the rating changed. i think i've figured out the ending (well, anyone can guess the ending) so i needed to up the rating. (lemon)

thank you to everyone who reviewed! i really like to hear if people enjoy what i write (i'm a review-whore).

It was his hands that distracted Nanao this morning. She couldn't take her eyes off of his hands. They seemed over-sized for his body yet had a lean strength about them from handling his dual zanpakuto. Both hands had superficial scars from years of battles, but his right hand had a deep scar running across the back. The skin was puckered lightly. When had that happened? It must have been quite a while ago because it seemed fully healed but she couldn't recall him being wounded there recently and she remembered all his injuries, especially if he'd gotten them trying to protect her or another member of his division. His fingernails were clipped short, at a good manageable length.

Large, strong and calloused, she wondered what it would feel like to have those fingers running over her body. To have the rough pads stroking her cheek, to feel him run his hands down her sides and over her curves, to have his arms wrapped around her holding her body close to his. Those hands struggling to open her clothes, feeling those fingers stroking her bare flesh or his fingers entering her…

She was brought back to reality by her taicho waiving those hands to get her attention. She blushed lightly and looked down at her notepaper. They were in the middle of a meeting! A very boring meeting, but that was no excuse. Things were getting worse; now whenever she saw him she couldn't prevent her mind from wandering.

Once the meeting was over and they were walking back to the 8th division, he broached the subject.

"What is it you are worrying about this time, Nanao-chan? Perhaps the division has had a celebration while we were gone? I do hope they left me some sake. Do you think they could have found my reserves?" His tone was slightly playful but it held the undercurrent of a serious inquiry about her wandering attention in the meeting.

"Sir, you have several sake reserves. Even if they had found all of them, it is unlikely that even the entire division could consume that much alcohol in the short time we have been gone." Nanao replied. "And still be alive." She added.

"Nanao-chan, you're not answering my first question." Shunsui glanced over at the girl, trying to read her expression.

"It's nothing sir. I had merely gotten lost in thought for a moment," she said as she adjusted her glasses. She plastered her usual unemotional mask over her face, allowing her to stare him in the face temporarily. When she realized her cheeks were starting to flush uncomfortably, she turned her head before he could see the extra color. With a small sigh, she realized she could no longer look him in the face without embarrassment. All she could think of were the unprofessional emotions churning in her body. Now, even her daily mask was cracking and would soon be ineffective.

His usually long strides were shortened allowing her to keep pace with him without running. "Nanao-chan, you've been acting rather strangely the past few days. Whatever the problem, you know you can always talk to me." Shunsui said with a serious tone. Out of concern, all his usual flirtatious antics had been left by the wayside. Nanao didn't miss that fact and it set her mind reeling. For him to become serious, her actions must have been glaringly abnormal.

"Really, its nothing sir." She would need to be more careful.

... ooo OOO ooo OOO ooo ...

"Ran-chan, something is wrong with Nanao and she refuses to tell me what it is." Shunsui took a sip from his sake and reached for a dumpling. "She's even been avoiding me recently. Has she said anything to you?"

Matsumoto poured herself another cup of sake – it was still a little too early for her to start drinking straight from the bottle. He must really be worried if he's dropped all his usual antics. "No, she's said nothing to me. But she's avoiding you? That's a twist - usually you're the one avoiding her. If she won't tell you, how do you know something is wrong?"

Shunsui's hands played idly with the bottle between them, picking at the label , passing the bottle from hand to hand and finally abandoning the bottle to line all the corks up in a row. "She was daydreaming during a meeting and she was late with a report."

At his words, Matsumoto looked at his face, trying to determine if he was teasing her. "You're serious aren't you? Nanao? Late with paperwork? I didn't think it was even possible."

"Neither did I and there's more. She hasn't even come looking for me. I haven't completed or signed any paperwork for almost a week now. Recently, she hasn't thrown or hit me with anything either. Something is definitely bothering her."

"Hmmm. Throwing things at you has always been her favorite method of blowing off steam."

"I'm worried about my little flower, but she won't tell me anything. She just brushes it off as being tired and disappears." He drank down another cup and refilled his cup from the bottle.

"I wonder what is running through her head. Don't worry Shun-kun, I'll find out if I have to torture her to get it." Matsumoto was getting close to the drinking-straight-from-the-bottle stage.

"Perhaps torture is a bit extreme…"

"Ah, but what is torturous is to you is completely different for her. To you, torture would be hiding all your sake. For her, maybe I could just mess up her desk."

"Ano, I wouldn't suggest it." Shunsui said rubbing his head. The last time she had thrown a rather full trashcan. "She's got a wicked throwing arm and pin-point accuracy. Besides, she would probably blame it on me."

"But she would talk to you then."

"No, she'd yell at me then and hit me with something."

"I thought you were worried about her because she hasn't done that recently?"

"I can live without the physical abuse. I merely said it was a sign that she hasn't been herself. I want to know what's wrong not to torment her."

"Very well, no torture. Sometimes you take all of the fun out of things. Don't worry, I'll do whatever it takes to find out what's wrong." She struggled to pop the cork off of a new bottle and rewarded herself with a long drink right from the bottle.

... ooo OOO ooo OOO ooo ...

With a jerk, she awoke and sat upright in bed. Her whole body was bathed in a cold sweat, her hair now plastered to her face and she was gasping for breath. Pressing a hand to her chest, as if the gesture could slow the rapid beats of her heart, she took deep breaths and tried to calm down.

What a dream! She pulled her knees to her chest, closed her eyes and rested her head on her knees. It had all seemed so real! The tingling trail his fingers left as they ran over her body, his hot breath on her neck, his deep voice whispering to her. When she realized she was alone in her bed a feeling of emptiness enveloped her. She tried to shake off the images from the dream, but now she only felt more alone. To chase away the isolation, she reluctantly allowed the dream to play through her mind.

She had been sitting on his lap, her head against his chest listening to him speak. His words were muffled and she couldn't make out exactly what he what he was saying but the low timbre of his voice relaxed her and gave her a sense of security. When she looked at him, he was watching her and seemed to be studying her face intently. When she looked in his dark eyes reflected her image. Cupping her chin, he guided her lips to his, allowing them to meet in a gentle kiss. She felt the tip of his tongue trace the outline of her bottom lip and opened her mouth to greet his tongue with hers. They playfully stroked and teased each other, once again allowing the lingering taste of sake from his mouth transfer to hers. One hand pulled the clip out of her hair allowing the long strands to flow over his arm and down her back. He gently stroked her hair with a rough hand and grasped her waist with the other, holding her close and unable to escape - not that she wanted to escape. With growing desire, her hands reached for his belt, needing to feel his bare chest pressed against her body. She wanted his hands to -

No! Stop it! What was happening to her? And why was she thinking of her taicho like this? Was she going crazy? They had worked together for years, no, for decades so why were these thoughts troubling her now? What had happened or changed recently to bring such thoughts to her mind? Was it something that he said or he'd done?

Eyes closed, she thought back over the past few months. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing major had changed. Routines were the same; she completed all the paperwork and hunted him down for his signature. There were the usual meetings, drills, patrols… nothing came to mind.

Wait.

Something had happened. One night when she made the usual trip to the bar to retrieve her captain, she had found Matsumoto and Shunsui passed out on the floor of the small alcove in the bar. She was partially spread across his chest and he had his arms around her, the majority of their clothes in small piles around them. Until then, she had thought they were only friends, but perhaps she was wrong. They were drunk at the time, but even while drunk, a person wouldn't do something that they weren't inclined to do sober. She left them lying in their small alcove, not bothering to bring him home. A drunken taicho was fairly easy to get home – a passed out taicho was more than she could deal with. She went back a few hours later but the pair had been gone. And, although at the time, while she didn't remember any different emotions, when she looked back at it, there was a twinge of something. Could she have been jealous of Matsumoto? Could that be what had started the dreams? He'd been with other women and it hadn't bothered her in the least. Why did her taicho being with Matsumoto bother her more than any other woman?

How did she really feel about him? Yes, he could be a ridiculous figure. Over dramatic, irresponsible, flirtatious, a drunk, the list could go on forever. But he had a serious side that could appear at the strangest of times, usually when she needed it the most. And if she ever needed someone to count on, someone to protect her, he was there.

These were not good thoughts. She shouldn't think about her taicho like this, it would only lead to problems. Beside the fact he regularly publicly proclaimed his love for her simply to annoy her and not because he really meant anything by it, a relationship between a taicho and his second wasn't appropriate. And she wasn't the type of woman he truly liked. She had a quiet, stiff, formal and sober personality, and while intelligent and efficient, she was no great beauty. She also lacked the bubbly personality and the… physical attributes of someone like Matsumoto.

Thoughts like this were getting her nowhere; tomorrow night she would definitely take that sleeping tablet.

She lay back down and wrapped her blanket tightly around her. With enough imagination, it almost felt like she wasn't alone; that someone was holding her in his arms.

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