3. The sun was descending towards the horizon…..
The sun was descending towards the horizon when Tobirama finally made a stop. She had not asked for a break yet, but he could see her face getting an ashen quality that he dared not intensify. So they halted and sat silently in a patch of tall grass surrounded by an airy forest. He took something from his pouch, handing it to her. It was some kind of energy food, an early form of soldier pills. She gladly took it and ate silently. He handed her some water as well.
"Your chakra levels are rising. We will make a small fire here and sleep. I will keep watch." She nodded, getting up to gather wood.
When the fire was made, Tobirama went into the woods without a word. After a considerable amount of time he returned with two dead rabbits tied together at the feet and flung over his shoulder. He started cleaning them with his kunai and soon enough the smell of roast rabbit tickled her nose pleasantly. While the meat was roasting, the dripping fat causing hissing sounds in the fire, they set up traps, dug a small latrine and made a cover to sleep under.
He remained stoic in his expression and short in his answers, and sometimes just downright non-communicative. Still she felt at ease with him. They worked seamlessly together, as if they busied a routine that was based on years of experience. And she smiled inwardly at the irony of it all. The Nidaime Hokage was the founder of her village and her school. He had set up the basic shinobi training and it was this training that she put into practice here, with him. It made so much sense that the way she was taught how to make camp was identical to what they were executing now.
She smiled softly to herself. From the moment she woke up in the Warring State Era, she felt distinctly out of place and out of time. But despite her modern upbringing, the Nidaime felt close to home. Their worlds and the problems they both faced in life, were not so very different from each other. Somehow he stood at the very foundation of her upbringing and it made her feel strangely at ease with this stern man in a matter of hours.
After eating the rabbit meat, they relaxed close to the fire. The warm meat seemed to glow inside of her and she felt her limbs become heavy with fatigue. She noticed him being lost in thought, staring into the fire. The flames shimmered in his happuri and the glowing embers seemed to enhance the colour of his eyes and his facial tattoos.
"Tobirama-san… how far is the Senju stronghold from here?" It felt so weird using his first name like that. Like being disrespectful to your grandfather. But she thought he most definitely did not look as a grandfather and immediately that dreadful heat rose to her cheeks again.
"Another day of travel. You are quick, despite your injured body." He looked at her. She seemed exhausted, her cheeks were rosy from the fire. She was damned quick. He was surprised by their progress and her stoic determination.
"Is there a chance that we will be attacked by enemies?"
"Moderately big, we are travelling through the southern tip of Uchiha lands now. We might be caught by a patrolling squad. Fortunately I can sense them pretty well and far in advance. Hopefully we do not encounter trouble." He prodded the fire with a stick, small flints of fire swirling upwards to the starry sky.
She was shocked. What a strange era, this Warring States era. What a waste of time and shinobi. How can they not see that cooperation will save them all this death and pain? She had to bite her tongue, not to inquire after the peace treaty with the Uchiha. She couldn't change history until she discussed the matter with Tobirama and his brother. She sighed.
He mistook her sigh for another emotion and he looked at her sharply: "Sakura-san, are you feeling alright?".
"Yes, thank you. But I do feel awkward because I am sharing a meal with one of my village's legends. It is strange to suddenly take part in the history of my village. And it is nothing like the books. I find you a human being instead of a superhero."
She smiled softly. He looked mildly surprised and then chuckled with his low voice: "Nor do I feel a hero! I am just a man and one that is learning every day to be a shinobi and how to survive. My accomplishments are nothing but blood and death up till now."
His mood grew grim, he squared his shoulders and then added softly: "But I want that to change, I am tired of bloodshed. I want to start building, instead of destroying." He kept staring in the fire, lost in his own thoughts.
"I grew up in a world that you helped build, a world where children do not need to die in war. Your wish will come true….". She said it softly, it felt wrong to disclose that information before they talked with the Shodaime Hokage, but she had the urge to lift his spirits to comfort him.
He looked up then, his red eyes trying to read her face. Whatever he saw made him relax. He softly muttered: "Thank you for your kind words Sakura-san. That is …. comforting, that notion that this suffering is not in vain."
He smiled then, and she felt butterflies flutter in the depth of her stomach. He was handsome when he smiled, his sharp angular face and his slanted eyes gave him an exotic regal beauty. She noticed she held her breath unable to speak for a while. She felt the slow heat rising to her cheeks again. Thank god for the glow of the fire!
He stood up to rummage through the bushes, securing traps. Her eyes followed him hungrily. He walked with lethal grace, like a panther or lion. She could not help staring at his lean muscular body, and she cursed herself, but her eyes stayed glued on him. She must have spaced out., because he had sneaked up on her without her noticing. His low rumble next to her ear startled her: "Like what you see, kunoichi?"
He said what? She turned beet red in total shock. He smirked, his deep eyes sparkling. There was something beneath his tease. He seemed amused, and also …. pleased at her apparent fascination with him.
He sat behind the restless flames, his back comfortably against a log, arms crossed over his chest. "Get some sleep, kunoichi".
She curled up next to the fire, still recovering from the outrageous remark he made. It had sounded like flirting and it stood in sharp contrast with her perception of him, of everything she was taught about him. The earth underneath her was cold and hard, but she would sleep anyway, she was used to sleeping without blankets or extra clothing. She still felt flustered, but after a while her heart rate slowed and she felt her eyes grow heavy. Then nothingness.
Suddenly she heard screaming. She smelled the battlefield before she saw it, burned flesh penetrated her nostrils, it's sweetness nauseating. In the distance through black clouds of smoke, she could discern Neji protecting Naruto. As soon as she focussed on the Hyuuga, all smells and sounds ceased to exist and in the deafening silence she started running. But to her frustration she made no progress, her shoes stuck in some kind of sticky substance. She panicked then: "Neji! Noooo!"
The spears came searing down with incredible speed. Too many to count and with sickening thudding sounds, they pierced his flesh. Too late! Focussing on his pain, she could feel the life slip from his body, but could not act. She was frozen, glued to the ground. She screamed and wailed.
And then suddenly there was anger, white, hot familiar anger, comforting her, enveloping her like a favorite blanket. Her chakra surged through her arm and hand and she aimed to split the earth. Then a low, dark voice seemed to emerge through her anger, pushing it aside, reaching her mind, clearing it: "Sakura! Sakura!"
The scene before her mind's eye crumbled and she regained her consciousness. She heard herself screaming, voice raw, echoing in the night. Tobirama held her, holding her arm with all his might. It took all his strength to keep her from hitting the ground with her chakra infused fist. "Sakura! Kuso! Wake up! It was a dream!" Startled, she let her chakra leak out in a controlled manner. Panting, she kept staring at him, his face flickering between Neji and himself and when she felt her regular chakra return, she cried softly.
He relaxed immediately. Just holding her trembling body, caressing her back, murmuring soothing words in the nape of her neck. "It is over, calm down. It is not your fault Neji died. It was not your fault. He died an honorable death as a shinobi. Calm down Sakura." She cried in his arms and let the grief take her for a moment. She had no defenses left and felt limb.
After a while she looked up at him: "Will these.. episodes… go away?" He looked down at her, his faces inches from her. "No, they are an intricate part of a shinobi life. But reliving your memories is a way of making them less painful. I can teach you some meditation techniques to aid the process. Eventually they will become more distant, the acute pain fading. You will have more control over them."
As if it was the most natural thing to do, she cuddled further into his chest and murmured: "It is so strange that I have this episode about Neji. He was not in my team, I barely knew him. Far worse things happened to Naruto and Sasuke…"
"We do not get to choose a memory that haunts us, Sakura. But to be honest, I think this one is important because it revolves around the core of your character." She frowned up at him. "What do you mean?"
"You are a medical kunoichi. You are trained to save people by healing them. Someone dying on your watch, however distant he may be in terms of personal contact, is a personal failure for you because you are trained to heal people. It feels like failing in your life's purpose and you feel guilty because you healed yourself but could not heal him."
And she knew him to be right. "I guess that is true…"
She felt the tears coming again and she let them. He held her, slowly stroking her back and hair. He was so warm and his presence comforting. After a while she felt herself dozing off. The last thing she noticed was that he leaned back on the log, letting her upper body rest on his chest. She felt safe and at peace.
While her breathing slowed down, he took his time to screen the surroundings for enemy chakra. It seemed they were lucky tonight, he could detect nothing. The warm body on top of him, made him muse about this strange girl. Everything about her screamed that she was out of place and time, but the way she made camp, the way she followed him cautiously through the forests confirmed her shinobi training. He had a strong feeling of recognition. She acted often just like himself and he suspected that it was a natural effect of Hashirama's and his own influence on the village that they would build in the future. She acted strange but familiar at the same time.
He smirked thinking about how her eyes followed him around the campfire. She felt some kind of attraction, it was obvious. And being honest with himself, he admitted that he felt the same attraction to her. She was beautiful, intelligent and a shinobi. Her pink hair and green eyes made her beauty exotic.
Her trauma was severe though. He felt relieved to have stopped her chakra enhanced fist in her sleep. He did not know what her shinobi powers were, but he had a bad feeling about the outcome if he would not be around. However improper it may be, she would have to sleep in his chambers when they arrived in the Senju camp. It was too dangerous for her to sleep alone for now. He would talk to Hashirama about it. He sighed, the gossip within the clan would be enormous.
When sunlight touched her sleeping form, she woke peacefully. She welcomed the warm rays of light and then realized she was sitting with her back against the Nidaime! She tried to sit up quickly, but his arms were locked tight around her, holding her into place. "Shhhhh,…. ". She turned to look at his face, inches from hers. His face expressionless, he said:"Just enjoy the sun for a little while longer…". She lay her head back, secretly liking the idea very much. And he just couldn't help himself. He just felt comfortable.
After a while he sighed. "Well, I guess we must." When standing at eye level he stared at her with those strange red eyes. "Sakura-san. I do not know the extent of your shinobi power, but it was potentially a dangerous situation last night. I will not let the Senju compound or its people get hurt because of your nightly terrors, intentional or not. So you will sleep in my quarters for a few weeks until the memories are not as vivid. Do you agree?"
She nodded silently.
"Good. It will be done so." He hesitated, then smirked: "Then you don't have to stare so much from a distance any more." He quickly stood and took off in the green eaves of the trees, chuckling softly. She was utterly shocked, her mouth agape. This was NOT happening! This was the Nidaime Hokage for kami's sake! Did he just make a flirtatious remark? She had a feeling that her scarlet face would stay that colour for the remainder of the day. What was she getting herself into?
They arrived without incidents at the Senju Compound during nightfall. Fires were lit. Tobirama walked towards the guarded gates with an elegant regal stride. The guards nodded silently in respect.
It was a large traditional set of houses, guards everywhere. People wore traditional clothing, she occasionally saw a man or woman dressed in yukata. She smelled woodfire, caught a glimpse of a vegetable garden and noticed an intimate garden to enjoy privately. She smelled animals, it was like a small village, all that was needed was within the safe walls of the compound.
They stopped in front of the largest house. A large boulder lay in the sand before it. Tobirama took off his sandals, placing them carefully on top of the stone and stepped on the engawa. She followed his example and followed him walking softly over the engawa until he opened sliding doors. They walked through corridors and then suddenly they stood in the office of the Shodai Hokage. She looked at him and immediately looked down. She felt the blood drain out of her face. The Shodai Hokage! This was really him! The God of Shinobi! She trembled and then bowed deeply "Shodai-sama..eh... Senju-sama…." she was stammering.
Hashirama looked astonished, but regained his composure, stood quickly and welcomed her with a wide grin. "Ah! Finally my little brother takes a girl home!" Sakura blinked. What did he say?
Tobirama spat at him: "Watch it! Anija! You are getting on my nerves already!"
Hashirama laughed with all his might. Sukura almost felt the shoji panels shuddering. She still felt just completely paralyzed by the presence of this Shinobi God and she didn't know what to say. Fortunately for her, the two brothers continued to bicker about manners and irritations, when finally Tobirama crossed his arms, huffed and started to be very interested in a distant corner of the room, while Hashirama bowed to Sakura, welcoming her, smiling from ear to ear. Her nervousness was lightened by his informal attitude and she thanked him.
"Please, you are welcome under my roof. I will send a meal for the three of us, and then you can tell me about yourself."
"Please Senju-sama, my name is Haruno Sakura. And you are very kind."
An elderly lady came into the room soundlessly, her face wrinkled like an old raisin. "Baachan, please, take Haruno-san to refresh herself and get her new clothing if she wishes."
Sakura bowed to Hashirama and followed the old lady further into the house. Soon, they came to a bathing area. To Sakura's absolute euphoria, there were tubs filled with hot water, the tile floor warm under her bare feet. Without any urging, she gladly took her clothes off and let herself sink into the warm water. She felt her body relax completely. She stared at the old beams of the house above her, shiny from treatment with sesame oil. The old woman did not talk, but smiled sweetly at her. She took a brush and started to brush her hair with soft hands. "Such nice hair, Haruno-san. A pretty colour!"
"Please baachan, my name is Sakura"
"Ne, Sakura? How suitable. Very well Sakura-chan." The old woman chuckled and then she puffed and huffed until she stood straight. "Sakura-chan, I will fetch you some clothes now. Please, here is soap."
When she was scrubbed clean, the old lady slowly entered the room again with a willowgreen yukata in her arms. She took it from her: "Bachan, this is civilian clothing."
"Yes dear, it would be improper for you to be dressed in shinobi clothing, ne?"
She let the issue go. She felt strange and awkward in the yukata. It complemented her hair and eyes, but if felt a lifetime ago to wear something so feminine like this.
The old lady brought her to another room, where Hashirama and Tobirama sat around a low table on the ground, softly talking with each other in hurried voices, small sake bowls in their hands. They looked up when she entered. Hashirama looked pleased, smiled and got to his feet to bid her welcome. Tobirama however, just seemed shocked to see her, his eyes wide and his cheeks were slowly turning a rosy colour. Sakura noticed and decided to tease him a bit. She smiled and winked at him. When he finally got up to welcome her, she said softly: "Like what you see?" He turned beet red immediately.
Hashirama stood rooted to the spot, staring at their interaction. Instead of his thundering laugh, he had his eyes narrowed, looking serious. What had aspired between these two in such a short amount of time?
At the table stood bowls filled with white rice, some pickles, cooked eggs and bitter greens, dried bonito and soy for seasoning. She ate like she hadn't eaten in days. It all tasted so good! She noticed Tobirama eating with the same eagerness. Hashirama just sipped his sake. When they were satisfied, he spoke, cutting through the silence: "Haruno-san, my brother reported to me. And though I am pleased that you are the living proof that our wish will come true in the near future, I am troubled about your presence here and the effect that it will have on that same future."
"Hai, Shodaime-sama." she felt nervous again. It was impossible to not feel impressed sitting with the two of them. And now they would debrief her. She was afraid that they would read her like a book. Hashirama continued.
"So I feel we first have to make a choice, Haruno-san. We must search our hearts and be honest about what we find there. Are we strong enough emotionally to let history run its course, even if we have knowledge of the future? Because if we want to change the outcome of this Fourth Shinobi War, it is necessary to know everything that has passed between this moment and the future. But we should only try to change parts that are absolutely necessary. Some tragedies will have to take place. That is knowledge and pain that we must bear. And we need to search our hearts to decide ourselves capable." He fell silent and looked at the two of them. "Brother, are you capable of said capability? Can you watch tragedy from the sidelines and not be able to act?"
Tobirama fell silent, deep in thought: "Niisan, I can only withhold myself from acting if the reasoning behind it is sound. For it to be sound, I think we need to hear the whole story from Sakura-san, so that the three of us can see through all cause and effect situations and decide together."
Hashirama nodded. "I feel the same, brother. So be it."
Where she expected a debate all night long, it was decided just like that. So easy, so simple. They both looked at Sakura expectantly and she felt as if everything in the room was holding its breath. Then she talked with a shaking voice. She told them everything she knew about the end of the Warring State Era.
The two brothers listened intently, sometimes interrupting to ask her questions, sometimes they were just perplexed or shocked even. Tobirama looked shaken at the death of Uchiha Izuna by his hands but more so the effects of his deed through time. Hashirama was amazed at the outcome of the final battle between him and Madara. He felt exposed to Sakura's knowledge of his secret techniques. But he was levelheaded enough to value this as evidence that she was indeed telling the truth. Nobody knew about some of those techniques, not even his brother.
Tobirama was getting more and more grim while she unfolded the history of the Uchiha clan, the extinction by Uchiha Itachi's hands on orders of the Hokage, the Akatsuki, Uchiha Obito's story and in the end Uchiha Madara. The development of Konoha as a city and shinobi stronghold, was a ray of sun in all this and Hashirama was very enthusiastic when hearing of anything concerning it. But the fate of the Uchiha clan by Itachi's hands kept troubling him and he steered the direction of the story there time and time again. Watching Tobirama, she knew he saw in it a confirmation of his suspicions of the Uchiha clan. It was well known that he never fully trusted them, even in his own days as Hokage. She wondered if that was caused by her coming here, and that she was meant to be here, or that he had other reasons. Maybe he was just suspicious about everybody.
When she finally ended her history lesson, she felt completely drained. She managed to ignore their deaths, but she felt that her attempts were as seethrough as water for the both of them. They didn't ask for this missing information. They probably suspected this was knowledge that they would not benefit from.
A deep silence followed. She felt emotional, tears trying to leave her eyes. What if they didn't believe her? The thought plagued her still, even after Tobirama's firm assurance that he did believe her. But Hashirama was not his brother. She watched him intently, waiting for him to speak.
He was staring at his sake cup before him for a long while, closing his eyes from time to time until he spoke. His strong warm voice filled the room like bathwater. "Do not worry, Sakura-san. I believe your story. The things you told us seem to have a certain logic and you have intel on my techniques that even my brother is lacking." Tobirama blinked.
He continued: "I think I can speak for both of us that it is very unnerving to hear the ripple effects of our actions in the future, even though we had good intentions." He sighed. "I think we need some time to process this."
"Agreed brother." Tobirama stood up, Sakura followed his example.
"Please Sakura-san, sleep in peace, no harm will come to you under my roof. Thank you for your story and patience with us, it is much appreciated." He smiled.
She followed Tobirama into another part of the building. Everywhere were the soft tatami mats underneath her bare feet, soft, itchy and crude at the same time. Many sliding doors were opened and closed, sometimes by himself, more often by others.
Finally, when her sense of direction was finally gone, he led her into his personal quarters that looked very spartan. A small low table stood in front of a pair of sliding doors that were opened and showed an engawa facing a beautiful small green garden. The room was also covered with tatami mats, with enough room to do basic training. There was a large cupboard with sliding doors that showed shinobi clothing, weapons, and supplies for maintenance of weapons. She saw a double fuuton already laid down on the floor of another room. It lay also next to sliding doors facing, she guessed, the same small garden. A large square insect net was hanging from the ceiling surrounding it.
Closing the sliding doors to the corridor, Tobirama muttered: "It is not much, but please make yourself at home. This will be our shared space for some time." She nodded, walking towards the weapons cupboard eying his supplies. He took his happuri off and hung it on an apparently custom made support on the wall. Then he was struggling with his harness again. "Here, let me". She closed the distance between them and tried to unfold the straps. She cursed softly, there was a tight knot. "Lift your arm".
He grunted in compliance and she tried again with success. She carefully took off his armour, careful not to touch him unnecessary. His smell invaded her senses, a sharp smell of sweat, the outdoors and something distinctly him and she felt the warmth radiating off his body. Her knees trembled a bit. Oh kami, he was so incredibly attractive! The familiar warmth in her cheeks started again, she fled his presence.
When he left to bathe, she sat at the engawa to watch the garden and the starry night. At least something was still the same, she thought, while tracing the familiar stars in the night sky. Her mind was reeling from the past events. Did she make the right call? Was this information in good hands? She was impressed by their god-like status, but in the end they were just men. And they could make mistakes… then again, so could she.
After a while Tobirama returned, wearing a fresh set of black pants, black shirt and an indigo colored hanten jacket. She noticed the Senju symbol embroidered on the back. And she realised that the weapon was also embroidered on her yukata's hem. She frowned. He eyed her with some concern, while sitting down next to her. "Sakura-san… do you feel alright?"
"I was just wondering if it is not an insult to wear the Senju clan symbol on my yukata?"
He smiled softly at her. "It would be an insult if you kept on wearing your own clan symbols in my house."
She sobered, thinking of her hitai-ate.. "Ah! I did not know."
"Was that the reason for your frowning?"
"Well, I just realise that we cannot go back now. We have to deal with the information that I shared with you tonight. And I can't stop wondering what will happen now. If we have learned anything tonight, it is that the effects of our actions can surprise us in a bad way."
"Do not let it trouble you. We will figure out a plan tomorrow. For now, let's try to get some sleep."
She nodded. Then looked at her yukata. "Do you have a shirt or something? I don't want to sleep in this beautiful dress."
"Feel free to check my closet for something that suits you."
She walked towards the cupboard, feeling the roughness of the tatami under her feet. She took out a black shirt with black shinobi pants. It felt familiar to wear shinobi clothing. She felt more at home in these clothes. He seemed to notice her mood change. "Are you not used to wearing a yukata?"
She laughed: "In my time a yukata is old fashioned, we only wear them at special occasions. Let's say I am not used to dressing up in a yukata. At home I normally wear my personal shinobi outfit, or the village's shinobi outfit in which I arrived. I have been fighting this war for a long time. I cannot remember when I wore civilian clothing, or a dress for that matter, last."
"I see. It must feel like home to wear shinobi clothing here. I will try to find you something that fits tomorrow."
She smiled:"That would be nice…"
"The yukata looked nice though", he added cheekely. The effects of his words were the same as all the other times. She turned a beautiful shade of red. He chuckled. She stomped his shoulder.
"Come kunoichi, we must sleep now. We had an exhausting few days." He went to the fuuton, keeping away the insect nets to help her and then he laid down. He looked at her, padded the spot next to him with his hand. She laid down carefully avoiding his arms, lying as far to the side as possible. He looked at her from the side, serious. "Come Sakura-san, I told you that I would not let you accidently harm my people while having one of those episodes. You will sleep better next to me. I will not take advantage, you know that." He tucked his arm underneath her neck and pulled her close. "This way I will be certain you will not change this house into a crater when you have memories haunting you this night."
She felt his warmth and smelled his body, strong and male. In wonderment she realised she only knew him for three days, but he felt familiar and he made her feel so relaxed. He felt like the only piece of home available in this past. So she gave in, snuggling close to his warmth and let herself slip away into a peaceful sleep.
She woke up in a cocoon of warmth. She heard birds and felt sunlight around her. She opened her eyes and slowly took in her surroundings. She was lying with her head on Tobirama's arm. He was still sleeping, face relaxed and breath even. His grim features were relaxed and he looked more like a boy again. He had not been sleeping the past two days, she was not surprised he was still out.
She looked at his face mesmerized. His hair looked like a haystack. It was a curious colour grey that reminded her of Kakashi-sensei. The tattoos on his face, from close by they didn't look like tattoos at all. It seemed to be some natural pigmentation of his face. How odd. She acted on impulse and traced the line on his cheek with her finger, wondering about it. He caught her wrist suddenly, staring at her with his red eyes. She suddenly was very aware of their close proximity and also his typical male morning issue pressing against her legs. Blushing, she cursed internally, and jumped up and out of bed.
He followed her with his eyes. What a predicament! He was not sure where this attraction between them would lead to. It was strange that he formed this state of trust and ease with her in such a short time. He was not a casual man. His social skills were non-existing, mainly focussed on keeping the clan alive. He didn't talk about his feelings or personality, he grew up with war and there was never time for emotions. There was just duty, bravery, endurance, rage, grief. Other emotions were somewhere sealed away. He didn't do small talk, but he felt like he was opening up to her in a way that he didn't know he was capable of in the first place. All his war experiences made him a closed off person. He didn't want to feel too much in fear of that boiling pit of grief, pain and anger. But somehow she made him feel.. things….and they were light and positive.
He shook his head, got out of bed and dressed himself. Sakura kept his clothes on, tying the too large shirt tight to her body with a sash, the pants she rolled up until her slender ankles were plain in sight. She looked adorably cute, he smiled to himself. She seemed to notice his gaze and she looked him in the eye, defiant. "You have something to say, Senju?"
He just snickered: "No nothing…".
A girl entered silently, setting up breakfast at the small table, rice, smoked fish, eggs. They ate in silence. While they sipped green tea, he stretched his arms above his head. "Say, Sakura-san…"
"Yes?"
"Do you want to spar?"
She sat there with her mouth open. "You can close your mouth you know." At his amused tone, she looked pissed.
"Fine! I am in dire need to kick somebody's ass!"