-minute pickups I'm required to do are a pain in the ass. I'm going to be behind schedule all day now because of you."
Stan blinked. "Sorry. I just-"
"Save it and get in the hole. I've got other pickups today, and some of them are going even less willingly than you."
Stan looked over the face of the impatient boy, noticing that he appeared very young for being the Grim Reaper.
"So you're Death?"
"I will be. I'm trying out for the job as we speak. But I won't get it when people like you who want to die are being difficult, so enough questions! Face your destiny so I can get back to my quest. Get in the hole or I'll force you in there."
"Your quest?"
Damien sighed in frustration and placed his fingers between his lips. He whistled, and some black demons came up through the hole. They grabbed Stan's body wherever they could, trying to pull him down into Hell. Stan shook his head and screamed out of instinct, but he couldn't fight back against such a powerful being.
Stan hit the ground with a thud. He wasn't too thrilled about spending an eternity in Hell, but at least his soul had finally found a home. Stanley dusted himself off and began walking around aimlessly, as he had originally planned to do. He didn't know what exactly to expect, but he was sure he'd find something.
Little did he know that the "something" would be just what he wanted to find.
"Stan!" Kyle exclaimed happily as he spotted his best friend coming up over a hill.
"Kyle?" Stan called back in disbelief.
Stan rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. It seemed too good to be true. There,
lined up in a row, were all of the friends he had recently lost. Kyle and the rest of Damien's
victims were chained to a wall, and they now only existed in soul form, but that didn't matter to
Stan. They were still right there. They were all in front of him, basically alive and well as if
nothing bad had happened. As he quickly ran toward the group, things were finally looking up
again for Stan Marsh.
And then Satan appeared.
As the cloud of black smoke that signalled the dark prince's entrance blew away, Satan made a statement that would once again break Stan's heart.
"I'm sorry, you have to go back."
"...What?" Stan said, shocked.
Satan sighed. "We're getting really backed up down here. My son Damien's getting a tryout as the new Death, but he keeps sending people to Hell and not Heaven."
"Wait! The 'new' Death?" Chef questioned.
Satan nodded. "Death is retiring. He needs someone to take over, and my son's one of the people trying out for the job."
"You mean your -son- is the little cracker who killed us all?" Chef asked.
"That's right."
"Well if I were you, I'd whip that boy's ass."
Satan ignored Chef's comment and continued. "The point is I can't accept any innocent souls until we get this straightened out."
"Well when's that gonna be?" Kyle asked.
"Either when my son finishes his trial period, or quits, which won't happen."
Satan used his black magic to conjure up a stamp. He took Stan's hand and stamped the boy's cut wrist. The message "Return To Sender" appeared in place of the wound, which seemed to magically heal. He repeated the process on Stan's other wrist.
"All right, now get going."
"...No!" Stan sadly protested as the news sunk in.
"WHAT!" Everyone said in shocked unison, including Satan and excluding Tall Goth.
"I don't wanna go back." Stan said. "Please, just let me stay here."
"Dude, don't be a retard!" Cartman barked from his position on the wall.
"Yah" Tall Goth agreed, still showing no emotion.
"I never thought I'd say this, but Cartman's right dude." Kyle said. "You're getting a second chance at life Stan. Don't blow that because of us."
"But, I don't wanna lose you guys again." The boy's eyes slowly began to water.
"Awww!" The feminine side of the dark lord found itself coming out a bit thanks to the sad scene unfolding in front of him. Kyle spoke up again before Satan could weaken too much and possibly change his mind.
"Stan, look at it this way. Now that you know Damien's the one doing this, you can go back and stop him. You know, avenge us and stuff."
The red demon clapped his hands together. "That's a great idea!"
"What!" Stan's jaw dropped.
"Look, someone has to stop him okay?" Satan said. "If he fails at his mission, he probably won't get the job. If Damien becomes Death, everyone's going to come here when they die regardless of guilt or innocence. Everyone will suffer and I do NOT need the stress of ruling over the whole world down here."
Kyle nodded. "Think about it Stan. All you've wanted to do lately is figure out who killed everybody. Now you know, so help do something about it. Don't let him get away with this crap."
As Stan considered following Kyle's suggestion, he posed a question about the time constraints of the matter to Damien's father.
"When's his trial period over anyway?"
"He's killing in the name of all the seven deadly sins. Once he's achieved that goal, he'll be considered for the Death job."
It all made sense now. The Goths had mentioned Damien at the funeral. Chef's lover had spoke of someone breaking in. The reports about Kyle and Cartman's deaths, which Stan couldn't help but stumble on in the local news, didn't make much sense until just now, but now things were crystal clear. It had all been the work of Damien. That's why Stan's friends were all in Hell. It was all Damien, and it was all over a stupid position of power.
"Well, if I have to go back to earth, why can't they go back too?" Stan wondered, trying to negotiate a package deal as long as he was being forced to return.
Satan shook his head. "They can't go back because technically they were sinful. Not enough to justify being here if you ask me, but I'm not Death. Death makes the decisions about who goes where and when. Otherwise God and I would be killing a lot more people. He and I only have the power to reject an innocent soul, which you are in this case."
"Well then can't you at least send my friends to Heaven?" Stan pleaded.
"Oh, I am -so- not speaking to God right now." Satan waved his red hand in the air, perhaps because he wanted the good lord to talk to it. "Besides, the fat kid is supposed to be here."
"AY!"
Stan sighed, staring at his chained friends. He had made a promise to Chef some time ago. Now he had to keep it. He had to make a difference, and not let his loved ones die for nothing. Not to mention the countless other innocent souls Damien might send down to Hell.
"What if I do try and stop him? He's the son of the devil for fuck's sake. How'm I supposed to fight that?"
No one had a true answer for that question, but Satan had some information Stan might find useful.
"He can't kill you if you haven't done anything wrong." Satan explained. "One of the rules is that he has to justify the deaths he causes. His reasons are pretty flimsy, but just valid enough to work."
"So then why did he send me here?"
"One of the other rules is that Death has to stop what he's doing and go around picking up the fools who die by accident, suicide, and so on. Oh, by the way, don't do that again kid. That's not cool."
Stan finally caved in, accepting his responsibility as he looked into the eyes of his captive friends.
"All right, I'll go back...For you guys."
"Good luck Stan." Chef said proudly.
Satan closed his eyes and gave a quick chant. He poofed up a red elevator which only had an up
button present on its body. He placed a hand to Stanley's back and pushed the boy inside,
shutting the doors behind him.
As he took the elevator back up to earth, Stan realized that he had more than a second chance at life. He also had a second chance to face Damien. He had a chance to confront who he now knew to be the cause of his recent pain and suffering. He had a chance to do what he should've done the first time. What he would've done, had he known at the time that Damien was behind all the murdering. Basically, Stan had a chance to knock the kid's fucking head off.
That was exactly what he planned to do.