Overgirl couldn't show it, it was a weakness after all but she was overwhelmed. The last few days had been very intense, in addition to the physical part, it seemed like she was feeling more and more each day. These emotions seemed like they were barely there before, they were resurfacing with vengeance, and she had no idea how to deal with them.
It was as if a whole side of her was waking up, it was stronger around the raven-haired woman.
They had pretty much spent the day working side by side, she loved it but at the same time it was terrible. She was very worried about the young Luhor, she could see her get lost in her own mind from time to time, eyes lost into space for a second before going back the material. She could sense some looks too, but when she'd try to look back at her, Lena would look away. She was sure of it. This was not her imagination.
There! Lena did it again, her face moved away as her lips turned into a thin line.
Overgirl's mind was running very fast, coming up with many scenarios as to why the raven-haired woman was acting like this. Part of her hope it was more due to her doppleganger than anything else. But what if it was about her? Was she angry? Disgusted?
The dam broke and Overgirl was once more flooded by her emotions, she could feel the tears come up. She stood up right away. "Sorry. I don't feel so good. I'm going to lay down" She walked out the room as fast as she could, responding to Lena's enquiries about her well-being by a simple. "I'm just tired, I'll lay down"
That's what she did, she closed her bedroom's door softly behind her and went to bed. She laid on it, facing away from the door, staring at an invisible spot on the wall.
She wasn't sure how long she remained immobile before sleep came. She opened her eyes a few hours later, she could see the stars through her window, above the lights of the city. It was a beautiful sight however it left her hollow.
She sat up, thirsty. She moved as quietly as possible in case Lena was asleep, but as she neared the living room she could see the lights were still on. She filled her glass before walking towards the light. She frowned, papers and blueprints were spread out like before, no Lena. Overgirl looked around, she saw something move on the balcony. Did Supergirl come back?
She couldn't take another step as she realized it wasn't the pseudo superhero but the Luthor, sitting on the ledge, a bottle by her side. She was leaning on her left and while she was bringing a glass to her lips with the other.
Quiet wasn't a good idea anymore, not that she could do any sudden loud noises, she didn't want to scare Lena, make her jump or slip off. She didn't have her powers anymore. Overgirl stepped outside, unsure of what to do next. No, she knew what to do, she had to talk to the raven-haired woman, but she had no idea what to say. She opened and closed her mouth a few times. It was Lena who finally broke the silence.
"You know Lex always loved balconies" There was a short pause. "I'm sorry, you might not know who Lex is"
Kara cleared her throat. "No, I…I looked you up on the internet"
"Great" Drawled Lena, that didn't stop her from speaking, maybe more to herself than the blonde "He didn't like balconies because of the view of course. He liked the power that gave him, over little people, as he like to call them. That should have been one of my first clues I guess. He loved to ponder which object could kill someone if he dropped it, considering its weight, air resistance… The coin thing is a myth you know, a breadboard on the other hand…he did the math, from the empire state building it could go faster than 300 kilometers per hour. Sorry we're in America, faster than 186 miles an hour. That ought to hurt"
Hmm Overgirl had definitely no idea what to say after that. "Did he ever try it?" The blonde wanted to face palm.
Lena sighed. "No, there is a balcony a few floors down. Bummer" She swallowed another big gulp of her amber drink.
This time Kara didn't try to speak and listened to her guts, she merely made a humming sound.
"I hate this you know. This gap between my heart and my brain. My brother, my mother…I still love them. I know what they are, what they did. At least some of it. Yet I still love them. Sometimes I think I'm moving on but I just have to see them to turn back into a little girl inside, craving a mother's love, or her big brother's presence. They are right I guess, in that aspect I am weak"
It's funny how sometimes you'd tell yourself something but couldn't stand someone else to say it about themselves. Overgirl knew the feeling, nonetheless she couldn't stand for Lena saying these things, thinking these things about herself. She took a step forward, standing so close behind the other woman she could easily touch her, she could feel her body's heat next to hers.
"That's not true. You're the strongest person I know. It's harder to face your emotions and be honest with yourself than to hide behind hatred towards others. Anybody else wouldn't have given me the time of a day…" Overgirl trailed off, she was getting off track, her uncontrollable emotions were reappearing.
"I see you you know. I know you are…I…" Lena chuckled "I'm so bad at it. I guess Kara is like my family now, I know she lied but…it's like my heart doesn't want to listen, like I'll always believe her, believe in her"
She twisted on the rail to look into blue eyes, nearly giving Overgirl a heart attack. "She told me that you…did terrible things. I believe it. Did she lie?"
"No" Overgirl looked down.
Lena heaved a sigh as she turned back around, facing the view. "You have this darkness in you, but you're still Kara. It's hard to define. I believe in you too. It's not for me to forgive your past but I know you're changing, awfully fast, probably because of the drugs leaving your body, or maybe you just feel safer. I don't know" Her glass was empty, she completely let go of the rail to refill it when she didn't have to.
Overgirl tensed again, ready to pounce, to grab Lena if she was to fall. Could she keep her from falling without her strength? Overgirl didn't have to find out.
"A part of me is hoping that I'll be able to do with you what I couldn't do with my relatives, help you on your way to redemption. I'm such a fool.
"You're not a fool. You're making me better"
"Only you can make yourself better, you are changing, listening…"
"I don't think I could do it if it wasn't for you…easing away my pain" Overgirl felt her throat close her little due to her emotions as she finished that sentence.
"Do you think that will help with my redemption? Redemption for being a Luthor" It was rhetorical, it seemed, as she didn't stop. "Even Kara can only see me as a Luthor, never really trusting me" She finished her glass in one go. "You know people expect me to just turn evil, I don't think I could. I'm just so tired. Tired of fighting everyday in this life. Fighting as a woman, fighting as a Luthor…it's like I'm constantly struggling in this world. I just want to stop and let go. This is why I like balconies, I can hear the voice of the abyss telling me it could be over and I could just…rest"
Overgirl felt like she had been punched, her throat was burning for a whole different reason, she felt like puking. It was a relief that Lena's voice was still here, as long as she was speaking she was here. Overgirl looked back, for the first time in a while she was very sure of what she had to do.
"You know I thought I had found this with Kara. My safe place" She snorted "What a fool. It was just another betrayal and I'm back to fighting for a life. What can't I just get a break?"
"I'm going to get you some water" Overgirl wasn't sur if Lena heard her but she slowly backed away before running towards Lena's phone, looked for the contact. She didn't care about the hour, she'd better pick up. Finally! She heard her own voice on the line.
"Lena? Please believe me, I'm so sorry, I never…"
"Supergirl stop" Overgirl eyes didn't leave Lena, she could still hear her voice starting to slur.
"General" Overgirl could hear her doppelganger grind her teeth together. "What are you doing with Lena's phone? If you've done anything to her I swear…"
"I need your help. Now"
The line was silent Overgirl wondered if Supergirl was still there. "You want my help" Scoffed the superhero.
"Spare me the self-righteous act, Lena is…drunk on the edge of her balcony" Overgirl heard a thud sound. "Supergirl?" She had barely finished calling out her name that she could see her, wearing the Supergirl suit without a cape or boots. Her face twisted by pain.
Overgirl knew she couldn't have kept Lena safe. This wasn't about her. She hated it but she knew Supergirl had to step up. To be there to catch Lena.
"Kara, enough with the food, you need to get up! And shower!"
"Are you saying I smell?" Kara frowned.
"You know you don't, you rarely sweat thanks to your metabolism, but it might make you feel better"
"I don't wanna" Pouted Supergirl on her couch.
"I told you I'm not bringing anymore food up unless it's vegetables"
"I ate that celery stick" Was all the blonde could come up with.
"You ate it to spite me and you know it" Argued the D.E.O agent.
"I could get delivered" Offered Supergirl, a small smile making its way on her lips as she started to think about Chinese food, potstickers.
"You'd have to change first" Alex pointed the mainly blue costume.
"Na, I'd just have to wear a robe over it" The smile on Kara's face was victorious.
"You need to stop emotional eating as a coping mechanism, this is not going to help you with Lena. My sister is not one to hide like that"
"At the moment she is, because I don't see what else I could do, my best friend hates me because I lied to her and now she is sleeping with my evil alter ego. I'm not ready to face…all that yet"
Alex rolled her eyes as she paced some more. "You know Lena, the more time you give her the more she'll analyses it and come up with all kinds of theories, she'll get into a defense mechanism and give you a very cold shoulder"
"Is that better than the very emotional scolding I'll get if I was to go now?"
"Anyone could understand that Lena would be hurt and angry at her best friend lying to her, she'll give you an ear full but if you go completely AWOL, she'll just think it was because of her last name. Maybe that you didn't even really care, you know how she is better than I do. And believe me her anger would feel better than her indifference"
"You told me to keep my identity secret from her, you told me to keep on lying to her"
"You were getting friendly with an unknown Luthor, I stand by my choice. I'll not apologize for doing my best to protect you. Then I got to know her better and trust her a little bit" Alex paused, not that she would trust anyone completely with her little sister. "We were already in too deep. You guys were very close and it was never a good time, someone was trying to kill you or she, or both. Sometimes you'd get abducted…"
"I know it was never a good time, and she doesn't even like Supergirl" Interrupted Kara.
"My point is. I was doing my best to protect you, which I did, I'm just sorry Lena got hurt in the process. FYI you pretty much never feel like it's a good time to come clean about a big lie"
Kara let herself drop from a sitting to a lying position on the couch. She grabbed a pillow then covered her face with it for a moment before throwing it away. "I was scared. Now I'm terrified"
This was when her cellphone stared to ring. Kara could see it vibrated on the counter, she was not going to get up to pick up. This was not a good time.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" Asked her sister.
"I'm not in the mood"
"What if it's important?"
"J'onn can deal with it, if it's that important he'll call you next"
"What if it's Clark?"
"For once it will be him waiting on me" Kara bit her tongue as that thought slipped out. She was upset but it wasn't her cousin's fault. "He'll call James"
Alex sighed, uncrossed her arms as she went and grabbed the phone. She frowned as she saw the name. "It's Lena"
Kara moved so fast she didn't see her, she just felt that her hand was suddenly empty. Kara was standing up, a little shaky.
"Lena? Please believe me, I'm so sorry, I never…"
Alex straightened up as she saw Kara tense.
"General" Kara's hold tightened on the phone, she was pretty sure she heard something start to crack. Probably just the screen, again. "What are you doing with Lena's phone? If you've done anything to her I swear…"
Yep. It was a good thing Alex never went anywhere without her gun. There was a pause, these intervals were getting on her nerves, she wanted to know what was said on the other end of the line.
"You want my help" Scoffed the superhero.
Alex knew it was worse than she had imagined if the general was reaching out to them. That thought had barely made her way through her mind and her sister disappeared. Kara was long gone before the phone hit the floor.
She picked it up. "General can you hear me?"
"Agent Danvers?"
"What's the situation?" Asked Alex as she grabbed her keys.
"Lena is…intoxicated"
"Poisoned?"
"Well I don't think alcohol poisoning is very far"
Alex groaned. " I'm not needed, am I?"
"I don't see what you could do"
This was painful to say. "Could you…could you call me if things change and I need to come over"
The general let out some kind of grunt before she hung up. Alex hoped it was an affirmative one.
Kara was sure her heart had stopped for a second or missed a beat. She flew out, thankful that the window was open because she would have gone right through it without a second thought. Lena was in danger.
She was careful not to break the sound barrier, she didn't want to scare Lena off her balcony. Once her best friend was in sight she slowed down, flying at a low speed until she was just a few feet in front of the Luthor heiress.
"Supergirl" Drawled Lena and Kara felt like she had been punched, the way her friend addressed her, she didn't expect it to hurt this much.
"Lena, what are you doing to yourself?"
"Ah, you finally decided to be straightforward with it, asking questions directly instead of acting like a friend"
"I wasn't acting! I 'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought I was doing what was best"
"Best for whom?" Lena didn't give time to the blonde to answer. "You of course"
"I was protecting you too"
"Protecting me? From what?"
"Knowing would have put you in danger, people could have used you to get to me"
"How self-centered. So… Supergirl I guess. I am Lena Luthor. I've been in danger pretty much since I was born. And how could anyone know that I would have known your…secret identity? And even if I didn't know, I could have been in danger by being close to either of you. I mean both. I mean you! In any capacity" She took a sip, looking kind of smug in her drunk state. "Obviously you weren't protecting me. Next excuse please?"
Kara had grown even paler as she listened to the raven-haired woman tirade, it was true.
"When I met you I didn't know what to think. You were not your brother but you had some very anti alien speech sometimes. I…everyone around me told me to keep my identity secret"
"What kind of crap is that?!" Lena moved her arm too fast as she made that explanation, spilling some of her drink. She went for a refill letting go of the rail again, Kara's eyes grew wide. Lena was oblivious to it. "As stubborn as you are?! You'd have told me if you trusted me"
"I trust you Lena…" Kara had tears in her eyes.
The heiress cut her off with another snort. "Right"
"We got closer and I didn't want our relationship to change" Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.
"All I hear are more excuses…did you even think about taking responsibility for your actions. If I…if our relationship had been this important you'd have found a way"
Supergirl sniffed as she lowered her head.
"You're a good actress. I'll drink to that"
Kara looked back up at the shell that used to be her best friend, she could only see the walls. These impenetrable walls the Luthor had mastered when facing a difficult situation.
The blonde sighed, this might be her last and only chance knowing Lena "You are right"
"I usually am" Smile Lena into her glass as she gulped down some more before freezing. "Wait what?"
"I was a coward. At first, I was just withholding information, it was my secret to keep. But as we became friends I openly lied to you, and I crossed that line when I used my identities differently when interacting with you. I am so sorry. Truly"
"You are my best friend and I love you. The more I got to know you the more I knew I'd never want to let you go, and the more I got to know your trust issues" Lena opened her mouth to protest but was cut off. "And the more I lied, the deeper I was getting into this…dung. The longer I didn't say anything the harder it was to say it, to even think about saying it. I didn't want to lose you, I still don't. I'm very, so very, sorry I lied, but never think it was because of you. It was me, my own fear, my own insecurities"
"I would have understood. We all have secrets, I do too. Nonetheless it's easy saying all that once you've been caught" Lena looked down, close to tears too, she didn't want to show it, she was paying very close attention to the liquid she was swirling in her glass.
"It's really not…easy. My heart is breaking because I'm losing my best friend"
"And mine is breaking because I'm realizing I might never had one in the first place"
Kara couldn't stand it anymore, she flew even closer, until she was pretty much between the other woman's legs, she put her index finger under Lena's chin and lifted so she could look into the pale green eyes. "I see you Lena Luthor, not your brother, not your family, not your status, just you. I love you. What we had and hopefully will still have is very real to me. I was selfish, I just…wanted the same, for you see me as just Kara. I lied about details, never about who I really am inside. I'm sorry I was…so scared. I didn't want to add you to the long list of things, people, I lost" Kara was trying to see into Lena's eyes what she was thinking, feeling.
Lena looked away, licking away the last drop of alcohol as she put down her christal glass. She looked back at the blonde to see her shoulders had dropped as she let go of her face and was starting the move away. Lena's mind made a choice in that instant, she had nowhere to grab properly so she simply reached with her right hand deep into the blue collar, bringing her friend in, until they were hugging.
Once Kara was flushed against her body Lena let go so she could wrap both arms around the blonde, who did the same. They didn't speak for a few minutes, there were just breaths on each other ears and a few whimpers.
Lena lowered her head until her nose was touching Kara's neck. " I love you too Kara, I wouldn't be so hurt otherwise. I just don't know how to trust you again"
The blonde gave her a little squeeze. "I'll earn it. If you'll let me?" She pulled back as she finished her question, looking into Lena's eyes once more.
"I…I'm willing to try"
"Oh Thank you! I swear I won't let you down" Squealed Kara as she went back in for another tight hug.
Lena didn't want to enjoy it too much, it left too strong of a bittersweet taste. Once Kara was done thinking her and Rao, whoever that was. Lena pushed her away, separating them.
The blue eyes looking at her went from blissful to worry instantly. Lena was looking into her eyes very seriously. She was making sure to remember her, she knew she felt more than she should for her friend.
The interacting she had with the alternative Kara highlighted her physical attraction, that's for sure, but she was sure as she learned about the blonde's masquerade. It wouldn't have hurt so much if she didn't care so much, if she didn't love her. In a way she felt like she was seeing Kara for the first time, she detailed every aspect of her face, the different shades of blue in her eyes, the thin pale blue lines mixed with the darker blue. She loved that woman and she knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't give her a second chance. Neither of them was perfect and Lena had secret of her own, none relating to Kara at the moment but still, part of her understood. Then there was the little voice in the back of her mind, telling her how much she had craved her mother's love and have given her chance after chance, always getting hurt in the process. She kept it quiet, Kara wasn't her mother.
She couldn't help but snort as she looked at the small scar next to the blonde eyebrow.
"What?" Asked Kara.
Lena raised her hand so she could touch it. "I can't believe I've been so foolish. Your glasses helped cover it, but I'd seen it before. I should've known"
"Don't blame yourself. It's a good disguise" Argued seriously Supergirl.
Lena laughed out loud, drinking a bit before she replied. "Pulling your hair back and putting on glasses is not a disguise. It's just…ridiculous. I guess people do see just what they want to"
"It's just not the way I look, when I put on the Supergirl I feel…"
"More like yourself" Drawled Lena as she finished, she couldn't help but still be bitter.
"No. I feel more self-assured but Supergirl isn't who I am. Supergirl is what I can do, and I guess since I feel more confident I tend to be bolder. I act how I think a role model should, a hero, but really, I feel just like Kara. I am Kara"
Lena nodded "I'm not open to many people. I'm usually quiet and I don't really like attention. I like you enough to unveil all the pieces that compose me. I let my guard down to let you in. I'm hurt that you didn't. How do I know who you are anymore?"
Kara spread her arms. "This is the same me, in less comfy clothes"
"And flying"
"Yes, I can fly get pizza in Italy or roast marshmallow with my laser vision while watching a show"
Lena smiled, she could see Kara do something like that.
"I didn't truly change, your perception of me did. I promise you, I'm the same person you care for. I'm still your best friend"
"We'll make it work, won't we?" Her worries obvious.
Kara gave her a reassuring smile. "A Luthor and a Super"
The remained liked that, smiling at each over, enjoying a moment together they both feared they might not get to ever have again.
Kara could feel herself floating closer to the raven-haired woman without consciously doing so. She froze and tensed as she saw movement inside Lena's flat. Way to crash back to reality. The general had just sat on the couch, she was looking at her hands as she was twiddling her thumbs.
Lena glanced over her shoulder. Right, there was two of them at her place. She finished her glass. Ready to pour another one but was stopped. "Don't you think you've had enough?"
"I'm pretty sure there was already two of you before I started drinking" Drawled Lena.
"Lena" Groaned Supergirl.
"What? It's true" But she put down her empty glass next to the bottle.
Kara closed her eyes, cleared her throat, she knew she had to address the subject. "Sam stopped by earlier and she mentioned walking in on you and… me"
"Now I'm sure I'm going to need at least one more"
Kara took the bottle and drank, emptying it all at once. She wiped her mouth before putting it back down on the railing. Lena had her mouth slightly opened, she looked offended. "That's just wrong"
"I'm sorry, that the first thing I thought would definitely work, and believe me when I say that I could use a drink about now too"
"You just drank half the bottle!" Exclaimed Lena.
"Human alcohol doesn't affect me"
"That's even worse!"
That's even worse resonated in Kara's mind. She couldn't help but voice what she felt was so much worse. "You slept with an alternative me! An evil one might I add"
"We didn't sleep together" Simply stated the Luthor.
"That's not what Sam said"
"Are you accusing me of lying to you?!" Lena's voice rose.
"No" She knew she was walking on very thin ice. "I'd just like to understand what I've been told"
"Let's just say this version of you isn't very shy about her body"
Kara wanted to scream, but she managed to calmly ask "What exactly did Sam walk in on?"
"She misunderstood the situation, it was morning, she saw Kara walked out of the shower, the towel dropped at some point, and…"
Supergirl tensed in expectation.
"This Kara can be a tease" Finished Lena.
Supergirl relaxed for a second before the implication of what had just been said registered. "Was she teasing you or Sam?"
Lena didn't need to think. "Both. Though you might need to know, most of my time with her I thought she was you"
"What?"
"She is recovering from some kind of drug addiction and it kind of made sense, it explained the weird things you did, disappearing and all that. I'm not sure the fact that you are Supergirl makes more sense though. It might be cleared tomorrow"
Kara was sure it would be as Lena was obviously drunk. She just hoped she'd remember their conversation. She had to think about that possibility now. She prayed to Rao she'd remember. Lena wasn't done trailing off. "I have to say I should have known it wasn't you, people are supposed to be more forward on drugs, not off it, right?"
Supergirl blinked once, twice. Forward? "Did she try to take advantage of you?!"
Lena could see the anger exude for Kara, she put her hand on her biceps to stop her. "I wouldn't…"She seemed to think about it for a second. "She made a few advances. Tempting me with your face and body"
Kara blushed, Lena was so drunk she probably didn't know what she was saying. It didn't help that the other woman didn't let go, in fact, she seemed to be massaging her arm.
"I think it's time for you got get some rest"
Lena looked up from the muscles she was ogling. "You're probably right." She sighed and she started to twist on the railing. She managed to get back on her balcony, more surprisingly, on her feet. She brushed down her skirt. For a second she looked normal, poised, until she swung. Kara was instantly by her side, she put an arm around her to keep her steady as they walked back inside.
The General got up. It had been interminable. She knew she had to give them some privacy. Lena's troubles were coming from Supergirl. She couldn't help but feel a pang, she didn't like how close they obviously were.
It was tense in the room as both Karas glared at each over.
Overgirl got up, ready take Lena to her bed. "I got it from here"
"I don't think so. I'm taking her to bed"
"I'm capable of…"
"Could you lift her back to bed if she was to fall?"
Overgirl crossed her arms. Supergirl was right. She hated it. "Fine" She went on the other side of Lena who mumbled. "Is it that dream again?"
Supergirl and Overgirl glanced at each over, which turned into another glare. They didn't speak as they got the Luthor on her bed, as soon as she was on her back she started to doze off.
"You can go now" Tried Overgirl once more.
"I'm spending the night. I want to make sure she'll be okay" She went to Lena and put her on her side, in a recovery position so she wouldn't choke on vomit during the night. She then grabbed the small trash can she had seen, placed it by Lena's bed.
"I think we should all go get some rest"
"You're not sleeping in here" Stated Overgirl.
"Of course not. I'll take the couch" It was still strange for Supergirl to be glaring at herself, even if the general was making it easier. It wasn't the time to pick a fight, and after all, Overgirl had surprisingly done the right thing by calling her. She'd put up with her. For Lena.
"Fine. I'll go to my bed then, seeing as I am living here" Overgirl glared one more time before disappearing.
Kara breathed in and out, slowly. This was going to be a long night. She'd better text Alex to let her know.