Thank you so much for those amazing reviews! Do you have any idea of how much they've warmed my heart? (hugs you all)
If Kai already loved Ray when he was with Tala… Hmm… I'm not sure of how much I can reveal, but I'll try not to give out too much. Though Kai really loved Tala a lot, he's probably felt for Ray for as long as the neko-jin has for him, but is still oblivious to the voice of his heart. We all know how thick his skull is when it comes to his emotions. (sigh)
Oh, and about updates. As long as reviews keep coming (hint, hint…) I'll keep updating once a week, and pretty much at the exact same time. That is, unless my dear computer or internet-connection decides to crash… (grins to you, glares at the computer threateningly)
Okay, I think it's time to get on with the story! Let's see how things are going in month five…
February
The Granger-house was strangely, almost suspiciously quiet with Tyson in Spain teaching blading, and Theo staying overnight at Tyson's grandpa.
Or well, not completely quiet. From living room, infuriated voice of Hilary's could be heard. " I can't believe Tyson left for a business-trip now!" she ranted, phasing around the room, almost like looking for something to smash to pieces. " We had just gotten Theo to stay at his grandpa's, made reservation for a restaurant… And now this!" She cursed colorfully in Japanese. " It's valentines day, for crying out loud!"
" Hil, relax", Max – who'd for once managed to come and visit, having heard of Kai's pregnancy – tried to calm the incensed brunette, visibly afraid that she'd smash him next.
" Max is right", Ray informed sensibly, eyeing worriedly towards the closed bathroom-door. Kai had spent there for ages. Was something wrong? " Tyson is only doing this to provide you and Theo the life you deserve, remember?"
Those words of wisdom worked like charm. Giving a deep, heavy sigh, Hilary stopped phasing and the flame of fury faded from her eyes. " I know. But I still have a right to be pissed off about it – especially today."
Just then, there were sounds of toilet being flushed and running water. Some moment later, Kai emerged the bathroom, still seeming slightly nauseated. Not saying a word, Ray walked up to kitchen, and came back with a glass of tomato-juice – which seemed to be the only thing that calmed Kai's upset stomach. The Russian gave a look of genuine gratitude when taking the glass and slowly gulping down the red liquid. Ray, on the other hand, had hard time disguising his worry. According to his little knowledge, Kai shouldn't have been suffering from morning sickness anymore. What if something really was wrong – after all, this wasn't exactly ordinary pregnancy?
" So… are you ready for a shopping-round?" Max asked as the Russian was done.
Kai gave a deep, gloomy sigh. " Hardly."
With having lost the one he loved, valentines day was the last when Kai should be left alone. Therefore the gang had chosen to take the Russian out to do some shopping for the twins. Kenny was on a holiday-trip with Emily and Hannah, but the rest of them had made it; although Ray'd had hard time explaining it to Mariah.
" Let's go then!" Hilary chirped, unable to disguise her enthusiasm. She was already on her way towards the door. " I know this one amazing store that sells baby-clothes!"
Kai rolled his eyes. " Women and shopping…", he muttered under his breath.
About two hours later, Hilary's sprit had spread to them all. Max – who was now a tough businessman – and even Kai could be seen smiling as they looked at the tiny baby-clothes, each cuter than the other. " Kai, you've gotta take this one!" Max announced.
Looking up, Kai saw the blonde holding a adorable, petite pink jumpsuit. And it wasn't until then it truly hit him; that was how little the twins were going to be when they'd be born. So small and defenseless… Tears almost gathered into his eyes as he reached out a hand and took the garment from Max. " Yeah… I'll take it." Cursed mood-swings.
Suddenly, sounds of laughter and talking came to his ears. Turning his head, he saw a young couple – a man, and obviously pregnant woman – going through some of the baby-clothes. Tenderness and affection in his eyes, the man wrapped his arm around the woman and pulled her close, planting a tender kiss onto her forehead.
A single tear slid down Kai's cheek. Tala… Tala should've been there with him, should've helped him picking the clothes, should've…
" Kai?" a worried voice of Ray's ripped him off of those thoughts. Quickly wiping his eyes, he saw the neko-jin standing behind him with a deeply concerned look upon his face. " Hey, are you okay?"
Taking a deep breath to get himself composed, Kai nodded. All the training from the Abbey helped him disguise his emotions. " Yeah… Just… another mood-swing, I suppose."
Ray seemed anything but convinced, but before the neko-jin had a chance to ask anything more, Hilary walked up to them. " Ray… Can I have a little word with you?" the brunette asked in a voice that left no room for objections.
Leaving Kai alone when the Russian was in that state of mind was the last thing Ray wanted to do. But the look in Hilary's eyes told that he had no choice in the matter. " 'K then." He briefly brushed Kai's arm, trying to offer some consolation. " I'll be right back."
As Hilary pulled him with her, he noticed with relief that Max walked up to Kai; at least the Russian wouldn't have to be alone. " Ray", Hilary's stern voice gained all his attention. There was something strange – almost stormy – in her hazel eyes. " You can keep lying to yourself, but you can't fool me."
He frowned in confusion. " What the heck are you talking about?"
" It doesn't take a genius to notice how you feel for Kai", she replied.
Ray suddenly found it hard to breathe, and he felt very cold, almost like the blood in his veins had turned into ice. " W – what?" He gulped loudly. " When…?" He couldn't finish.
" I've had my suspicions since the day I saw how you protected Kai when he fought Saint Shields on that roller coaster, and they grew stronger when I saw how you held him when you two danced in he and Tala's wedding. But I've truly known since last Christmas."
Ray gave a shuttering sigh, closing his eyes and running a shivering hand through his hair. " Oh crap…"
" Ray, I need you to listen to me very, very carefully." Hilary's eyes were stern. " I care about Kai as well; he's one of my dearest friends. And right now, the last thing he needs is you hovering over him for all the selfish reasons."
Ray's eyes flashed. " I want to take care of him!" He blinked his eyes in shock. " I… I need him."
Hilary smiled slightly. " I know. But you need to understand that at the moment, he doesn't need a lover; he needs a friend. Can you be that for him?"
Ray had to think about that for a while. He and Kai had been friends for years; gone through thick and thin together. And these… feeling he was still rather unsure of… They'd just surfaced. And much more than a possible crush, Kai was a friend to him. A friend who desperately needed his help. " Yes", he replied. " I can be a friend to him."
Hilary nodded. " Good." He was already leaving when she prevented him. " One more thing." That stern look was once again in her eyes. " Look, Mariah isn't my best friend or anything, but… You've gotta tell her about your feelings eventually. And when you do… Please, try to do it as gently as possible. I know how horribly things like that can hurt, so…"
Ray nodded, looking away from her with pained eyes. " I will." Even though he most likely didn't love Mariah anymore, the female neko-jin had been one of his closest friends for pretty much all his life. And the idea of having to hurt her like this… It gave this sick feeling into the pit of his stomach.
" Ray." Hilary's eyes were soft as she looked at him. " I know you don't want to hurt either one of them. You're a good guy." Surprising him, she gave him a tight hug. " Don't worry, everything's gonna work out eventually."
Sighing heavily, he returned the hug. " Gosh, I truly hope so…"
Much later that evening, Ray cautiously opened the door of he and Mariah's apartment, hearing the furious bounding of his own heart. Once again the thought of what he'd have to do made him feel sick.Oh God… Mariah is going to hate me…
But to his huge surprise, he found two bagged suitcases from their bedroom. Mariah was sitting on the bed, her back towards him, entire small frame shuttering with sobs. He blinked in surprise and worry. " M – Mariah?" he whispered. " What's going on?"
A sob came to his ears. " I can't take this anymore."
Again he blinked, shocked even further. " What?" He started to approach the young woman, his hand reached out to touch her. " Why…?"
Probably to both their surprise, Mariah's hand forcefully whisked his hand further. Rage flickered in her tear-filled eyes. " Don't… touch me", she almost hissed. Another attack of sobs forced her to bury her face into her hands.
For a long moment, Ray thought about pulling Mariah into a hug to comfort her, but decided against it. She'd made it perfectly clear that she didn't want him to touch her, and besides, he'd came to end their relationship in the first place. Therefore he simply took a seat beside her, staring at his hands that rested in his lap, feeling helpless.
It was silent for a long moment, until he finally spoke. " Why are you leaving?" he asked quietly.
Mariah's hands were trembling as she wiped her eyes, still sobbing slightly. " Because there's nothing left to stay for." Before he got a chance to interrupt, she went on. " Look, I don't want to hear you lying to me. I'm not blind; I can see you don't love me as a lover anymore. Haven't for a very, very long time, possibly ever."
Ray gave a shivering sigh, feeling like crying himself. " I'm sorry."
Mariah shook her head. " You have no reason to be; you can't control those feelings. I should be sorry for not leaving sooner." She gave bitter laughter, shaking her head again. " You know, I actually thought that if I'd just close my eyes and refuse to see what was in front of me, everything would be alright again. That… you would learn to love me." She sighed, giving another sob. " So very stupid of me, huh?"
Ray felt his heart wrench, and some tears spilled to his cheeks. He was grieving a loss of friend, someone he'd for years devoted himself to; after this, nothing would be the same between him and Mariah. " Where… where do we go from here?" he whispered.
Mariah shrugged, not looking at him. " I have no idea", she confessed. " In two hours, I'll take a flight to China; I'll go back to our home-village. After that… I just don't know."
Ray nodded, staring at some spot in distance, suddenly feeling very numb. " What about us? I mean…" He trailed off.
" I know how they always say that it's possible to be just friends after breaking up, but…" Mariah shook her head. " I just… I can't. I care about you too much to be your friend. And honestly… I'm not sure if I even want to try."
For a long moment they sat in heavy silence, both slowly coming to realize just how much they were about to lose. " I'm sorry", Ray finally repeated in a tiny whisper.
And again, Mariah shook her head. " Please, just… Save me from that. For both our sakes." So saying, she got up and graphed her bags, heading towards the door. She didn't turn her head even once to look back at him. " Goodbye."
He opened his mouth, tried to form something – anything – through still spilling tears, but no words would come. And after some seconds, the outdoor of their apartment closed softly, and Mariah was out of his life.
For some moments he just sat there, completely frozen, until he got up and walked up to window, watching down to the street where a taxi was waiting. Tears streamed even harder as he watched Mariah putting her bags into the car.
Slowly, almost like she hadn't quite known what she was doing, she sat onto the backseat of the taxi. Just before she closed the door, she lifted her teary, pain-filled gaze for one last time – and their eyes met. Both their eyes were filled with same grief over losing a friendship they'd both cherished for such a long time.
The elders of their home-village had from the very beginning protested against their relationship, said that two people who were such good friends shouldn't take a step forward. It wasn't until that night Ray understood why.
Because when the taxi disappeared, he realized that things would never be the same again.
In the taxi, Mariah was still crying, but little by little she begun to realize that they weren't just tears of sorrow. Of course she was still miserable over losing Ray, and she was pretty sure that a small part of her would never recover from this blow, but…
This tiny part of her felt like she'd been set free.
Hearing her sobs, the taxi-driver gave her a worried look through rearview mirror. " Miss, are you alright?"
Though tears still spilled, a small, quivering smile came to her lips. " Yeah", she whispered. " I actually think I will be."
Ray wasn't entirely sure of how he'd got there, or how much time had passed from Mariah's departure, when he found himself standing behind Kai's door. By the time he realized that he'd already pressed the doorbell, it was too late to turn around and run away.
Kai's eyes widened when the Russian saw him, and adapted a look of immense worry as he saw the tears streaming down Ray's cheeks. " Ray?" The voice was soft and worried, and a part of Ray realized that it was the same he'd been using a lot when talking to Kai since Tala's death. " Oh my gosh, you're freezing! Get in here!"
It wasn't until then Ray realized that he hadn't taken a jacket. Cursing his own stupidity, he allowed Kai to take him into the living room. Comforting warmth wrapped around him like a blanket when he took a seat on a couch, shivering all over.
Kai disappeared for a while, and when the Russian came back, Ray had already stopped crying and shivering. A bit dazed, he gladly accepted the mug of hot chocolate Kai offered him. A warmth of different kind filled him when their fingers briefly brushed together, and he could feel a nice rosy tint sneaking its way onto his cheeks.
For a while, Kai sat silently beside him, allowing him to warm up and gather his thoughts. " Ray… What's wrong?" the Russian finally asked in that same gentle tone.
Not sure of how to reply, Ray stared at the brown liquid in his mug, not wanting to meet Kai's gaze. When he spoke, his voice sounded strange even in his own ears. " Mariah… She… left."
He could imagine the look of shock that passed Kai's features. There was a small gasp. " Why? I thought…" The Russian trailed off.
Taking another sip of his hot brink, Ray shook his head, bravely swallowing down the lump that had formed into his throat. " It just… I…" Only partially registering what he was doing, he looked straight into Kai's eyes that suddenly seemed terribly innocent. " I… I fell for someone else."
The variety of feelings that flashed in Kai's eyes almost took Ray's breath away, and he felt his heartbeat shot up. Does he know now? But all the feelings disappeared quickly. " Oh…", Kai simply stated. For a long moment Ray expected the Russian to ask who the one he'd fallen for was, but in the end Kai remained silent – either not caring, or just too afraid of the answer.
Ray had no idea if it was more for the disappointment caused by Kai's reaction, or the though of losing Mariah's friendship, but before he could do a thing to hold himself back, he was crying again. When hysterical sobs begun to shutter his entire body, he absently noticed that Kai gently took away his mug and placed it onto a nearby table.
But what happened next nearly stilled his heart. Hesitantly at first – as if not sure whether he'd like the touch – Kai wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight, yet gentle hug. Completely losing control over himself, Ray returned the hug and – still crying almost hysterically – buried his face into Kai's chest, clutching desperately to the Russian.
When the worst bout was over, they slowly parted slightly, still holding on to each other. " It's going to be okay, you know?" Kai whispered, looking straight into his eyes.
Sniffing, Ray gave a small nod, swallowing down another lump from his throat. " I know."
It wasn't until then he realized just how close to each other they were. He could feel Kai's warmth, smell the mint in the Russian's breath… Suddenly, it was almost excruciating not to lean forward.
But just then, he felt a strong, clear thrust when another one of the twins kicked furiously – painfully reminding him of just how far off limits Kai was. And he remembered Hilary's words.
" You need to understand that right now, he doesn't need a lover; he needs a friend."
Another storm of tears – this time ones of frustration – threatening to spill, he again buried his face into Kai's chest, cursing cruel fate.
He'd always been jealous of Tala, even back when he hadn't yet admitted his feelings for Kai. But at that moment, he for a first time actually hated the redhead. Because even now when Tala was gone, the Russian still had something Ray didn't think he could ever have, something he would've wanted – needed – more than anything.
Feeling Ray so very close to him, Kai suddenly felt a wave of something warm only Tala had before woken inside of him. A frown appeared to his features as he absentmindedly stroked Ray's silky hair, confused.
And that night, both begun to realize that they were standing on the edge of something new.
TBC.
A/N: Uuh, the heat is beginning to rise…
So, Mariah is out of the way, and Ray admits his feelings. Will Kai eventually do the same? How will the pregnancy advance?
Keep your eyes open for next chapter, everyone – it's already month number six! And please, PLEASE review!
(Btw, that roller coaster-battle was when I started to believe in Kai-Ray love, so I just had to put it in.) (grins)