Warnings: PTSD, panic attack.

Angstyangstyangstyangstyangstyangstyangstyangstyangstyangst-

{-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-}

Aki felt weak.

So weak.

She knew this feeling well, though she hadn't felt it in literal centuries. (It felt like seeing an old friend, if you hated them and wished they would never appear in your sights again, and they tried to strangle you every time you met.) Unable to wake up, barely breathing, her stone lungs refusing to accept enough air for her to come out of the hypnopompic haze, she could only float in unreality, head throbbing and throat burning.

Burning…

Burning…

Smoke everywhere, clogging the lungs. Deafening roars and consuming cracks.

"Run! We have to get out of here!"

"But Dad! Mom, they're still back there-"

Desperate eyes, tear-stained cheeks.

"Dad told me to get you out of here!"

"But what about-"

"Come on!"

Clenching heart, stinging eyes, a beam falling-

"NO!"

Aki shot up. Her vision blacked out; her limbs betrayed her; she fell back. Struggling, aching lungs empty, she breathed what would have been screams, "No! Don' go! Don' go!"

"Aki!?"

"Stop! Don' leave me!"

"Aki!"

"Don' leave me! My fault!"

"Aki-ki!"

A shudder ran through her.

Aki-ki.

"Natsu-nii-chan!"

"I'm right here! I'm okay!"

"Fire-! Mom- my faul'- fire-!"

"There's no fire! I'm fine! You're fine! It was a dream!"

"Natsu-n-nii-! 's my faul'- my f-!"

"It's okay! Just open your eyes!"

Obediently, Aki cracked a bleary, wet eye open. Pink swam in and out of her vision for a moment before she spasmed, throat contracting and eyes scrunching shut.

"Aki-ki!"

Unable to speak, she threw her hand around desperately; rather, her arm wiggled, fingers flexing. Something warm found them, and she clutched at it.

"I'm right here! It's okay! Aki-ki!"

"Don' d-die again- please-! Don' leave-!"

"I ain't going anywhere, Aki-ki! I'm right here!"

She whimpered even as he held her close to his chest, convinced he was going to disappear any second. "I don' wan'- wan'- lose you- no' ag-gain-"

"I'm right here."

"'m sorry-! P-please-"

"Shh, shh… Don't speak."

Gradually, the psychedelic, fluctuating world solidified, the feeling of being on a ship in a maelstrom faded, and she forced her eyes open. "Natsu-nii…" she mumbled, gripping his hand tightly. She was leaned back a little before Natsu's face swam into view. "Natsu-nii-chan…"

"I'm here, I'm right here, Aki-ki. Can you see me?"

"M-mn..."

"What's wrong?"

Aki whimpered, tensing.

"Okay! It's okay! You don't have to say right now! Just breathe!"

Just breathe…

That was familiar, too…

She failed to nod, but still did as told. Another couple minutes later, the fog had dissipated, and she could feel the tears on her cheeks, the continued – now worse for her yells – burning in her throat-

Burning.

She cried out, struggling to sit up again.

"No! Don't do that! Don't- what do I do?! What- Ah!"

She felt him lie down beside her, rolling her over so that she was facing him. Unable to see, her eyes screwed so tightly shut they ached, she searched by touch for his hand, arm, face, him; his feel and voice, his kindness and smell – she needed his presence, his warmth, desperate to know that what had to be – had to be – a dream was just that, that it wasn't real, that he was safe.

And he was. Around her, hugging her close to himself, caring for weak, pathetic, bloodstained her. Comforting her – her, one so far gone beyond the reach of redemption or worth. Her, who had caused his death.

"Natsu-nii-chan," she cried, trembling, "'m s-"

Her head was under his chin, resting in the crook of his neck, and she felt him shake his head. "Shh…"

She swallowed her words, instead curling, pushing herself against his chest just as she had done before- before…

Before…

"-chan…"

"…dead…"

She shouted, clutching at her head, covering her ears, desperate to drown out the voices and feelings and images – to drown out the past.

Her hands were pulled away from her face, and she smelt him, a scent so redolent it hurt, as he pressed his forehead against hers. "Don't hurt yourself."

She didn't understand.

Hurt…?

She whined feebly, struggling to pull her hands back to her face, to put her hands between herself and the world and to make it stop.

She couldn't tell for how long she stayed like that, blind to the world, but eventually she registered Natsu stroking her hair, humming.

"'m sorry…" she whispered, quivering, fists repeatedly balling and unballing around his shirt.

Natsu murmured reprovingly. "Aki-ki, you've got to stop saying that."

Aki tried to think, her tired mind grinding to find something to say, unable to stay silent. "…I- I… love… you?"

Natsu laughed. "That's better." And she could feel him nodding. "Are you okay now?"

"Y-"

She swallowed the safe, easy word.

This was Natsu, her amazing twin brother who had died because of her; whom she had resurrected with Zeref and then abandoned for his own safety; who already cared so much for them even though he could hardly remember them; who rebuked her for not taking care of herself then and now; who deserved, at least, the same honesty that only Zeref had received for four hundred years.

So, in a petrified breath, she answered honestly.

She felt him shift, and her every nerve abandoned her. She had made the wrong choice. She should have lied. Now he was mad at her and disgusted that she dared be upset after all she'd done, and she had known that, but had stupidly thought that telling him was some form of respect. Respect?! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Aki-ki, open your eyes."

She couldn't bring herself to do it, she couldn't see his disapproving- No. She couldn't see him so much as frown at her, she wouldn't be able to bare it, she couldn't.

"Aki-ki, please."

She peaked an eye open, lashes blurring her vision. Don't make me see… I know I'm bad, bad, bad…

"All the way."

She did so with no small effort. Natsu met her clouded eyes with his own gaze, unfaltering and purposeful.

"Thanks for bein' honest, Leafy."

The breath she hadn't known she was holding, subconsciously not wanting to breathe after seeing him mad, released.

He didn't hate her…

He smiled his smile, rubbing her head affectionately. "I ain't going anywhere. I'm right here, and that ain't changing."

She smiled – a twisted, broken grin, though just as life giving in its new found honesty as his. Laughing chokily, tears still dripping down her cheeks, she said, "I'm terrible."

Natsu scowled. "Oh, not this-"

Aki shook her head. "I'm feeling terrible," she clarified. "I'm so not fine it's almost funny."

Natsu blinked, then grinned.

"Not if I can help it."

{-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-}

You will get to read the day Natsu died at *some* point in the future, so I hope you're looking forward to that. Honestly, it almost managed to make me cry, and I'm the one who wrote it. I don't know if anyone cares, but this story has grown so much further beyond just angsty hurt/comfort that I wish I could explain. Don't get me wrong, there's still hurt/comfort in there, it's just more like blood-red icing on the cake rather than the actual Cake of Pain^TM.

Again, special thanks to [Oldterra] for informing me that the formatting glitched again. Would have taken me forever to notice that.