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15. She was hurled through undefined space. She felt movement but could not...

She was hurled through undefined space. She felt movement but could not detect a whiff of air around her. It felt like she was in a closed vacuum space, travelling without moving. It disorientated her senses. She opened her eyes but there was nothing to see, but it was unclear if there was light or darkness around her, as if she lacked the senses to register it.

When the strangeness around her became unbearable she collided with something solid and lost consciousness. After a while she smelled earth and pine trees, a relief. Her body ached. To her relief she noticed that there was light for her eyes to see. The velvet light indicated dusk nearing and there was a defined feel of up and down and gravity pulling at her body. A forest seemed to curve around her and for a fleeting moment the scene felt familiar. An echo of her arrival in the past so many months ago. Her brain clicked into action immediately. Where was she? This was not the battlefield in the future! Was she still in the past? Or was this a less violent future as a result of their efforts?

The euphoria that bubbled deep within her at realising that they might have changed the future in a positive sense was immediately crushed under a sense of panic. Tobirama…. If this was the future… then she lost him forever. She scrambled to her feet, ignoring the pain in her limbs. She frantically tried to sense his chakra in the vicinity. It took her a while to concentrate enough to focus her chakra. When she finally managed to control the increasing fear, she found nothing, not one chakra signal. The panic became real now and it choked her. She should have at least felt some chakra signatures right? The Senju compound should be close by….. Why could she not feel any chakra?

Her breathing became erratic: was she really back in her time? Just like when she was cast in the past, she had a sense of foreboding. She could feel it in her bones: she was no longer in the Warring State Era, but back home. The reality of her situation slammed into her and her legs gave out underneath her so that she sank to the forest floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Tobirama….. She lost him. She lost her strong warrior, she lost her love. She could still feel his calloused fingers on her skin where he touched her that morning. His smell was still on her body. The memory of his lips pressing against her own was still fresh and she desperately wanted to hold on to that feeling.

The emotions morphed into one big overwhelming blur that she could not decipher. Dark realisation captured her heart and she cried on the forest floor, her fingers clawing in the earth as if they had a life of their own. Somehow the pain of it, seemed to keep her mind sane and she welcomed it. After a while she just lay down in the dirt and let darkness take her.

The sharp sound of birds woke her just before the sun rose. She felt exhausted and cold. When she stood a wave of nausea swept over her, causing her to vomit on the forest floor before her. When she was done, she stood up shakily, looking around dazed.

Immediately her thoughts went to Tobirama. So he was gone. He would have found her that same night if she was still in the past. His sensory skills were amazing. He marked her with his Hiraishin. There was no way that she could be gone for a whole night and him not finding her with his technique. Tears formed in her eyes again.

To her surprise she not only felt grief, but also regret. They had lived from day to day with no plans for the future. And apart from their marriage, she never made plans with him. Never talked about the future, about their relationship. She never confessed how deep her love for him really was, she always held back a tiny bit of herself, as if she was just waiting for the inevitable departure back to where she came from. Because that fear was always there. Always smouldering underneath their peaceful togetherness. He feared it too. But they never talked about it. What was there to say?

Bitter regret felt like bile in her throat. She wondered if she should have told him how she felt, if she should have embraced the moment more. Had she been torn between two worlds? No doubt there was some sentiment like that, but she could never confront him about these things now, never say sorry. And she cried for every opportunity that she missed or neglected, every minute that she was not fully present with that amazing man. What would she do? What could she do?

She had no way of knowing where Konoha was. So there was no option but to walk until she hit a town or road or encountered people. She would follow the sun, the sun would guide her south.

With shaking legs, she started and only stopped when the sun hung low in the sky, sending filtered light beams through the trees. A quick hunt made for small game. She made a fire and enjoyed the warmth fanning over her face. Gutting the rabbit with her kunai, her empty stomach growled while another wave of nausea swept over her. She vomited again. When she was done she frowned. Was this a side effect from time travel? She decided to leave the rabbit for the next day.

She lay down next to the warmth, staring into the flames, thinking about Tobirama. She couldn't help herself. What would his reaction be if he noticed her absence? Would he go looking or would he realise immediately what had happened? Would he think that she didn't love him anymore?

She felt tears stinging her eyes again. He must be heartbroken. She knew the depth of his love for her. He didn't speak of it, almost never said I love you plainly and clearly. But he didn't need to. It was the way he acted around her, the way he respected her as a kunoichi, as a medic, as a woman. It was the harshness of his eyes when he pushed her to the limits of her capabilities being replaced by pride when she made progress. His lingering gaze, staring at her whenever he thought she wasn't looking. His hungry eyes at night, when he had her pinned beneath him on the futon or engawa in the moonlight, taking in her face and body. His clear ringing laughter which made Hashirama smile in secret. His relish in their sparring sessions, the admiration that he tried to hide when she fought him with everything she got. His teasing to spark her temper and enjoyment in her childish behaviour. His patience with her trauma and grief, his warm arms and solemn words to comfort her and take her sorrow away. All these little things, just told her how deep his feelings for her went. He never needed words and neither did she.

But now she needed his words desperately.

What would he do if he was the one here in the forest? She knew all too well. He would have eaten the rabbit. She smiled. Nausea or no nausea.

The next day she woke up and still felt nauseous. Was she getting sick? Did she eat something strange or was it a side effect from the manner in which she arrived in the forest? It didn't matter. She was in the wild and it would be inconvenient if she was to become sick. She sat down in a meditative pose and did a full body scan. There seemed to be no infection or virus present, but when she scanned her abdomen, her heart skipped a beat. There, in her womb, she detected two small heart beats, like the flutter of butterfly wings.

The forest around her seemed to swirl. Her head felt light and airy, her mouth dry. Pregnant? The life in her womb overwhelmed her, shocked her, leaving her breathless. She was a medic. How was it possible? She remembered their wonderful sex in the morning light. The shoji doors were open and a light breeze caressed their skin. Hardening their nipples, causing goosebumps. It was an amazing contrast to the heat they felt between their bodies. Everything about that morning was heated and intense. It felt like it was only yesterday. But it was an unreachable event in the past, a moment in time.

There was no room for happiness. It was as if the innocent life summoned a deep sense of despair. They would never meet their father. And he would never know of their existence. She felt a deep frustrating powerlessness. He would never hold them, teach them, never bring them to bed or comfort them if they cried. He would not see them be born. What should be one of the happiest discoveries in her life, felt like a sick joke. How ironic that she was with child and back in her own time. Was this Kaguya's revenge? The sickness returned with a vengeance and she ran to the shrubs to vomit again.

After a while she found her resolve again. He would want her to be strong. She needed to take care of herself, of the twins. The only action that made sense was to focus on the things in her life right now that she could control and be grateful that some part of him was still with her. It was a level of control that was only masking the sinking feeling that she felt within her.

Looking around she assessed her surroundings: she needed to find water and then a way out of the forest. She stood straight and sniffed the air around her. It was time to get a move on. And she jumped into the first tree next to her and took off with some speed towards the rising sun.

When she found water, she felt forced to cook it before drinking, now that she knew she was not only taking care of herself, but twins as well. It took frustratingly long to build a small fire to cook some water. She had it contained in a piece of bamboo that she collected. But it worked and after a while she felt a satisfactory warmth spreading through her body.

She continued moving through the trees, trying not to think about him. But while moving her mind had time to wander. Thoughts of him just entered her mind without her permission. His playful grin, his quick wit, his intellect, calloused hands on her skin, his harsh barking when he was training her and his lust-filled eyes in the nighttime when their duties were finished and they lost themselves in each other in the moonlight. She missed his strong arms around her when she was troubled or scared. And she was scared. So scared. She placed a hand on her stomach and felt tears burn in her eyes. But she refused to cry. She would be strong.

When the darkness fell, she pushed herself for a few more kilometres. The night was clear and a large moon was hanging like an overripe melon in the sky. With a start she detected a light in the distance. She sent out her chakra stealthily and detected another chakra signature. She hesitated for a while. She felt like standing on the threshold of some other dimension. Up till now she was lost in a timeless forest. She could be anywhere at any time. It was as if the reality of her situation had not materialised yet, but if she approached the person next to the fire she would finally know when and where she was. She would know with absolute certainty that Tobirama was unreachable and she would have to face the consequences.

The nervousness gripped her by the throat. But she approached the light cautiously nevertheless. She could not stay ignorant. She had to know. She stalked through the darkness until she could see a small campfire in between the trees and she could make out a figure sitting next to it.

When she approached the fire, crawling on her belly, she wondered if it would be foe or friend. She had her kunai out, slowly moving, trying to be soundless.

Without warming she felt a metal blade being softly pressed against her throat. A low voice said: "That is far enough."

The voice sounded familiar and she tried to catch a glimpse of the man crouching behind her. The kunai pressed painfully against her neck. She moved her head slowly so as to not aggravate him. She heard a sharp intake of breath. She saw black hair, onyx eyes, and: "Sasuke-kun?"

"Sakura?"

An emotion that she could not place forced itself on her. A cry was clawing out of her chest when she threw herself in his arms. She was vaguely aware that he returned the gesture, holding her tight.