21. When Sakura closed the door of her apartment behind her ….

When Sakura closed the door of her apartment behind her, she felt no regret, only a great relief that she had the courage to be honest and an intense happiness for the both of them. It felt like the puzzle was finally complete. They were on the road to a place where they both belonged.

The next few days, she lost herself to work. Being home was an activity that she did not want to engage in. Each afternoon, she felt like barging into the Hokage Tower to beg Kakashi for S-rank missions, but she knew all too well that in the aftermath of war there was little he could offer her.

Her frustration came to a boiling point and she decided to confront Tsunade with the strange tale of Tobirama in Konoha, decorum be damned: she would just barge into her home.

So she made her way towards the Senju compound. It had rained for some time that day, but now the only sound of falling water came from the leaves that were dripping. The air smelled fresh and green.

Halfway she noticed that her feet took her to the memorial stone. The monument stood silently surrounded by fresh green trees, the stone glistening wet. She let her fingers slide over his name while she stared at his face high above her. With bile in her throat, she thought of the irony. Her twins would only have his name here, on this stone and his stupid face, looming over them from the mountain top.

Deep down she wanted to stop existing, to dissolve in the earth beneath her, finding her own peace, just like he did. She lowered herself until she sat on the cold stone, leaning her back against the monument. The wetness penetrated her clothes. She relished the numbing cold of the stone, reflecting her dark and cold trail of thought.

What was the use of giving birth when he was not here? What was the use of her hospital duties, when he was not there to comfort her when she lost a patient. What was the use of living, of being back in her own time when her heart was caught in the past? She had nothing left in this world that really mattered to her. If she was swallowed by the earth right that moment she would welcome the nothingness.

Her limbs cold and stiff from sitting at the stone, she noticed dusk approaching. There was one loose end in her life at this moment. She wanted Tsunade to tell her about Tobi being in Konoha and his final departure.

The knowledge that he had conversations with people that she knew, that were still around, meant that there was a tiny part of him that she could get to know better. A tiny part that would enable her to feel his presence close for one more time. As if her image of him would be more complete hearing of his interaction with Tsunade, to know where he walked and what he said, what he ate and how he left in the end. She needed to hear it. Maybe it would give some closure. Somehow.

But she knew that was a lie.

She gritted her teeth and turned her back to the monument, not looking back, walking towards the old Senju compound where Tsunade lived.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When she entered the courtyard surrounded by familiar buildings, she was shocked. The compound was completely intact. She stood frozen in between the frame of the old entrance gate. The wood aged and weathered. The view inside the compound had not changed during the years. It almost felt like coming home. Tobirama could walk around the corner at any given time, wearing his training outfit, the one with the yellow sash that she loved so much. Only the gardens gave away the fact that she was not in the past. They were unkept or simply replaced by pebbles. The distinct smells and sounds were gone as well. There was no woodfire smoke or the stench of animals. All life and energy had disappeared from the compound.

Tsunade had apparently felt her chakra and appeared in a doorway, looking concerned and reasonably drunk. Sakura realised that she never visited Tsunade at home. Her shishou was infamous for sleeping on her desk, drooling over her paperwork.

Silently Tsunade let her into the house, where she sat her down at the large kitchen table.

Sakura faltered under her stare, she felt unable to lie to her or hide her desperation. Tsunade, realising her state, shoved a small cup of sake towards her. The slight sweet and flowery taste made her collect her wits somehow and she blurted out: "Shishou. I don't think I can live without him…."

She heard a sharp intake of breath. "Sasuke?"

She felt confused. Sasuke? "No, not him, Shishou. He and Naruto, well … they are seeing each other in secret."

"Really?" Tsunade snorted and barked a short laugh. "Somehow that seems just … right."

"I mean Tobi, Shishou, I feel like I lost a part of myself."

"I understand Sakura."

"No. You don't understand. Otherwise you would have told me."

Tsunade frowned. "Told you what?"

The anger hit Sakura unexpectedly, making her hand slam on the table with a thundering sound. "Just tell me! Why was Tobi in Konoha instead of travelling to the afterlife? Why did you keep this information secret for me?"

Tsunade stared at her, her own temper flaring. It must have been Naruto who told her this. She took a deep breath. She needed to de-escalate quickly.

"I didn't want to make your grief any worse."

Sakura's eyes were aflame: "And why is my name not on the memorial stone? How did you know I wasn't dead? He told you. Don't you deny it!"

Tsunade fell silent. After a few moments she said silently: "Yes, he told us. I just thought it would hurt you to hear of his presence here."

Tears in her eyes Sakura said with venom in her voice: "How would hearing about my husband hurt? How could you?"

Tsunade's face hardened. That old man! She cursed him inwardly. Why did he want to make this so hard and complicated! "I cannot take it back now. What is done is done. You know it now."

Sakura felt tears in her eyes and Tsunade walked around the table in an effort to hold her. Before she could wrap her arms around her she felt a strange divergent torrent in the girl's chakra. Her heart skipped a beat. She was pregnant? According to the nature of the chakra she did some calculating. There was no doubt, her uncle must be the father. She felt like the ground was skipping underneath her feet. And her uncle was unaware?

And then an intense anger came bubbling up. His absence was torturing Sakura!

She gritted her teeth, this changed everything. She needed to talk (or beat) some sense in her uncle's head! This whole ordeal was unnecessary. He needed to quit the drama and start taking care of Sakura and the baby!

With a shaking hand, she swallowed another cup of sake. And then, she made a decision.

"Sakura. There is more I did not tell you."

Sakura felt cold, staring at Tsunade in dread. Did she want to hear this? "What do you mean?"

"I had made a promise to keep this information from you. But seeing your current state…." she stared at Sakura intently. "I have just decided that I have to break that promise to ensure the wellbeing of my apprentice and her children."

Sakura paled visibly. "Shishou….. I am sorry."

"You silly girl. Why did you not tell me?"

"I was not ready yet."

"It would have changed things if I knew earlier." she sighed.

"What things?" Sakura asked suspiciously.

"It was my uncle who made me keep this information from you Sakura. He never left the village. He is still here in Konoha, alive and well."

A deep silence fell. Sakura stopped breathing for a while, staring at Tsunade in absolute astonishment. After a while she said: "That is not possible. He would have found me already."

"He did not attempt to find you."

She tried to process her words but failed. "Why?", she kept on staring, not understanding: "Why have I not seen him?"

"He made us swear not to tell you. He wanted to confront you himself."

"But why did he not? Why did he not come for me?"

"He thought it better to let you decide on your own if you loved Sasuke over him. I told him that he was torturing you, but he would not listen."

Her words took some time to sink in. Sakura was astonished, amazed and then she felt hurt and the betrayal left a bitter taste in her mouth.

If Tsunade's words were truthful, he must have followed her from the moment that she arrived. There was no way that that man would have missed her arrival in this time period. He must have travelled to find her as soon as she arrived. She calculated quickly. It was a few days' travel, but he could do it quicker. He was fast! So he must have spotted her with Sasuke!

She felt the blood in her cheeks disappear instantly. He must have seen her sleeping in Sasuke's arms! So he must have been first spying on her, then distrusting her because she was sleeping in her former crush's arms!

And he let her suffer all this time, without even talking to her or confronting her with his suspicions! He had willingly avoided her, left her grieving, because he thought she was in love with somebody else? What had he been thinking! That she would jump into Sasuke's arms in an instant? Forgetting her marriage vows? Did he think that she lied all this time? That she lied to herself? That she only married him out of grief for losing her own life and her first love?

She clenched her fists. Her chakra gathered unconsciously, making the kitchen table creak. Tsunade frowned. But Sakura ignored her. That baka! That was EXACTLY what he had been thinking! And with that thought, like a bolt of lightning, an intense surge of rage kicked in and consumed her within an instant. That. Unbelievable. Asshole.

She turned to Tsunade, face grim, jaws working, fists clenched at her side, knuckles white. "You tell that asshole that he can stick that wedding ring into his uptight ass. Hokage or no Hokage!"

And with intense self control she managed to walk out of the house in a slow strut, taking off into the trees. Tsunade was left staring at her in disbelief, amazed at the stubbornness of these two lovers. How did they even find each other in the first place?

She went back inside and poured herself some sake, wondering what to do. She would have to talk with him first thing in the morning. That was in a few hours. In the meantime she would think of a strategy to get her uncle to make amends. Maybe she should just tell him about the twins? But she would take the surprise news from Sakura. On the other hand, if she didn't tell him, she might not get through his thick skull… she sighed and poured another sake.

There was a possibility that Sakura would reveal herself to him first. And beat him into the ground. She took another sip of sake grinning to herself. He deserved that. He was an idiot.

xxxxxx

Tsunade knocked impatiently on the shoji doors. She impatiently shoved them open, not waiting for an answer. Her uncle squinted at her, holding a kunai, chest naked and hair ruffled.

"Uncle, I need to speak with you."

"Shimatta, Hime, can it wait until after breakfast?"

"It is about Sakura. You need to talk to her."

He stared at her. And then said: "Give me two minutes."

She closed the shoji doors and waited. Not two minutes later Tobirama appeared in his trademark outfit, blue armour and white fur around his face, happuri on.

He watched her, arms crossed.

She took a breath. "Uncle, she doesn't love Sasuke. Sasuke and Naruto are in a relationship now."

He blinked: "How do you know this?"

"She told me last night when she was here, in the Senju compound."

"She was here?" He looked surprised.

Tsunade frowned. How had her uncle not sensed her? He was famous for his sensory skills. Whas he so far gone from grief?

"Yes, she was. And I told her about you." She looked at him seriously.

"You told her? Nani?" She felt his chakra getting more dense.

"She is consumed by grief, uncle! I am worried about her!"

She stared at his angry face and she continued: "The fact that you have been here all along without going to her, did not sit well with her, which is an understatement. I think she called you an asshole in fact. I think you have to make amends."

"What do you mean consumed by grief? Was she crying?"

"I would say it was more like depression, uncle. Her grief has been consuming her, she looks exhausted. She has lost her smile."

Tobirama felt a cold shiver. The mere thought to confront her scared him. How could he be sure that Tsunade's take on her was correct? He needed to perform his own research.

"What are you thinking uncle?" she asked impatiently.

"I have to assess the situation for myself first, Tsuna."

Tsunade yelled at him, exasperated: "This is not a joke uncle! She NEEDS you!"

She saw him closing off immediately. He crossed his arms and looked in the distance. His voice sounded like dark gravel: "Tsuna, I told you to not interfere with my decision making!"

"But you are making selfish decisions!" Tsunade was yelling at him now, nostrils flaring and shaking from anger. "You are just scared! Admit it! You are scared to be hurt again! But in your fear you don't see that you have been hurting her in turn!"

"Tsuna, that is enough" he barked.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes: "Grandfather would have disapproved! He would have had faith in her. Why do you not trust her?"

That hit a sensitive spot. He staggered inside, his thoughts coming to a halt. Hashirama. Hashirama would have had faith in her. He loved her as a sister and he would never have doubted her feelings for his brother. His faith in his people was without falter, eternal and the will of fire ever present.

He felt ashamed suddenly. Had Madara's atonement taught him nothing? Why did he not have faith in her? Why was he always distrustful? Or was it the Uchiha that triggered his distrust?

Tsunade's voice drifted towards him through the torrent of thoughts, "You are hurting her! That woman is like a daughter to me! And I will not allow it!"

He stared at her. His niece was almost on the verge of tears for her apprentice that she held as dear as family and that he was hurting day in day out with his absence.

And slowly he realised that he had made a mistake.

He should have gone to Sakura from the moment she was back.

He was an idiot.

He jumped on the ground next to the engawa, his heart racing. He squatted down, pressing his fingers on the ground sensing his surroundings. He found her chakra outside Konoha close to the borders of the firecountry. He frowned in concern. Her chakra was in a weakened state.

He barked at Tsunade: "She is at the border, her chakra weak. Prepare a hospital bed for her Tsuna!"

"Uncle, she is miles away. How can you reach her in time?" Tsunade felt dread filling her heart.

He did not look up at her but stared into the trees. He stated with his dark voice: "I marked her as mine. For eternity." and then he disappeared with a gush of wind, shaking up dust, leaving a stunned and puzzled Tsunade.