yessssssssssssssssssssssssss angsttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Aki blew a piece of hair from her face, pouting as she held her hands over the ice.

Come on…

She felt her way around the ice, her magic wrapping around it, coating it, searching for a way in. But every notch she came to rejected her.

"Aki-sama?"

Aki jumped, looking around wildly for the source of the words before shaking herself, forcing herself to calm down.

Goal?

She didn't like the feeling this village gave her, the feeling of the past. She especially didn't like that she recognized that voice as being one of Their demons. She didn't know which, but could tell as the magical presence came closer, that it was one of their demons – one of the demons they had made to kill them, when they had been immortal.

But they weren't anymore, and neither were her friends.

She took off, bolting towards the tree line.

She didn't know what she would do if it turned out to be Mard Geer, or one of the other Demon Gates; she doubted she had the power to control them anymore. Sure, if she could touch them she would be able to turn them into their respective books, but they would know that, and she wasn't sure she could get past their defenses now.

An image of Lucy bleeding out, Erza mangled, Gray still and cold flashed in front of her, and her heart shot into her throat. And Natsu-

But she wouldn't think that.

"I will fulfil your wish, Aki-sama!"

Her lungs were aching as she ran, but she forced her legs to move faster, stumbling and slipping on the slippery sheet of ice that smelt, she realized, of Keyes.

"And which one are you?" she tried to say easily, but it wheezed from her chest.

The other laughed brutally. "This will help you remember!"

"Eggs," she cursed under her breath. She concentrated again on the pounding of her feet against hard ice, finding no traction. She jumped of a ledge, and felt her stomach jolt as her feet found ground far too early.

She was summersaulting down the mountain of flame, crashing against sharp protrusions of ice, yelping with each hit. She came to a halt when she slapped against a tree without a sound? She rubbed at her head, pushing herself up. Everything was hazing around her, fading as though a black mist had swept over the village.

"Aki-sama."

The demon's voice came from a great distance, but she could see a hulking figure moving towards her. Her lungs were screaming as she tried to gather her feet under her, and she tried to restore the spell that kept them working. Nothing.

What the egg?!

Of all the times for the spell to malfunction, it had to be now, as the creature she had brought to life bore down on her?! It wasn't only that, all of her magic felt thin and distant. She tried to gather her thoughts, to stand, but tripped forwards onto her face. The blow and her lack of breath were making her head spin, pulsing angrily, and the world had split in front of her, double-images making it hard to see the tiny hands in front of her. Or- those were her hands.

Her eyes widened as she realized what was happening, but the demon was already in front of her, grinning maliciously.

"Time to die!"

She rolled to the right as his fist swung towards her, panic welling in her chest.

The Law of Retrogression, Doriate? A kid again…

No, no she couldn't let that happen. Scrambling to her feet, she stumbled forward, unable to see more than a foot in front of herself anymore, knowing how much worse it would get if she didn't escape now. But a pillow was being pressed against her ears, drowning out his laughter, and the ground was blurring beyond recognition, panic was welling in her throat, and—

A massive hand brushed—brushed, how weak was s—her ankle, upsetting her fragile balance and sending her pitching forward into the ice. The second she was down something came swinging down onto her back, eliciting a scream as she felt her bones crunch. She fumbled at the ground as she gasped for air, trying to push herself up, to pull away, but she knew it was useless.

She watched in horror as the last of the fuzzy trees snuffed out, the ocean leaving her in keening silence. The foot left her back, leaving her –pathetic– flat on the ground, too out of breath and injured –so easily– to move. As her eyes screwed shut, tears welling in their corners, memories of the terror of blindness and deafness resurfaced from their graves, waking up after centuries of noise.

Not this… Please…

She hated this more than anything but the curse; it petrified her; she thought she was free of it; how useless could she be?

'What, so you're giving up?'

Her eyes shot open. Gritting her teeth, flexing what felt to be the infinitesimal amount of magic left within her, she forced it to do something useful before it left. It obeyed, teleporting her somewhere, she didn't know where, but away from Doriate.

Before she could appreciate that it had worked, she felt her lungs deflate. Her chest contracted, desperate to drag in air, but she denied the urge, pressing a hand to her mouth to keep from heaving. With her other hand she fumbled to find something in the void, her hand cutting itself on a frozen edge. Leaves. Feeling along them, she found an opening large enough for her to squeeze through, allowing herself only the tiniest of desperate breaths so as not to be heard. After she forced her tiny—too tiny—body into the hole she felt around herself, hands scrabbling over the strangely warm ice, assuring herself that she was hidden on all sides.

Silence…

She pulled her knees to her chest, burying her head in them, breathing as slowly as possible, unable to tell if she was being loud.

Darkness…

The silence pressed against her. The symphony of chaos that was the world was gone, the light and shadows replaced by an eigengrau only blindness could grant. There memories ran free, strengthened by the return to her childish form.

"…frail body…"

"…protect you…"

She repressed a whimper, tears squeezing out the corner of her eyes.

"Why- why can't I… can't hear, either! I can't- can't-"

"We'll help…"

She shook her head fiercely, biting her lip.

'I can't see them… I can't hear them… where are they?'

'I'm too weak…'

'…pathetic.'

She trembled. Lifting her head, blinking rapidly, she strained to see something, anything—even a fuzzy blot would be enough; it was pitch black.

'I can't breathe! Someone! Isn't someone there!? Help me! Please! I can't-'

Her lungs were screaming for air she knew she couldn't give them.

"'m scared…"

As her eyes flicked around, something flickered in the corner of her sight, and she instantly focused on it.

A faint light was growing, stronger and brighter every second. Her magic was swelling, reinforcing her lungs once more, returning her to the brilliant, sonorous world.

Heaving in great lungfuls of air, she peered through her hiding spot, and her stomach flipped. Gray was there—glowering at her, not that that was new—but in front of him was Doriate, who was swelling with magic.

Oh, egg…

"Gray, run!" she shouted as she wrestled out of her tiny hiding spot. Ignoring his furious expression, she threw a hand towards him, shouting, "いとまほう:ライフライン!" [thread magic: life line]

A web shot from her fingers, wrapping around him and yanking him to herself as she began to sprint in the opposite direction.

The second it let go of him, he threw a punch at her. "Were you just going to watch me die?!"

She yelped, ducking. "What are you talking about?!"

He seemed to sincerely want to strangle her, even more so than usual, but a roar from behind them seemed to convince him otherwise. Instead, he settled for a dirty glare. "You know what, you lizard-licker! You were staring right at me! Were you just going to watch me die?!"

Aki blinked.

Staring at him…?

She blinked again. "I couldn't see!" she blurted over the toppling trees behind them. "I couldn't see or hear anything!"

"The egg does that mean?!" he snapped furiously.

"Before that, let me teleport-"

"Like Edolas!"

"Please-"

Her words were cut off by a harrowing roar echoing behind them, followed by a wave of magic.

"Egg, egg, egg, NO FLAP IT NO!" she yelled, looking frantically around for a solution to pop out of the bushes, but if it had, she wouldn't have seen it. Her sight was already failing as her body shrunk again, fuzz filling her ears once more.

Glancing over her shoulder, ignoring Gray's words—which she couldn't hear properly, in any case—she couldn't make out the blob chasing them. But he must be fully transformed-

The ground vanished beneath her. Flailing, legs still working frantically, she started to fall. Something grabbed her around the collar—she choked—and yanked her back onto solid ground. She thought she might have heard some words, but she couldn't make them out as her lungs resumed their protest against living. Spluttering, heaving, she struggled to get out from what held her, panic howling over sense.

Something pressed against her lips, and she swallowed hard, eyes darting frantically around. Her hands found fabric, and she clutched at it, clutched at the only thing that still existed. It tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let go, she couldn't, she—her eyes widened—she couldn't be alone.

Her thoughts caught up with her oxygen-deprived panic just in time to register something pushing against her chest and the blur above her. She bit down her cry, and let go.

'…don't go…'

She shivered as the comforting presence disappeared.

'…please…'

She squinted, trying to make out the blobs in front of her. The boulder like one, Doriate, was bearing down on a smaller blob, undoubtedly Gray. Doriate swung at him, his arm alone as thick as him, and Gray flew backwards, past her. He hit a tree with a dull thunk.

There he stayed as Doriate lunged forward. She thought she saw the gleam of its tusks, tusks They had crafted.

"NO!"

She scrambled up and into the clearing, stopping before her demon, arms spread wide. She couldn't see its expression, but she shook her head firmly, glaring. Hopefully. She might have been looking as terrified as she felt, the darkness ever encroaching on the sides of her vision, her hearing so close to mute.

She stifled a yelp as it picked her up by the neck, her hands scrabbling at its arm, her legs flailing uselessly.

Her vision was gone; she squeezed her eyes shut.

The last scraps of distant noise faded.

Her legs weren't kicking anymore, numb, limp.

She dangled, unable to help, unable to see or hear, unable to even breathe, just as it had always been.

The pressure lessened slightly, feeling rushing back into her body in time to register a shaking sensation. She started to struggle again, wriggling in its grasp, but something pricked her back.

She stopped.

How can I still be so useless?!

A film of tears grew in her wide, blind eyes.

Its fingers tightened again, and she panicked, resuming her struggling against the thing's arm, no longer registering the pain in her back, the pricking sensation becoming a slash. No, all she could register was the silence, the darkness, the half consciousness; she barely noticed as she was dropped.

"…you have an attack… calm…"

She tried to roll over, but something kicked her onto her back again.

"Don't sleep on your back…"

She heaved, her throat feeling like a closed damn, arms twitching uselessly at her sides.

'Take my hand! Please! I can't m-m-move! I can't even… please…!

Something pressed mercilessly against her front, crushing her into the ground.

'…I'm really…'

She jerked as something in her chest cracked, unable to utter a sound as pain surged through her.

'…just so…'

And the weight vanished. She gasped, straining to roll over, disregarding the fact that she was clearly going to be hurt for trying to do so; it was more important to live. Instead of pain, though, she was lifted by the armpits. She stopped struggling. She could breathe, if she was up, and she didn't want to be put back down.

'…so…'

She was being carried, and she had no idea what was going on. Was Gray okay? Had he defeated Doriate, or – her feeble breathing hitched in horror – had she been used as a hostage?

'… so very…'

Doriate should have killed her, not let her live on, a little beat up. No, she was still alive, which meant one of two things: Gray had defeated Doriate and was taking care of her – her stomach twisted with self-repulsion – or she had been used as a hostage, and Gray, however he hated her, had given in; if he hadn't, she would have been killed. That thought made her even sicker with herself.

Which was it? Was she bothering him by making him take care of her worthless self, or by forcing him to surrender? Which one?

…pathetic.

—

She didn't remember having fallen asleep, only knowing that she had for the horrid moment of waking up, the moment that forced the fact on her that she had overdone it, that it had happened again, that she wasn't able to interact with the world anymore.

It started with a groan, and her eyelids fluttered open, only to find more darkness; no light.

Her breathing hitched, causing her lungs to retaliate with pain; no breath.

She couldn't hear her own desperate gasp for air; no sound.

She choked on a sob, trying to push herself up, tears already spilling from her eyes. She was laid sideways, and at her movement a hand pressed against her shoulder, holding her down as she struggled against what could have been a fat squirrel or an elephant—it would have had the same effect.

The force shifted, another hand joining the first, effectively holding her where she was and simultaneously keeping her from tipping. She strained, fingers flexing where they lay against the ground, legs trembling as she tried to move. Her nails scraped over dusty earth, small rocks, and cloth.

Immediately, her fingers tightened around it, and she pleaded, no more able to help herself than hear herself, "Don't go, please, please, please, don't go…"

Whoever it was – she figured, by how delicate he had been so far, far from how their demons were written to treat them, it to be Gray – shifted again, one hand wrapping around her balled one.

A gear ground into action in the back of her mind, registering the situation. Gray was holding her trembling hand, and she wasn't even all that injured, just blind, deaf. He wouldn't want her clutching at him; she was the source of his trauma; he didn't want to take care of her, much less comfort her. The thought of making him do so was revolting.

So she forced her fingers to uncurl, to let go, frustrated by how tightly clamped they were around his, but whimpers were escaping her even as she did it, and he would feel obligated, and-

She was lifted carefully and held close to him, leant upward at just such an angle for her worthless childhood lungs to continue working.

The action was too much. Her whole body shuddered with relief too strong to resist. Cradled, warmed, comforted by her victim, she turned her face against it all, hating herself.

"Don't leave." The words continued to escape without her volition, repulsing her, but she couldn't stop. "'m sorry… please… please…"

He was stroking her hair, and she was crying, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as one of her many victims was forced to give her relief from pain and fear. Her. From him.

"'m sorry… 'm sorry, G-Gray… I'm…"

The hand around hers tightened twice, and she broke off. That wasn't Gray – or, if it was, it was a hell of a coincidence. Straining to even her voice out, she breathed, "W-who…?"

Her hand was being squeezed again.

Long-long-short-short—short—short-long -short-short—short—short-short-long-short.

Gasping, she let out what sobs she had managed to bite back. She didn't have to hold it anymore, because it wasn't Gray; it was Zeref.

So she let it all out, making as big of a fuss as she wanted, knowing, knowing, that it was okay, if it was him. "Z-Zeref-nii, Doriate- kid again- 'n' 'm still sm-small- I don't- c-c-can't s-see, c-couldn't see G- I-" She choked, and he started rubbing the small of her back. She forced herself to wait until her breathing evened out, petrified, before wailing, "I don't want this again, Nii! Make it stop! I can't stand it! I don't- I don't want- Please! Nii!"

He put his chin on her head as she turned her face into his neck and wept, hardly noticing that he was rather small, too.

After a few minutes, when she had reduced her cries to sniffling whimpers – pathetic – she remembered that they weren't the only things in existence. Panic flared in her, and she started, "Zeref-nii-"

But he was already squeezing her hand, and she swallowed her words.

all—safe

"What- what happened?" she managed, tightening her death grip on his shirt. "Why am I still- still-" '-useless.' She bit her lip. He poked at her hand, and she un-balled one of them so that he could write out the letters, one by one, on her palm.

had a feeling so i came. found G and you but D was following me. G is safe !

He hurriedly wrote out the last bit; she smiled weakly, blind eyes staring at nothing.

G led him away. is getting help from E. L. N.

"I was so useless, Zeref-nii. I couldn't do any-"

G lived

She didn't answer, instead pressing herself harder into his chest. His very, very narrow chest… "What happened to you?" she managed, decently calm; still a mess; she considered it relative.

D still searching for us nearby. he will not hear us here.

"I was so…" The images of the broken bodies of her guildmates appeared before her, making her whimper; he held her closer. "-scared he'd g-get someone…"

He had to poke at her hand to get it to uncurl again, she had instinctively wrapped it around his clothes. When he got it open, he wrote slowly, clearly.

all safe

She chuckled wetly. "I'm like a broken clock."

if so then the coolest clock

She snorted once, but her lungs revolted too painfully for her to repeat the action. "Pain tolerance is really down…" she mumbled.

See, she didn't like the silence. Even if it were stating the obvious, even if it was slow and cumbersome and inconvenient, she would always prefer conversation over silence.

mine too

A moment. "So, Gray saved me…?"

yes. used ice from village. said it hurt D. G not know why. think devil - slayer - M ?

"Probably… Could be Algid Folia…" Her fogged eyes widened. "Zeref-nii, I smelt Keyes."

! so that is what i sensed

"Yeah. You know," she added casually, a slight grin inching its way onto her lips, "I think we're going to have trouble surviving our demons, Zeref-nii."

She could feel him, almost heard him snort and start laughing, shaking in that jovial way, rather than pained or tired.

i agree

Pause.

do you have idea wh

"-why Doriate didn't kill me?" she finished for him. "No idea; maybe because we weren't together? We did have that as part of it, to kill Me, I mean us- or- you know what I mean!" She tried to scowl, unsure if she managed to, and he ruffled her hair, eliciting an unsolicited, double-crossing giggle. "Anyways, since you weren't here, then he couldn't kill, you know, 'Us.'" She would have made air quotes, but Edolas if she'd loosen her grip on him now; she hadn't let go four hundred years ago, and while Natsu wasn't there, a demon with powers made to combat the curse searching for them, and all her friends accounted for but not known to be safe, she sure as Edolas wasn't going to let go now.

"Also," she added suddenly, an anxiety driving thought popping into being – along with all the other five bajillion anxious ideas, "how long have we been under Law of Retrogression?"

you mean side effects ? has been few hours since G left. told him possible effects

"Eggs…"

She laughed again as he traced:

language ! honestly . . .

Me: hahaha wow Aki is so sad and depressed and thinks she's absolutely worthless. Good thing she isn't an OC and I'm not just projecting onto her in a safe environment huh?
You: .

Cool fact! When choosing the font for the hand-tracing Zeref was doing with Aki, I tried to find one that had clear letters that I would be able to feel the difference easily if they were written on my own hand (that font being Cavolini). That's also why some letters are not capitalized. However, a couple letters in the chosen font were too similar, so I individually changed all of the 't's and the 'k' into a different font. Which font? hehehe comic sans! (*^▽^*)

EDIT: about the font thing i am so mad that i cannot change the font for this website and you guys can't see what i did i am so annoyed