What dreams may come

I'm ten years old. I haven't had a home since I was four. It's okay though because I have dad and Sammy. They are 'home'. Besides, being on the road is kinda fun even though I'm the one taking care of Sammy most of the time. Sort of like a vacation that never ends. Well, except for the fact that I'm responsible for keeping Sammy safe. Yeah, that stuff Dad does is scary and dangerous… but if he didn't do it then a lot of the people he helped and protected would end up dead or worse. Besides, how many other ten year olds get to do cool stuff like melt silver into bullets? I learned how to shoot a gun before Sammy knew how to walk. Being scared sucks for sure, but it hasn't been so bad since I learned how to hide it. I'm really good at that now. Sammy feels safer and freaks out less when he looks at me and sees that I'm not scared.

I miss mom a lot, more than I ever let on to dad. I asked him where mom was the day after the fire and he started crying. I think that was the scariest thing I ever saw. He's so big and strong and he was sitting right in front of me; a big mess of shaking wet tears like the dad I knew was broken. That's when I knew she was never coming back. I knew that now I had to be strong for dad and for Sammy, I had to take care of them and protect them so that they wouldn't go away too. It's not always fun, but I do it because I know that I have to even though I don't always like the things I have to do. It's my job and I enjoy it because I feel like I'm making a difference. I never even realized I missed our old life, at least not until now.

We see a lot of motels as we cross the country from one end to the other, over and over again. Sometimes, though, dad takes us to stay with his friends. Mostly we stay with Pastor Jim, I guess you could sort of call him our uncle? He and dad are real close. They'd have to be for dad to trust him to watch us when he's away. But he didn't take us to Pastor Jim's this time. I don't know where we are, I lost track of which state we were in a day and a half ago when we left Georgia. He pulled up the drive with a white picket fence that ended in a two-storey, all-american, white clapboard house. The kind where you expected to find the normal, happy, church going family with two and a half kids a dog, a cat and a barbecue. This one didn't disappoint.

Mr. and Mrs. Morgan were awake when we arrived even though it was the middle of the night. We sat in the kitchen with Mrs. Morgan while dad and Mr. Morgan set up a room for the three of us. Sammy ate a couple of cookies before he started to nod off in his chair. Mrs. M saw him jerk himself awake twice before she took matters in her own hands and gently picked him up and laid him down on the couch in the living room. I followed her in so Sammy could see me when he opened his eyes as she laid him down. He's a light sleeper, I think it's because of the nightmares he has. They make him nervous and jumpy for some reason. When he falls asleep in the car and dad has to bring him into wherever we're sleeping for the night he always wakes up the second dad settles him into bed and won't close his eyes until he's sure we're safe.

Sure enough the moment his head touched the throw pillow beneath him his eyes popped wide open and scared. "It's okay Sammy, you're safe. Go back to sleep." I whispered to him from beside Mrs. M His eyes met mine and he relaxed and closed them again, instantly asleep and snoring lightly. Satisfied that our nightly ritual was complete I sighed softly, tiredness beginning to get the better of me.

Mrs. M turned to me, gently turning me with a hand between my shoulder blades and guiding me back to the kitchen. "You take real good care of your little brother Dean" she told me quietly "Now let me take care of you for a little while okay?" I said nothing, letting her guide me to the table and a seat facing the living room where I could watch him sleeping she made coffee. I was bone tired myself, but I had to stay awake for Sammy until dad came downstairs. As it happened so often when I got this tired my entire focus centered on Sammy. Mrs. M.'s puttering sounds drifted off into nothingness and the edges of my vision blurred. There was a warm mug of something between my hands and a soft voice telling me I should drink some. It tasted heavy and just a little sweet. Comfort in a cup. I hadn't had warm milk and honey in a very long time. I don't think Sammy's ever had any. Somewhere in the foggy recesses of my sleep deprived mind the thought registered that I hoped she'd make some for him while we were here so he would have that too. He's never really had normal before and I wish he could grow up the way I did for a little while, with a mom and a dad and all the 'white picket fence' trappings. I can protect him from a lot, but I can't protect him from the ugly in our lives.

I sipped away quietly lost in my own exhausted thoughts. I felt like an old man and a lost child stuck in a ten year old boy's body. So tired… I actually wanted to cry until a scratching sound caught my attention. It wasn't the scary 'there's something in the walls' scratching I'm used to. More like something lightly rubbing across the floor. Footsteps? Curious, I looked over at the stairwell where the sound came from. That's when I first saw her. There she was in the stairwell: a flaxen haired golden child with charcoal eyes in a long white nightie that was so long only the tips of her toes poked out from beneath it. I'd seen her before in my dreams, although not in quite some time. She smiled knowingly when our eyes met and her sweet little giggle reached me just as Mrs M's gentle voice did. "Annie sweetheart, go on back to bed. You'll have plenty of time to play with the boys in the morning." Without a word she turned and raced back up the steps to her room. Then dad came down the steps and sleep came at last.

I woke the next morning near noon-time to Annie's charcoal eyes hovering inches above mine and that silky flaxen hair tickling my cheeks. Then I blinked and she was gone. I could hear Sammy playing quietly somewhere on the floor nearby and another small unfamiliar voice with him. I rolled over to see who the voice belonged to and saw a small boy with bleach blond hair sitting with Sammy, the both of them laughing as if they'd known each other forever. For a moment all seemed right with the world, almost as if we were suddenly 'normal' (whatever that is) I didn't want to move and break the moment.

Then there was the sound of dad's heavy footsteps in the hall and I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. One look at my wrinkled t-shirt and sleep tousled hair and he smiled warmly at me. "I was wondering when you'd be waking up. It's been a long time since I've seen you sleep so soundly." I could have made a crack at a joke like I usually do to lighten the moment but I didn't. Just this once I would savor the moment and pretend that I'm normal.

Annie was dancing in a little circle of sunlight by the window humming softly to herself. I stared openly, completely captivated. Dad tousled my hair a little more with both his large strong hands in an uncharacteristic open show of affection. "Alright boys, lunchtime! Mrs. Morgan spent the morning preparing a small feast and I doubt you want to miss it. So up and dressed Dean and go wash up Sammy. I want to see you both downstairs in five." It was an order but it didn't sound like one for once. Nevertheless there was a 'Yes sir" from both of us as he left the room with a smile on his face and the two Morgan kids in tow. There was something different in the air around this place; something good… at least it felt good. I didn't know why we were here. Normally not knowing would have scared me, because not knowing means that I can't be prepared to protect Sammy if and when things get ugly. Dad looks happy though, and oddly relaxed, so I trust that and just go with it.

Over the next week a peaceful feeling instilled itself within me and grew. If dad was doing any research I didn't see it. He definitely wasn't working nights, I could hear his deep rumbling snore when I woke up in the middle of the night for Sammy. The sound is comforting to both of us, it tells us we're not alone. When dad is working a job he's out all night and sleeps a few hours every morning before getting up and teaching us what he's doing. There isn't any of that here. Sammy and I spend most of our time playing for a change, well a change for me anyway. In the house, outside and all over the yard and neighborhood we run wild with the Morgan kids.

Annie is eight. She has two brothers, Jack who is a teenager and Peter who is six just like Sammy. Jack spends most of his time out with his friends and hiding out in his room listening to loud rock music that I really like. Annie showed me how she sneaks into the attic and sits above his room. There you can hear the music so clearly its like you're sitting right next to the radio. Peter and Sammy spend most of their time together playing cars and building with blocks or in the sandbox in the backyard. Mostly Annie and I play nearby where I can keep an eye on him but sometimes dad sits down close by and tells me to 'go and have fun' which means I don't have to take care of Sammy because he will.

She's beautiful. It's the first thought I have whenever I look at her. She's always laughing too. Seeing how happy she is makes me happy so we both laugh almost all the time. I'd like to think she follows me around, like Sammy does, but really I'm the one following her wherever she wants to go whenever I can. Climbing trees, swimming, talking, making jokes and playing pretend… she even had me dancing with her. It was something slow that she said her dad taught her when she was Sammy and Peter's age. He used to have her stand on his feet and then he'd dance around the room with her standing on his toes. After just four or five days it felt as if we'd always been there, and I as stupid as it was I started to hope we'd never leave. Deep down I knew we would have to and that the best I could hope for was that we would come through this way again some day. Right then though, the place was a dream come to life and I wanted to keep it alive as long as I could.

One night, about a week after we'd arrived Dad came to get me after Sammy had gone to sleep. It was just late enough for the sky to be dark, the stars just beginning to shine. The darkness didn't quite touch the horizon yet. Dad said it reminded him of me. Even though we're constantly surrounded by darkness within this life we lead, deep down my flame keeps burning. Embarrassed at the emotion, I was secretly pleased that he'd thought of me that much. I kept quiet about it though. Sometimes not saying anything at all is better than opening your mouth and ruining the moment.

"Listen Dean, we're going to have to leave here soon." Dad was never one to beat around the bush. He was direct to a fault when he had something to say. "Why do we have to go dad?" I asked, trying to hide the hurt and disappointment. I apparently failed because he put a hand on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye. "Listen son, there's something I need to tell you… something to do with that thing that took your mother from us." He took a deep breath and looked around him as if searching for something. Maybe he was searching for the words to say what needed to be said… I don't know. But when he spoke again he was all business, the man he had been this past week was just a memory again. "Son that evil thing that killed your mom, I think it's hunting us just as surely as we are it. That's one of the reasons we can't stay in one place for real long, that's why we keep moving and cover our tracks as we go. That's why we leave before first light tomorrow. Now, I know how close you and Sammy are with Annie and Peter… and I know that'll make leaving this time all that much harder…but it's better for them that we go now before something happens to them. Something bad like what happened to your mom."

I couldn't speak, couldn't move. I wanted to shout at him, scream that he was being unfair. I wanted to tell him to go to hell because Sammy deserved to have warm milk and honey before bed every night. I wanted to beg him to let us stay until we had grown up. I wanted to run far and fast so I could hide and pretend that none of this was happening. I wanted to do all those things and so much more but deep down I knew what dad said was true. There was no normal for us. Well, there was, but it wasn't really normal by anyone's standards but ours. I knew that if we stayed the Morgans would get hurt. I knew that if we stayed Annie would end up losing the happy, carefree life that came only from her innocence that she had shared with me over the past week.

No matter how badly I want to stay right now I know we have to go. I couldn't do that to her, I loved her too much to ruin her life. I couldn't take from her what Sammy and I had never really had but always wanted.

Dad's big strong hand was on my shoulder again. When the tear rolled down my cheek the hand stilled and he sat next to me and pulled me into the crook of his arm holding me close by his side. "It's for the best son." I nodded through my tears. I know it is but it doesn't make it hurt any less. If anything it hurts that much more.

I have to be strong again. I have to hide this pain I'm feeling because if I don't… this time I'll be the one who breaks. I don't know that I can put the pieces back together like I saw dad do and that scares me more than leaving here does. So I wipe my tears away with my sleeve and take a deep breath that sounds a lot more like a long sniffle. Dad watches me carefully and smiles sadly as he sees me square my shoulders, ready to face it all head on. "That's my boy." He says to me, his voice thick though I'm not sure why. "Go on and pack up yours and Sammy's stuff and get to sleep. You'll need your rest. We've got a long drive tomorrow and you've never slept very well in the car." Without a word I get up from where I sit and run into the house at full tilt as if I can run fast enough to escape the reality that dad's words just brought home to me.

Reality hit me head on when I reached the bedroom though. Sammy was fast asleep in the bed, hogging all the covers as usual and snoring peacefully in his sleep. Tomorrow morning dad would probably lift him out of the bed still sleeping and bring him out to the car. He'd wake up on the road sometime just after dawn and wonder where he was, maybe cry a little because he didn't get to say goodbye and then be okay by lunch because 'Dad and Dean' were there and he was safe.

So I walked around the room, picking up Sammy's toys and our clothes and tossing them into a pile to the rhythm of his snoring. I could smell coffee brewing downstairs in the kitchen and saw in my minds' eye dad sitting at the table and telling his friends he'd be leaving before first light. Maybe they already knew.

I have no idea who the Morgans are to dad or why we came here in the first place. It wasn't a layover between jobs. Layovers were for planning and learning. They were the time that dad took to teach us what we needed to know to stay safe on the next go 'round. There had been none of that here. Maybe I should have asked him why we're here, and who the Morgans are. Maybe… but I don't want to. I don't want to know why we came here. I'd rather just have the memory and keep it safe in my heart with the few I have left of life before mom went away.

Fifteen minutes and our clothes are rolled up, the toys tucked away inside them. There were a few small things missing but I knew where they all were. A quick scavenger hunt around the house and everything's ready to go in the morning. I know I'll regret it tomorrow if I don't get some sleep. I know this and yet here I am lying awake, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling thinking of Annie, of Peter and Sammy, of Mrs. Morgans' soft voice and warm sweet milk, and of all the wonderful moments I've had while we were here. It's worse I think than losing mom. When we lost her we knew she was gone and would never come back. I'll always know that Annie is here and know that I can't come back.

The adults are in the kitchen, I can hear the sound of their voices drifting up the stairs and through the open bedroom door. Like a radio that's on in another room, the voices are muted and the words are indistinguishable. The sound itself is comforting though, even though I'll never hear it again. Squeezing my eyes shut to ward off the tears I concentrate on that sound and try to remember all of the happy moments we've all shared in the past week. Through them all there is a beautiful, pixie like, golden child: my Annie. Somehow I start to drift into sleep as the angel dances in a ray of sunlight behind my eyes.

There is no peace in sleep for me tonight. I dream ugly in bright bold colors. Things I'd rather forget and things I won't remember when I wake. They leave me feeling cold and empty inside. I hate being scared. Sammy's tears wake me sometime before midnight like clockwork and I sit up suddenly. I'm not sure if it was the dreams, or Sammy's crying, or something else but… something just feels wrong.

First thing is I check on Sammy. It's a good night for him tonight because he's just crying in his sleep. The nightmares only wake him when they're really bad. So rubbing his back gently to reassure him I listen to his breathing as he drifts into happier dreams. As he quiets so does my breathing and the night sounds of the house fill the space that is left as we settle. I listen for Dad's snoring but the rumble isn't there. In fact, none of the comforting noises that I've grown used can be heard. What the heck is going on?

Do I get up and investigate? Do I lie here and wait to see if there's anything sinister to this silence? I wish I knew if Dad was in the house. He'd know what to do. If he were here I wouldn't be lying here in a near panic because the house is too quiet. Then, just as I'm about to give in to my fear and start to cry; I hear the sound of light footfall coming up the stairs. Adrenaline rushed through my veins, heightening my already over-sensitive senses. I shift into work mode.

I'm up out of bed and by the door before the footsteps even reach the top of the stairs. Dad would be proud, I didn't make a sound. I want to get a good look at who or what is coming towards us before I wake up Sammy and we hide or go find Dad. Maybe it'll be a false alarm… maybe my gut instinct will be wrong… maybe this is just fear and hurt talking… yeah right, and maybe I'll look outside the window and see pigs flying.

Our duffel bag is next to the door with me and I reached in for the little dental mirror I lifted the last time Dad took Sammy in to get his teeth cleaned. I didn't take it just because I like shiny objects.

I lay down on my stomach parallel to the wall and slowly inched the mirror end into the hallway at the base of the doorjamb. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but Annie sure wasn't it. She was tiptoeing toward the room looking a lot like Sylvester trying to sneak his way to Tweety in the cartoons. Something was up, that much was for sure. I did what any self respecting boy would do when he comes upon a girl up to no good that he hadn't thought of first. I stepped out the door and directly into her path, startling her so that she nearly fell over. I wanted in on it, whatever 'it' was that she was up to.

When she saw it was me she jumped on me and squeezed me tightly in a bear hug. She held me as if her life depended on her not letting go. My first instinct was to hold her close to reassure her, the big brother in me I guess. As I held her close I breathed in her soft scent of shampoo and baby powder and the sharp tang of fear. I stepped back and held her at arms length "What is it Annie?" I asked and only then noticed how wide and scared her eyes really were. This was no ordinary 'I-had-a-nightmare-and-need-a-hug' look. This was the 'oh shit' look that comes when something really bad either has or will happen. Instead of saying anything though she just shook her head and wrapped her arms around me again, tears spilling down her cheeks and soaking into my rumpled t-shirt.

I pulled her into the bedroom and out of sight- just in case. Running a hand gently through her hair and holding her close with the other I tried to comfort her and stem the tears that were now flowing freely down her cheeks, tried to get her to tell me what was going on. It took awhile until she finally sniffled loudly and took a deep breath looking me in the eye. "It's Jack, Dean… Jack's in trouble and I think your dad is with him." "What? What! What do you mean Jack… and Dad?" everything I could remember seeing and hearing Jack do in the last week suddenly started rushing through my mind to be inspected thoroughly as I tried to make sense of what she had said. How the heck were Jack and Dad connected?

The whole thing just came rushing out of her. She'd stayed up, waiting until her parents and Dad were asleep. She'd wanted to stay up late and have an adventure. (If only she knew… my whole life is an adventure) When she was sure everyone was asleep she snuck down the hall to wake me up. She was really startled when Jack's bedroom light suddenly came on and had to duck behind the bathroom door to avoid being caught when he came out. She apparently wasn't the only one sneaking around tonight. Through the crack of the door she watched Jack shut off his light and head down the stairs. It wasn't an unusual occurrence; he often went across the street to his best friends house at all hours of the day and night. Just when she thought the coast was clear though, Dad's light came on. She got scared that she'd be caught sneaking around and didn't dare move from her hiding spot. Dad followed Jack's path down to the last step. Now, Annie is probably the most curious person I've ever met. She has questions about everything and finds answers for almost all of them. (she'll probably be a reporter or an investigator when she grows up or something) Anyway, she wanted to know what Jack and Dad were up to so she shadowed them. "Jack didn't go across the street, he went toward the park. He took candles with him, and your Dad took the salt from the kitchen cupboard. Why on earth would they take such strange things to the park Dean?" Then she told me how dad stopped by the car and took a rifle out of the trunk. That's what got her scared. All of the pieces fit perfectly. I'd seen dad leave like that before and I knew what he was up to. He wasn't on a hunt, not the usual kind anyway.

Jack was probably playing with the dark arts. (playing around with summoning spells or ouija boards. Dangerous crap that punk teenagers like to mess with to freak out their friends because they believe that it's just made up) If Jack was one of those kids, or hanging out with a group like that then Dad was going to do one of two things. Either he was going to scare the crap out of them so they would never touch the stuff again… (I'd seen him do it before. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Kids running everywhere and screaming at the top of their lungs… All because of a little smoke and mirror parlor tricks. Damn, if they saw half the stuff Sammy'n I have…) or Jack and his friends were walking into trouble and didn't know it and Dad was following them to protect them and destroy whatever it was that they unleashed, accidentally or not. If he was going to protect them, which was my guess since he brought the rifle and the salt, then he'd probably end up doing both. Either way it would be one hell of a show.

I didn't want to tell Annie any of this of course, she'd want to go and see… if she believed me and I seriously doubted she would. That would be taking away from her something precious that I didn't want her to lose: her innocence. Plus I'd be breaking the family rule: tell no one what we do. "Dad probably heard Jack planning something dangerous with his buddies or something and went along to scare them into not doing it." It was a reasonable explanation… sort of. I mean, that kind of thing happened often enough on TV, so maybe it happened in real life sometimes too. Ah, who am I kidding? It sounded really weak even as I suggested it and I doubted she would buy into it.

Maybe it was something in my voice or the way that I looked at her… I'll never know for sure. She looked at me skeptically for what seemed like forever with that gleam in her eye that said she would argue you 'till her face turned blue because she thought you were wrong. I was sure I was in for a long one, trying to convince her there wasn't anything to worry about. She actually smiled as she watched me square my shoulders, ready to counter whatever argument she might have. Instead of punching holes into my weak explanation and begging me to come with her and check it out though, she just shrugged and smiled. "Whatever they're up to Jack's in good hands. Your dad's a good man" I swear my jaw fell straight down to my toes. The trust that she must have had in me to just let it go like that… it still blows my mind.

She turned when she heard Sammy toss around in his sleep. Moving to the other side of the bed she gently brushed the hair away from his forehead. A small smile curled the delicate corners of his small mouth and he relaxed into calmer dreams. "He doesn't usually settle so quickly" I said, amazed that he hadn't jumped up screaming from the nightmare still clear in his mind, like he usually does.

I felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside. Part of me wanted to run after Dad and do what I could to help. Part of me wanted to stay right here and watch over Sammy like Dad tells me to. Even as both those parts fought each other within me a quiet calm stole over me and suddenly all I wanted in the world was to stay right there with Annie. If Dad had needed help or wanted back-up he would have left Sammy with Pastor Jim and taken me along with him instead of coming here with us. No, there was another agenda and it was something he didn't want me involved in. Right now there was only Annie, and if these were to be the last stolen moments before I left then I would spend every last one of them with her. With any luck she'll remember me as fondly as I will her.

So I pulled out my comic books and my walkman, took her by the hand and led her to the big bay window seat. We sat there, ear to ear, listening to Metallica and sharing whispered conversations over comic book heroes and their adventures. The thought of telling her I would be leaving in the morning never once crossed my mind. It would have tainted the time we had left with sadness and there was enough of that in my life already. I didn't want her to be sad, she was meant to be happy.

We debated the merits of Superman's powers over Wonder Womans and Spidermans. She wove tales of the things we would do in the morning, next week, next year and when we grew up. Just for a little while I wanted to believe that those things would really happen. I wanted to build that fort in the backyard with her, be in her class at school, become the high school jock and her my cheerleader girlfriend. I wanted us to grow up together and fall in love with each other. Her favorite story was the one where we would grow up and old together in that same house with the white picket fence. Our parents would watch us grow up, and then we would watch our own children and family grow and have children and families of their own. I think this is what mom would have wanted for me, for Sammy too. He'd probably be more of a book geek that a jock though.

We lost track of time sitting there by the window. Completely wrapped up together in the huge comfy blanket, our dreams, and each other; what seemed like minutes were actually hours, gone by in no time at all. Two a.m. came quickly in a burst of loud noise and bright lights. It started with the loud bang of the screen door being pushed in as Dad burst through it yelling and carrying an unconscious Jack in his arms. He sounded like he was yelling for help So I ran towards his voice, Annie close behind me. I made it halfway down the hall and Dad was already at the top of the stairs. Jack was really pale and covered in blood. His own or something else's I couldn't tell. Immediately I turned to Annie, trying to shield her from the sight. Jack would be fine, she didn't need to see him like that. She'd never be the same again.

I'd managed to move her back into the room again "Annie, you don't want to see him like that, let Dad clean him up a bit before you go check on him." I reasoned with her. I should have known better. There is no reasoning with Annie once she's made up her mind. The second I let go of her hand she rushed past me and right out the door. I turned and ran after her "Annie no!" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw them.

Dad had taken Jack into the bathroom. He had a large circular bite mark on one of his shoulders and scratches all over his face. He looked terrible. Annie was frozen by the sight. Mr and Mrs Morgan materialized seemingly out of nowhere. Suddenly all the lights in the house were blazing, the younger boys were awake and bawling, the adults were all talking at once. It was chaos. Then Dad eyes met mine and for us everything just stopped, as time itself froze. He nodded once which was his signal that everything was okay and I went into 'work mode' I guess you could call it. This was my part to play.

I took Annie's hand again and whispered to her that Jack was alive and that he would be fine now that he was home. Sammy and Peter needed us now. I could tell she wasn't sure whether she could trust what I was saying and that she was really scared but she followed me without question when I led the way to Peter's room and from there we were a team effort.

Annie carried Peter across the hall from his room to the one Sammy was in as I physically shielded them both from the almost carnal sight the bathroom had become. As soon as the boys set eyes on each other they grabbed on and held tight, teddy bears and all. "Where's Daddy?" Sammy asked me and was immediately reassured by the sound of dad's voice across the hall. Now Sam was comforting Peter. Before long they were both out cold again cuddled in a tangle of cartoon character sheets and stuffed animals.

By the time Annie and I went back to the bathroom Jack had been cleaned up and his wounds had been covered up. Dad had him awake, sipping strong coffee and talking to keep him that way. Mr Morgan was listening quietly, the expression on his face as hard as stone. Whatever it was that Jack was saying it was obvious that Mr. Morgan didn't like the sound of it at all.

"Annie sweetheart, your mom is waiting for you and Dean downstairs. She's got warm milk and cookies for you before you go back to bed." Dad's voice was hoarse and worn as always on nights like these. It didn't do much for Annie's peace of mind. She looked to her dad for reassurance, then glanced over at me. She didn't move a muscle until she saw me smile at her. Kissing her brother on his undamaged cheek she told him she was happy he was okay. He ruffled her hair affectionately and sent her on her way. She stopped at the door "Are you coming down too Dean?" "I'll be down in a sec Annie" and she was gone, down the stairs to the waiting arms of her mom.

I wanted to ask what had happened, wanted to know what it was that had taken a chunk out of Jacks shoulder. I didn't know if I could though. I mean it's one thing to ask those questions in front of Dad's hunting buddies. It's another entirely to ask it in front of virtual strangers to our family trade. Then I was startled to hear Jack say something about the largest dog he'd ever seen, and that it reminded him of a wolf. "Was it a werewolf John?" Mr. Morgan asked nervously, eyeing the now bandaged site of the bite mark on Jack's shoulder. "As far as I could tell it was just a real angry dog that Jack's buddies had pissed off. Even if it had been a werewolf, that little love bite on Jack's arm is nothing to worry about. That dog's drawn its last breath. I wasn't taking any chances." I could actually feel Mr. M's relief from where I stood in the doorway.

Apparently everything important had been already said because Mr Morgan left then to look in on Annie and Mrs. Morgan. "You did good tonight Dean, real good. I'm proud of you son." And dad followed Mr Morgan.

"Hey dude, you wanna give me a hand down the stairs? I'm still a little weak and I'm craving some warm milk too." Jack wanted my help? He'd barely said two words to me in an entire week and now he wanted my help? Well, I wasn't going to say no. Sure, of course I'll help! "Thanks for taking care of them tonight Dean." I didn't know what to say to that.

I don't remember helping him down the stairs but I do remember the warm heavy feeling of the warm milk and honey in my belly as we all sat around the kitchen table afterward. There was no talk of leaving in the morning, though I wasn't fooled into thinking that those plans had been changed. It felt like I was home and the only person missing was mom and even she was there really. She's always there, if only in our hearts.

Annie refused to go up to her room to bed. Well actually she refused to let me out of her sight. We wound up curling up by the window again in the same comfy blanket. I remember sitting down. I remember her laying her head on my shoulder as we sat side by side, and linking our hands together. We fell asleep there watching the stars twinkle lazily above. I'd like to believe that she was asleep before I was. Her eyes were closed, her breath and heartbeat had grown slow and steady. The truth is I know she wasn't. As I drifted off to sleep I heard her whisper softly that she loved me. I slept peacefully for once, dreaming the fairy tale/comic book hero type dreams that all kids are supposed to have. The kind that have happy endings with ever-afters where the bad guys never win and the good guys get the girl in the end. Even in my dreams she was right there by my side.

I woke awhile later like I always do when the sky begins to get lighter just before night becomes dawn. I could hear Dad moving around in the other room, packing up and getting ready to load up the car. Our duffel bag was already gone from its spot by the door, my comics and walkman gone with it. Had Dad slept at all? Probably not… and if he had it wouldn't have been enough to matter.

In sleep I had shifted into the corner of the bench where the wall met the window. Annie had shifted with me and half-lay cuddled against me with her head resting on my shoulder and her arms were wrapped around my waist. I sighed deeply against the bittersweet feeling of contentment as I held her close. Wanting to lie there forever I enjoyed the warm weight of her against me. I stayed there watching the sky grow brighter as the world outside our window slowly started to wake up. Our departure loomed there… over the horizon with the dawning light.

Then Dad was in the doorway, motioning for me to come downstairs with him. I had no choice but to get up and face reality. I slipped carefully out of the blanket, gently easing Annie to a lying position without waking her. Dad was waiting for me downstairs and I should have been on my way down but I couldn't resist one last look. I smoothed a stray strand of gold away from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. She smiled her sweet smile in her sleep. I think I actually heard the sound of my heart breaking. Slowly I turned and walked away… from my dreams, from love, from the very future I've always wanted and would never know. I never looked back. If I had it might have killed me.

Mrs. M fed me the best oatmeal I'd ever tasted as Dad loaded up the car with the last of our stuff. Though Sammy, Peter and Annie were still fast asleep, the rest of us were all awake and quietly moving about the house preparing for the impending departure. Mr Morgan was in the yard, trying to convince Dad to stay. I shook my head at the uselessness of it. Once Dad made up his mind nothing short of death would change it for him.

Jack sat down to breakfast with me and his mom. He thanked me for taking care of Annie and Peter for him earlier when he couldn't. "Sammy's lucky to have you and Annie will be too." (Will be? What did he mean 'will be'? I was never going to see her again.) "Jack's right Dean. John and Sam are lucky to have you." Mrs Morgan told me, a tear streaking down her cheek. (She knew we wouldn't be back) "You just remember sweetheart that while you take care of them, it's okay to let them take care of you too." It was said teasingly, but the thickness in her voice betrayed the emotion behind the advice. How could I tell her that I couldn't let them see that I needed them too? I've been the glue almost longer than I can remember. Dad can't do what he does, hunt things and save people, if he's constantly worrying about Sammy and me. How could I put that into words when she must have seen it for herself in the last few hours? There were no words.

"Sure Mrs. M. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She hugged me tight and almost ran out of the room. I could hear her crying quietly somewhere out back.

Jack stood up and stretched gingerly around his bandages, probably ready head upstairs to bed. I hoped they'd all be asleep before we left. I didn't want a big production that might make me cry. He started toward the stairs, but stopped and put a steady hand on my shoulder as he passed me. "I hope that one day I'll become half the man you already are." His voice was low and he patted my shoulder before he left the room too. I wasn't really sure what he meant by it, but it made me feel really good. Proud to be me. I'd never felt that way before, it was just another one of the gifts I received while staying at the little picket fenced white house.

I hid in the bathroom while Dad said his goodbyes. I've never been very good at those and anyway I couldn't handle it this time. I had enough to deal with just in leaving. I can deal with just about anything this twisted life can throw at me, but I'm not strong enough to take that heartache. Not when so much of my heart was invested here. Not when I knew we would never be back. It was just too much.

I heard Dad come upstairs to get Sammy and then watched from the window as he settled him in the backseat. Mrs. M. fussed over him making sure he was strapped in safely and tucked in tight with blankets, still fast asleep. She put his bear on the seat next to him where he could find it and kissed the top of his head. There were hugs all around. Dad, the Morgans… Everyone had tears glistening in their eyes. Not a one fell.

Jack was knocking at the bathroom door. "Your dad says time to go Dean." "'Kay, I'll be right there." There was no more hiding from it. The moment had arrived. Right thing to do or not, I still didn't want to. But I did. Dawn was here and it was time to move on.

Hours later we crossed the state line into Kansas. Sammy was reading quietly while I watched the landscape go by outside my window.

"When this is all over, we'll go back there to stay." He said it softly so Sammy wouldn't hear him, but I did. I knew he was worried about me, and he was trying to give me hope for a life better than this one day. It didn't matter. I could have all the hope in the world for those things, but the truth is that I'm not meant for that kind of life. No matter how much I wanted it. No matter how much I still want it. There would always be bad things out there, and people would always need to be protected from them. As long as I know they're out there and I can do something about it… How can I turn my back on that? How can I choose not to hunt these things down and save lives? Who would stop them from killing again?

I slammed the door shut to the little piece of my heart where Annie would always be and bolted it securely shut. She would grow up into a beautiful woman one day and live out all the dreams we'd shared. She'd do it with a man who deserved her and would keep her safe and happy all of her life. Every once in a while she'd remember the boy who had touched her heart, shared her dreams and disappeared overnight.

Me? I'll hang on to the memories, keeping them buried deep where no one will ever see them but me. Every once in a while I'll drag them out when I'm alone and it's safe to. She'll keep me sane through life and never even know it.