South Park Jock Wars

Part 1/5

I have been to hell and back again. There were things that happened that no one should see. I am Eric Cartman and now I'm going to tell you about the rise of the preps and the re awakening of the jocks.

It all started a long time ago in town far, far away. A powerful evil ruled the town of North Grove. Every three years these beings known as jocks kicked every kids butt in the town. For the rest of the time they went into hibernation. All but a few of them slept allowing the kids to get fresh hope then the jocks would awaken to kick their student group thing's butts. It had only been one year since the jocks had last rampaged through that town, when me, and my elite team went there and screwed it all up.

For me it all started with the rise of the prep known as Dan, to popularity and power. At first he had just been some new kid just a minor vexation in the grand scheme of things. The rest of the school had welcomed Dan the ignorant new kid with open arms. I however was suspicious of him form the beginning. He had been just your average new kid for the first two days but soon he showed signs of over confidence way too soon.

I think it was that Bob kid's fault for first talking to him. If it had not been for that then Dan might never have become the annoying blond prep that I would soon learn to despise. A few days after that Bob's friends had all turned on him and joined Dan. Bob was relegated to the realm of the non-preps and Dan was on his way to domination of the town.

It was at this point that I decided to stop Dan before he was able to take over the entire town. I talked to my three friends Kyle, Butters, and Kenny and asked them to think of solutions to the problem. They all had one idea. We could use Kenny's four seat go-cart to drive through the surrounding towns and search for new ways to defeat Dan and his army of what resembled those singing rats from a Quizno's subs commercial they used to show. Sponge monkeys are what Dan called them I believe.

Any way Dan had given the science club the supplies to create the creatures. That had resulted in the creation of Dan's grand army. The sponge monkeys served as Dan's goons. Seeing as Dan was a prep, he could not afford to be openly rude to any one, so he had the creatures do his dirty work for him.

It eventually got so bad that we had to give Dan a tax of three fifty every day or be beaten up by the sponge monkeys. This was the last straw. That day after school, me and the guys went and loaded up Lenny's go-cart with all kinds of paintball and b-b guns and took off for the next town known as North Grove.

"Okay Kyle you drive us to North Grove." I ordered after I was sitting in the back of the go-cart.

"I don't think we have the right kind of engine for highway drive." Kyle said.

"Highway drive? What the heck is that?" I asked.

"The amount of speed you need to drive on the highway I would assume." Butters said.

"Okay then use this Highway drive if you can I don't want to be driving along on the side streets to get there." I said frustrated.

"Okay let's get to the highway before we start going that fast." Kenny said.

We rode out to the entrance ramp as fast as we could. When we got there about half an hour later, we got there. The high way was empty and we had found out that the cart's engine was powerful enough to get us there.

"Okay get us on the highway." I said.

"Okay." Kyle said and floored it. We took off with a jolt and were going at least forty-five miles per hour in a matter of seconds. We rode along in silence for about half an hour until we got to the exit ramp for North Grove.

We drove down it and slowed down. We drove down the side streets until we got to a small public school known as Fremd jr. high. We parked in the field next to the playground. We ran across the sunny field until we got to the main part of the school. We were approached by a small group of about five or so kids.

"Hello there!" I yelled out to them.

"Go back we don't wan you to bring down the jocks on our heads." The leader of the group said, and pointed in the direction, which we came.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You know the jocks they come and kick every one's butt then leave." The leader said.

"Who are these so called jocks?" Butters asked nervously.

"We have never talked to any one who did not know." The leader said and turned back towards the school. "Come with us then we should probably talk to you."

He motioned for the four of us to follow. I gave my friends a nod and we followed. We were lead into a small corridor and into a library. A Short fat kid in a green coat was sitting at the other side of a table.

"Who is this?" The fat kid asked.

"Brent, these are kids from away." The group leader said.

"No really?" Brent asked sarcastically.

"They say they have never heard about the jocks." The leader said.

"Leave them with me." Brent said. The entire welcome party left the library leaving the four of us alone with Brent.

"Where do you come from?" Brent asked. "And how is it that you have never heard of the jocks?"

"We come from a town called South Park." Kenny said. "Now will some one please explain to us who these jocks are and why you all feel so scared of them."

"The jocks are pure evil scouring this town and kicking every one's butt who is not a jock that is how they survive. They feel good and stay out of depression as long as they can destroy the hopes of others." Brent explained.

"Okay so they sound like Dan." I said.

"Wait there's more!" Brent said. "Every three years the jocks all awaken go on a rampage destroying everything in their path, get really drunk while playing sports and go to Homecoming dances. The rest of the time though almost all of them sleep waiting to go out and party again. The last great homecoming was about a year ago but still they attack in smaller numbers to remind us of their authority."

"That sounds bad." Butters said.

"I don't think these guys are going to be able to help us." Kyle said to me.

"Then let's go we don't want to incur the wrath of these 'jocks' on them." I said.

Suddenly the roar of loud rap music playing shook the whole school. We ran over to the window and saw three small sports cars pull up into the field where we had parked the go-cart. This was all too strange to us. We had never seen anything like this before.

"I take it these are the jocks you were talking about?" I asked.

"Yes! Run for your lives!" Brent yelled and ran out of the room.

"Guys get out your paintball guns I think we can handle this." I said. The four of us pulled out paintball guns and ran for the front door. When we got out-side we saw the jocks driving around in drunken circles and chasing kids in the parking lot. When they got near enough to one they grabbed him tied him up and threw him in the back of the car.

"What the heck are they doing that for?" Shrieked Butters. "Oh god! Oh my god the jocks are here!"

One of the cars turned and ran straight at us. We all pulled the triggers on the sub automatic paint guns we were carrying and let them rip. The jock car was pelted with multi colors and veered off course into a nearby street light. The remaining two cars scooped up a few more kids and drove off into the east before we could get any more shots off.

"Help! Help!" Called a voice off to my right. We ran over to the wreckage of the jock car. Brent was sitting there holding his leg.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Damn jocks hit me." Brent said. "They also ran off with several other kids."

"Yea why'd they do that?" I asked.

"So they can beat the crap out of him at a later date." Brent said. "We know where they go if I tell you, will you go rescue them?"

"Oh alright I'll take care of it for you now f off I'm eating." I said and pulled out a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken.

"Okay here. The jocks have their base in the high school on the other side of town." Brent said.

"Okay how do we know which high school it is?" Kyle asked.

"It is known as Addison high school." Brent said.

"Okay Kyle get us to Addison." I said and walked over to the go-cart.

We all piled into the cart and Kyle started up the engine. We sped off to towards the other side of the town. It took a good half hour to get there but we knew when we were there. At first, we thought that we had come to the out skirts of town and that it was just a grassy hill in front of us. As we got closer, we realized that we were severely mistaken. It was not a hill but a massive bus. The bus had been sitting there for so long that grass and small trees had started to grow on it.

"Oh my god!" I said in sheer aw. "There must be a whole ton of those jocks in there."

"Okay so how are we going to sneak in there?" Kyle asked.

"I don't know." Kenny said. "If it is a bus then there will probably be a back door some where."

"Good then lets get in and out before they notice anyone missing from where ever they hold these kids they take." I sighed. "Let's go in."

We ran up to the side of the bus and started searching desperately for a door. We eventually found the back hatch locked and well guarded. We hid in the bushes watching the guards for a while. After about half an hour though we got bored and decided to just take the door by force.

"Okay when I whistle open fire on the jocks guarding the door." I said.

I waited for every one to get in position then I whistled. Paintballs burst forth from the bushes surrounding the door but just bounced harmlessly off the jocks football pads. This was bad but at least they were surrounded. I yelled for every one to empty more ammo into the jocks and this time it worked but it took a lot of hits to even stagger them. By the time we had managed to get them to fall they had sounded the alarm, causing hundreds more to come pouring out of the back of the bus.

"Fight for your lives!" Yelled Kenny just as he was hit in the head by a jock thrown football. Lenny fell to the ground and time seemed to stop.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" Lyle yelled.

"You bastards!" Butters said.

"Run away!" I yelled after I looked down and saw that I had no ammo left. We all ran back to the go-cart and piled inside it.

"What about the kids who were taken?" Asked Butters.

"We're out of ammo we can't take these jocks down." I said. "Now get us out of here Kyle."

"Its about to get bad! Look behind us!" Butters said. Rushing at us were two jock sports cars. They looked very drunk and ready for a fight. I told Lyle to go as fast as he could or we would get killed. Butters suggested that we start dropping stuff out behind us to slow them down. We started to drop every thing we could think of. Eventually we found a box of fire works. We dropped a match into the box and threw it off the back of the go-cart and into one of the jock cars. It exploded in a flash of light and blocked the way for the other oncoming car.

"Okay now get us out of here!" I ordered.

"Okay I'm on it." Kyle said.

"Hurry I don't think it'll be very long before they get those things back up and running." Butters said.

"Well then I'd hate to be in this town when they do." Kyle said.

We drove to the nearest high way ramp we could find and got on it quickly. We drove for a good hour until we got back to our own town of South Park. We pulled up in the parking lot. A strange guy in a hobo costume came running up to us.

"Dudes I need three fifty for cloths." He said.

"Nice try now you're begging for money what happened to the sponge monkeys? Dan!" I said.