Aki and Zeref get back, Aki and Natsu finally get their hot sauce competition, and like half the guild dies via collateral damage.
I've really abandoned the warnings at the beginning of the chapter thing, haven't I? Oh well. If torture comes up again, I'll make sure to tell y'all.
Anyways, enjoy another light-hearted chapter in Wishes.
"AKI-CHAN'S CHALLENGED NATSU TO A SPICE CONTEST!" Mira called gleefully, presenting a slightly nervous Aki to the guild hall. The crowd broke into a chorus of raucous laughter and excited chatter. Many of guild had been very concerned for the two ex-Black Mages, crowding around them when they had returned from court, congratulating them genially; both had been rather bewildered.
"Aki-chan, I don't think you should," Wendy warned nervously.
Aki blinked at her. "Why not?"
"Because Natsu's a Fire Dragon Slayer," said Macao.
Wakaba nodded. "He's a monster when it comes to heat."
Aki grinned. "Well, I might actually have a run for my money, then."
Both adults shook their heads, lamenting another poor soul's futile fight against Natsu's charred taste buds.
"It's like challenging Cana to a drinking contest," said an unimportant member.
"I did have a contest with her, you know?" Aki checked loftily.
"A contest you lost," Carla pointed out.
Aki bristled. "I did not lose," she snapped. "I was tickled half to death. It doesn't count!"
"A real man would own up to losing!" Elfman declared.
Aki whipped around, grabbing hold of Elfman's sleeve and vanishing.
Everyone who had seen the abduction paled as they heard distant, terrified, though no doubt 'manly,' screams. Ten seconds later, Aki reappeared, Elfman at her feet.
"What was that?" Aki asked sweetly, tilting her head with a smile. "I'm afraid I didn't hear you right." Elfman didn't respond, and Aki frowned. "Want to go again?" she asked threateningly, raising a hand.
Elfman, though trembling at the knees, stared her down.
That was… unfortunate.
His action seemed to trigger some sort of Natsu-meter, the same switch that had resulted in her destroying the guild hall. She immediately pounced on him, magic whirling furiously around her and hiding the pair.
None could say what happened next, except to report Elfman's 'manly' screeches. When asked later, he would only mutter, eyes dark, 'It was like a second Mira.'
Aki, depositing the limp figure of Elfman The ManÔ Strauss at his sister's feet, spun around cutely, hands behind her back. "Does anyone have anything else they would like to say?" she chirped.
Of course, no one answered her challenge-
Obviously not.
This is Fairy Tail.
Damn near half the guild started forward eagerly, and therein a great catastrophe ensued.
No other event in Fairy Tail history had cost more members. She was a demon unmatched by all but Erza and Mirajane, those destroyers of legend, whose names were only spoken in terrified, reverent whispers. Her eyes burnt with the shadows of the nether as she annihilated any who would put themselves in her path, snuffing them out as easily as a candle's last flicker. She ripped through the competition – a generous term for the helpless fodder – and they fell at her feet, bowing to her bloody vengeance.
After the slaughter and amidst the carnage, Aki dropped the last challenger's body, standing easily in victory. "Alrighty," she called pleasantly, patting her hands together as to dust them off, "any other complaints?"
Half the guild at her feet, and the only remaining members being unimportant, S-class, or the friends she had that possessed an ounce of sense, there was no answering uproar, only exasperated sighs.
"Great!" Aki clapped her hands together. "Then we can start!"
"Aki-chan," Mira said, tapping her shoulder lightly.
"Yeah?"
"You knocked out most of the guild."
"So?"
"You also knocked out Natsu."
"And?" Aki asked impatiently.
"How are you going to challenge him if he's unconscious?"
"… drigon's drool. Aw, but I don't wanna wait!" Aki whined, stomping and twisting the palm of her foot on the floor. "Natsu-nii-chan?" she prodded, squatting down beside him. "Wake up. Come on."
He moaned, still completely out. She huffed, standing and putting her hands on her hips. "Well, what am I supposed to- to…" A smile spread itself across her face, an animated glint in her eyes, and she shouted triumphantly, "Healing magic!"
"You are not allowed to use Wendy to heal half the guild-" Carla started indignantly, but-
"Oh, shush, you," Aki said vaguely, walking around and dragging the limp bodies into a pile at the center of the hall. Done with that, she stepped up beside the mound. "Magic pen, magic pen, yes, that," she muttered, balled hand to her chin, holding the other hand up. A ripple of magic, and a Light Pen appeared in her curled fingers.
Zeref stepped forward suddenly. "You aren't trying an experimental healing spell, right, Aki-ki?"
"You don't know what I'm-" Aki shook her head in disgust. "You'll figure it out once I draw the circle. I hope so, anyway," she added disdainfully.
Zeref scowled. "Of course I know what you're doing, but-"
Aki ignored him. "Right, so start here, then over here, lefty, up down, up down, left right, down again," she muttered under her breath, tracing an intricate circle in the air. "There!" she said happily, stepping back.
"What is that going to do, Aki-chan?" Wendy asked anxiously.
Aki glanced back at her, a confident smile playing on her lips. "I'm about to heal half a guild in one go!"
Wendy paled. "Aki-chan," she started apprehensively, "healing magic is different than other magics. If you-"
"It'll be fine," Aki assured airily. "They're all knocked out because of physical injuries, not magical. It'll cost less than you expect. Be quiet for a second," she added, attention returning to the circle. A finger tracing the array, she murmured incoherently, then put her hands forward, palms facing the heap of bodies.
"みなでたすけるのちからを！ちゆまほう:たにんずうのために!" [O grant the power to save all! Healing Magic: For The People]
A bright red light filled the hall, crackling through the air as it concentrated on the losses from battle. Radiant and filled with warmth, it filled those nearby with a contented, homey feeling. It was elegant, cozy…
And burning Aki's hands.
All did a double take and made to rush to her side, but found themselves blocked by a wall formed of solid shadows. As they all looked at him, Zeref shook his head solemnly. "Besides the obvious peril to yourselves, which I'm well aware you have no regard towards," he added in a tired yet almost appreciative way, "you may break her concentration, resulting in her receiving even more injuries. There's no chance of this magic hurting the guild members, either."
Erza seemed to wholly ignore him, leaping over the wall, and Zeref sighed in exasperation. But she didn't touch Aki, nor did she speak to her. She stood behind her, arms outstretched, and Zeref realized she was there to catch her. He forgot to turn away to hide his faint smile.
Abruptly, the light consolidated into twisting tendrils, each connected to a different unconscious person. It flowed into their bodies, the light fading to normal – though it looked very dark to those who had seen the light – as the tail ends disappeared into their respective patients.
They watched in amazement as those on the floor stirred, slowly sitting up, rubbing their heads and looking dazed. A few rubbed at their chest where the light had entered, confused as to what remnant of a remnant of feeling lay there.
"Aki-chan?" Erza asked, vigilantly keeping her arms out to catch the girl that was stood in front of her, as there was no way she hadn't exhausted much of her magic power. The deluge of magic that had swept through the hall had been not only been massive, but delicate. It would take longer than a mage's lifetime to exercise such a feat and not clonk out.
"What's up?" Aki asked sleepily, turning around with a wobbly little step.
They all, sans Lucy—who had witnessed a similar feet with the Eclipse Gate—Natsu, and Zeref, fell over.
"Wha-a-at?" Aki yawned again, stretching her burnt hands high above her head.
Wendy, recovering, hurried forward, chastising crossly, "Your hands, Aki-chan!"
Aki looked down unconcernedly. "Oh, they're burnt," she muttered, shrugging. "It doesn't-"
"Let me heal them," Wendy interjected, grabbing Aki's wrists.
"No, really, it's okay-" Aki trailed off under Wendy's gaze. Finally she nodded, a little confused. "Knock yourself o-o-o-out," she yawned again.
"Good. Open your palms," Wendy ordered.
As Wendy healed Aki's hands, Erza approached Zeref. "Is she actually alright?" she asked quietly.
Zeref blinked, then burst out laughing (Erza nearly knocked him out for that). "No, no," he assured her, still chuckling. "She has a lot of power." Erza raised her eyebrows, and he elaborated, "We have been alive four hundred years; our magic containers are well above most, probably all, wizards, bar Acnologia. Healing magic has a high entry potency, so so many physical injuries aren't too difficult. As for any further explanation, well, I don't know how to explain without running into incommensurability."
"Uh-huh," Erza said skeptically.
Zeref merely shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you. Of course, I could go in depth using Botvian!" he added eagerly.
"Botvian?" Erza asked resignedly.
"Yeah! It's the best language to use for scientific meta-physical analyses!" he said, brimming with childish excitement that only escaped him when he landed on subjects such as these. "Of course, I'd need to add in a bit of Aberinian to incorporate some of the more modern concepts," he added matter-of-factly.
Erza blinked, take aback. "Uh… um…"
Zeref's face fell. "Oh," he tried carelessly, "that's alright. It's just a little thing I've researched." He looked down, the palm of his foot twisting against the floor. "But nobody knows what I'm talking about, so it doesn't really matter."
"Uh- er," Erza stammered, unsure how to deal with the usually reclusive, now childishly eager mage. "N-no, you can- you can tell me- tell… me."
His eyes lit up, but dimmed again instantly. "It's okay," he assured her, "you don't have to force yourself."
"No, I… want to hear about, uhm, that, uhm… yeah," she finished lamely.
Zeref seemed a kettle as his excitement burst, his eyes twinkling again as he started, "Well, if you're okay with it. So–"
Lucy, who had overheard their conversation, grinned. "He got ya," she said under her breath, remembering the rascally little prodigies. As she moved to join the observers – she had enough braincells and valued having a tongue too much to consider participating – she spotted Cana, who was, as usual, running the betting pool. "This guild," she sighed, grinning.
"Who are you betting on, Lucy?" Cana, noticing her attention, asked slyly. Winking, she added, "Your boyfriend or your little sister?"
"C-Cana!" Lucy shouted, her face turning bright pink.
"You liiiiiiiiiiike him!" Happy chortled, floating above Lucy's reach.
"Don't roll your tongue like that!" Lucy snapped, burning red. "Who are you betting on, then?"
"Natsu, of course!" Happy responded happily. "He's never lost a spice battle."
"What about you, Lucy?" Cana prompted.
Lucy looked at her warily. "I'm not sure I want to bet-"
Cana waved her hand dismissively. "You don't have to. I just wanna know who you think will win."
Lucy turned to see the lineup. "I think," she considered carefully, "I think Aki-chan will win, Natsu in a close second."
"You liiiiiiiike her!" Happy chirped, darting out of her reach.
"Alright!" Mira called, waving. Everyone fell quiet before she continued, "Let's start the competition! First off, the rules. Everyone has a glass of milk beside them. They have to eat the spicy dish they are given, and each round will be spicier. If they give in to temptation and drink their milk, they are disqualified. If they don't finish their dish, they are disqualified. If they cheat, I will attend to them."
Several people shuddered.
"They will also be subject to a punishment game," she added cheerfully, tilting her head and smiling. "An-n-n-n-nd begin!"
The first round knocked no one out.
The second had Freed out. "Already?!" Bickslow snorted. "Already! Already!" his dolls chanted beside him, serenading Freed as he left, sobbing, "I've failed you, Laxus!"
The third round had a chunk of the competitors out, leaving Natsu, Aki, Gray, Juvia, Bickslow, Droy, Gajeel, Panther Lily, Elfman, Bisca, Romeo, and Loke.
The fourth round took out Droy and very nearly Gray, but Juvia had slapped him, crying, "Why did you tell Juvia to do this?"
The fifth KO-ed Loke, Elfman, and Bickslow.
The sixth saw Romeo and Gajeel's downfall, Gray's magnificent defeat as he picked up the jug of milk that was for refilling cups and downed it in one go, and Juvia following his lead immediately, leaving the rest to wonder when she really would have given in.
The seventh round, surprisingly, took out no one. Erza, having finally escaped Zeref's lecture, dragged him with her as she joined the table. "That's not fair! She hasn't been spiced seven times!" someone in the crowd of losers- failures- rejects- dropouts- extras- uhhmmm… in the crowd had objected {yes, another perfect save} prompting Erza to down the first seven at the same time, her face turning red as her hair.
"What about Zeref?!" another had called, to which Aki had snorted.
"He'll be out this round, I guarantee it."
The remaining and new competitors: Natsu, Aki, Panther Lily, Erza, Zeref, and Bisca.
The eighth round, indeed, enjoyed Zeref—who had tried and failed to escape participation in the death game- er, spice competition—rolling around on the floor clutching at his throat, Aki dumping the replacement jug of milk on top of him. He had chugged it and summoned more from who knows where, settling, finally, under a table, knees to his chest and taking periodic gulps of milk, whimpering.
The ninth round was a debacle. Panther Lily, Erza, and Bisca had fallen, leaving the two pink-haired monsters to duke it out over hot sauce.
"So, Nanii-chan," Aki said pleasantly, snitching bites from the drop-outs cups, "how you doing?"
He grinned. "I'm fantastic, obviously. You?"
"Great." She eyed him, thoroughly enjoying the atmosphere.
"Here we go," Mira said, setting down two plates. "Ready-"
Before she could finish, both Aki and Natsu had devoured the food.
"Hey, Mira, can you kick it up a notch?" Aki asked, adding snidely, "Unless Nanii-chan doesn't want to, of course."
"Bet you were hoping I'd call your bluff, huh, Aki-tan," he retorted. "I say we kick it up two notches!"
Aki's eyes glinted as she leaned across the table towards him. "Three notches!"
Natsu responded in kind, saying, "Four!"
"Five!"
"Six!"
"Alrighty, I'm going to stop you both right there," Lucy interrupted, "You're both even, so let's move on." Seeing their furious glowers, she raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay," she sighed airily, waving her hands. "I just thought it wouldn't be as fun if you don't get to watch the other's face going slowly but steadily red."
The two glanced at each other, then sat back down in their seats, grunting their agreement. Lucy hid a smirk.
As she reentered the crowd, Carla commented, "I didn't think you were the type to enjoy watching your opponent fail."
Lucy grinned sneakily. "I'm not. I just knew that they were."
"Kicked up six notches," Mira said playfully, setting the bowls down. "This is the equivalent of six rounds increased!"
"This is messed up," Gajeel muttered from behind his cup of milk.
"Shut up, loser," Natsu retorted.
Gajeel bristled, getting up. "Come say that to my face, Salaman-"
Erza knocked Gajeel out with a fist to the top of his head. "I want to know who will reign victorious." Her eyes flashed. "You. Will not. Interrupt."
The crowd sweat dropped, but returned their attention to Aki and Natsu, both of whom had already downed the radiating spiciness that had been garnished with a tidbit of food, looking no worse for wear.
"I think it's about time to bring out the main act, Nanii-chan," Aki said, lifting her hand and summoning a small bottle. "I prepared this last week," she explained loudly so everyone else heard too. "If you measure it in rounds, it's about two hundred."
"WHAAAAT!?"
"You can't eat that!" Lucy balked; Levy put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head sympathetically.
"Finally, something a little closer to a challenge," Natsu said confidently.
Aki raised an eyebrow. "I have a prediction, Nanii-chan. You're going to be bright red after having just a couple drops of this on your food."
Natsu scoffed. "Yeah, right."
Aki surveyed him, clearly annoyed. "Mira, if you would do the honors," she said, holding the bottle to the barista.
As Mira opened it she winced, turning her face away as she poured ten drops on both pieces of steak. She held the plates as far from herself as possible, setting them down in front of the two. "Here you go."
Natsu immediately bit into it only to choke, face reddening. Everyone was gaping in shock as he swallowed painfully, then looked at Aki.
She had reacted much the same, though in a lofty way that told them she had known exactly how spicy her concoction was. "Ne-" —she coughed— "Next!"
"Here we go. Two tablespoons each," Mira said, now wearing a gas mask.
"It can't be that bad," Gray scoffed. He ambled leisurely over and sniffed the extended bowl from Mira. Immediately, he howled, clutching at his nose and rolling back and forth in pain on the floor.
"What the Edo?" Gajeel got up and took his own sniff, howl of agony, and second KO.
"Real men aren't scared of a smell." Elfman followed suit, branding the inside of his nose with white hot spice.
Everyone else eyed the bottle warily, giving it a wide birth.
"You-" Natsu panted, pointing shakily at Aki, who was hunched over, a hand slapping the table. "You giving up" —burp— "yet?"
Aki pulled herself up, grabbing the bottle of spice from Mira's gloved hands. "I'm-" —hiccough— "fine. Unlike you, I" —hiccough— "can manage more!"
"Unlike you" —burp— "I can take" —burp— "spice," —belch— "Aki spice wimp!"
"Why, you-" Aki lunged across the table, shoving the bottle in Natsu's mouth before taking her own gulp.
Natsu's head glowed, shifting through the colors of the rainbow as he clutched at his throat, face contorted. Aki fared no better, banging her swollen head against the table, growling in pain.
After a few minutes of this, Mira stepped forward, announcing, "Both are unable to continue! It's a draw!"
Everyone's jaws dropped to the floor.
"Someone had forced Natsu to a draw in heat?!"
A loud smash redirected them to Erza, standing next to a broken table. "I refuse to accept it!" she brayed, reequipping into Purgatory Armor. "There shall be a winner!"
She wrestled the bottle of peppery death from Aki's grasp, promptly forcing it into both Aki's and Natsu's mouths. Finally, they were howling in pain, but Erza was not to be satisfied so easily. Searching the crowd, she hollered, "YOU FOUR!" before tackling Bisca, Panther Lily, Gajeel, and Gray, forcing the seasoning of concentrated death down their throats before, laughing maniacally, downing the rest of the bottle herself.
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"ときのアーク:レストア!" [arc of time: restore] Aki groaned, holding a shaky hand to the sky. Gradually, the sky was hidden by the reconjoining pieces of ceiling, pieces that had been dislodged by the fight over the barrel of milk. (No one had won that fight, either, as it had spilled all over the place – though, a couple people – I'm not a snitch, so not naming names [Gray was one ο(•ω)ρ⌒ ] – ended up trying to lick the floor.)
"Had quite the time, huh, Aki-tan?" Makarov chuckled, having finally returned from smoothing things over at the council. He had very much enjoyed how much leverage the sovereigns of Alvarez being part of Fairy Tail had given him, leverage he had barely needed to use once the Five Dons had interposed the Fiorean Council Chiefs, still pale.
Now, Aki only moaned, clutching at her cheeks.
"Where's Zeref?"
"He died," she mumbled.
Makarov raised an eyebrow. "What did you guys do?" he asked, sitting cross-legged beside one of the few mages still in the guild hall (all of whom were direct victims of the liquid fire – nay, bottled plasma) and the only one who was conscious in any sense of the word, as Natsu had fallen asleep.
"Spicy," Aki muttered, pointing at a toppled little bottle a few feet away. "Maka-chan," she added, hiccoughing, "i's a magical bio-" —hiccough— "biohazard cla-" —hiccough— "-ss C, I'd guess. Double" —hic— "I."
Makarov magically extended a hand to pick up the unobtrusive bottle, examining it. He knew better than to sniff a class C magical biohazard – though, he reflected, glancing at Erza, Gajeel, Panther Lily, Natsu, and Gray – Bisca had been taken care of by Alzack – they probably didn't. Or maybe they hadn't known that it was a class C biohazard at all. It didn't matter, though, as he looked around the guild hall and grinned appreciatively.
"You know, Aki-tan, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the wreckage of the guild hall," he chirped, " – and, of course, it was a very Fairy Tail thing to do, again – but if you can continue to repair it whenever it gets demolished, I'm not sure I'd let you leave the guild."
Me, regarding the fact that if someone actually consumed something classified as a bio-hazard they would most certainly die: THIS IS FAIRY TAIL! ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
uwu the hot sauce comes back btw uwu