32 Productions Presents…
A Teen Titan Fan Fiction The Teen Titans in…"Hit the Surf"
Chapter Four
Beach House: Two Days Later
Beast Boy hissed as his burnt skin touched the back of the couch. Stupid sun block. Water-proof his lime green ass. Starfire came in, wiping sweat from her brow.
Starfire: Though it has taken many hours, I have finally rid Cyborg of all the sand. I suggest that we do not let him on the beach again.
Terra produced a bottle of aloe from the bathroom and started applying it to her boyfriend's burns.
Beast Boy: Ow, ow, ow! Not so rough!
Raven snorted and turned the page to her book.
Beast Boy: You got something to say?
Raven: Yeah. You're being a wuss.
Beast Boy: Easy for you to say, you're not sunburned!
Raven: Pain is a matter of the mind. It's easily blocked out if you know how.
Terra held up her hand and mimicked the movement of a mouth with it.
Terra: (whiny) "It's easily blocked out if you know how." (normal) Bull. You're bluffing.
Raven shrugged.
Raven: Believe what you want. I don't care.
Cyborg: Here comes the human connect-the-dot puzzle.
Shade flipped him off. It turns out that rather then tan, Shade freckled. He looked like some sort of leopard creature.
Beast Boy: Yo, Shade. Your girlfriend says she doesn't feel pain.
Raven: That's not exactly what I said, but it's close enough.
Shade: …Raven, even I have to say that's a load of crap.
Starfire cleared her throat.
Starfire: I, too, doubt your claim, Raven. Such a claim requires evidence to substantiate.
Raven shrugged and placed her book down. What was the worst they could do? Make her hit her hand with a hammer? …actually, that sounded pretty bad. They wouldn't do that.
Terra: Let's make her hit her hand with a hammer.
Starfire: No, no…I have a much better idea.
Boardwalk: Tony's Tattoos
Raven stared up at the sign with a look of dread on her face.
Raven: Can I just hit my hand with a hammer?
Starfire: Nonsense, Raven! A tattoo is a most beautiful thing. I would get one myself, but I fear my skin would have a reaction to the ink.
Terra grinned, her face full of mischief. This was a great idea. Starfire must be feeling pretty crabby today to suggest this.
Terra: What's the matter, Rae-Rae? Scared?
Raven glared at Terra. There was no way she was going to let that slide. She HATED being called Rae-Rae. She couldn't remember why, but it filled her with a sense of disgust…and a hatred for pie.
Raven: You wish.
Terra: Great! Then you won't mind me telling you WHERE you're getting your tattoo!
Raven: You're damn right I…wait, what?
Beachhouse: One Painful Session Later
Raven winced as she sat down. Damn Terra. At least she was able to pick the tattoo. She hoped it looked good, because she sure as hell couldn't see it. It was just above her ass after all. You could see the top of it if she lifted the back of her shirt up a little. It was a bird in flight. Terra leaned in.
Terra: Remember to keep it clean, Sweet-cheeks.
Terra went down the stairs, laughing. Those were the last words from the tattoo artist before they left. It was also the last words he said before being beaten over the head with a chair. Raven was in no mood after that. He'd live. Shade sat down next to her. She glared at him a moment out of the corner of her eye.
Shade: …can I see it?
Raven's eye twitched. She turned to him, an innocent smile on her face.
Raven: (sweetly) You want to see it, hmm?
Shade: Uh…yeah.
Raven: You sure you want to see?
He nodded. Raven picked up her book and slammed it over his head repeatedly.
Raven: There! See enough birds yet, Shade?
Shade didn't reply, being out cold and all. Raven sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Maybe she went too far again. Thank Azar Shade was extremely forgiving of her violent outbursts. She looked at her book.
Raven: Damnation, I bent the spine.
Robin and Shade's Room
Robin was tempted to ask a question when Raven brought Shade in and laid him out on his bed, but thought better of it. The answer would probably confuse him anyway. Robin's communicator went off as she left…why was she walking so weird? Again, the answer would confuse him. He answered his communicator.
Robin: Robin here.
Kid Flash: Hey, Robin. How's it going?
Robin: Good…is there a reason you called?
Kid Flash: Yeah…yeah…uh…how exactly do you fix people after they've stared at that swirling screen thing the old British guy uses?
Robin: Mad Mod? Who's been hypnotized?
Kid Flash coughed nervously.
Kid Flash: Well…uh…everyone.
Robin: So EVERYONE is staring blankly into space?
Kid Flash: …not exactly.
Mad Mod's Lair
Mad Mod grumbled from his position tied up on the floor. Kid Flash turned back to his hypnotized teammates. Everyone had gained exaggerated British accents.
Red Star: I came here for an argument!
Sureshot: Oh. I'm sorry. This is abuse.
Herald had one of his arms tucked into his shirt. He and Panthra were sword fighting with sticks.
Panthra: Your arms off!
Herald: No it isn't!
Panthra: Well what's that then?
Herald: …I've had worse.
Panthra: You lie!
Herald: Come on, you pansy!
Wildebeest chased Argent around at bizarre speeds. It was like a film being run at twice its normal speed.
Kid Flash: …well, four of them are doing Monty Python sketches. I've got no idea what Argent and Wildebeest are doing.
Mod: It's a Benny Hill sketch, you bloody Yankee.
Kid Flash: So what do I do?
Robin: Why didn't it affect you?
Kid Flash: I dunno. Guess my eyes move too fast for a swirling thing to affect me.
Robin: You have to make them laugh.
Kid Flash looked skeptical.
Kid Flash: Robin, Herald pretending to get his limbs chopped off and still fighting. If that doesn't make somebody laugh, I don't know what will. I can't think of anything FUNNIER then the stuff they're doing.
Robin: …hmm…
Kid Flash: Wait…I think I've got it.
Kid Flash went over to zipped over to Argent and copped a feel. Instantly Argent turned and slapped him.
Argent: Keep your damn hands off me, pervert!
Kid Flash: Ow…are you back to normal or not?
Argent: What are you…
Argent shrieked as Wildebeest tried to yank her dress off. Using her plasma powers, she created a giant club and slammed him over the head.
Argent: What the bloody hell is his problem!
Kid Flash: The old guy hypnotized you into doing British comedy.
Argent raised an eyebrow.
Argent: (slowly) Oookay. Why?
Kid Flash shrugged.
Kid Flash: I'm guessing the "Mad" part has nothing to do with being angry.
Wildebeest stood up, dazed. He snorted and looked a little confused.
Argent: …I think that worked.
Kid Flash: …so we just bash them all on the head?
Argent: Why not?
Wildebeest cracked his knuckles.
Kid Flash: It's okay Robin. We got it covered.
Sureshot: Ouch! Wildebeest, what the hell are you doing?
Kid Flash hung up.
Raven and Starfire's Room
Raven grumbled as she tried to get comfortable.
Starfire: Sore?
Raven: No. Pain is just a thing of the mind. I just have insomnia because I'm banishing the pain and that requires concentration.
Starfire sweatdropped.
Starfire: …perhaps you should live with the pain so you may sleep?
Raven: …oh yeah. That's probably a good idea.
Raven was bluffing of course. She COULDN'T make the pain go away. Shade was the one who knew how to block out agony, not her. Thank Azar she didn't sleep on her back. That would REALLY hurt.
Terra and Beast Boy's Room
Raven wasn't the only one being kept up by pain. Beast Boy stared at the ceiling, his eyes wide. Oh the burning sensation. He was going to be peeling for who knows how long. He didn't dare change. Who knows what would happen? Do animals get sunburn? He was pretty sure they didn't, what with the fur and all. He turned his head. Terra was out. Great. This was going to be a very long night, he was sure.
Bud's Crab Shack: Next Night
When down by the shore, you got to have some sea food, right? Despite the smell (which in my opinion is annoyingly strong) they were quite hungry.
Starfire: Oh…there are so many options…I do not know which to select…
The other Titans rolled their eyes. This was a common occurrence. At the movie theater, she'd stare up at the menu's pondering everything for what felt like an eternity. They didn't let her go to ice cream trucks because they knew she'd stare at the side of it with utter confusion, asking what each one was over and over. Fortunately, they had a plan. Oh such a plan it was.
Robin: Just get what I get.
Starfire: Very well.
Behold their clever plan. Thus later after the drinks had been ordered (which also took longer then it should have until somebody just told Starfire to have lemonade) they placed their orders. Almost everyone ordered crab, save for Raven who ordered shrimp (I just can't see her pounding on a crab with brutal force to get at the tender meat inside).
Terra: Yeah, I'll have the…
She noticed that Beast Boy was staring at her, his lip sticking out. Oh no. Terra sighed.
Terra: …Cesar salad.
Beast Boy beamed and ordered the same thing.
Terra: …you so owe me for this, Gar. …I like crab.
The food arrived and everyone grabbed a crab…except for Beast Boy, who didn't want it, and Terra who really wanted to but it would have defeated the purpose…besides they belonged to the ones who actually ordered it. Starfire turned the thing over in her hands, studying it. No particular spot looked more or less appetizing. Shrugging, she opened her mouth and bit down. The Titans stared as her teeth started crunching their way into the crab's shell.
Robin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Star, that's not how you eat a crab!
Starfire stopped, though she still had bits of shell in her teeth.
Starfire: …it is not? Please, how does one devour these creatures?
Robin showed her, cracking his own crab open. Starfire shrugged and attempted to do the same. …now the Titans had to pay for a new table as well.
Raven: …and now there's butter on my shirt. Great.
Titan Tower: Main Room
The end of a semi-eventful vacation. Frankly, some of them were glad to be home. Raven for one was thrilled. The tower hadn't looked this inviting since the end of the Brotherhood's assault on teenage superheroes. Shade was glad to be back in his coat. It covered those damn freckles. His face was still spotted though. Nobody wanted to sit near Beast Boy, who had indeed begun peeling something awful. Starfire was disappointed to have left, of course…though she did get a nice pair of sunglasses out of it…and a fear of sharks. Robin got a decent tan. Terra was tired of Beast Boy's complaints. She couldn't even recall what a sunburn felt like. …Cyborg was glad not to have sand in his joints.
Raven: Home at last.
Starfire: …it looks so dreary compared to the beach house.
They went inside and paused. The replacement Titans stood around a pie, dressed…oddly. Kid Flash was covered in pads (knee pads, elbow pads, etc.), Panthra was wearing a pink gown and a tiara like some fairy tale princess (though oddly enough, she still had her mask on), and Red Star was garbed in a ridiculous sailor suit, complete with hat. His hair was heavily gelled underneath. The Herald had traded his costume for a band outfit and his horn had been replaced with a real trumpet. Argent was dressed in a school uniform, Wildebeest simply had a collar and leash added to his costume, and Sureshot was dressed like a little girl from a black and white photo. Sureshot pulled the bonnet off her head and threw it to the ground. The others started pulling junk off as well. The real Titans sweatdropped. Beast Boy lifted a finger and opened his mouth, but Sureshot silenced him with a glared.
Sureshot: Please don't ask.
THE END