Warm dawn light filtered in the sky as Snowpaw, Whitestar, and Goldensong emerged from the Moon Cavern. Even after all these moons it amazed Snowpaw that time seemed to fly by when one slept inside the cave. Though sleeping certainly helped with that. And the nightmare... Snowpaw shook her out her pelt, trying to keep her mind off of her mysterious dream. She didn't want to dissect it right now. Instead she gave her attention to the cats around her. The ones that would help carry out her punishment.
Butterflytail and Pheasantstripe stood at attention as Whitestar addressed them. They looked tired, with eyes droopy and fur ruffled from the cold mountain wind. They'd been up all night waiting around while their leader spoke with Starclan. By now the toms would be dismissed and sent off for a well deserved rest. But their job wasn't finished yet. They still had to guard Snowpaw; at least until they returned back to camp. Snowpaw silently hoped one or both of them would fall off their paws with fatigue, if only to give her some space. She really needed it right now. Besides, it wasn't as if she were planning on sneaking away or attacking anyone. She would cooperate with her ongoing humiliation, if it meant getting it all over with quicker. She didn't need guards. Despite this, no cat was willing to take the risk. The toms were watching Snowpaw closely, even as Whitestar gave them their orders.
"Pheasantstripe, please help me remove Snowpaw's collar," the leader requested. Phesantstripe nodded agreeably, while Butterflytail visibly held back a snicker. He's laughing at my name, Snowpaw realized bitterly.
Whitestar rounded the newly named "apprentice", waiting for her father to set himself at Snowpaw's other side. Then, they grabbed hold of her kittypet collar. Each tugged in their own direction, biting full force into the fabric. Snowpaw gagged and stumbled as she was pulled this way and that, until finally the collar tore in half. Her bell bounced on the ground with one last chime until it settled in the dust at her paws. The leader and warrior spit out the remenents that'd come undone in their mouthes. Snowpaw was at last free from the Twoleg's hold; but at what cost?
"Now you can start your life among the clans fresh," Whitestar meowed to the medicine cat, lifting a paw to swiftly tidy her whiskers. Then she turned to her other clanmates. "Pheasantstripe, Goldensong, Butterflytail, please go ahead without us. I must speak with Snowpaw alone for a moment."
Butterflytail moved to make an argument, but Whitestar silenced him with an assertive swish of her tail. The guards exchanged glances, then turned, doing as they were told. Goldensong padded along behind them, sparing a brief glance over her shoulder as they left.
When the three cats had disappeared over the horizon, Whitestar turned to Snowpaw.
"You should find yourself lucky that I am letting you stay in the clan," she growled through an eerily calm face, glancing down at the collar by her paws. Her voice was soft, but there was hostility laced within her mew. "But you do not deserve those kits. The way you went about the circumstance was uncalled for. If you would have just waited no one would find fault in your decision to become a mother. But you lied. You abandoned your clan. You falsified a quest for Starclan! How could you possibly believe you could get away with this?"
Snowpaw did not respond, finding the earth beneath her paws more interesting than speaking up for herself. She turned her head away, not wanting Grassclan's leader to even look upon her face. But the siamese she-cat went on, her voice growing louder.
"Why didn't you stay with the Twolegs? If you had stayed in Twolegplace, you would not be facing such humiliation. Your kits would be better off there, at least. If you wanted to return to Grassclan so badly, it would have been better if you left them."
"Tell me," Snowpaw finally spoke, "would you want your kits to grow up in Twolegplace, if you had any? Even if you were to become a kittypet, knowing how wonderful life in the clan is, would you keep that from them?"
Whitestar hesitated for a heartbeat. "No...I suppose not."
"Then why fault me for what I thought to be best for my kits? I came back for their sake, not my own," Snowpaw tried to reason.
Whitestar's eyes darkened. "You know Starclan will find fault in them, don't you? Not just for your crimes, but because of the circumstances of their conception? You realize bringing them back here condemns them to a much shorter life? Or one that may end painfully? Perhaps your kits will be happier in Grassclan, but this was not the best choice for them."
Snowpaw suddenly turned, pelt bristling and teeth bared. She was only a paw-length length from Whitestar's face. "I'd rather they live short fulfilled lives as warriors than let them live long as fat lazy kittypets! You have no right to judge the way I want my litter to be raised."
Whitestar took a step back in surprise, shoulder fur rising. She seemed to feel threatened. Good, Snowpaw caught herself thinking almost joyously.
"Whitestar!" Butterflytail called, peaking over the horizon. Whitestar looked all too relieved to see the handsome tabby return. He must have hung back to wait for them.
"We're coming!" She called back, voice raising slightly with eagerness. "Come, Snowpaw. Grassclan will wonder what's become of us if we stay here too long."
Would that really be so bad? Snowpaw wondered with slight discontent. After thinking for a heartbeat, though, she quickly changed her mind. Even if she were about to face mockery at the paws of her clanmates, at least she would be safe at home with her kits. They were what mattered now. Snowpaw found her paws pricking eagerly as she hurried after Whitestar, heart beat quickening the closer they drew to camp. All Snowpaw wanted to do now was curl up in the nursery with her litter and sleep for half a moon. She was excited to finally have some time to spend with her newborns.
When the patrol finally returned home, the clan was there eagerly waiting to hear news. "What would be Snowfrost's fate?", they all must be wondering. Whitestar climbed to the peak of Tall Stone while Butterflytail and Pheasantstripe made their way to the warrior's den. Slugsnout and Ambereye walked over to take their place as Snowpaw settled herself in the center of the clearing. Perhaps it would be wiser for her to tuck herself away with her kits. But Snowpaw knew Whitestar would want her to remain outdoors until the meeting concluded. Besides, her new guards would have likely dragged her back into the clearing if she tried to walk away. Though she was anxious to return to her little ones, the lynx point molly resigned herself to be patient and wait out the show.
Snowpaw heaved a sigh as the clan gathered around the ancient boulder as Whitestar called; "Let all cats old enough to travel through the meadow gather here beneath the Tall Stone for a clan meeting." The leader waited a few moments more as everyone settled in before she began. "Cats of Grassclan, I return to you baring the verdict of Starclan. Our ancestors have been merciful towards our medicine cat this day. They have spoken their approval of us keeping our eldest healer in the clan, but at the cost of her name. In her place, our ancestors granted me the power to promote Goldenpaw so that she may be our head medicine cat. From this point on, she will be known as Goldensong."
"Goldensong! Goldensong! Goldensong!" The clan cheered.
"Goldensong will be responsible for watching over Snowpaw and reintegrating her into our society. Only when she deems her ready will this healer-turned-apprentice be renamed. We qre to treat Snowpawas we would any other clanmate otherwise. She is no longer in need of guards." Whitestar looked to Ambereye and Slugsnout, nodding her head to dismiss them. Ambereye heaved a sign of relief, getting up and walking to her mate, Jaybird. And Slugsnout shrugged, moving along to join their brother somewhere in the crowd.
"And what about the kits?" Ashwhisker piped.
"Yes, if Snowpaw is an apprentice now, are we still allowed to grant her access to the nursery to raise them? Or has that been left for me to decide?" Posytail chimed in.
"That is a very difficult decision to make. However, I did consider it on the journey back home. Normally, I would advocate in favor of the new parent. However, given the circumstances of which these kits were born, and Snowpaw's Code breaking, I believe it may be safest for a queen to raise the kits."
Rosebloom growled. "Does that mean we're keeping them? Surely it would be best to send those kits back to Twolegplace where they belong?"
"I agree!" Yowled the elder, Boulderfall. "Those kits will bring nothing but misfortune to our clan if we raise them. They are cursed!"
Murmurs of agreement rippled through the throng of cats surrounding Snowpaw, striking fear into her heart.
Whitestar raised her tail, demanding silence from her warriors. "The kits are too young to be taken on a journey to the Twolegplace. I have decided Grassclan will raise them at least until their first moon. By then, I will have made a decision on whether or not they shall remain. For now, I would like to assign Jaybird to act as their guardian. And Ashwhisker, now that your litter is beginning to be weaned, will you share your milk with them?"
"Gladly," Ashwhisker responded, dipping his head. Jaybird stepped up beside him, peaking around his shoulder to make eye contact with Snowpaw. It had been some time since the silver tabby queen had raised young kits. But Dewpaw had grown into a fine young cat, so Snowpaw felt assured that her kits would be safe in her sister's care. Besides, it was only for a moon. If they were allowed to stay, Snowpaw planned to request to take over raising them. And if Whitestar decided the kits were to be exiled, then Snowpaw would go with them. She'd bring them back with her to Misty's den. Even with her betrayal towards the kittypet, Snowpaw was sure the fluffy molly would accept her back with open paws.Especially with her little ones in tow. Jaybird searched Snowpaw's expression, as if she was seeking her littermate's approval. Snowpaw gave her a small nod and a smile, bringing her sister visible relief.
"Thank you. There is only one thing I have left to say about this matter. No cat is to share what has happened this moon. No one outside of Grassclan should learn of Snowpaw's kits, or what has become of her as a medicine cat. To others, she will remain Snowfrost. And we will show cats how grateful we are to have her return from her journey to connect with our ancestors."
Though the clan looked less than pleased with this command, none spoke out against Whitestar's orders. They nodded, exchanging wary glances, while some shot Snowpaw a glare. Did the clan believe this was for her protection? Whitestar's doing this to save face, Snowpaw understood. She doesn't want Grassclan to look weak or irresponsible because of me. For some reason, this made Snowpaw's fur prickle with irritation. Did Whitestar truly believe one cat could ruin how the rest of the Land's Star saw Grassclan as a whole?
"That is all for now," Whitestar concluded. "Meeting dismissed."
At once, Snowpaw rushed over to speak with the clan leader. Though she was annoyed, she wasn't here to make comments on Whitestar's decisions.
"Whitestar. Would it be wrong of me to request just one more day with my kits?" She asked, trying to sound as pleasant as possible. "I understand the decision that you have made. But they are still mine. Shouldn't I have the chance to spend some time with them?"
Whitestar thought for a moment. "You haven't gotten the chance to be alone with them yet, have you?"
"No," Snowpaw confessed.
For another heartbeat Whitestar was silent before she finally let out a thoughtful hum. "Very well. You have until moon high to share their nest. After, you must move back to the medicine den without them. Is that clear?"
Snowpaw perked up, eyes twinkling with excitement. She hadn't expected for Whitestar to agree so easily. "Yes! T..thank you!" Snowpaw stammeted gratefully, mentally striking herself for sounding like some newly named apprentice. Whitestar smiled at her politely, turning to retreat into the warmth of her den. Snowpaw did the same, rushing into the nursery as quickly as her paws could carry her.
The kits were in the nest where she had left them, piled on top of one another, sound asleep. The silver and white kit dominated the pile, laying on top of her siblings with a smile on her face. Below her were her sisters who held each other close in their sleep. And at the bottom of the pile was the only tom, who seemed content with being chosen as the base of the kitten pyramid. Snowpaw purred as she looked at them, carefully tiptoing her way into the wool to curl her body around them. As she settled, the four little balls of fur seemed to pick up on her presence. The tomkit mewled out, encouraging his sisters to do the same. They crawled, searching the nest for the warmth of the older she-cat. Snowpaw purred louder, leading them to her belly to suckle with a sweep of her tail. The little ones wiggled closer to their mother, latching onto her without much coaxing. Snowpaw lowered her head, grooming each one as they fed. She buried her nose into their fur once they were clean, drinking in their fresh scents. She barely noticed when Ashwhisker entered the den. Even his judgemental stare could not pull her away from her litter. She was obsessed with them; completely in love. Nothing would ever take that from her.
"You're all going to grow up into wonderful cats," she whispered to them, knowing they could not hear her words. "You will be clever and strong; kind to those you care for and fierce against every opponent. And no matter what happens, you will always be loved." Then she snuggled her kittens closer to herself. "I will always be here for you. Even if I have to love you from afar." Snowpaw hoped that her little ones would understand; that one day they would come to know her words were true. She would do anything for them.
A blissful silence fell over the den. The sounds of the outside world were hidden by the dense walls of the honeysuckle bush. And Ashwhisker, despite his look of displeasure, said nothing to Snowpaw as she bonded with her newborns. He managed to keep his own trio of kits quiet when the tired new mother decided to take a nap. And when she woke, Snowpaw watched as the three of them played quietly on their side of the den. Snowpaw purred at the sight. In a moon or so, her own kittens would start tumbling around like that. She could already imagine the mischief they would get into. If they were allowed to stay in camp. Snowpaw sighed softly. The last thing she wanted to think about was her kits being sent away. But it was something important to consider. The majority of the clan were angered by their presence here. They would probably be happier with the kits gone. But Snowpaw would do whatever should could to convince the clan that they should be kept. For the next moon, Snowpaw swore that she'd do everything in her power to show Grassclan that the kits belonged. But what if she was unsuccessful? Then they would all have to return to Misty. And all of the sacrifices Snowpaw had made would have been for nothing.
Snowpaw growled quietly at the thought, forcing herself to put her focus onto her kits. She hadn't yet taken the time to study them, to learn more about the little lives she had brought into the world. By now the four of them were awake, wiggling their way around the nest with high pitched mewls; an effort of commutation between one another. The loudest of the kits was the silver and white tabby. She cried out, blindly chasing after her brother. Between her mews, Snowpaw could hear a purr rumbling in the tiny mollykit's chest. Meanwhile her brother seemed much more grumpy. He whined, turning to bat a tiny paw in his sister's direction. He missed, of course, but that didn't stop him from trying to strike her again. The youngest of the litter, the pale silver mollykit, laid back quietly against Snowpaw's belly, her nose lifted as if she were keeping up with the action by scent alone. And the final kit of the litter acted as if she wanted nothing to do with her littermates. Snowpaw watched her make her way around the nest, drawing closer to its edges. Without so much as a meep, the tiny silver and white kit pulled herself onto the nursery floor, already prepared to explore the world around her. Snowpaw tutted, grabbing her before she could get much farther. She placed the kitten in front of her, lowering her head to give her a few licks. But before she made contact, Snowpaw paused, staring down at the young molly between her paws. This kitten's fur stood out to her the most from her littermates. It was nearly gray, although it held more of Snowpaw's silvery sheen. And her white accents appeared in almost the same exact places as her father's. Wolfheart... Snowpaw's heart ached from the likeness. At the reminder of her lost love. A pit began to form in her stomach the longer she stared down at her daughter. It was a strange sensation. Snowpaw knew that she held a great love for this little one. And yet, for a heartbeat, it felt almost burdensome to feel that way. Was it because of the kit's resemblance to Wolfheart that she could not bring herself to care for it the way she did the others? Snowpaw hated to admit it, but...
She shook her head roughly, growling to herself yet again. What a ridiculous thought! Of course she cared about her kitten. But it was so painful to do so. How could she, after all, when the kitten wore her ex-lover's face? The face of the tom who had broken Snowpaw's heart to pieces time and time again.
Snowpaw looked away from the kit now, shame burning beneath her pelt like a flame. She was disappointed in herself. Disappointed for allowing her feelings for Wolfheart to come between herself and her baby. She was angry with herself for falling for a cat like him. And miserable for all the pain she was enduring because of it. What was Snowpaw to do with the constant reminder of her failures living with her in physical form? She'd never neglect her kit, that was unthinkable. But Snowpaw couldn't bring herself to find the strength to want this kitten as much as she wanted the others. Snowpaw would fight with tooth and claw to protect her kits, but it didn't feel as worth it to defend this one. A sick feeling curdled her stomach now, which only served to worsen all of her negative emotions. Snowpaw shut her eyes, willing them all away. She just wanted some peace with her kits. That's all she wanted...
"Snow?"
Snowpaw's eyes shot open at the sound of her name. She looked up, blinking at the two she-cats who'd come to visit her nest.
"It's moon high- Say, are...are you alright?" Jaybird asked.
Snowpaw held her sister's gaze for a quiet heartbeat, willing all of her emotions away so that she might find the strength to respond. "I'm...I'm fine," she finally managed to choke out.
"Good," Posytail cut in, stepping forward from Jaybird's side. "Then you don't mind us coming in to take the kits now?"
"W-what...?" Snowpaw stammered. On instinct she herded her kits to her belly, hiding them beneath her plumed tail.
"You had an agreement with Whitestar didn't you? You had until moon high to be with your kits. And now it's time to transfer them to Jaybird's nest."
"No," Snowpaw nearly sobbed. "Please. Just give me a little more time with them..!"
"I'm sorry, Snow," Jaybird mewed softly, lowering her muzzle. She looked guilty. Like somehow this was her fault. "But we have to...You'll see them again soon."
Snowpaw once again stared at the mollies in front of her. She didn't want to give her kits up yet. But she had an agreement. And Snowpaw knew she couldn't go back on it. Reluctantly she moved her tail, allowing Posytail to step into the nest and grab ahold of her kits. She took the silver and white kit first. Then Jaybird came over and picked up Snowpaw's son. The queens returned a couple heartbeats after, retrieving the final two kits. And when they were all settled in, Posytail returned once more, an unreadable expression on her face.
"You have to leave now," she told the medicine cat curtly. Her voice was flat, like she was purposely hiding her feelings in order to complete her task. Snowpaw could tell. No matter how hard Posytail may try, Snowpaw could see the indignation flaring in her eyes. "Your mentor is waiting for you."
Snowpaw hesitated in the nest she laid in. Abandoning it felt like a crime. But her kits weren't inside of it anymore. There was nothing keeping her here. And yet she felt compelled to stay. She could still smell them. She could hear their mewls. They were crying for her. Snowpaw glanced over at where her sister laid, trying to steal one last glance of them. Posytail growled; a sign that her patience was being tested. Snowpaw knew she couldn't hang around any longer. And so with a heavy heart, Snowpaw pushed herself to her paws. She skulked miserably out of the den, across the moon bathed clearing, and into the medicine den where her real punishment would soon begin.