Re-edited Sept. 30 2012
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
… … …
Randy,
Look, I know you hate me and I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings. But what did you expect? Pretending to be someone you're not will not get you far, especially if you're gonna walk around pretending to be someone famous like Randy Orton and acting as if you were interested in me. Yes I knew from the beginning you weren't the real thing but I liked to play along, I guess making me a huge hypocrite…. Where do I get off accusing you of being someone you're not, of being fake when I'm the one here lying to everyone about my illness….how pathetic….
… … …
Randy,
Where the hell do you get off pretending you're the real thing for so long...?How dare you turn this all around on me like this is my fault. Who's the faker? Not me you. You, you, YOU. Thank god I'm smarter than that and knew from the beginning cuz god only knows what kind of emotional damage I would have because you decided to go around and fuck with my feelings. Do you even feel guilty? Are you even disgusted by what you did? You should be because the way you acted, the way you lead me on.. the way you.. argh.. how dare you… you suck.. and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…No, no I don't. I don't mean that, I'm a big liar.. bleah…
… … …
Randy,
I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm an idiot and I just hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Not just you but everyone else. I feel awful for treating you all the way I did and there's no excuse for that. All I can say is I am really truly sorry. Hopefully one day we'll be able to talk about it because I sound completely sappy and really lame and I don't blame you for never wanting to talk to me again.. I wouldn't want to talk to me either.. Lana, you suck…BIG TIME….
… …
Just a few of the hundred letters I've started then deleted to Randy over the last little while. My emotions ranging from anger to hate, to forgiveness, to acceptance, to guilt, then to basically anything I could feel before it started all over again... Kinda sad huh?
It had been quite a while since we talked. They had all blocked me and yeah I'm not gonna lie when I say it hurts, a lot…But I have no one to blame but myself, isn't this what I wanted? What confused me more is that I was even more confused as to who they really were. Why couldn'tt I just let it go? Obviously if they had me blocked, chances are they didn't want me spreading around what fake imposters they were. But why couldn't I just leave it alone and move on? It was pathetic, I was pathetic because a part of me wondered what if…? What if it was him and I ruined it. But I always came to the conclusion that I ruined nothing and if I did it was better now than later. If we ever did meet, he'd freak when he found out about my illness.
"What the hell are you doing?" Danni laughed walking into my room, "you should be ready, we gotta go, you should be excited."
I made a face at her. "Excited about what? I'm not gonna get excited until there's a reason to be excited."
Danni rolled her eyes stepping closer as I quickly deleted the latest letter to Randy, closing up my laptop.
"Well come on Auntie Kim is waiting in the car, let's go."
Making another face I held out my hand to Danni who pulled me up and we walked out to the car.
… … …
I couldn't believe it, I swear the doctor had to be lying, there was just no way. I wanted a second opinion. This was all wrong.
"Stop looking like you're gonna die." Danni laughed as we headed to the car.
I stopped and stared at her. "I very well could have."
"You're done, you're in remission."
"For now." I muttered, still not quite believing it.
Danni stopped and crossed her arms, glaring at me.
"Listen up, Lan, you're fine now, you're done with it, if you just try and stay positive you can keep it away and it will soon be nothing but your past. 'Sides if you go all pouty on me now, I won't give you your surprise auntie Kim and I have for you."
I turned a wary eye on her before glancing at my mom who was all smiles, the same goofy grin plastered across her face since the doctor gave us the news.
"Surprise? How did you know everything would go well?"
Danni gave her a sheepish smile, "well we were being positive but if not well it would've been a cheering up gift."
I raised an eyebrow a small smile cracking my face, the first one since I left the office. "What is it?"
"You gonna play nice and be all smiles?" Danni asked in a teasing tone.
"Yes," I cried. "I promise, I swear, gimme gimme gimme."
Danni laughed reaching into her purse and producing 3 tickets, which I snatched out of her hand, squealing when I saw they were for the Raw House show the next night, then my face kind of dropped.
"I don't think I'm strong enough to go. It might be too much."
"I cleared it with your doctor before we left." Mom said. "He said as long as Danni and I are there and you don't overexert yourself you should be fine and he wants you to enjoy yourself, you deserve it."
My eyes widened in excitement as I looked back and forth between them.
"Look where were sitting." Danni gently pointed out.
I looked down, letting out another squeal.
"How the hell did you get front row?" I asked.
"Got them when they went on sale." She said with a grin. "So I'm thinking, we buy you a new outfit in honor of your clean bill of health."
I grinned as I got in the car. "Kay, but I want a wig. I ain't going there without one."
… … …
The crowd was hot in anticipation of a night full of wrestling. I was up at the rail ready to touch any wrestler that came close enough, Danni right beside me. Mom was sitting down. She wasn't a wrestling fan but she came to make sure I would be okay.
I held up a sign that read 'RANDY CAN RKO ME ANYDAY'
Beside me Danni had a similar one claiming John could FU her any day.
I had a red wig on, kind of the same shade as my natural hair color, straight, and down to my shoulders. I had on black pants and a long sleeve green shirt, my skin too pale and translucent for me to want to wear something short sleeved, didn't want to blind everyone with the brightness.
The show started and we cheered every match, Danni getting behind every babyface while I cheered on the heels even if I didn't really like them, just to bug her.
Then I heard familiar music and both Danni and I let out the loudest scream ever as Randy Orton posed at the entrance before making his way down, his cocky smirk on. I waved my sign wildly and when he passed it, his smirk grew as he winked at me.
"Lana." Danni screamed, "He winked at you."
Upon hearing my cousin yell my name, Randy stopped and turned towards me.
"Lana? Lana Mitchell?"
My mouth formed an O of surprise as I stared up at him.
"yes, that's her name." Danni answered for me.
Randy held out a hand for me, which I accepted and he helped me over the barrier.
"Do you believe me now Lana?" he whispered, running his finger down my cheek as I stared up at him breathlessly, silently nodding my head.
"I've missed you." He whispered, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. "Stand in my corner tonight?"
I nodded and he grabbed my hand pulling me into his corner as a jobber came out. It was basically a squash match and I cheered Randy on as he quickly defeated his opponent, getting the 1-2-3.
After the match Randy pulled me into the ring, lifting me up on his shoulders as he celebrated his victory. Finally he put me down so I was facing him and leaned forwards giving me a longer kiss which left me breathless and begging for more.
"later." He whispered, holding the ropes open for me before he rolled out and lifted me down.
"You're beautiful in person as you are in your picture." He told me leading me backstage.
I blushed not quite believing my luck as I followed him.
Music came on for the next match and all of a sudden someone ran down the ramp, knocking into me and pushing me down. I was easily winded still being weak and it took me a moment to realize everyone had gone silent and was staring at me.
"What?" I asked brushing my hair back, except there was no hair. I felt my head which was bald and saw my wig beside me. I let out a silent groan.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Randy asked looking at me with disgust.
I quickly snatched up my wig and put it on. "I-I have, well had cancer, I lost my hair."
"That's just, that's just wrong, and gross. It was fun while it lasted."
And to my horror Randy left me on the ramp, the tears trickling down as I tried to fix my wig.
"Lana, what's wrong?"
"Leave me alone." I mumbled, staring at Randy's retreating form.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone, get your ass up, we got somewhere to be."
My eyes snapped open and I was awake.
It had only been a dream, a terrifying, horrific dream.