Chapter 5

Jane's pov

I was shocked to find out what Maura wanted from me. Where did she get that idea from?! I thought she was joking because she had some odd sense of humor sometimes when she tried to be funny. But she was seriously asking me to have sex with her. Did she even realize how crazy that sound!? It was ridiculous.

"Think about it, Jane, before you say no. We know each other very well, we trust each other, we are very close and I feel really comfortable with you." She was listing things with such enthusiasm and she looked so calm, as she was talking about an ordinary thing like cleaning the house together, and not having sex. "We don't have to worry about anything. We already have seen each other half-naked so there won't be any surprises. And it would be a perfect way to say goodbye before leaving for college. What would you say?"

"How about a simple wave for goodbye? Or… Or one last kiss would suffice too. And what happened to the good old hug!?"

"It's perfect, Jane. My parents are at work right now so we have plenty of time ahead of us."

"What? You want to have sex now?"

It was getting more and more ridiculous.

"And we have the house all empty just for ourselves. We wouldn't worry about getting caught."

It was like she wasn't listening to what I was saying at all. She was so determined that she simply ignored my comments and protests.

"And what about your parents? What if they come back from work and catch us?"

"They won't bother me when I am in my room, Jane."

"Lucky you! I don't have any privacy anywhere in the house. It's either Ma or one of my brothers, banging at my door. And sometimes Ma doesn't even knock."

"What? Lucky you! Your parents care so much about you. I've always wished I had a close family like yours."

"Well, you can take them, if you want. But be carfeul what you wish for."

"So what would you say about my proposition, Jane? You won't get away by distracting me."

"A proposition? Interesting choice of words," I said, avoiding the question.

"Do you accept?"

"No, Maura."

"There won't be any pressure. I won't be a virgin so they won't laugh at me anymore."

"That's not a reason to have sex, Maura. You should know that."

I was trying to make her see that what she was asking me was totally wrong, like, on so many levels.

"So you don't want me?" Her face saddened suddenly. She was about to cry, I could see that. She looked like a lost puppy, looking at me with those eyes filled with sadness and swallowed tears. I just hated seeing her that way.

"Okay..."

I agreed half-heartedly. I had no idea what I was doing. And why did I agree at all. I just hated seeing her suffer like that. And I wanted to make her feel better. I think these were not the right reasons for having sex with her, but what did I know after all. Maura just saw things differently than me. I could understand that. For her, apperantly, sex is just something to scratch off your list before going to college, not a big deal. She was logical and very rational person. If she really felt that way towards sex, why would she want to wait for the right person? It was logical, for sure, I couldn't beat that. But it wasn't my point of view… But I agreed anyway.

"So you agree?" she jumped enthusiastically, filled with joy as if she just won the lottery. "Thank you, Jane."

That seemed so out of place. To thank me for agreeing to sleep with her. That was a first. What was I supposed to say, "You're welcome"?

"Soo..." she made a long pause coming near, staring my eyes intently. "Are we really doing this?"

"I suppose…" I nodded and Maura leaned closer, probably intending to kiss me.

"Ummm...I… we..." I stood there, paralyzed. I had no idea what to do.

"We need alcohol," she finished off my sentence. "Let's get drunk first."

"Sure. Let's do that. Let's get drunk, have sex, then smoke a few cigarettes. Or weed. We can even rob a bank! What's stopping us?!" Maybe I was talking a bit louder than I intended, but I just couldn't help it. It was ridiculous. That whole situation felt so out of control and even a bit unreal. Maura seemed so different.

"You're not the Maura I know. What is up with you?"

"I have alcohol. Correction, my parents do, but I know where they keep it. So what would you like, Jane?" She got up from the couch and went to look for alcohol.

"I don't know, Maura. Whatever you're having." I humoured her. I just didn't want to argue with her so we went to the kitchen and she started searching through some bottles.

"How about whiskey?" She showed me the bottle and I just shrugged nonchalantly.

"Have you ever drunk alcohol?" I thought she hasn't tasted alcohol because she never told me about it, and we share everything with each other so I had to ask.

"No, I have not. But today will be my first time, if you know what I mean... Get it?" She winked at me, and I just couldn't believe it. I think that was supposed to be a joke so I just faked a smile, wondering what has gotten to her. She poured two glasses of whiskey and gave one to me.

And then we started drinking. I hoped that after she drank a little, she would finally come to senses. Even though alcohol isn't the best advisor…

"I fell like I am going to throw up."

"You only had two sips, Maura."

"Enough to make me nauseous."

I had just tasted the aclhocol and she already gave up. I have never gotten drunk, but I have drunk alcohol before. Unlike Maura, who was feeling nauseous just by drinking two small, tiny little sips of whiskey. It was pretty laughable, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings with a joke so I kept my mouth shut.

After that, we took our glasses with us in her bedroom and left them on the nightstand. It was getting late and I was afraid that her parents might come back soon, but she said they won't bother us so I just ignored my jitters.

"Are you ready? Let's do this." She clapped her hands and she looked as she was about to perform on stage.

I moved closer to her. I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted to make her feel better. And also, make her see how ridiculous it would be. And what a huge mistake it would be. She just had to see it.

"I think we should be naked."

I rolled my eyes at her. "No kidding."

"Should we take each other's clothes off or just get undressed? Like, not each other, but you do yourself and I do me? Or the other way around?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"Do you think it would be more romantic this way, Jane?"

I shrugged. I was too nervous to talk. Was I really doing this? It was a little too late to say no to her after I agreed.

"All right. Undress me," Maura commanded bluntly.

I moved closer to Maura. I swallowed nervously and looked at her. Then I undid the first button of her shirt. I still couldn't believe I was doing it.

"Are you sure?" I asked, looking straight to Maura's eyes, lingering on the next button, waiting for an answer. Some verbal confirmation. Maybe soon she would change her mind.

"Mm-hmm." Maura nodded slightly at me and looked away nervously. I undid the second button of Maura's shirt, going real slow, not even sure what I was doing. I couldn't even make a joke - nothing occurred to me at that moment. I slowly undid the last button and took her shirt off. I wondered what to do next. It was kind of awkward so I just held her shirt in my hand. Then I quickly moved away from Maura and I left her shirt on the bed, lingering there.

"Maybe we should kiss." Maura suggested.

"Yeah."

We leaned closer and I kissed her. That was our first real kiss. It's not like we haven't kissed each other on the cheek, and even on the mouth – but as an innocent friendly kiss, and nothing more than that. And now it was different. It was a quick kiss on the mouth, but it felt different. A bit awkward and rushed. And not as innocent as usual.

"Where would you like to kiss me next?" Maura asked. She probably didn't mean to, but to me it sounded so businesslike.

"Err… Your… spine…" I mumbled the first thing that crossed my mind since I had to say something. It sounded like a neutral territory. I still wasn't so sure about it, and maybe she could change her mind too. She had to do it eventually – I knew that. And I simply didn't want to rush for the awkward part yet.

She turned around and I moved her hair out of the way and then I kissed the nape of her neck. I slowly continued going down. I thought kissing her spine wouldn't be very provocative and it would be not-so-sensual and probably even the least sexual thing I could do to her since I was way too nervous to do anything more than that. But apparently my kisses gave her goosebumps. Her skin was so sensitive that she instantly shivered when my mouth touched her naked skin. And she kind of enjoyed it, I could hear that. Though she was a bit quite, I could still hear her moans of appreciation which she probably didn't even realize she was making. And the way her body quivered while I was kissing her. Just the light brush of my lips all over her spine did that to her. It was amazing. My stomach fluttered and a feeling of excitement got over me. The sense of insecurity slowly started fading away with each kiss that I planted on her spine. I got more persistent and sure of myself. I unclasped her bra and since I couldn't see her face for confirmation, I didn't even ask for any. I kissed her lower back. She moved a little and her bra fell off but I continued kissing her, placing small, light kisses all over her spine.

She pulled my hand, and she finally turned around to face me. It became kind of awkward seeing her naked because usually when I see someone naked my instinct tells me to turn around or cover my eyes. Or just close them tightly. I looked away at first – just by habit, but then I glanced at her. I could see she was nervous like me. It was written all over her face. But then I looked a bit lower and I noticed how smooth her skin looked, her beautiful breasts, her swollen nipples, and her naked abs. It was kind of odd because usually I don't pay any attention when she's in her underwear, but now I just had to look at her. It was like seeing her for the first time. I noticed so many details that I haven't seen before. It was like I just have found out that my best friend is smoking hot.

"Jane, are you all right?" Maura startled me with her question.

I swallowed my saliva. "Mhm." I realized I was probably drooling so I looked away nervously.

"Let's just get in bed." She said softly and then she grabbed my hand, and it took me a few seconds to fully understand what she just said.

"Let's just get undressed under the bed covers and then we can see each other naked. Do you agree?" she asked.

"Yeah…" I murmured. I haven't seen her being so bossy. Would she continue bossing me around, I wondered, imagining her telling me exactly where she wanted me to kiss her, how to touch her.

We both took our clothes off and then just stared at each other for a few seconds. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. And what exactly she wanted me to do. I mean, I do know the basic stuff, but I just wasn't sure what she was thinking about at that moment. And what exactly she was expecting from me.

"Just kiss me," she whispered and leaned closer to me. I obeyed and kissed her as passionately as I could. Then I straddled her and I started kissing her again.

"What should I do now?"

It sounded a bit silly, I realized that after I asked, but I was really, really nervous. After all, Maura was the one who wanted to have sex, and yet she wasn't very… initiative.

"What do you want do?" Maura asked softly, looking expectantly at me, fiddling with a lock of my hair.

"I don't know..."

Why she was asking me when she was the one who initiated it, I just wondered. But it wasn't important at that moment…

Since she didn't say anything, I started kissing her neck. It was kind of nice to feel her warm body under mine and the touch of her soft naked skin, but also kind of awkward too. It wasn't very comfortable position. And I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. Should I go south already? Should I massage her breasts or just lick them? Or perhaps tease her nipples? But would she like it? Was she enjoying it at all? Was I doing it the right way… if there's a right way? Everything felt so awkward. And a bit rushed. My mind was screaming at me, "You're kissing you best friend".

"I can't do this."