Daniel was bored. And in pain.
He was sitting in his office after yet another mission. They had made contact, they had fought and Daniel had only just been released from the infirmary. Daniel was wearing regulation BDU's, now after wearing them for the past few years it felt like he had been wearing them his entire life.
He was rummaging around trying to find one of his projects, when he stumbled across a small bottle of sand. There was nothing special about this sand, no it was ordinary, hell, it even came from earth! Daniel began to wonder why he had this as he reached for the label -Egypt and a very smudged date. It dawned on him that this was sand from his first dig in Egypt.
He could barely remember what he was like back then. So full of innocence.
His hands caught his eye. He didn't know why, they had never done so before. Tanned and calloused with scars on them, his hands has changed. He could remember a time when the skin had been smooth, and pale and unblemished. They had been like that before the Stargate had become part of his life. Before Catherine Langford had changed everything.
He wondered when he had begun to change. Had it been a single moment or something gradual? When had he traded in his archaeology tools for a P-90? He wondered when he let go of his ideals? That there was no reason that could ever justify taking a life. Maybe it had been the moment what Kawalsky had pushed a gun into his hands and Daniel had prayed he would never use it. He didn't, not anymore, he couldn't pinpoint the moment he had decided the borrowed handgun wasn't enough and started carrying a P-90 on missions. He still had the borrowed gun though, he kept it in the glove compartment of his car and when he made it into his apartment he slept with it under his pillow. Wait, when had that happened.
Maybe the moment he had changed was when the Stargate on Abydos opened and Jack walked through it. He knew then his quiet desert life was over. Maybe it had been his first death. Maybe when he had found out Sha're was a Goa'uld, when he found out she was pregnant by another, or maybe it was that moment when a man he trusted with his life killed his wife in front of him when he had hesitated. It had to be done, but perhaps it had been that day when killing became understandable.
He felt like he was in limbo state, his official capacity was linguist and archaeologist, but sometimes he almost felt like a soldier; he followed orders without question now, he was called 'sir' by all the airmen and junior officers, and even walked like a soldier, that had been remarked upon while visiting the Tok'ra.
His life was the Stargate, it was the same for the rest of his team. Nobody who worked at the SGC wanted the program to shut down, but no one lived this program quite like SG-1. They all knew that if the program was shut down they would have to return to their lives. Sam would return to Washington, or perhaps go to NASA, she out of all of them had the best options. Jack would return to his life of retirement, Daniel hated to think it but without the Stargate, Jack would most likely put a bullet to his brain within a week. Teal'c had his purpose- freeing the Jaffa, and he could not do that from earth if there was no Stargate by, he would leave. And Daniel, would return to the land of academia, applying for grants and being denied, if the program was shut down, he would probably follow Jack's road and use the gun Kawalsky gave him to end his life.
He was shaken out of his thoughts by an airman rapping at his office door.
"The briefing starts in five minutes, sir, Colonel Carter wanted to remind you so you wouldn't be late."
He gathered up the notes he would need for the briefing and walked down the hallways in his smooth military gait.