CONTENT WARNINGS! Torture, Trauma, self-hatred and insanity, other possible smaller triggers. There uh, there's not really any skipping it. Well, it's all memories, recollections, and pain caused by past torture, so... maybe that makes a difference. I don't know; you've been warned.
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Aki felt, vaguely, that she was in something of an upright position, held by her arms, which were bound tightly behind her back. She tried to raise her head, to move her fingers, to do anything; she barely squinted her eyes open.
She couldn't see very much, only a carpet of sorts, or else a painted stone floor – she couldn't say. It seemed dark, but, she guessed, it was only her that couldn't see the light.
Without warning, something grabbed her collar, wrenching her upwards. Her muscles screamed in protest as she was pulled, her back arching excruciatingly.
"…wake…"
She blinked rapidly, straining to make out the figure in front of her as it swam in and out of reality. It seemed so insubstantial that she was half convinced she was hallucinating, but this theory was shortly disproven as whoever it was started to shake her.
Her tendons were surely snapping, her restraints remaining stiff as the shaking became still more violent. She was choking, unable to utter a sound, struggling weakly.
"…you…Natsu…!"
Natsu .
She twitched to stillness, then forced herself to go limp. She couldn't risk him any injury. Even if she couldn't hear them, she could protect him. All she had to do was not resist. That was all she had to do; it was so simple.
Struggling not to struggle, she waited, somewhat impatiently, for whatever was coming next.
Her lack of movement apparently didn't appease the shaker as the shaking, and pain, redoubled. "…cane…"
She wondered what the shaker possibly wanted her to do now. The cultists had, so far, seemed to understand the limits of the human body, not bothering to talk to her after a point. She had presumed that this was because they knew neither she nor Zeref nor any being who underwent extreme pain for such long periods of time could perceive reality after a point, much less care to do anything but try to escape. She may block her magic, which required present, conscious activation, but her body automatically loathed the agony, and it was nigh impossible not to fight to get away.
She jerked as a fist found her gut at the same time as she was released. Lungs empty, she was quiet as she collapsed to the floor like a broken ball-jointed doll. Heaving, it was more difficult, now that she wasn't being pulled taught, to not move, pain and a revolting sickness surging through her body, determined to betray her.
"…what…wrong…"
As her already feeble senses deserted her further, she wondered where Natsu even was. She hadn't been conscious enough to recognize him for… some amount of time. Had he eaten, or were they starving him, too, now that she and Zeref were unable to keep them in check? And, if they were, what was to say they weren't hurting him directly, as well as indirectly? She could use magic to find out, but was that going to trigger the circle?
"… N-tsu…" she heaved, determined to find out, to know, whatever the agony that followed, "…h-urt…"
"You-!"
Something dug into her side, kicking her sideways, her arms again pulled at an awkward, excruciating angle. Choking for the screams that couldn't leave her torn throat, her meager perception of reality abandoned her. All she felt were her convulsions as she threw up what little was left in her stomach anymore: Nothing. Nothing but blood and pain.
But- that was fine. She was protecting Natsu, simply by feeling a bit of pain. It wasn't even close to the pain of the curse, which had plagued her mind, twisted her very soul, blackened her magic and heart alike.
No, it wasn't even enough to make her wish for death. Not anymore; not now. Now she needed to live. Now she even wanted to live, if it meant that Natsu saw one more minute of safety. After four hundred years of insanity and pain, of wishing that the cloying death clogging the air around them would finally devour them, too, of cruelty and false salvation and tragedy, they had been released.
They had been released.
And, not only had they been released, but it had been by a miracle; a miracle that never should have—could have—would have—had happened. She and Zeref had gotten the chance to be with Natsu. They were, right then, with Natsu. And they weren't just with him; he was with them.
She laughed as pain rippled through her—a contorted, guttural chuckle.
They called this pain? They thought this would destroy them? That this alone could break them? They really were fools. They knew nothing of pain, nothing of what really made one wish to die, nothing of what gave one reason to live.
In holding Natsu hostage over them, the cultists had gained control of their physical bodies at the same time as they placed their minds forever out of reach. The cultists could never break them, for, if they broke, Natsu would die. In holding him hostage, they had, really, ensured that she and Zeref could never give up – could never give in, could never just accept whatever they were wanted for—she could no longer remember what it was.
Delirious, she smiled, hardly aware that anything existed outside her own mind. In using Natsu, they had made them unbreakable. In using Natsu, they had given her a reason to live, to fight – had given her some peace of mind that she could, finally, finally protect him, care for him – could just be with him. In using Natsu, they had given her and Zeref a chance to keep him safe, this time. This time.
Her mind surfaced momentarily, registering that the pain raging through her was only old aching, no new torture being inflicted. A second later, whatever held her vanished; she crumpled.
"…ki…"
She couldn't help a thick whine as she was held, trying to be still even as her body struggled weakly—though, by now, it was more of a twitching.
"…you…doing…" someone was speaking, and she guessed, belatedly, that it belonged to whoever was holding her. "…tails…"
Whatever was going on, her world, so small at that moment, shifted somewhere… warmer. She was leaning against someone, a warm someone, and relief overtook any other emotion she might have had. "Na-zu…"
She flinched as Natsu, as she was now sure it was, shouted, her ears ringing painfully. "…ki-ki…!"
Despite her inability to hear most of anything he was saying, she forced herself to be present enough to ask him, while she could. "Na-zu…-'s… 'kay?"
"…afe…okay…I…"
She tried to grin, though she wasn't sure if she'd managed it before something scraped in her throat. She wanted to control it, knowing that if it progressed to a coughing fit she'd be throwing up blood from the tears in her – throat? Lungs? Mouth? – but couldn't help her weakened body from choking itself in its overeager attempts to suck in air and clear a ravaged throat.
"Aki-ki!" she caught him saying, but she couldn't respond.
No, she couldn't respond when she couldn't breathe, and every inch of her body was agony, and the world was invisible and inaudible and immovable, but Natsu was here now, he was okay, and he was safe.
And that was all that mattered.
"The Edolas do you think you were doing to her?!"
Kneeling between Erza and Zeref, clutching Aki, holding his other arm out in a sign of protection, Natsu was roaring at Titania. (Amazing how seeing your siblings being tortured can overcome the fear of *whispers* Erza. *Shudder*)
"We- we were trying to find Arcane," Erza stammered, taking a bewildered step back. "They were hurting you-"
"LIKE WINGLESS DRAGONS THEY WERE, ERZA!" Natsu bellowed; Erza's eyes widened. Between the two Black Mages and her, he was crouched in a protective stance, rage burning in his eyes, but what disturbed her most were none of those things; Natsu was trembling. "They were protecting me! They were being tortured!" His voice broke.
She took another step backwards. "But Wendy said-"
"I don't give a flap what Wendy or nobody else said!" Natsu howled, gesturing with his elbow to Zeref. "Are you blind?!"
Jellal spoke up hoarsely, pushing himself slightly up from his spot by the wall, "Natsu, I saw-"
Natsu turned on him at once, fierce and challenging. "To Edolas with what you saw, lizard-leg! I can tell if I'm being tortured!"
Jellal hesitated. At Erza's glance, he supplied, "I saw you tied up an-" —the room seemed to sway, and he swallowed, blinking rapidly— "…and them c-covered in… blankets. The way they spoke seemed like-"
Natsu seemed to snap. Laying his feebly panting sister down with gentle hands, he leapt to his feet, grabbing the front of Jellal's clothes and shaking him. "If you mean the flapping creepy to Edolas way they called them Kami then shut—up!" Seeing Jellal sway, he let go.
He watched them, growling under his breath. "Look!" He stripped his shirt to reveal perfectly unblemished skin, aside from the bruises the collapsing base had caused him.
"But- but if they were the ones being hurt…" Erza trailed off, the beginnings of horror creeping in.
"Why didn't they use their magic?" Jellal tried, glad Erza had deposited him on a crate as another wave of dizziness swept over him. "They… didn't have magic suppressing handcuffs on, I- I thought-"
"That was the whole egging point!" Natsu exploded, fire sparking in the air around him. "They couldn't escape because of some seal on me!"
Erza's face lost the last of its color. "They really weren't-" she started, but Natsu interrupted her. (Seriously, it does magic for innate fears.)
"Shut up!" he roared, throwing an arm out. "Get a flapping doctor already!"
Erza started to scowl, but the tears she found glistening on the Dragon Slayer's cheeks froze her in place.
"I'll get one," Jellal volunteered, hobbling out of the hut.
A wet coughing sound made Natsu spin around and drop to his knees in one swift movement; Zeref was struggling pitifully, gasping for breath.
Erza stared, taken aback, digesting the turn of events. Her eyes widened momentarily; she moved.
"What can I do?" she asked, joining Natsu on the floor.
"I don't know!" he said frantically, fear dominating rage as he watched Zeref choke on his own blood. "Oi!" he added aggressively, grabbing the arm Erza had stretched out.
"Angle him upright," she said steadily, meeting the dragon's blazing eyes with learned certainty.
After a second, still growling under his breath, he let go. Under her direction, Natsu lifted Zeref into a diagonal position.
"Hold him as still as you can," she said, letting him support his brother's whole weight.
Natsu nodded, cradling Zeref close to his chest as Jellal and the village doctor entered.
"Jellal, sit!" Erza barked.
"But-" Jellal quailed under her gaze. "R-right…" he agreed feebly, trying to hide his relief as he collapsed onto the crate again.
"Get some water!" the doctor, having taken a single glance at Zeref and Aki, ordered the room at large. Erza nodded once and dashed out. The doctor turned to Natsu, who was eyeing him belligerently. "We need to remove these," he said seriously, gentle fingers running along black fabric.
Natsu growled, a visceral warning, the air still sparking around him. He nodded once.
The doctor opened his case, pulling out an angled scissors. The second he touched the sleeve of Zeref's jacket, though, Zeref uttered a soft cry, and Natsu had batted the doctor's hands away without thinking.
"I'm afraid this is going to cause them some pain," the doctor said carefully, glancing at Natsu's expression (and miraculously not fleeing right then and there). "I'll be as gentle as possible, but this fabric must be removed."
Natsu's head jerked in what might have been a nod. His nostrils flared, his fingers flexing as though longing to wrap around the doctor's neck and strangle him. For his part, the doctor ignored the murderous aura blazing behind him, lifting the cuff of the black sleeve and running the scissors expertly up the arm.
Zeref yelped as the fabric was peeled away from his ravaged skin; Jellal's sharp intake of horror wasn't heard.
"I have water!" Erza announced urgently, reentering the tent. She stumbled when she caught sight of Zeref's half exposed torso, though, flashes of the Tower of Heaven cycling through her mind. "What did they…?"
"Give the girl water while I work on this one," the doctor directed, not looking up as he removed another section of fabric, accompanied by another cry of pain.
She nodded, dropping to her knees beside the other ex-Black Mage. "I'm so sorry…" she muttered, aghast, as she lifted the tiny, broken girl, holding Aki delicately. Erza's gaze swept over her body, imagining the colors and lacerations of Zeref's skin decorating hers. "I'm so sorry…" she repeated faintly.
Adjusting her appropriately, she held the cup to Aki's dry, cracked lips. Aki's lips tightened. "What?" she asked anxiously. "What's wrong? Ak-" Her words caught in her throat as Aki twitched as though to turn her head away. Erza had seen that kind of reaction from a few who had returned from the Room in that tower, from those who had had trouble drinking for a long time after, seeming scared of the idea. "No! No, it's just water! I swear, Aki!"
She reached over, easily turning Aki's head back up, but her lips still seemed zipped shut, and Erza wasn't going to force them open. "Natsu, she won't-!"
Aki twitched. Slowly, tremulously, as though fighting every instinct in her body, she opened her mouth by a fraction.
'They were tortured protecting me!'
"I'm so sorry…" she murmured again, tipping the water into her unresisting mouth.
"Give it to her slowly," the doctor said without looking, now peeling fabric off Zeref's back; Zeref was howling, twisting in his attempts to get away, held by Natsu's tight hug. It was a miracle that Natsu hadn't killed the doctor, his rage heating the air inside the little hut to an oven.
Erza tilted the cup back to let Aki swallow, which she did with some difficulty, gasping as though emerging from an extended dive underwater. Waiting until her breathing had evened out somewhat, Erza placed the cup back on her lips, and Aki continued to swallow, albeit inconsistently.
A couple minutes later, the doctor stood up. "I have to get a clean set of tools; give him some water," he added.
Erza paled still further as she moved around to Zeref. He was topless, wearing only boxer-length shorts, though one could have mistaken the cuts and rainbow of bruises for a mandala patterned shirt and leggings, or maybe a disturbing Hawaiian shirt. He was shivering, whimpering near-silently at every movement, his face contorted as she never could have imagined the Black Mage's of legend looking.
Natsu was knelt next to him, his fists so tightly balled they appeared doll-like in their porcelain whiteness. He glanced up as she approached, protective rage rearing in his slitted, dragon eyes; she slowed, stopping and holding out the cup. "It's water."
Natsu only grudgingly didn't attack the universe, taking the cup and, almost as if without noticing, sniffing it suspiciously. Apparently satisfied, he leant it against Zeref's closed lips.
"Come on, Zeref-n-Zeref. It's just water," she could hear him muttering coaxingly. "Water…"
"'tsu…"
Erza jumped as Zeref spoke, though she was arguably more surprised when Natsu quivered again. "'m fine, drink," he said quietly, replacing the cup to his lips. "Just drink…"
Zeref opened his mouth.
The second it touched his throat, however, he gagged, pink-tinted water trickling pointlessly down his neck. "No! No, no, no…"
"Let me-" Erza cut herself short, glancing at Natsu's face.
"Please, come on…" he was pleading quietly, desperation filling his every visible feature. "You need to drink…" He angled the cup, letting the water drip into Zeref's mouth. It was with tangible relief that he murmured, "There we go…"
"What happened to them?" Erza breathed.
"They're the biggest idiots ever."
She glanced at him, then down at the bloodied Black Mage. She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Natsu."
He looked up at her with obvious shock and residual anger; their eyes met.
He nodded once, returning his attention to his brother.
The doctor had returned, and Erza took Zeref as Aki gave a fractured cry, catching the cup Natsu had dropped.
Zeref seemed to know, somehow, that she wasn't Natsu, cringing slightly as she held him, but accepted the water anyways. Erza's heart twisted as Aki screamed as Zeref had, her fighting even feebler than his had been, twitching instead of writhing in place.
"I'm sorry, Zeref, Aki," she whispered, closing her eyes momentarily.
"Alright," the doctor announced a few minutes later, pushing himself to his feet, "we're going to put them on stretchers now and carry them to a house. You, too," he added, pointing at Jellal. Jellal might have protested, might have said he was fine by himself, if only he had heard the words through the thumping in his ears.
"I'll carry him," Erza said instantly. Sharing a glance with Natsu, she let Zeref down gently before standing and moving over to Jellal.
As she picked him up bridal style, his eyes swept up to her, plainly dazed. "What- did you… did you say something?" he croaked weakly.
"Nothing," Erza hushed him. "Which house is it?" she asked the doctor, who was directing villagers through the door.
"-and two stretchers! Heather, take Erza-kun to a house with at least three available beds!" He nodded at Erza, who thanked him and hurried after a young akuma, Jellal blinking like a lost puppy in her arms.
Moving over and kneeling beside Natsu again, the doctor asked, "Young man, what's your name?"
"Natsu," he answered, voice clipped.
"Can I ask what happened to these two?"
Natsu trembled. "I don't know…" he finally whispered, eyes not leaving his siblings' faces. "I don't know what happened to them; they haven't eaten; haven't drunk; days; were tortured… I- I don't know…" Frustration ate at his voice; he grit his teeth.
"I see…" the doctor said kindly. "The stretchers are here – would you help one of them onto one?" He gestured towards the villagers that had just entered the crude shack, bringing two stretchers made of sticks and hides. When Natsu nodded tersely, he continued, "Okay, then follow what they say to do, alright? We don't want to injure them more by moving them incorrectly."
"Yeah…" Natsu rubbed vigorously at his face, nose twitching as someone knelt down beside him. He looked up at them. "What do I do?" he demanded, unintentionally aggressive.
If they noticed, they didn't mention it. "You take her legs, I'll take her arms, and we'll lift her at the same time. Only high enough to get her on this," they added, laying the stretcher next to his shivering sister.
Carefully, they lifted her up and over, Natsu shaking as she gave a piteous whine.
"Take that side, and we'll carry her to the house," they said, taking the other end of the stretcher. Together, moving slowly so as not to jostle her, they made their way out of the hut and through the village, the akuma leading the way.
"Over here," they said, nodding towards a cot. Natsu didn't respond, only helped Aki gently over onto the bed. Glancing at Zeref, he pushed the two beds together, ignoring their objections.
"Don't you dare," he growled, stopping them as they made to separate the beds. One glance at his face convinced them to back hurriedly away, simultaneously discouraging anyone else from trying.
"Natsu." Erza tapped his shoulder; she had already deposited Jellal onto a bed across the room. "We should keep them in the same room. We didn't catch Arcane" —Natsu's face morphed into one of primal fury, and only Erza could have finished normally— "so we need to keep a guard up around them."
Natsu bared his teeth, punching a lit fist into his other hand. "I'll pound him the second I see him!"
Erza nodded, then returned to Jellal's side. "How are you feeling?"
"Awful…" he moaned, eyes firmly shut.
Erza smiled faintly; it had been a long time since he had answered so honestly.
"This is real, right?" he blurted, looking up at her with sudden desperation. "That-that was fake, not- not th-this…?"
Erza frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Jellal grimaced. "Some spell…" he muttered distractedly, failing to suppress a shudder. His gaze was darting around the room, flicking from one thing to another to another. "Thought… the Tower… Simon…"
Erza's throat clenched; he didn't miss it.
"Sorry…" he mumbled, not meeting her eyes. Didn't- sorry…" He squawked as she hugged him. "E-Erza?"
"You idiot…" she murmured, pulling back. "Is that why you were talking about a ghost?"
Jellal stiffened. He had never told her about that; he didn't want to sound like he was giving excuses – he didn't want excuses. He knew he was at fault, and he didn't want to make people pity him. He wouldn't—or, maybe, he couldn't.
Erza was watching him. "What was the ghost, Jellal?"
He threw around for some way to evade the question, unable to find anything. "It-" he started, swallowing, avoiding her gaze, "it doesn't-"
"Don't you dare say it doesn't matter," she cut in menacingly, her brown eyes narrowing. "You were practically sobbing."
"I-"
"And you kept on muttering about, 'hate,' or something." She eyed him, crossing her arms tightly around herself—hugging herself. "Jellal," she started again, uneasy, "what happened?"
"I…" Jellal squinted, trying to focus on her fuzzed form. She appeared angry, but, underneath, she was desperate, wanting – needing – an answer. Didn't he owe her at least that? Didn't she deserve to know anything she wished to? But didn't she deserve to not feel any need to pity him, after all he'd done? After all he'd tried to do?
Would it be right to stay silent, or to speak? Was he really even not talking about it for her, or was it for himself?
He decided on an answer he never would have come upon when fully able. He looked away, panting slightly. "Th-that day…"
Erza stilled. She didn't need to ask what day he was talking about; he didn't need to say. The day he had gone insane with power and hate; the day he had threatened her; the day he had sent her off to live in guilt and fear; the day he had taken her place in the Room at the top of the Tower.
"When," he said weakly, wincing, "when they left me in the- in the room, and I could barely see, and sc-scare-" He broke off, muttering inaudibly. After a moment, after taking a deep breath and firmly shutting his eyes, he resumed, "Something, appeared in front of me. It- it asked me things, like if I- if I hated them… I- I did – I really did. And I s-said so…"
He didn't want to continue; he hated himself for what had happened; he didn't want her- anybody to know, but especially not her.
But, something scolded, that's for yourself, not her. You don't want to speak because then she would know why you did such terrible things. You don't want her to know because you're scared of revealing how weak you were—are.
He didn't notice as he shivered, continuing painfully, "It said I was- that I had enough hate. It said it was the ghost of Aki, and I could see it because- because my hate was- it was strong enough.
"It said you weren't coming for me… I-I felt so alone," he stammered, panic seeping into his already poorly restricted voice, walls fracturing from pain and fatigue. "And… and…"
Erza listened as Jellal, weakened from torture, recounted his memory of that day. She felt guilty taking advantage of his exhaustion, guilty for coaxing him into speaking when he was so defenseless. She knew he was only telling her because he was so feverish – knew that, in any other situation, he would refuse to answer her, that he would slip away as usual.
Yet, despite knowing how he would have hated the thought of telling her, she was still forcing him to speak, practically tricking him into it. It felt cruel, but, after hearing his cries, after hearing so many broken pieces of a story she'd thought she'd known… She had to know, had to understand.
And all she could see, looking down at him as he shook from trauma as old as hers, was the past. Jellal, the child slave in the same cell as her; the friend who had given her a last name. In that echoing room, bound to the pole as she had been, but with a figure besides the cultists lurking in front of him. Tortured and alone, having sacrificed himself for her, thinking she'd given up on him.
"It seemed to…" he was speaking, "to come into me… Through my-" He took a shuddering gasp. "-my eye. And it-it hurt… it hurt so much, more than anything they had done. And it called to me to" —his pitch rose an octave— "accept it, to- to-"
He grit his teeth; how he wanted to stop; how he wished he didn't, did, would and wouldn't. Maybe he just wanted the world to stop, everything to fall by the wayside and leave it be. "-to h-h-hate… it said I- that I hated already, that it could- that only it would- that no one c-cared- it would- would save me and give me… power…
"I didn't!" he blurted suddenly, pleading eyes finding hers for an instant before darting away again, realizing, perhaps, that she could read the raw emotion surging within them. "I- not at first! I- I tried to stop it-! I really- I d-did! But it" —another shaking breath— "it kept coming and coming and- it was every-verywhere. I felt like I was drowning. It kept coming and coming and c-c-"
He broke off, heaving. "… And then, I- I was so tired, but it- it held my face up, and an eye appeared on the- the- the thing. It- it… comforted me," he whimpered, "p-petting my head and- and neck and arms, and it felt so s-soft, I couldn't- I just- I didn't w-wait. I didn't fight it," he cried miserably. "I felt so weak and- and it hurt so much, E-Er- I just- I wanted it to s-stop…"
He was shuddering, his jaw clenched, his heavy pants coming through his nose as he forced himself to continue. "I- Erza, I w-wanted to hate," he cried pleadingly, not knowing what he wished to do now, but no longer able to stop himself. "I couldn't b- I couldn't- couldn't- to not f-feel- anymore, make it g-go away… it kept whispering that the pain would- would go away when I hated… would go away… And it- I couldn't- didn't- I chose to give in, I chose to… if I'd just- just waited…"
Erza was reminded of his mutterings again.
'If I'd waited… just waited…'
"I tried to fight it…" he pleaded suddenly, what remained of his barriers cracking along with his voice. "I- it hurt so much, Erza, it really did. I couldn't see anything except its eye and I couldn't hear anything other than its voice in my ear and- and it hurt so much-"
He was whining? He was weeping? He was complaining about fear and pain?
"Its hands were- soft- cold- it was on my hot f-face… It kept saying 'hate, hate, h-hate' in my m-mind, and I couldn't- I couldn't think… everything became so distant. When you c-c-came in, I could barely s-see- barely- you, and- and it urged me to- to-" He jerked violently, gasping. "-that cultist, and I just… I just did."
Every word he spoke now sounded more painful than last, rent from desperate breath to desperate breath. Terror played in his voice, excited by its chance to show, dancing around his garbled sentences, twisting, wrapping its emaciated hands around every word. "I couldn't- I couldn't even hear what you were s-saying- I couldn't hear anything except- except its w- its whispers… t-to free mys-self – to be truly- be tru-truly- be- it- f-free – I-I…
"Tower- had to finish t-tower… it s-said to d-do it… said that I w-wanted it… if I brought the Black- Black Mages back, ev-everything would- would be made right… So I d-did… I d-did what it said…
"I did all those horrible things…" he practically mewled, covering his face with a trembling arm, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I th-threatened you, and I can't even remember the words I s-said. I-I just remember… pleasure." A sob broke from his throat. "I enjoyed it. I couldn't tell what- what was what, and it- it was me… It was me…
"I hurt you, a-and I- I felt so confused… I remember th-thinking that I- that I didn't want to, but then it said I d-did, and I just- then I d-did… then I w-wanted to h-h-h-hurt-… I did all those horrible things, just because-cause- said I- I wanted to…
"If only- if I'd hel-held out- out- held- little l-lon-lon-ger- if- then- then… wouldn't- wouldn't- longer…" He shook his head, not removing his arm. "… Th-that's why I- I- you came back- time," he finished, sure he couldn't have continued anyhow.
There was a long minute of silence between them, both deaf to the nearby Black Mages' shouts of pain.
"I'm so sorry, Erza…" he finally cried, his lips pulled back over clenched teeth. "I should have-"
"Should have not been possessed?" she clipped harshly.
Jellal flinched. "I-I'm so sorry…" he repeated feebly, and it felt like the world was coming down around him.
"You flapping idiot! You were possessed!"
Jellal screwed his eyes tighter shut, willing the hot tears to stay where they belonged: hidden, out of sight, never seen.
"It wasn't your fault!"
His eyes shot open beneath his arm.
"You were possessed! There's nothing you could have done!"
He was mishearing things, he knew it. He knew it even as he trembled, wishing it were true, hating himself for wishing it, hating it, needing it, scared and yet longing for- for, what?
"I can't believe you!"
His arm was yanked away, and he stared up at her in shock, tears that matched his own dripping from her nose. "That's not your fault at all, you big doofus!"
He blinked. "B-but I-"
"NO!" she barked. "You listen to me right now, Jellal Fernandez!"
Said man, most understandably and appropriately, blanched. "Erza-" he tried timidly, but she ranted over him.
"You aren't at fault for being possessed! You fought it! You struggled against it! You didn't choose it! You were literally possessed! If I was possessed I wouldn't be at fault! If Natsu were, he'd be innocent! You stupid, stupid man!" Erza's voice cracked as tears continued to stream down her face, her fists resting lightly on his chest.
He could only stare in wonder as she sobbed over him, "You… idiot… You should have t-told me. I could've- No!"
Jellal jumped.
"You will be absolved of guilt or so help me!" she declared threateningly, glowering at him through puffy red eyes. "Then you are coming to Fairy Tail so I can keep an eye on you, since you apparently can't take care of yourself!"
Jellal stared up at her, stunned. "Erza," he tried weakly, shaking himself from his stupor, "I can't-"
"You don't get a say in the matter!" she retorted.
Jellal looked at her tear-stained face, and he opened his mouth to protest. After all, the only reason he still lived was to atone for his sins; her proposition was absurd, impossible. But his mouth realized what his mind couldn't, asking fearfully, wondrously, "You don't hate me?"
"Of course not!" Erza shouted, shaking him – she stopped quickly when he grunted, a belated reminder that he was injured.
His lip trembled as he looked up at her, at his light and salvation and life, and he couldn't help a strangled cry, or a second.
"I don't think I've ever seen you cry," Erza said, smiling through her own tears.
"I didn't think I deserved to," Jellal gasped, no more able to look away from her than a sunflower from the sun.
"I'm glad you know better now, doofus," she scolded, rubbing the wetness from her cheeks. She grinned slightly. "The only thing you're guilty of is heroic stupidity."
Jellal laughed, a broken, lifeful sound of disbelieving joy and indescribable freedom.
She had forgiven him.
She had forgiven him.
If she forgave him, what did it matter what the rest of the world thought? What did it matter what he thought? If she thought he was innocent, so it would be. However he felt about it, his queen had declared something, maybe flippantly, maybe inadvisably, it didn't matter; he would lay down nations at her feet.
Gazing up at her, at the fairy he couldn't have hoped to know, he thought absently, "I've always loved you so much."
Erza stared down at him, eyes widening in surprise, and he felt himself going red; he hadn't meant to say that out loud, but his tired mind seemed to have lost the filter between his heart and his mouth.
"Oh, Jellal," Erza murmured after a moment, leaning over his face and wrapping her arms around him. Heart thudding like a dozen racehorses, unable to move, he could only look up at her, her red hair a curtain of fire cutting the rest of the meaningless world from sight. "I have a fiancé."
Jellal choked.
And then Erza was kissing him, full on the lips, and he was kissing her back, forcing his arms around her, desperate to hold her, to love her, to protect her – to be held and loved and protected by her; living for her forgiveness, freed by her love.
Running his fingers through her hair, he thought idly that their fiancés would have a lot to say about this to them both.
{-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-}
MAYBE NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHAPTER ERMIGERSHOASIDFAKJSDNFLKAJSDNFLAKSJDNFLASKDJFSALSKDJNCLAKSZDNF
My poor little heart~~~ ಥvಥ I hope I did their first kiss justice~ I'm not great with romance or kiss scenes but ~(*￣▽￣*)~
Uh, what else was there to say? I don't know, just J~E~R~Z~A~~~~~ This is labeled mostly a gen fic because of this scene, in addition to very few others. (❤´艸｀❤)
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I can't.
What was the last question? Hold on.
Ah, what magic would you want?
Well, I have to think, but Arc of Embodiment would be pretty neat right of the bat. I used to think Sky Dragon Slayer magic, but nah. I could make anything I imagine; how useful would that be? Tho maybe it would have—if there were reasonable, consistent power levels—more restrictions, so I would have to know the material make up of whatever I wanted to create, just like Momo Yaoyorozu from MHA. Then again~ This is Fairy Tail, and I'm allowed to have whatever seemingly OP power I want! (Either way, Fairy Tail will win, so what I did wouldn't matter)
Wait, but in this fic I'm going to be trying to balance out some of the power stuff best I can… hmm… well… Fandom wiki to the rescue again!
Arc of Embodiment and Sky Deity Slayer Magic, as previously stated, Green Magic, Heavenly Body Magic, a weirder one I might consider is Terrain Effect Magic, uhm, ye. Of the canon magics, those.
I'm afraid I'm not super familiar with the magics from the Alvarez arc because *drum roll* I HATED THE ENDING AND CAN'T STAND WATCHING IT A SECOND TIME! I already mentioned that–-as in, hating the final season–-was one of the main reasons I wrote True Tale, the first one being that ZEREF WILL BE HAPPY OR SO HELP ME. Though, I guess, that's related to hating the final season.
See you relatively soon! Maybe I'll have chilled out by then! You can only hope!
New Question (VII)
Who's you're favorite character overall? (For any reason, good character development, depth of character fleshed out, sweetness, cuteness, tragic backstory, whatever.)