Chapter 18

Kate sat staring at the computer screen waiting for the alarm to go off to enter the numbers. She insisted on taking a shift, it gave her something to do even as trivial and mind numbing as pushing some numbers into a computer every 108 minutes.

She blinked a few times to ease the burning in her eyes; she was tired but had barely slept the past month. It showed she knew. She had dark circles under her eyes that made her almost afraid to look in a mirror. Scared of what she'll see staring back at her.

Locke, Rose and Bernard were all sleeping so she couldn't even put some music on to distract her. She checked the clock and saw she had more than half an hour left so she went to the library to find something to read. She'd tried before but couldn't concentrate on the story. She came back in time to enter the numbers and started to read the first page but after she had to reread the first page about 5 times and still didn't have a clue as to what she was reading she gave up with a sigh. She got up again to go the bathroom, it felt to her like she had to go every ten minutes lately. The baby also continued to rearrange her insides with every kick that seemed to come more frequently and stronger every day. She knew it wouldn't be long anymore till the baby would be born but as much as she wanted to be able to hold her child she was terrified of the delivery. Rose had said she'd help but she was still worried that something would go wrong. She certainly never planned to have a baby on a deserted island, knowing what to expect from delivering Aaron didn't really ease her mind either.

A few days later Kate was ripped from a peaceful sleep, a rare occasional event for her lately, by a searing pain that cut across her whole abdomen. She sat up in bed, and gasped. Breathing deeply, she glanced at the clock, and then waited. It could have been a false contraction, but she didn't think so. Her back was aching and she tried to sit up a bit more comfortably without much success. She felt and moved with the speed and agility of an overweight whale.

She wiped a hand across her sweaty forehead, and was about to lie back down, when the pain returned, only worse. She cried out, and fell back onto the bed, already panting and clenched her teeth as another contraction tore through her lower body and then she felt wetness running down her legs.

She drew in a sharp breath. She knew it had to be her water that broke. Her baby was coming. Panicking she called for Rose, there was no way she could do this alone.

John had been on button duty when he heard Kate call for Rose. Rose and Bernard were asleep in the armory they had now converted into a second bedroom. Locke just slept on the couch when he weren't on duty they all decided to give Kate the space in the original bunk bedroom.

John immediately went to her and when he went into the room he just took one look at her and knew. Worry creased his brow. He'd hoped they wouldn't have to do this. That more rescue would come by now.

"Kate?"

"John the baby…" she said through gritted teeth "…is coming, get Rose"

Locke just nodded and went off to wake Rose.

Kate closed her eyes, desperately wishing Jack would walk through that door. But she knew that wouldn't happen. It seemed that that was always the case. She was always alone in the end. But tonight, all that would change. After tonight she would always have someone with her, someone to take care of, and someone to love.

Just a few minutes later Rose came in. "oh honey, so it's time. Did your water break yet?"

Kate just nodded while holding her breath.

"You have to breathe, deep breaths in and out" Kate tried but every time a contraction shot through her she forgot to breathe again.

She had prepared for the pain, or so she had thought, but this was like nothing she had ever felt before. It felt like living fire was running free across her abdomen and back. When the pain finally subsided, she lay back on the pillow, wiping a hand across her forehead. She was already getting tired, and she had only been in labor for a little over two hours. At this rate, she didn't see how she could last.

Another shot of pain cut into her, and she cried out, berating herself for succumbing to the pain so easily.

Rose wiped her brow with a wet cloth, "is there anything I can get you?" Rose asked, she was a little worried. She have children of her own but she didn't have any medical training and under the circumstances things could easily go wrong.

"An epidural" Kate wheezed, her breathing shallow she'd been in labor for 5 hours and still the contractions came too far apart to start pushing. Kate was pretty damn sure Claire's labor progressed faster when she had Aaron.

Rose smiled. "I know dear, I gave birth to 3 boys, no it's no game this, but once you hold your baby it'll all be worth it"

Bernard and John were sitting in the kitchen eating some fruit when Rose came out to get some water.

"How's she doing? Bernard asked first.

"In pain, things are progressing slowly it'll still be a while longer"

Another 4 hours of excruciating pain later. Rose gave her the green light to start pushing. She knew from delivering Aaron that things were about to get worse before they got better. As she felt the next contraction coming she started pushing.

And at that moment, Kate wanted Jack to be with her so much, it almost hurt worse than the labor. She wanted him to be there and hold her hand, kiss her softly, and whisper that he loved her and their baby. She blinked back fresh tears, and closed her eyes, thankful for a break. She wished that the baby would come soon. But, in her pain-filled mind and heart, she wasn't alone - Jack was with her. She imagined him standing beside the bed, holding her hand, telling her that everything would be fine. It was his image in her mind that gave her the strength she needed to continue.

Finally Rose told her she could see the head of the baby. Kate was exhausted but grateful that it seemed to be nearly over. She gathered her last bit of remaining strength to push.

"That's it almost there just one more big one, the head's out." Rose said sounding relieved.

Kate pushed down, gritting her teeth. Damn this hurt she thought how anyone could even consider going through this more than once she'd never understand.

"It's a girl, you have a little girl." Rose said excitedly as she held the baby up. She continued to cut the cord and wiped the baby's face clean.

"Is she ok?" Just then the baby gasped and started crying.

"Yes, she's beautiful, got quite a pair of lungs on her" Rose came around the bed handing the baby girl to her mother.

Kate took the baby gratefully, and the minute she looked down into her daughter's eyes, her heart was forever lost. The baby stopped crying the minute Rose handed her to Kate, seeming to know she was in her mother's arms and snuggled a little closer to her, blinking slowly. Kate smiled, wiped some stray tears away, and gently touched her baby's face. She had wisps of dark curly hair and a unique color of green/brown eyes. A combination of her and Jack she realized with a jolt. She felt fresh warm tears roll down her face. She could barely believe the moment was real. She had a child, she was a mother. The feeling was both terrifying and exhilarating. The only thing missing from making this moment perfect was that Jack wasn't here with her to share this. But she wasn't alone anymore she had her daughter, a part of Jack that she'll always have with her to love.

Jack startled awake. Feeling disoriented at first. He checked the clock 6:48 am blinked back at him. He sat up rubbing his eyes. He'd completely overslept. The alarm didn't go off but something had woken him. A dream. He had a dream of Kate. That in itself wasn't unusual; she was constantly in his dreams. But this one felt more real than any he'd ever had before. The details were fuzzy but she was in pain calling out to him.

He didn't even want to think about it. It was just a dream he told himself. His day didn't get any better when he saw the weather outside. Black clouds hung low in the sky and it was raining with near gale force winds blowing.

Great, just great he thought. He won't be able to go out in that small plane in this kind of weather. He almost considered it, really not wanting to lose a day but Charlie and Claire wouldn't hear of it. He'd been staying with them for the last few weeks when he got tired of living in a hotel and wanted to rent an apartment but they insisted he come stay with them. He was never in anyway and at least that way Claire said she could see that he take care of himself and occasionally eat a plate of food.

The next morning he went out before the sun was up. He spent the rest of the day flying out as far as he could, he was getting more frustrated by the day. How come they had crashed there so easily they could have landed in the middle of all this water he was now flying above but now that he was looking for the place it was more difficult to find than a needle in a haystack. He didn't want to admit it to himself but after more than two months of flying over the same ocean he was beginning to think he'd never find it again.

The plane started shaking and he snapped out of the reverie he was in. The turbulence was caused by some dark clouds pushing in from the south he realised. It seemed like he would have to head into those if he were going to land before that storm broke.

The plane was starting to rock and bounce more heavily now as he made a sharp turn to head back and that's when he saw it just a spot far down below. He circled the plane around and sure there it was right below him. He had to try and lower altitude to be sure but it looked like a small island.

Could it be it? Did he finally found it?

He was almost too scared to breathe as he concentrated on keeping the plane steady through the strengthening winds. He made a wide circle and as he got closer he got more excited. It was an island and it was beginning to look familiar with the green hills and wide beaches, he noticed as he got closer. The plane was really shaking now and he had to find a place to land soon before he crashed again. His navigation was going haywire and he gave up trying to use the radio as all he got was static. He made a sharp left turn again and circled the island at a low enough altitude that he could make out the trees on the edge of the jungle. He was trying to find a beach wide enough to land. And that's when he saw it bits of plane refuge on the beach in front of him. This was it. This was where they had crashed.

He'd found it. He'd actually found the place.

He pushed his excitement aside for the time being as he made a bit of a rough landing on the white sand.

Jack got out of the plane, he could still see some long forgotten fireplaces scattered along the beach. It didn't seem like anyone had been down here in months.

He was suddenly afraid what if he couldn't find Kate, what if the Others still had her? How would he ever find her? Sawyer and the others couldn't…

He started running as fast as he could manage towards the hatch. He didn't know why but his legs just seemed to automatically take him there. It was like some unseen force were pulling him.